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Something that’s helped to lift me up at times recently: Turn every negative thought into a positive one. It’s hard, but sometimes it helps.
K, this makes sense for a guy to do, but not you. It doesn’t even make sense for a guy really, choosing victim mode is what landed half us here, and it’s never helped our cause.
I’m now 26, and I was 19 when I found my my first GF, and what I thought was my first love. It wasn’t until I had the girl I just lost that I even knew what a relationship really is. Needless to say, I learned my mistakes the hard way.
I wish I hadn’t spent years thinking about the girl I had at 19. It honestly set me back in life, trying to hold on to a time and place that simply didn’t want me anymore. Not to mention a person who didn’t.
I recently reached out to that girl from years ago to apologize for my behavior. We had a brief conversation, mostly small talk, and went on our way. I didn’t feel a thing either when it happened. Something that would have once made me lose my mind meant nothing. She meant nothing.
I know a lot of us say “you’re only 17”, and it sounds like an insult. But I know where you’re coming from, and I can tell you it will hold you back later. It held me back 7 years later, and now I’m on this website because of it.
Take care of yourself, K. Destroy your access to this person, burn the bridge, and talk to some people you’re close too. They’ll help you.Hey guys. I haven’t been to therapy yet, that’s tonight. But last night, I messaged Haley on Instagram and told her the truth.
I told her I’ve always been depressed, I was hurting myself 2 weeks before we met, I started up again after the breakup, and nearly killed myself.
It will only hurt my cause with her, but I have to blow this thing up. I can’t survive chasing her again and failing. I’m putting myself first, knowingly, for the first time ever. I need help, it’s why I’m seeing a therapist.
There’s a lot of history to the message I sent. I used to tell her I feel like her crazy ex, and she would tell me “you’re nothing like him”. I explained to her what it all means by telling her the truth. It might hurt her a lot, and make her find me even more repulsive. But she deserves to know the truth about me.
This is gonna connect a lot of dots in her head. I had to do this, for me. It’s over, dudes. I wish it wasn’t.DK, Gamer, thanks for talking to me. I know now that I have to take it slow. My main hurdle has been the fear of her finding someone else. It was the reason I couldn’t do any of this right.
But she told me she was moving on and she thinks I should too, this was last Monday. She was speaking from a life perspective, not dating other people.
Honestly though, I get Kevin’s e-mails. I also know I gave her a hell of a time after the breakup. I honestly don’t believe she’s past the “bad memories healing” phase, as the e-mails call it.
Truly moving on takes awhile, and when all this began, I can tell she was just confused. I panicked and couldn’t see that, I pushed her to this point. There was a chance once, maybe it still exists,but not right now.
Do you really think there’s a chance?Patricia, I appreciate your honesty. My situation isn’t an easy one, but I’m trying. I don’t even know if I want to take another shot at her, because I’m exhausted. I made so much progress with so many things, more than I’ve ever made in my life. But the toll it took on me to get there, my God.
All of it makes me realize I’m not healthy, mentally. That’s why I’m going to therapy tomorrow, and even took yesterday off from work to do some things I like to do. I seriously need help, and I’m seeking it. Please do pray for me, I’m not a bad person.DK, I’m 26 years old, going on 27 later this month. She just turned 22. We were together for 9 months officially, dating for 11. The feelings were pretty strong before we made things official, so a lot of meaningful memories.
We’ve been broken up since mid-April, break turned breakup without notice so who’s to say. She told me she needed to focus on herself too. But I can’t help but feel that if I had acted differently when all this began, we might have made it.
I was very scared to lose her, and made things a lot worse. But I’ve been in the gym a lot too. I’m actually in the best shape of my life, just not mentally.
I spent all of April trying to get her back, at least 3/4s of May, and the beginning of June. I never did give her a break.
But she told me last Monday she doesn’t think we’ll ever be the same, and that she tried to help me figure things out but I didn’t care or try. It’s not true, I guess we’re on a different page. I’m not sure if I can salvage this. But I sure would love to. Her and I were good together, I think we gave up too soon.Thanks, DK. You have no idea how much it actually means to hear that. I’ve decided that accepting the idea of giving up sucks pretty bad. Sometimes, I look at how I acted, and all the times I let fear control my actions (Even in the end), and wonder if I even gave it my best shot.
I might try reaching out to her in a month, but I want to do things right this time. I simply can’t do this the same way and come out unscathed. Maybe I try again, maybe I don’t. But my main goal in the next month, is to feel like me again, heal a little, and actually try to get over her. Crazy, but it feels like my only chance, whether I wanna take one last shot at her or move on.
I’m going to my first ever therapy appointment Wednesday, I hope it helps.I know my ex is a woman, so maybe the same things I went through don’t apply to you. But the primary goal of no contact is to break your addiction to this person and heal. I know it sounds simple, and like I’m just recycling what’s already been said before in the articles.
