arnoldx11

Thank you. I replied and thanked her and said I don’t deserve her as a friend. Tugging at the heart strings a bit!

She also changed her profile picture back from one she took on Saturday when we were together to the one she’s historically gotten the most likes for. I unfollowed her and am trying to just put her out of my head entirely. I don’t know if she’ll get back to me again or if she’ll need some time to cool off. She could never admit to herself that she was manipulating me and I’m not sure she was even fully conscious of it, I doubt she was doing it maliciously anyway.

The main thing is that I need to forget about her and move on. I just hope she doesn’t think I was only kind to her because I wanted to be with her. She knows I’m also kind and supportive to everyone I care about, but it might take her a while to realise that. I think she is genuinely very hurt but I have also stood up to her and made it clear that I won’t tolerate her mind games. Thank you again!

Sorry just to clarify she said “scarred” rather than “scared” but the point remains valid!

Yes, her “what’s the point?” comment shows her true nature completely.

Thank you. I really did try my best and I really appreciate all of the advice you gave me along the way. She definitely has been leading me on in her own way, and only reaching out to me when she needed emotional support (help with the coaching, when her grandmother died and when she had her relapse with her eating disorder). I have been her only friend and her only true confidant, possibly even including her family (if I’m to believe what she’s told me). She is showing that this means very little to her or that she thinks I simply won’t walk away.

Well, she viewed the message this morning and didn’t reply. If I don’t hear from her tonight, I think I will send a shorter version of the message I mentioned, something like “If you’d rather be single than make the effort to be with me, I respect your decision, but I can’t be there for you. I hope you understand.” And literally leave it at that.

I just remembered she has a 25 year old copy of my favourite childhood book that I lent to her when we were together. That has sentimental value for me and I would like it back. I know it would look petty if I asked for it back now, but perhaps if she contacts me about coaching I will ask her to bring it along to the next session in a few weeks. Chances are she won’t contact me, but I can ask her at the session then to bring it next time.

Thank you very much for your kind words. For now I will just try to put the whole thing out of my head and focus on the tournament which begins this evening. It has spurred me to take positive steps with my life (such as learning to drive) and caused me to reflect on the kind of person I am and certain tendencies I have in relationships. I will be much more alert and wary in the future.

Probably I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place, and either remained friends or completely stepped out of the situation and let her deal with it herself. In that case, she may have rebounded with someone else or got her act together faster. She credits me with helping her through this difficult time and that she couldn’t have done it without me. However, she has also shown how little I mean to her now that I have served this purpose. I wanted to help her and I really did care about her so I’m not holding it against her, just putting it down to experience. The way I’m feeling and acting now would have been a much better way to act when we broke up in January. Some situations just can’t be salvaged.

I would be more than happy to post her final response and mine if you would like me to. It’s the least I can do! Thank you so much again for everything you have taught me. Having read some of the other threads, I can see how much time and effort you spend helping people on this forum, and I really admire and respect your willingness to help others. Thank you again for all of the help you have given me.

Thank you. I definitely didn’t need to know about all of her friend requests! She posted two gym selfies this week and then complained about getting ten extra friend requests because of them. She said she only posted them because she felt so good about much she had ran that day, but whichever way you look at it, it’s definitely attention seeking.

Yes I was always sceptical about that. At the time I felt so guilty about going back on my word about seeing her on Xmas day, all I was doing was trying to make it up to her. I was fully prepared for her landlady to be home and that I may have to just leave the coffee and the meal I brought for her there and go back home. I also felt she was being totally unfair because she did initiate it.

Today she posted up a few pictures from yesterday and changed her profile picture. No mention of me, and no photos that I took of her so it looks like she was just there herself. I’ve no problem with that, I’m a private person and don’t like people knowing my business, but it also shows she’s not ready to be publicly seen with me. If we’re “just friends” like she keeps saying, it’s not normal to pretend that I wasn’t there!

Thank you for the advice about the message, I will definitely keep it short and just let her know how I feel. The first time around she said we were just friends and that she wasn’t sure how she felt about me, and a few days after I agreed to just be friends with her she invited me over for dinner and we slept together! It doesn’t seem like she’s going to have a change of heart like that a second time around.

It was a tricky situation for both of us and I certainly didn’t handle it perfectly, but I always did try my very best. I will definitely keep in mind that I may not know her as well as I think. There were times where she was rude to me and she blamed it on her period (which I always thought she should be used to at this stage!) But mostly when we were together she was overjoyed to spend time with me, and we grew to have great chemistry in the bedroom too. Being friends with me suits her now, but I already have friends and generally feel like I’ve worked hard to have my life on the right track, and I felt the same before I met her.

