No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

Hi all, I am new to this today. Here is my problem. I need to stop the communication now but…. she left me for a previous married love (he found out about me and left his wife, just not filing divorce), he moved in with her and I am now a back up. She texts me when he goes to work, calls me and drives around without going home, and tells me to be patient as she had promised him that if he ever left his wife that she would give him a chance. I may be an idiot, but I do want to be patient. The problem is obvious. If I keep being available, she doesn’t miss me and takes me for granted. So I am starting NC tonight. Here is my question… do I text or email her or just start ignoring her? She has high blood pressure and a blood problem right now and is seeing a doctor. Also her mom is dying and in a nursing home and I visit Mom often. Then, we work in the same office and are required to communicate at least once a day. So do you think I should go cold turkey? Or do I tell her to give me space and time but let me know about her and her mom’s health issues if anything occurs? Or don’t mention that and pray all will be well for 30 days? BTW she says she broke off with me because as soon as I found out about the other guy I became insecure and argumentative, needy, etc. So yes I need to go quiet and have her miss me. Thanks for any ideas.
If she did not keep calling me 4 times daily with calls over an hour, texting me at 610am when he leaves for work and wanting to see me when he is out of town, I would get over her. But she keeps coming after me, saying she just wants to be friends as we get along so well. BTW 3 weeks ago he went out of town and we spent 6 days together (2 full weekends). So I know she still cares about me…I know her enough to know she is NOT intentional just using me. She will leave him as he will never leave his wife.

Well i think its time to tell my break up.

I’m in the NC for about 2 weeks. She broke up. She doesn’t feel enough for me to be her boyfriend anymore. We had a 5 year relationsship and it was all fine sometimes what had some opinion differences. 4 weeks before the breakup we were on vacation and everything was fine. It came out of the blue that breakup. Because she didn’t let me notice it. She never tells me what she feels, most of the time i had to pull it out. She says that she doesn’t feel in the relationship anymore but she still loves me. but she saw the relationsship as an addicition.

She want to maintain friends but it takes a long time to be good friends. If we are not friends its also okay for her. We are gonna speak eachother at the end of Oktober.

I realy want her back. Because it were the best 5 years of my life. But the problem is that i don’t know WHY she broke up. Maybe it was a lack of independence. She seems that she realy knows what she is doing.

Before the no contact i made many mistakes. The 2 weeks after the breakup was very pleading and begging etc etc. then i hold the contact and was checking when she came online on whats’app and stuff. I ‘bumped’ into her. then after those 2 weeks I stopped the checking and stuff but still talked to her a bit.

Now im 2 NC period. She has a best friend(girl). Her best friend was dumped 3 weeks before our break up and she had a relationsship of 3 years. And she had given him up saying that this was indeed better. maybe it had something to do with it. My ex doubted of the relationship but she is like a closed book.

I need some advice what to do and what the chances are in getting back together because you only gonna think about what the problems are if the damage is already done. She doesn’t fight for it but ill, because i want to be a winner.

Pls help.

Ahh. I’m on day 10 of no contact. I am HARD CORE STRUGGLING. He has not sent me ONE thing. He broke up w me via text saying, “it’s not always about you, you’re selfish in a relationship, this isn’t working. We are not good for each other. We are done. Do not negotiate or attempt to make it better. Don’t text back, delete my number if you have to” -____- I obviously responded bc we had thrown around break ups via text before..well he broke up on a Sunday, eventually stopped responding that night..said he wouldn’t do it in person bc i wouldn’t “allow” it -_- Then Monday I sent 2 things, Tues morn I sent one and he said we are broken up whether you accept it/allow it or not. Well that escalated into a fight and I blew up his phone. Early the next morn I sent what was gonna be my final texts..well then he responded saying if I continue to text him he would go to the police and open a case again me for stalking >.< I had blown up one. day. He was angry and immature I’m sure..but I am REALLY struggling w no contact as a result. Like I responded to that threat and then the next night I apologized for some of my stuff.
However, I have not contacted since…his empty threat was 11 days ago and 10 days was my last text. I just don’t want him to think I’m not texting bc I’m scared..I know he wouldn’t actually call the police and would have no case! I haven’t called non stop, showed up, none of that! But NC is hard bc Idk if he knows I”m doing it on my own accord or if he thinks I’m just scared.
I have worked on me and realized how blowing up via texts in our relationship really poisoned it. I want to break NC and tell him I’m working on me, etc etc :/ That’s how I’m struggling right now.

