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An Update. This are still super complicated. So I did a proper period of No contact. Until Monday 12/03. A mutual friend got in contact worried as my ex hadn’t shown up to work the previous day and hadn’t been on social media. I found it strange but just replied I haven’t herd from her and to keep me updated with news. About an hour later My friend let me know my ex was in hospital. I rang my ex and couldn’t get through. I sent a message saying I heard your in hospital, which one ill leave work now. She replied after an hour saying She couldn’t handle us not speaking, was supper depressed and had gone out, She is on lots of medication and the mix with alcohol had caused her to black out then she woke up in hospital. She said don’t worry about coming to the hospital as her friends were over and they were taking care of things. Anyway next day we exchanged a few texts and agreed that this cant go on and life was a lot better together however she said she needs to rest and doesn’t want any stress. I respected that and sent her a couple of support messages to which she was happy about. Come the weekend she sent me a text inviting me over to meet her friends that I was talking about in a previous post. What a great night. Got on really well with her friends. In the morning, I took her daughter out on a breakfast mission and we bought my exes favourite flowers from both of us. after breakfast we all went to the British museum and had a lovely day. Her daughter and I got on like a house on fire like always and we were so happy. Obviously my ex and I had lots of sex and in the passion of the moment she said she wants to marry me and we have to sort this situation out. I agreed. she then came and stayed with me on Monday night again really nice time together. The next day we continued our texts to each other all in good spirits. She said she really misses me already. I said well you can see me tonight. She replied she didn’t know and that we need to sort things out. So later on that night she sent a text saying she should have stayed with me. I didn’t see it until the morning and replied well anytime ; )
A couple of hours later she sent me a text saying she was really confused and that she didn’t want to complicate things and that she needed to know for sure about getting back together. I respect this and I am happy that she is being completely honest with me as Id hate to get back together then spit up again. Fast forward a few days to This past Sunday and she sent me a how are you text. We texted back and forth lightly, I was on face time to my parents at the time and said my dad asked after her. She said she misses them so much also.I guess I’m writing this all down as it seems to help. Every time we are together its all so easy and works so well. I seem to be the missing link in-between her and her daughter and they get on a lot better when I am around. I guess her being confused makes me very confused. I’m letting her make all the moves and I haven’t pressured any get back together talks. I’m worried that in doing so, this behaviour is what is making her confused.
@patricia12 , Also I agree with you, if we get back together, after a few weeks I will suggest counselling. It is something I have suggested in the past as I would really like iron out our communication issues.
@patricia12, Thanks for your reply. I do agree with you. The only reason I texted “it would be nice to meet them” is because she has talked about these two friends a lot since we first got together over two years ago. She has always said that I would get on very well with the boyfriend as we are quite similar apparently.
My ex and I met in September 2015 and I moved to London in November. We became a couple on the 20th of November 2015. We split once for 5 months then got back together for a month then broke up for a month then got back together until this latest split. I did around 2 months no contact until new years and we have been talking since and have met once which was really incredible and I know that feeling was mutual as she said so. She has so much going on so I understand her flakiness. Since that meet I have only initiated contact a hand full of times. She has made contact regularly asking how I am and asking to meet on a couple of different Sundays then cancelling as something had come up. All contact has been sweet though with no pressure arguments or standoffs. I haven’t actually talked about getting back together although we did when we met last and agreed that this needs to be permanent when we do. She has said she cant live without me and although things have been tough I really can see a future.That’s a bit more insight. I will take your advice and not make contact and not chase her. She knows my feelings. I just find it extremely confusing when she sends these how are you texts, I reply and ask about her, quite often with no reply for a while.
so as I was typing the last post my ex got in contact with a how are you text again. I replied and asked her about herself. some good news. Her and her daughter had a great night together last night at the cinema and dinner etc. she also said her best friends are coming to visit mid march which she is super happy about. I wrote back wow, I’m really happy for you, it would be nice to meet them.