She feels like she’s back to being herself, but doesn’t feel emotionally ready for a relationship. She also says she doesn’t have time for one with her coaching and the course she’s going to be starting soon. I am wondering if this is best for either of us. I do care deeply about her, even though I know she has her flaws too. Every week she would have second thoughts when we were together but I would always be able to say the right thing and help her feel better about herself. If she doesn’t want a relationship that’s her decision, but me being available to spend time with her whenever she wants isn’t good for me either.

I will think more about it and send her the message tomorrow evening I think. I have the tournament coming up on Wednesday and want to be in the right frame of mind for it, but I also don’t want to drag this out any longer. Thank you!

Hello again 🙂 I’m not sure where to start! I hope this post won’t be too long but we spent literally all day, 12 hours together yesterday and it was wonderful 🙂 However, I still have no idea where I’m to go from here! I’ll try to be as brief as I can and mention some of the things we talked about that might be relevant and just see what you think? I’m sure I’ll forget some things and mention stuff that might not be important at all but hopefully it will make sense.

Basically I think you’ve been right all along, that she does care about me but realised she wasn’t ready for a relationship, wanted me to be her friend and leave open the option of getting back together in the future. As far as I can see that’s still the case, and I’m just wondering if I should just be patient and let things happen naturally, or if there’s anything I can do or say that she may be hinting at that might re-attract her or give me the best chances to be the man she wants to be with when she’s ready.

So we met up before 11 am yesterday and went to get the train out to the seafront. Turns out they were working on the track and there wouldn’t be a train, on the one day we needed it (neither of us checked this beforehand and just assumed it would be running as normal). So that was bad luck! To make matters worse, we tried to use Google maps to find a bus nearby that would take us there but just couldn’t find the bus stop from the map. So we walked around quite a bit until eventually finding a bus that would take us there.

We chatted quite a bit on the bus, talked about the vegetarian diet book she recommended to me (I’ve only read a bit of it so far but we had a good discussion about it) and she also mentioned the guy from work who said he liked her handed in his notice, and she believed he did it because he wanted a reaction from her and the other staff (“don’t go, we’ll miss you”) and she wouldn’t give him that. Thinks he’s being immature and he’s eating McDonald’s all the time, not looking after himself. She also mentioned that her ex-husband has gone abroad again for a month, she only met him once while he was here, and that he’s not calling the new girl he’s seeing his girlfriend because it’s not that serious.

When we arrived she asked me if I had been talking to my ex. This is a different girl whom I was with from October 2017 until June of last year. Quick background is that she has a child, and we got along fine but she moved to another city for work during the week. We tried to make it work for six months but didn’t get to see each other so often and she was going to be working there longer than she had planned so she broke up with me. All very amicable, but as far as I was concerned, that was it.

She contacted me again after I had started hanging out with my most recent ex (the one you’ve been advising me about) asking to meet up again. I told my most recent ex about this, and at the time, seeing as we were just hanging out as friends, she advised me to meet up with her and maybe ask her if she just wanted to be lovers. I told her that wasn’t my style, I preferred to be in a committed relationship and I didn’t think she’d be on for it either. Also, I didn’t think it was fair for me to be dipping in and out when there is a child involved. All fine and we didn’t talk more about it.

So when she asked me if I had heard from her again, I told her the truth: my previous ex had contacted me in January of this year asking to meet up again. I was surprised, and I spoke to my best friend about it as he had introduced us, and he said he had run into her on the bus, told her I was single again but that I was doing my own thing and she should leave me be. She ignored him and asked me to meet up anyway. This was literally a couple of days after my most recent ex broke up with me so I absolutely didn’t want to meet her and generally I don’t have feelings for her anymore. I just told my most recent ex that I had said I didn’t want to meet up with her again because I wasn’t interested, and left out the part about me being cut up over her at the time.

I know that sounds confusing but I hope it makes sense! I’m only mentioning it because she asked me about her! Also, she then said we should go for another hike sometime and I mentioned we should go to the mountains, that I had been there with my best friend before and it was great. She asked how we got out there and I said he drove, and she said to get him to come with us! She wants to meet him as I’m always talking about him. She also said she didn’t mind who I brought, I could bring my ex, my sister, my father or my mother, we’re just friends and it’s no big deal. I was a bit taken aback but laughed it off and said they probably wouldn’t be up for it.