My ex had posted to me another message to my whats app today that she had information about place where jobless gets free food packages and wanted to share that information with me and she hoped that i didnt get upsett because im not working anymore, would it be breaking the rules about no contact that i say i allready knew that information and i didnt need it because i got enough food

Wow. Were has time gone. It’s been about 5 months now since my break up. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to be in a healthy relationship. Thanks Kevin.

Hope everyone is doing fine, wish you all the best.

I don’t get on as much anymore but i wonder if any of the people I started with still here. If you guys are reading this is like to hear from you guys and how you’re all doing.

Hey guys
LA I’m glad you’re doing ok. It’s been exactly 4 months since my break up too. Thanks to Kevin, my family, my friends and you guys, I sort of moved on. It’s surprising even for me cause it was a 10 year old relationship and I was engaged to him when we broke up. I learned so many things specialy about myself. I see everything clear now. That relationship wasn’t good for me and now I know it is his loss. Everyone said so, but It took 4 months for me to realize it myself that I can do a lot better and I sure deserve more.
So to LA and the other oldies, yes I’m ok and happy. Even though I’m like a rechargeable battery sometimes, but it’s getting better and better everyday. Besides I know now that’s its natural.
To the others, keep reading Kevin’s email, and stay on NC. Believe me, you’ll get what you deserve. Time heals everything. In fact,I was such a mess during the first two and a half months that I was sure I can never get through this. I drove 400000 kilometers, cried for 90 days, lost thousands of meals,God knows how many sleepless nights, and I lost the whole eyelashes of my left eye, but I finaly saw the light, stood up and I became happy again. ALL BY MYSELF. So however hard it is now, keep up, it’ll get better like a blink of an eye. Good luck

well its 2 months ago since te breakup and to be honest i feel a little bit of relief. Im aware that the relationship wasnt any good still it could go better. There are many other girls who can be special. If you have them in your life and you spending time togheter you will make someone special for you. My ex want to be friends but only friends. Better is just to dont talk about the relationship but be positive of what I had togheter the last 5 years. If i keep whining about our old relationship its only negative. The past is the past. Im looking forward to new girls but first i want to spend some more time with my other friends. If my ex wants me back ill think about it but if she want that i want a good conversation.

Some things why people break up can’t be explained. There is no chance only a feeling. if your ex feels safe and happy with you maybe she comes back to you I still love her en she loves me i know. and maybe at some day, one day we maybe cross paths togheter. But she has always a special place in my heart. Like I have in her heart.
Try to stay positive. The persons you love the most will always stay with you.
If that somebody doesnt want anything to do with you anymore they are not worth it
Every relationship is unique so maybe there is also a unique solution. You must live with yourself because you are the only one who can make yourself happy.

Hi all. I’m on day 3 of NC and feeling a bit down right now – I miss her. Not even in a relationship sense, just being near her.

We were together for 5 years and broke up because she’d fallen out of love with me, but still loved me, some of which was romantic. She also wanted to explore her bi-sexual side. Over the next two months we talked almost every single day in a qausi-relationship way, and as little as three weeks ago was saying how she keep feeling panic and heartache that I didn’t want her (I told her many times I do). Now she’s in a relationship with a woman for the past two weeks. She sent me this email on Monday

“But I wanted to let you know I woke up this morning thinking of you and feeling sad. I’ve had a few of those moments lately. [new GF] commented yesterday that she knows I care for you or else I wouldn’t have gone to you. She also said she knows you’re really in love with me and she’s not obviously given the short time it’s been. She said if I did decide to go back to you she would still be my friend. I’m glad she feels that way. I’m not sure what I honestly want right now. She makes me feels special and I enjoy her company. I just don’t know longterm. I’m trying not to think longterm because it does my head in, but it’s hard.

Anyway yes I’m confused and I miss you. I hope we can be friends and maybe if I continue to keep you and toni in the loop about my feelings then no one will get a nasty shock and it will hurt less if and when any major decisions arise. Does that make sense?”

So she seems to already miss me, just not enough! My reply angered her, a lot, we then had a chat and it calmed down. I told her to give me two weeks (I want four) of NC and see where we’re at.

I keep thinking I’ve royally screwed up and stuffed any chance of us getting back together…