Anyway I guess I’m a bit confused at the moment. Not sure if I continue waiting for her to make contact as when I make contact it seems to take her ages to reply. Or do I go no contact again but I worry this would undo the positive steps.
HAHAHA yup you hit the nail on the head there. I do wish she was a bit more easy going but at the same time no one makes me feel so alive. Yes there are bad times but holy crap are the times we are together amazing. The feeling is mutual but I know that she feels like she holds me back when in fact her and her daughter give me the drive to succeed. Its not the easy path but I believe its the right path for me. I want the best for her and her daughter and when they are happy I have never been so happy.
Well another update. I did go on the date and had a great time, really nice girl however I let things go as I was still thinking about my ex. Then my ex got in contact, We managed to put it all aside and started to talk sort of normally again. That was around January 10th. She was in a bad place. I sent her a really nice short letter, well kind of poem with pictures of all three of us together from all our amazing times together as well as a small fork (this was a kind of I know you gesture as when we eat anywhere she has to eat with a small fork). I left it at that and waited for her to contact me. It wasn’t long and she would send me how are you texts to which I would reply asking about things with her and her daughter. It was always a short closed reply back from her and then she would go quiet for a couple of days. Classic hot and cold behaviour. Then on Sunday 28th of Jan at around 4 in the morning I was starring at the ceiling super down, missing her and unable to sleep. out of the blue she sent me a text saying “I don’t know what’s going on in my head, I still think of you as my man”. We exchanged a few texts and I hoped on my bike and rode across London. I arrived at her place at around 5am she opened the door and we embraced and kissed intensely like we had never been apart. This was the first time we had seen each other since we split over the phone. We had sex and embraced all morning and talked. She said we arnt getting back together just yet just taking it step by step. Anyway later on that day I took her out on my bike to a pub out north of London that seems to be our safe place and had a lovely roast and chat then we went back to my place and dropped off the bike before going for a few drinks and another long positive chat. She stayed at mine and we spend the night having sex and embracing. Respecting the fact that she said we arnt getting back together I waited for her to make contact which was the next day saying she couldn’t stop thinking about the past day. I replied agreeing how amassing it was. Since this have gone hot and cold. We have been speaking normally just distant. Things have been super difficult with her daughter as she has been diagnosed as bipolar so I can completely understand my ex being preoccupied. I am trying to be as supportive as I can and always reply to any text immediately and talk through my exes issues with her daughter. I am however finding it excruciating not dealing with these things as a team.
Hey peeps, So a quick update. With regards to the letter I sent. She opened it the Sunday before I had planed the meet. She sent me a really long text outlining why she had given up etc… I was abroad at the time and replied politely, and said I wish to start over with a relationship counsellor etc..Anyway the next day she got in contact. I didn’t reply, Our mutual friend then sent me a text saying she had spoken to her and that my ex didn’t know what to do since reading the letter. A couple of days goes by and I sent a text to our friend saying just let her know I love her. She replied that she has had enough of this and that she is going to bang our heads together as she thinks we are made for each other. My ex and our friend started working together at the same pub that week. Our friend then said that she had said the same thing to my ex and that she had smiled and that she really misses me. The night of the 19th my ex sent me a text asking how I was and we had a short conversation and signed off with hugs. I felt great after that and thought there was a chance. The very next day she sent me a text saying that I was to blame for her daughter being so upset about us breaking up and that she could never forgive me. I replied a little harshly as this was absolutely ridiculous as the very weekend she was frolicking off with her friend in berlin, me and her daughter were talking about relationships and I expressed how much I loved them both. So it escalated from there and I couldn’t take it anymore. I set her name to do not answer on my phone, blocked her on all social media and set about trying to focus on myself truly really for the first time in a while. Without the social networks this was actually much easier although I did have really down days thinking of our time in the summer together as a family. I stayed strong through December and started to feel a lot better. I took the advice of this brilliant site and thought hey maybe I should try and go on a date or two. Being that I work all the time I figured id best set myself up on a dating website and have been chatting to someone new who seems awesome. Anyway I asked her out on a date and we are going on our first this Saturday. Back to December…Near Christmas time as we were supposed to go down to my family I decided not to as it would be hard for me thinking of them both not being there. Instead I spent it with a friends family which was great. I came back to London for New Years. Now on New Years Eve I let my guard down and stupidly called her about an hour after the count down. She was really happy to hear my voice and we expressed how much we loved each other. New years day I sent a text saying I hope she was ok and that I am really sorry to have called. Yesterday she sent a text back saying don’t say sorry and that she was happy that I had called. I haven’t replied yet. Now the problem is I really am interested in the new person that I am yet to meet in person, Is it right to think its ok to go on this first date and se how things go while I continue a little more no contact or should I cancel and go with the little information I have and see if I can make amends sooner rather than later. All this is a bit of a mind mash for me and would appreciate your thoughts again. many thanks.