We talked on a couple of occasions about our past relationship. She asked me how she looked a couple of times, or when she’d eaten she asked if her mouth was dirty, and I answered in various ways, sometimes joking and saying yes, it did look dirty and other times just genuinely answering her. She referenced our previous relationship a few times, saying I’ve seen her in many different ways, with and without make-up and she knew I didn’t mind how she looked. I said she’d never seen me in make-up and she said she had, that I often took the make-up off her face when we were kissing! So lots of jokes about that, and we even reminisced on some of the good times we had together.

She said she’s finally starting to feel like herself again. She reminded me that she was a mess when we met and started seeing each other, and that now she feels a lot better. She said she never could have done it without me. She thanked me for helping her and being so good to her. I said I was glad I could help, and she also mentioned how she thought for almost two months that I hated her (after we broke up and the way I acted). I reminded her that I already tried to apologise for that and explained it was a misunderstanding, and she said she remembered and understood why I had behaved that way. I told her I know it didn’t make it right but she seems to have forgiven me.

She said that she hopes there’s no hard feelings between us and that she thinks we’re good as friends. I agreed there were no hard feelings and that it was up to her, that I always said right from the beginning that I enjoyed spending time with her, in whatever capacity. She said she basically tried to swap her husband for me, and that it seemed like a really good idea in theory but didn’t work out in practice. I agreed. She said she doesn’t know what the future holds but right now she’s happy being single.

We had similar conversations throughout the day. She said she wasn’t ready to emotionally invest in a relationship. I said I had learned how important it is to have your own life on track before getting involved with someone else, that you should be happy in yourself and not need anyone else to complete your life. She agreed. Later on I also said “not all relationships have to be as intense as the one we had”, to let her know that I realised it was too intense and she agreed.

I mentioned a few things that I had done since we broke up, getting started with the driving, I’m also preparing an online course to sell, the Thai boxing, and all of the things I’m doing in work and spending time with my friends. She talked about the course she’s starting and how excited she is to visit her parents in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of which, on the way back she video called her mother and introduced me! Her parents don’t speak English (I actually started learning her language on Duolingo just before we broke up, and she knows that, but I haven’t been keeping it up and I told her that too). Her father also joined the video call, and afterwards I made a joke about a time where she had refused to meet my sister when we were passing her in work because I hadn’t warned her in advance, and now she expected me to meet both her parents at once! We had a lot of laughs throughout the day.

She told me her mum had been asking how the day with me was going and she said we’re just friends. Her mum often asks about the men in her life, and she mentioned that there are the guys in work (who don’t really count apparently), her ex-husband and me! I asked her just out of curiosity if she’d ever tell her mum about what happened between us, and she said she probably wouldn’t because she didn’t want to worry her. I said she mightn’t worry because it’s already happened, and she said sometimes she stays up drinking wine with her and chatting and she may tell her then. I wasn’t pressuring her, just curious, and I think she took it as such. I was surprised she’d told her parents about me at all, but I am delighted she has.

She also remarked about how I very rarely post things on social media. She said she had a look the other day and noticed that all the recent photos I’m tagged in are all ones she’s taken, as if she’s my personal photographer! She also said she had sent her mum a link to my page to check me out, but her mum just said there’s nothing to see, that I don’t post anything! My page is also private because I work with children.

I said I simply don’t have any interest in posting anything, I just use it to keep in touch with people and look at memes, and that I don’t need the attention. She said “you’re a man” as in she understood that I wasn’t looking for attention. She also showed me that she has almost 400 unanswered friend requests, mostly from men she doesn’t know! Including her first boyfriend who cheated on her and stalked her for years. She posts a lot of photos, but only because she feels good about herself and not for attention, which I understand as well. I wonder if this is an area I could improve on, posting more on social media, or does she just accept that’s the way I feel about it and I’m not looking for online validation?

There was one moment that caught me completely off-guard and I probably could have reacted a lot better and turned it to my advantage if I’d been ready. She wanted me to take a photo of her using her professional camera. I said I didn’t think I’d ever held anything this expensive. She said I’d held her. I said yeah, I wouldn’t want to drop her and she said “you’d take me back that quickly?” I hadn’t meant that at all and I was taken aback that she said it! I paused and looked at her but she didn’t make eye contact. I just said something about not wanting to break her (sticking with the camera comparison) but it was a bit awkward and I wasn’t sure how to take it. I guess if I had been ready it would have been a good time to use Kevin’s “I’d be as skeptical as you are…” line but I guess it’s not a big deal? Funny moment, but I suppose she was trying to suss out if I was over her or trying to get her back?

