lily1432

Hey you!

Thank you for this. I needed this. We keep having contact and it’s destroying me to be honest. Every single time I hear from her, I break down. We broke up about 3 months ago and the longest period of time that we didn’t talk was two weeks (and then she contacted me). She says she doesn’t need to talk to me, that she doesn’t need to hear from me. But then last night she was out and she texted me all of a sudden ‘I’ll contact you when I want to have more contact again and when I want to hang out again x’. I shouldn’t have replied but I said ‘enough. enough now x’ (It’s a quote from the movie ‘Love Actually’). I don’t want to talk to her anymore right now. These ‘conversations’ drive me crazy.

I deleted my snapchat, swarm and twitter because I want her to really think ‘where the hell is she?’ But I’m scared she is already over me. How do I know to be honest? She says she’s completely over me and that we’ll never get back together. But she knows I’m still here, she knows she can ‘have’ me again within a second if she asked. I’m like a puppy.

You’re absolutely right. This feels like an addiction. And every single time she texts me I give in because I’m addicted. I’m proud of you for being on day 19 already. Are you gonna contact her after 30 days if she doesn’t contact you?

I’m on day 1 again I guess since I replied last night and since we have contact every single day, but I mean I can’t keep restarting it? Do you think she’ll contact me during the next 30 days if I really stick to no contact. She’s so young and she really doesn’t know what she wants.

After our huge fight on Tuesday (it was so horrible, she said terrible things), we still texted on Wednesday. She even called me from the concert so I could hear my favorite song. I asked her this on Wednesday evening (after the concert):

‘If you want to, maybe we could go get a drink this or next week? Just let me know if you want to 🙂 x’

Her: ‘I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of time. I’ve already planned a lot and I’m freaking out that I’ll never be able to finish my school work. x’

and then: ‘and to be honest, i don’t really feel like it right now either x’

Me: ‘I understand that you don’t have a lot of time right now. And I also understand you don’t really feel like it. But if you have some time/want to, just let me know. Just a drink. No more drama, I promise 🙂 x’

She didn’t reply. Then on Thursday she sent me a video of the concert. Just the video. I just replied ‘Thank you!’

And then yesterday (Friday) I sent her this because I felt really bad about our fight and about everything.

‘I’d like to sincerely apologize for these past few months and especially for those moments where I start pushing without knowing how to stop. I sometimes freak out. That can’t and won’t happen again! x’

She didn’t reply. Should I start no contact again or just wait until she contacts me again? Her birthday is on Tuesday (April 5th). I feel like an idiot to be honest.

I’m not going to the concert tonight. I’m not ready to see her. We had a huge fight over text yesterday and everything went wrong and I freaked out and messed up again. I’m not ready for any contact with her. I keep messing up. I’m going to restart no contact until May 1st.

Hey Patricia! Thank you. It all feels so weird. I never thought this could happen in my country.

So I don’t know what’s happening with my ex.. After the texts on Tuesday because of the attacks, we kept texting for the past couple of days. So Tuesday, Wedneysday and today. Not the smartest thing to do but it just happened. These attacks made me realize even more that I want her in my life. I asked her if she wanted more contact again and she said ‘Yes, of course! We can try.’ We didn’t text much, just a couple of casual texts each day. She hadn’t replied in a long time today so I asked her if she was still sure she wanted more contact and she said ‘Oh yay drama again, I just didn’t know what to reply. It’s our first conversation again, do you really want to talk about feelings now?’

I don’t really know what I did wrong because I was just making sure she was okay with this and I wasn’t talking about feelings at all. I told her ‘I’m just making sure you are okay with this 🙂 x’

She then said ‘I just didn’t know what to say 🙂 x’ And then immediately after that another text: ‘I’m going on that family trip I told you about a while ago in a few minutes. My phone has like 20% and I forgot my charger in my suitcase ooops. My dad has to work late and the suitcases are in his car so I don’t have my charger so I won’t be able to text much now until I can charge my phone tonight x’

I said : ‘Have fun on your weekend! x’

Her: ‘Thank you! x’

Me a few hours later: ‘Oh and I saw Laura (her sister’s child) on your snapchat. Give her a hug from me! I miss her. x’

She hasn’t replied yet but her phone is dead for sure.

Oh also: one of our mutual friends asked her if she missed me on Tuesday and she said that she does miss me, that it’s weird that she doesn’t know what I’m doing all the time and what I’ve been up to and that she has been thinking about ‘what if things hadn’t gone wrong’ a few times these past few weeks.

She is acting a bit hot and cold towards me, I think? Do you think she might be starting to miss me a little? I don’t really know. Maybe these two weeks without contact have helped her to start thinking about our good memories. What do you think? Should I start doing no contact again until the concert or?

Day 13 of no contact. I’m feeling better and I’m trying to focus on other things. I’m just wondering.. What does it mean that she hasn’t contacted me either?

Thank you for replying! It means a lot.

We haven’t had any contact in 8 days now. I don’t think I’m even her friend right now? She just seems completely fine without hearing anything from me and it scares me. If she would text me something, I’d probably freak out but at least I’d know she still cares, you know? It just looks like she is forgetting about me.

(I’m a girl btw haha, I don’t know if you read the full story like what happened before I started NC, I posted it here: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/is-there-still-a-chance-for-us-i-could-use-some-help/)

You are absolutely right. I suck at this. I should just focus on myself right now and just stick to the plan until March 30th (the concert). I’m sorry for bothering you this much..