@patricia12 – I have been trying to get my head round that. Its hard to think of the bad times as there were very few and the time spent together was always incredible. I doubt she will be there on the 19th so my plan of action is to try and get over her. If she is there then it will be pretty emotional but we will need to have serious talks about her flippant behaviour. I’m kind of in that stage where I’ve lost all confidence in myself and I am doubting everything I do. Luckily I’ve started eating again as I couldn’t get anything past my mouth without gagging for a couple of weeks. I found out last night my granddad is in hospital and on Thursday last week one of my riding buddies died in a bike accident so the hardest thing right now is her not being by my side to tackle these other bigger problems in my life right now.
So I figured my ex would be really upset last night because of her friend leaving so I sent her a very short text saying “putting everything aside, I know you will be pretty upset tonight and I hope ^”£%”£^ (her daughter) is giving you lots of hugs.
She replied “thank you 🙁 ”Anyway I am writing all this down as its better than being in my head.
So her friend left today and the last contact I had with my ex was on Tuesday morning and she says we are toxic. I replied of course with four texts outlining that I want to make a serious changes.
I know she has been out partying with her friend every night until she left and I know she is really unhappy about her friend leaving.I sent her a letter on Monday that she would have received on Tuesday or yesterday basically outlining the issues and not to call or text me. I wrote in the last paragraph “I’m going to give you the time to think this through…don’t text or call me. If you really meant saying your my one and only and that you can’t live without me, that you love all of me including the things you don’t like and want to make this work as I do let’s meet under the South Tower on Tower Bridge, HMS Belfast side, Sunday 19th of November at 2pm. I will be waiting with a massive loving kiss and take you on a date. If you’re not there by 2.30 I will completely understand that you don’t want us to be an item and let you go. I will delete all of our history and I won’t call or message from that point. I will abide by your wishes and move on.
This may have been the wrong move but it seemed right at the time. I did mean everything I wrote in that letter. I fear I am setting myself up for a lonely wait and afternoon but part of me thinks that she is thinking things through as she hasn’t called or texted. In truth she is probably just upset her friend is leaving. My friends and family all say she doesn’t deserve me and that its plain to see the sacrifices that I have been making but I feel I know her and she is really complicated and I feel there are loads of things I could have done better. I have been absolutely golden with her daughter and have grown to really love her too. I regularly take her rollerblading or out for dinner when mums away. Do you think this might play a factor in her feelings towards me?
A woman’s perspective?
Just for your information I sent her this text a couple of days ago….. I am really sorry, I’m really upset about upsetting you. Would there be any chance of us meeting up. I would really like to talk in person. It was one of those things where I guess if we had talked it out it would have been fine. I really want to get things back on track.
she replied…. its a little to late. My mind isn’t there. I’m a bit overwhelmed with everything, so I’m taking things one day at a time. At the moment I don’t want to see you.
This is when I was still thinking I had done something wrong.
I thought so. It’s so hard when she makes me feel like the bad guy. Today is really difficult as it’s her daughters birthday and I really wanted to be with her for the celebrations. I’ve sent a birthday text.
While her friend is here do you think no contact will have any afect?