We stopped briefly to have food on the hillside. I had packed lots of different types of veg in case she wanted any, but instead she just had some chocolate and nuts that she had brought and shared with me, and I shared some bread and rice cakes with her which she really liked. When we finally got to the end of the trail, we got some food in a restaurant. I looked at some messages in my friends’ WhatsApp group, and one of them was going for drinks. She encouraged me to go, but no one else said they were going so I said I wouldn’t. Also, she was supposed to meet her brother in the afternoon but that didn’t work out either, which she didn’t mind. I think she was trying to show me I didn’t have to just stick around and spend time with her, even though that’s what I wanted to do and what I expected. I wonder if she’s trying hard to convince me that she’s fine by herself? I’d never cut short time with her to hang out with someone else!

Then we missed the train back (we went the wrong way to the station, it was my fault) and we decided to walk back along the hike trail and then get the bus. That’s why we were out for the entire day! I joked saying I knew all along she’d want to walk back as well and we had a good laugh about it.

On the way back she played Sinatra songs on her phone. When “Something Stupid” came on she joined in with the chorus (“Saying something stupid like I love you”). I didn’t pick her up on it, just let it pass, but I think she does regret telling me she loved me so early and maybe blames herself for how intense things became? I probably should have said something about it but we were just enjoying the walk.

Right from the beginning she’s often told me to abruptly “shut up” whenever she wants peace and quiet. She did that a few times on the way back. It’s just her manner and I find it endearing, the silence never lasts long for either of us. It felt very like our first time hanging out when we were abroad, and in fact we both drew many comparisons between the two coasts and how lovely they both were.

On the way back she kept stopping to take photos every couple of minutes. I teased her a little bit about it but I didn’t mind and she thanked me for being patient.

She asked me if I would like to spend time with her again after the day. I made a joke about carrying her stuff, waiting for her to take all of these pictures, putting up with her telling me to shut up and hummed and hawed about my answer jokingly. She said she was genuinely worried I’d say no because I’m usually so nice and sincere, that when I make a joke like that she wonders if I’m being serious. I toned it back then and said “Sure, I guess so”, we laughed and she was happy then.

At the very end she had to run for her tram. She text me on the way home apologising for running off like that, she wanted to hug me properly and that she was very grateful for such a beautiful day and thanked me for being so patient (heart emoji). I said no worries, agreed it was a beautiful day and thanked her for looking after me with all her snacks and teaching me some photography skills. I also said she should feel free to call me when she gets off her tram if she wants to. She text me when she got home thanking me again and sent me three xs, so I won’t mention calling me when she gets off the tram again, she obviously doesn’t need to.

She sent me all of the photos this morning and a message thanking me for such a beautiful day and saying how much she loved being out in the open. She also mentioned that she knows I’m playing the tournament next weekend and that she’ll look into going somewhere herself, hiking for single people. She said she feels really happy and healthy right now and that I am so good to her. I just replied and thanked her too, mentioned I’m tied up with the tournament next weekend but that I’m sure we can sort something out again and that I’m thrilled she’s so happy.

And that’s that! I apologise again for the length of this post and for any unnecessary details I’ve mentioned, but I hope I haven’t left out anything important. I think the bottom line is she just wants to be friends for now. But she did mention twice that she doesn’t know what the future holds, so I think there are chances for us to get back together eventually. I just don’t know if there’s anything I can do to increase the chances of that happening other than just keep going the way I’ve been going? I don’t want to be permanently friend-zoned of course, but I also need to respect her wishes. I am genuinely fine with just
spending time with her, I just need to know I’m doing everything I can.

Yesterday it struck me more than ever how alike we are. We both have full time jobs and coach on the side for a living. I think she needs more friends and people she can trust, talk to and spend time with. Perhaps if she had more girl friends she’d be more likely to want a relationship with a man? Should I try to bring a friend with me next time we meet up?

