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Hey hopefullywaiting,
I am sorry you are in this situation but I see you are making a positive progress.
This is my third breakup too with my ex and you could ask me if I have enough of this; I would answer you yes and no. Yes because every time the breakup happens, it bites tiny pieces of my heart off and you just grow tired of this.
No because I am still in love with my ex and think she’s the one I’d like to spend my life with; have seen proof of it for almost five years.
I understand what you are feeling and you have the right to decide whatever os best for yourself.
It’s great you have not been sitting around during this time on your own and you have improved, setting new goals does give you more purpose to what’s gonna come.
You will have ups and downs for a while, how long it takes to recover is pretty subjective but don’t worry about it as long as you are completely healed.
I believe that in order to speed up our recovery, we need to let go of all the negatives feelings related to our ex and the relationship; don’t stay resentful towards him and if you can, learn to forgive in time because only this way you will find the real peace.
I wish you all the best and good luck, whatever you end up deciding for yourself.
If you need more advice or just to vent even outside this forum, we have a small support group on a mobile messenger applcation called KiK. Feel free to look for me, add me and drop a message at fishing_the_sky.
Stay strong!Hey kalicooldude,
I am sorry you are still suffering so much about your ex.
I do admire the persistence and patience you have showed through all these years; it’s amazing and bittersweet. I want to tell you that it’s ok if you want to move on, you have done whatever you could to keep this relationship afloat and you won’t have regrets. Unfortunately your ex doesn’t seem to be interested in anymore and you have to learn to accept and for now.
Although, speaking from a voice of a hopeless romantic and dreamer, maybe this is not the end of it, like Elanna hinted at; only death is certain. You can let her go now and go on with your life, with a flebile hope in your heart that one day the destiny might present you another chance with her. You will be happy again whatever happens.
Gook luck and stay strong!Hey rhiannon,
I am sorry to hear about your situation, I hope it will turn out for the best.Can a person that claims or claimed to love you be so nasty? The answer is yes.
Why? Because that’s his way of coping. It’s a defensive mechanism; your ex is acting codly and he keeps his distance thinking it will be easier for him to ease the pain. He’s protecting himself from more hurt. It’s actually a very common reaction in many people rhiannon, I know the change of personality is scary and is hard to believe.
Don’t let this affect you, don’t respond with same behavior, be polite as usual and yes try not to be around him that much for now. Good luck and keep us posted.Hey sdub,
TLV is absolutely right about everything. There is nothing in the world you can do right now to change things, you just need to accept it’s time to let go; it doesn’t mean you have to give up on her forever. Giving yourself and her space will make you both think it all over and heal at the same time; maybe in the future there will be another opportunity for your relationship or maybe not. What matters is that you continue to live your life and feel better; the pain will go away day by day and you won’t even notice it.
TLV made an excellent observation: you don’t love your ex more than how much you did before; it’s a strong chemical response. After we have been dumped, we tend to idolize our exes and put them on a pedestal even though they haven’t treated us well. Also, I repeat, it’s proved that we desire what we can’t have; right now you can’t have her and in your mind she’s become a fantastical utopia to pursue at any cost.
Focus on yourself, set yourself goals to achieve, they can be minor like losing weight, learning a new hobby, going to the gym and volunteering at your local shelter; anything that can make you feel proud of yourself.
Life is not like a chick flick; showing up at your ex’s doorsteps with flowers and declare eternal love doesn’t solve the problems; despite I have thought about it too myself sometimes.
Time will tell what this was meant to be. Stay strong!juliusvx,
Gifts are gifts, you don’t ask for them back and you don’t give em back either; it’s rude.
Let some time pass and then contact her again for picking up your stuff. I don’t think it’s vital to have them right now I bet. If she cut you off any form of communication then you can ask a mutual friend to get them for you later.
Let your ex have her affair with this new guy and don’t obsess if he’s like you or not. Let her experience whatever she thinks she has to, it’s her right; you two are not together anymore. Put aside your selfishness and pride, just let the time play it out. She will eventually realize what she really wants and that could be you. Don’t lose hope and let go of all the negatives feelings.
Be strong and good luck.Hey octopus 2016,
I think you should take it easier on yourself, you still seem to be uncertain about what you really want; don’t try to convince yourself or push yourself toward a decision you might regret later.
