Starting to lose hope

Another week, another saga! We are now meeting tomorrow. Think im going to go but im going to say what i feel and put it out there one last time. Im tired of the hot and cold! Then the response i get will give me all i need to know.
Thank you for your kind words!

Hope your letter went well Robertv!

I met up with my ex and i said that i realised i had made some mistakes when we were together and that i was taking steps to address those issues. He was asking questions and seemed interested to hear more. We said i love yous at the end and continued to text. I decided to send him an email saying i still had feelings and friendship wouldnt be what i was looking for. He replied straight away saying that he loved me but wanted to only be friends. I was not as upset as i thought i might be and we didnt talk for a few days. Contact started back up but i kept my distance and then out of the blue he turned up at mine with a silly excuse as to why he was there but saying he was so glad i was home and he had really needed to see me. We met up the next day (pre-arranged) to talk about break up stuff but he didnt want to and instead he wanted to catch up and hear about my family/what i had been up to. He was constantly touching me and getting emotional. Again more texting and he came round yesterday and spent the day with me. It was lovely and he admitted he was not happy and did not know what he wanted but would not elaborate. There were times when i thought he wanted me to kiss him but i didnt want to put myself out there to get knocked back. I kept it together throughout and kept conversation light. He must know i am not waiting for him to come back, it would be nice but it would need a lot of work. We are talking lots and have plans to meet up again next week. Is there something here or am i being used?

I find this so useful to update and look back on.

We did not meet up last weekend, instead he popped round for a coffee before he had to be at work. He got upset and said that he felt he had been leading me on which is why he had decided not to spend the weekend with me. I explained that I was not trying to actively win him back as I had accepted the break up and had just enjoyed seeing him but he didnt seem convinced. I said maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore and he said that isnt what he wants and asked to meet again for lunch the following week. Which we did but he didnt seem to want to be there, it was awkward.
I think he got scared off at how much he still seems to need me. I’ve tried to play cool and continue to do more things for myself and I am getting stronger. Its like 2 steps forward and 50 steps back. I honestly dont understand how he can just walk away and act so sure but seem so miserable.

I think that is what all this, he genuinely believes this is the right call and will see it through. He said at the start he knows things will not be good for a long time but will be better in the end and that is what he is holding on for. I will limit contact and give him lots of space.