There doesn’t seem to be anyone else she wants to be with, but maybe she feels like she still hasn’t fully got her life in order yet? Or perhaps she still remembers how intense our relationship was and is reluctant to get involved in that again when we can spend time together as friends without the huge commitment that was involved last time? I already said I realised how intense things were between us and how not all relationships have to be like that. Do you think I should bring up the things I did wrong during the relationship which I apologised for before? Thank you so very much again 🙂

It’s a one-on-one game but it was a team event. Each individual player is part of a team and the results of their individual games count towards an overall match result. So despite losing to me, her team beat my team and finished 2nd, so it was a successful weekend for them. They would have been much weaker without her as she’s their best player. Even though she didn’t do so well, the fact that she played at all helps the team no end as it means her team mates get easier games while she takes on the top players. She mentioned that her results for the team hadn’t been good all year and I said that her simply being there helped, and she said she remembered me telling her that before (it must have been months ago).

I think you’re absolutely right, I was being too pushy. Especially considering she had just said “I’ll see you next weekend”, there was no need for me to ask to spend time with her yesterday. I’m still trying to get used to this idea, that she wants to spend time with me next weekend, but not before it.

I think on balance I sort of got away with it though. Under the circumstances, I think it was understandable that I felt bad for upsetting her, even though I did it as a player as opposed to as a person. The comment about still being mad at me was meant to lighten her mood a bit, kind of my way of saying “it’s just a game”, and I think she took it as such. Although I definitely won’t say anything like this again and I agree I shouldn’t have said it.

However, having asked her if she wanted to eat, she explained to me in detail why she was in a hurry to get in her gym session before it closed early (she had extra coaching today and wouldn’t have been able to go when she normally does). She could have just left it at that, I completely understood and I know how much her training regime means to her. Instead she did invite me to walk with her. Perhaps this was just out of politeness, but I wouldn’t have been offended if she had just said goodbye, it would have been perfectly reasonable for her to do that seeing as she was in a hurry. The fact that she didn’t and instead asked me to join her, may mean she didn’t mind me asking to begin with, or at least understood why I did.

The mutual friend of ours had stopped by and talked to us briefly a few minutes before, and he was hanging around himself as he was one of the only other people who had also finished his game. It made sense for him to join us, I don’t think she was deliberately trying to brush me off, but of course I can’t be sure. We walked back from the coaching last weekend together and it was fine, so I’d be surprised if she was trying to find some way to put off talking to me directly until next weekend. I think they just wanted to catch up as well, and she probably figured I knew him well too/wouldn’t mind him joining us.

Last night she commented on the photo she took of me about my body language in it and we had a joke about it. This is funnily enough the first time she’s written publicly to me online. I also just noticed she posted another photo of me last night that I had missed, so I liked that this afternoon. Other than that, I won’t contact her at all until the weekend. I know she has a busy week that may involve her going to the other side of the country for work, so I’ll leave her to it.

I remember from reading Kevin’s advice that getting back together has to be her idea. I think I need to follow this rule absolutely, and only let her suggest when the two of us should spend time together. That’s the way things were in the beginning as she was married/getting separated and in general I thought it would be better for me to give her space, but she wanted me to be around. I need to get back to this mindset, not have any expectations, and take things very slowly. It’s difficult as there’s always a part of me that feels like I could miss an opportunity if I leave everything up to her, but I know this is the best thing to do. Knowing this and behaving the right way in practice are two different things and I’m still learning as I’m going, but I am becoming much more conscious of not making any mistakes like this in the future.

I think I did ok overall, I managed to get things right on Friday night, and also on Saturday she went for lunch herself and I didn’t ask her to join me or anything like that. Yesterday morning was exceptional in that we were playing and I know how much it would have meant to her to get a result in that game as it’s her last game for at least six weeks and she had just lost two in a row. However, I appreciate that I should have just let her go off herself and just agreed that I’d see her next weekend. I think the fact that we interacted online last night shows that she is over the game result anyway and hopefully doesn’t think I was being too pushy or understands that I meant well.

From now on though I will put no pressure on her or suggest when we should spend time together. I will leave everything up to her. I happen to be off work for two weeks starting this Friday, and I’m playing a big tournament from next Wednesday to Sunday over Easter. She’s not playing as she can’t get the time off work, and the following Sunday after that she’s going to visit her parents for two weeks. We’ve coaching on the day she gets back so that will most likely be the next time that I see her after this weekend (so four weeks from then). If she wants to see me before she goes, there is time, but I appreciate she might be very busy getting ready for her trip and with the tournament there’s no opportunity for me to see her the weekend before that.