I know you want to stop feeling the pain; it’s also difficult to see your ex with somebody new, ignore it, won’t probably last. You just need to ponder more, take your time until you have figured all out.Hey resilienza,
That’s good news. I wouldn’t read much into yet either, because it’s too soon to speculate. Something triggered a memory in his brain and made him think of you. Sometimes when an event has occured that reminded me a particular situation or person, I’ve sent texts to people I’ve not been in touch with for long time.
Yes I agree with you, he must think you can communicate in friendly terms because you both are past the breakup ordeal. It’s definitely a good sign, keep exchanging texts with him in friendly way, be upbeat and don’t drag coversations. Start from here and see where this might go, don’t rush and ponder what you want from this.
I wish I’d receive a text from my ex too!I am sorry TLV, I know that feeling of impotence and you can’t really do much at the moment.
Maybe later in the future she will reappear at least to ask what’s going on. You have left her so many times; I can tell you from my experience that every time you are dumped, you are broken inside a little more. After her last desperate attempt, she just decided to give up and moved on and it’s perfectly understandable. I know you regret it and you are interested in having her back, I hope you will have your chance to be with her again; it’s a weak chance but it’s worth enough if that’s really your dream.
I am aware yours is a single case, I was just curious to have the version of the dumper’s side chasing her ex. They say we always want what we can’t have; it’s true isn’t it?
Good luck and let me know if there is news!TLV,
I am sorry if I inquire more but you still didn’t specify if you broke up or she blocked you a year ago. Couldn’t you move on because you were rejected by being blocked (ie ego undermined) or because you realized you really loved her?
I am just trying to understand if it can happen to my ex too. She broke up with me two months ago (she left angry and blocked me everywhere) and no word since then. Twenty days ago I informed her about my decision to let it go for now and I am on indefinite communication breakdown; no reply either. Before she was gone she’d told me she was seeing someone unofficially; I assume she’s in a relationship with this guy, although I am not sure of it, I haven’t investigated further.
How long you two have been together? How have you felt in your relationships through all this year away from her? Have you always compared the girls to your ex? Have you looked for something different than your ex’s personality?
Thanks for your answers.My ex disappeared too without saying openly “It’s over” but that doesn’t change the fact that she actually broke up with me. In your case it’s the same, in your ex’s mind he left you even if he didn’t tell you the words and you need to accept it.
Hard to guess what has happened in four months, I am sure he hasn’t forgotten you and your relationship. I understand it’s your first breakup and you are unsure about the future but only time will tell. Try not to obsess about this and keep on with your own life.
Good luck.If I replied it would mean I’d be over with the negative feelings/memories about the relationship and her that caused me to decide to break it off. It also depends on how it was interrupted, in bad or in civil way. Regarding the feelings, I might be still in love or I might also be totally over the girlfriend too though, I can’t tell you which one would be most likely.
resilienza,
your attempts to show him how much you love him or care about him won’t work right now. Telling him you can change or you have changed when little time has passed doesn’t convince him to jump back in the relationship. He is stuck on his own mindset, especially if he’s stubborn.As I’ve said, give him time and space. He doesn’t seem interested in even having those casual conversations and you can’t push him to. Also if you got him to talk sporadically and his answers would be short and detached, I bet you would become frustrated and angry.
ONLY if he shows the will to communicate you should do as well.Hey resilienza,
Your happiness doesn’t depend on others, you must be happy with yourself first. Pursuing your own happiness is not a selfish act at all. I understand you are blinded by love and you would do anything to get him back, but being a doormat for someone else is only self punitive and degrading, it will only make the other lose respect for you.
He doesn’t initiate the contact because he is not emotionally involved in this relationship like before, you need to give him more time to understand what he really wants and at the point trust me he will reach out to you. Don’t lose hope though, be strong and patient.Hey lauraa,
I am sorry about your breakup. Honestly nobody can guarantee you that NC is the best option; if he doesn’t wanna keep in touch at all, you have to give him space. 7 days is pretty early and I can tell you that you will deal with a whirl of contrasting emotions along the way. Take as much time as you need, 30 days is not the strict rule to follow.
Reach out only when you have cleared up your mind and when you feel ready to face however your relationship is gonna resolve. I have completed my NC period and it served me to analyze the whole relationship and understand what step I had to take next. I let go of all the negatives feelings and I am going through a radical change in my weak areas; I said goodbye to my ex but it’s not forever, I didn’t give up on her. I’m letting her have her own experiences, reflect on what she wants for her future, hoping one day maybe we will reunite. At the same time though I accepted that this might never happen and I am in peace with it.
Good luck and be strong.
