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Posts
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Hi everyone
I.A – One piece of advice I would give from what I’ve learnt about the letter, is write it out now then sit on it for a week or so and re-read and see if you still like what you wrote. I did this and so glad I did as the first draft of my letter was too emotional and re-reading it a week later, I made a few changes before I was happy with what I had done. Exactly like writing an assignment I guess. I recommend you do the same.
Edward – Dude that is flippin awesome news. So happy for you that you are back together. Well done, hang on to her this time 😛
Dara – One of your posts is cut short.. you wrote “I remember when Brett and Chris!” then it is nothing. Reminded me of a Monty Python scene when the knights are reading the writing on the cave wall and it just finishes with a “urrrgggh….” and the knights have this debate about whether the author had died while writing on the wall. Your post so reminded me of that. Glad you haven’t died on us…lol
Loraina – Sorry to hear about your situation. It must be horrible feeling at the moment to think your Ex has moved on so easily while you’re still struggling. You are making the right decision to focus on NC as a permanent thing. Whose know what 4 -6 months down the track may bring
Day 33 of NC for myself and last couple of days have been fairly standard to where I am at currently in life. Neither up or down, I would say I just feel bland and dare I say it indifferent. I still think about her during the day just it doesn’t affect my emotions as it use. This is a good thing for moving on I suppose.
Great to hear from everyone
Hi Steve,
Glad to hear from you! You gave us a good news. I also suppose what you said is a good thing for moving on because I also experience the same thing.
I remember when Brett and Chris!… They have declared that they are now moving on… ha ha ha ha… I am still alive writing this post here!
IA,
I also did the same thing on my first hand written letter. I re-read it several times. I did not get response on that but I have no regrets because it was a strong man’s writing!
Best of luck everyone!
Steve,
Its really good to hear this and i’m sure you are doing fine.be proud of yourself i’m still not that stable now after almost 6 months 😀 time really does fly i kept saying 5 months and now its turning to 6 😀
well done eveyone,i’m proud of our groupSome of these stories have really helpes and so has this site. My boyfriend decided that we needed a break after starting to argue more often and some other problems. He told me he still was in love with me and that there was a definate possibility that we could try again. He even kissed me after this talk. We are still friends on facebook w all of our pictures still up… but after a month of texting him every day i am scared to death that i ruined everything and that hes gone for good. And im also so afraid of this no contact thing not working. I can barely breathe im in so much pain. Im on day 2 and still scared out of my mind. I have so many questions. Does this really always work ? What if he decides he dosent want me anymore… what do i do ?
Hi again guys
Steve- I’m happy to hear that your days are feeling standard and that things aren’t getting to you emotionally like they were.a.z- You’ll get there with the stability! I just got booted into it right when I never thought it was going to happen. The fact that you can post things that are so upbeat says a lot.
marie- It sounds good that he says he definitely might be interested. The best thing about the idea of NC is that it makes you able to stand on your own feet, able to appreciate it and be better if you get someone back, and able to handle things if you don’t. It’s for your well being! Breathe through it, it does get easier and we’re all here for support.
NC as a permanent thing is definitely what I’m doing. At least as permanent as it can be- I’ll have to see him at social events and I feel that by the time I have to do it that I will be able to be very cordial. The “good” thing about him moving on with this particular person is that it has pushed me past the point of extreme pain most of the time. I’m feeling really, really numb right now. I guess I was lied to on more than one point in all of this, I’m not sure what was true and what wasn’t anymore. Things don’t really seem to completely add up thinking back on everything that happened during the entire relationship unless something was a lie somewhere, probably multiple things. I know I definitely don’t need someone like that, even if the answer is as simple as the guy has no clue what actually makes him happy/what he wants! The shattered trust is just too much to get past for me and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
I hope i can grow to be as strong as you guys. This is completly killing me inside and out. I thought after the first month of not being together it would have started to get easier. But i miss him more now than ever… and the fear of loosing him completly is even worse. I just hope so much that he was telling truth on needing space to grow and that he really still does love me.
Marie,
They are right, listen to them. They have gone through everything. Also sign up for Kevin’s step 5 email series they help a lot! If it wasn’t for those emails I would have lost it. I was on the same boat as you. She told me she needed space we talked for about a month as well but the more I talked to her the more she didn’t want to be in a relationship. I just pushed her away. NC is very effective! Trust me. It helps you first and one the side it will make your ex miss you but it mostly for you. NC will help you be strong confident and will teach you to be happy without him. Once he sees this in you, you will become more desirable. If he moves on then NC prepares you for it and you will be able to move on as well. It will also make you realize that someone who doesn’t see how valuable you are doesn’t deserve you at all. Lots of people here started like you are now. I am about to finish NC I still want her but if she isn’t interested I’m ready to move on becuase I know I don’t need her to be happy. Big difference between wanting and needing someone.
Best of luck
Everyone,
Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I felt so confident but after seeing her with someone else it killed everything but now I’m back on my feet. I used this to my advantage to make me stronger. Thank you again. I’m feeling good now.
Just posting because I feel pretty weak today. About 5 days since last contact. Getting this vibe that she really wants me to reach out and talk to her.
But I won’t.
Hopefully it will subside as the day goes on.
Pointer. I can feel that too. Every day i keep feeling like my situation will work out and he will come back. But im afraid to trust my own heart. Im so afraid of this no contact thing not working.
IA- I’m glad you’re feeling better about everything! I know that seeing them with someone can feel like a major set back, it’s good that you could bounce back like that.
Pointer- The weakness isn’t an easy thing to deal with… I officially had to restart my counter, I’m back on day 2 /sigh. It’s ok though! We’ll both find the strength to get through it!
I was wondering what you guys think about me gathering up the last few things my ex gave me and sending them back? My idea of permanent NC considering my situation makes me feel that it might be best. I don’t want the memories laying around and I know he could use the stuff. He said he wanted me to have it even if I never used it the last time we talked. The kids fear pretty much says that he isn’t changing his mind and now that he’s with the girl I thought he cheated on me with? I’m confused as to why he would want me to keep anything, it makes no sense. Thoughts on the matter?
Pointer & marieo713,
First week is the toughest! I will be easier (but still tough in the second week). If you plan for 30 days of NC! Around 30th day, it will be uncomfortable again because you are excited to see the result of your NC!
Hold on strong! These days will pass and you will feel more comfortable later!
Best of luck!
Thanks Dara.
This isn’t the first week for me though. Not exactly. I broke the initial NC to tell my ex that we found a renter for our place, and then about 10 days of NC after that she managed to bait me into replying to her.
But yes, I really hope it’s just a weak day and things will get better again moving forward.
Is there really a lot of evidence that this works? Ive done so much research and they all say not to talk to him for awhile but what if i cant shake the feeling that we are supposed to be together?
Pointer,
I think you have chances. I believe these feelings will subside with time. You are doing good!
marieo713,
I have done some research but I could not find how many of those who aim to get their ex back are successful. Evidences are there that it will increase the chances but they don’t guarantee anything. To my understanding, it will increase the chances slightly. Maybe by 10-20 %. I also see that this is a less painful way to say goodbye. For example, when you read that there are chances, you get some sort of pain killer at that moment but when you do a NC of 60 days for example, you accept that there were a lot of problems in your previous relationship and it was the best (at least in my case this is what happened).
I understand what you feel. This is the feeling that I had after the break up but this is the right way to regain your position in that relationship. Stay strong!
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