I think I need to focus on doing well in the tournament, and I also have my driving theory test the following week. I’ve plenty of things to do, and I guess I’ll just have to see how this weekend goes and if she wants to meet up again before she leaves. I will take all my cues from her, support her without suggesting things, and try not to do anything that may leave her feeling some sort of obligation to me. I’ve gotten this right before, I’m sure I can do it again! Thank you so much for all your advice, I am trying my best! 🙂

Thank you 🙂 Today was ok but I only spoke to her once. She gave me a very encouraging smile and hello this morning. She lost her game and I spoke to her very briefly afterwards. She said as she was walking off that she was going to get some food and I said I was too but I didn’t ask her to join me. I was going to eat with my father and a friend of ours and I think she knew that as she had passed by us when we were discussing it. I think she went to lunch alone, but I left the choice up to her and seeing as she was walking off when she said she was going for something to eat, I felt I shouldn’t ask.

We passed by her in the car on the way out but I don’t know if she saw us or not, and again we didn’t stop to pick her up. I also finished quickly this evening and left so I didn’t see her, although I think she took a photo of me during the game 🙂

So all good I guess but not much to report! The only slightly annoying thing is that I’m most likely going to be playing her in the morning. I’d rather not, but there’s no way to avoid it if we’re paired against each other. It’s not a big deal, I just need to get in the right frame of mind for it. There was a good chance it was going to happen sooner or later.

I was talking in confidence to a friend of mine who also knows her, and he thinks that she was all gung-ho about everything until I said I wasn’t able to see her on Christmas, and then perhaps she thought on some level that I wasn’t as committed/interested in her as I had appeared to be. That’s why she pulled back and even though I tried to make it up to her, we had a couple of weeks apart where she thought over everything and decided it wasn’t working. I don’t know if he’s right, but this would also be understandable if it was the case. I still think my apology addressed that, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

I’ll let you know how things go tomorrow anyway. I don’t like the idea of competing against her as I always just want her to do well, but it’s something that can’t be helped and we both have a professional attitude towards it. All I can do is try not to let anything intrude on my thoughts or affect my play, and I know she’ll be doing the same. Whatever happens, I’m sure we can put it behind us afterwards.

Slow and steady anyway and we’ve an early start in the morning, we’ll see how it goes. Thank you again!

Yep! They say acquired habits are hereditary…I’m just glad I’m now aware of this and can stop it becoming ingrained in my personality. Thank you!

That’s perfect, I will leave her to herself, just act normally this weekend and look forward to seeing her the following weekend.

Great, I will say nothing and just prove it to her by my actions (inactions as the case may be!) She also suggested a book to me, about the vegetarian dieting which she has been trying, so I’ve got it on my phone now and I might try and read it before our walk and form some opinion about it. That would also show that I’m listening and interested in what she has to say. I don’t know if that would backfire, she might not have expected me to read it at all, but listening to her and following her suggestions can’t be a bad thing?

I absolutely agree, I don’t think she used me either, but having thought about everything and the comparisons with my mother, I understand why I felt that way in the beginning. It was just a default reaction because I really cared about her and I got defensive when she realised it wasn’t what she wanted.

There was an element of me saving her from a difficult situation, that was definitely part of our dynamic in the beginning and I fell head over heels into it. She had said she basically wanted me to replace her husband, but I think the reason she broke up was because she realised how unrealistic this was and she needed time to figure out what she really wanted on her own. Whereas I took it to mean that the whole thing had been a fling to her and became very hurt.

It was a misunderstanding on my part and it took me a lot of time (and help and advice from you!) to realise this. I hope my apology has set things straight as best I can. I will definitely be more patient. Once I have the reassurance that I’m doing the right thing, that’s all that matters to me. I never expected things to move so quickly with her in the beginning, and I want to get it right this time, if (or when) she’s willing.

She once sent me a message literally detailing all of the things she loved about me. I’m going to find it, read it, and focus on showing these qualities more often and work on the personal faults I have. I know exceptional circumstances brought us together to begin with, but I’m hoping that, whenever she’s ready, we can recapture those feelings again. Thank you for your honesty and supporting me with all of this, I really appreciate it.

Sorry, just a quick edit: She apologised again for cancelling last weekend and just said she didn’t feel ok and she cancelled on her husband and a girl friend of hers that I’m guessing she hasn’t seen in a while. She said her grandmother’s death hit her pretty hard on top of everything else and I just told her how strong she is.

When we were saying goodbye and hugging she thanked me for spending time with her. I said I would see her this Friday and the weekend after, and I just told her to message me any time she likes.

Thank you!