But I’ve lived it and learned it. I know what happens when you take short cuts, and lie to yourself just so you can talk to that special someone again. You come back when they’re not ready, and without even realizing it, you make them relive the breakup.
I’ll tell you what I wish I would have done differently during no contact:
1) Force myself to do things I know I used to enjoy (reconnect with the me she liked, not the me she left)
2) Cry more often, like violently cry the moment the feelings hit you and you’re somewhere safe. It helps so much, but I wouldn’t let myself do it while I was busy entertaining my delusions.
3) Take the full 30 days, and don’t talk to them if you’re scared. I thought she’d find someone new if I kept waiting, I just came back desperate and hurt myself even more as a result.
It’s been said before, but it’s so true “You can choose not to act out of fear”. I really hope you don’t have to learn that the hard way, when you’ve already made mistakes. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.Maybe you & this guy are a good fit for each other, I really can’t say. But he seems like he has no idea who he is or what he wants to do with his life. He’ll keep doing this most likely, until he has a reason to change.
Truthfully, you do deserve better. Sounds to me like this guy makes a decision to leave you behind, and then comes running back when he realizes he’s scared to be alone. I can say from personal experience, also being a guy, that a lot of us are kinda scared to be alone. It makes sense, but that doesn’t make it fair.
I know you wanna save this thing, and there’s something to be proud of in the fact that you’re not a quitter. But take it from me: Guys who act like him are supposed to be losing the girl, not having her chase after him. Look no farther than myself for proof of that.
It’s gonna be hard, but at some point, you gotta put your foot down and tell him you’re not being treated fairly. You’ve made your mistakes, but if what you’re saying is true, you tried to change. He can be picky if he wants, say you haven’t made enough progress, but no way in hell he can tell you to your face that you haven’t tried.
Think about what you wanna say, take a few days on it if you have to. But whenever you do it, make sure you stick to it. Don’t set boundries if you’re not ready to stand by them, that could backfire.I’m grateful you say that, I keep hoping that it means as much to her as it means to me.
But my brother already told me: take my time writing it, make it say what you need to say, and don’t expect anything back.I’ll never know. I sent it to my brother, and he copied and pasted it on my behalf. He let her know it was from me.
We didn’t want her to feel pressure to respond. Also, since I either deleted or lost all access to her, I couldn’t do it myself if I wanted to. It’s nice he was willing to help, he knew it was important to me, and he’s been where I am before. It was a rough weekend.I’m looking into therapy prices for the first time in my life. I’m hoping I can find something that works for me.
I’ll try to become that man. Just right now, I’m hurting really bad and struggling to get out of this dark place I’m stuck in. Where I wonder if her being a part of my life years from now is a possibility, or if even that could never happen.
I’m just having a hard time. Thank you for trying to help, I wish this were easier..I’ve been lifting weights since about 2 months after the break up, I’ve made tremendous progress. I ended up getting life insurance, putting aside $350 a week so I could move out. To be honest, I feel I’m in no shape emotionally to be myself right now. So the plans of getting an apartment have been moved back.
I’ve been obsessively organizing my closet, room, files, among other things. I’ve kept my carpentry job, currently working. As for her, she has 2 years of college left I believe.
I’ve tried to stay busy, I just feel overwhelmed. But I’m at my brother’s today, and trying to open up about what I’m going through.I sent the elephant in the room text after 18 days, probably should have waited longer. I thought I was ready just because I was feeling a bit better, and had made a lot of changes. Not just over those 18 days, but over the course of 2 1/2 months. The 18 days just helped me put it in perspective I guess.
I messaged her, waited 5 days with no response. Reached out again, told her I wanted to explain myself, got a response. We exchanged messages for an hour. It was pretty rough.
She said she had concerns about our future whether it be in the next week, month or year. That we would never be the same as before. I told her “We were never gonna walk back into eachothers lives and be bestfriends, but it gets better”. She said “I guess we’ll see what happens”, and that was it.
I messaged her “Hey” the next day like an idiot. I had no clue yet that I was still needy as hell. She just deleted me on snapchat after that, and I ended up sending a long goodbye text last night, to no response.
I made a lot of mistakes. I never found this website until 1 1/2 months into the breakup, and during that time I was very needy and desperate. I even convinced her to block me on Facebook and Instagram, I was in pain and scared.
I found this site, began a new approach, but it’s like she’s a different person. I feel very hopeless, sad and tired.
My advice, take at least the full 30 days, don’t overlook the healing process just because you THINK you’re doing better, and do follow the texting guidelines.
I undid all my progress, because I was inpatient and afraid. I lost a woman who a week before we broke up, told me she already knew the names of our future children.
Things can go to hell quite quickly if you’re not in control of yourself.
