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Posts
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thanks for your support everyone. sometimes i feel so alone in this.. like fighting uphill battles each second of the day.
Athens: i contacted this mutual friend to ask if my ex asked about me or anything, cause the last time she asked her how i was. i wondered if she even missed me at all. looks like not though :/ </3
julia: it’s kinda tricky in my situation cause i’m studying overseas at the moment. so i last saw her end of July, but have not contacted her at all in August so far. except the blip where i contacted the mutual friend but i asked her not to tell my ex about it. i’m planning to go 2-3 months NC. i had a really bad break-up and i think i need it as much as she needs it to forget my needy image. i also think if she misses me, she’d probably start missing me by then cause she’s currently talking to some guy now…
Dear julia,
Thanks for your advice. I will do more than 3 months NC. One night, I caught him in hotel room with other his new gf , naked. But I even begged him to come back to me in that room. Then, I begged him in front of his parent, his sibling at his home. He shouted at me to get out . I stick myself in ladder of his house like snail from 10 AM to 4 PM. I cry , beg in his street like loss control in head. I also called his friends uncountable times to ask them whether they get any update information about my ex. I’m not rich. But I even support him money after we broke up.
He even told me like ” I know that you love me alot, you won’t never leave me or move on with other guy. I know you won’t sleep with other guy because I know very well that you love me ” . He considered me as door-mat.
So, How long should I take NC ? as you told me , more than 3 months , right ?
He also told me that he will marry me after 2 years if I can get 2 degrees, but he still want to happy with this new girl .. What the hell ?
I know I shouldn’t focus on his words. But I wanna slap his face . How could he tell me like that ?? How could he take my money although he has new gals ?? Why didn’t he respect me ?
I’m sorry if I annoy you guys.Dear AndyK,
I agree with julia, Don’t talk with mutual friends. Your ex may think you’re trying to get back indirectly. Just disappear from their world for awhile. It’s more interesting for them.Dear AndyK,
How will you do if your mutual friends tell your ex that you are still asking about your ex OR you still wanna know whether your ex still miss you or not ?
Do you trust them ? One mouth is hurt to close , fri.
If your ex notice that you are still obsessing about his or her, you ex may not feel anything special about your NC .Khine,
You really need to apply even more than 3 months of NC. Yes he does take you for granted and this is something you have to take it away from him. You have to erase this desperate, clingy image and become more confident and emotionally independent. I suggest you read Relationship Rewind.
You have the power not him!…Dear julia,
Thank you so much for your quick reply friends .
I will read Relationship Rewind. I also promise you to erase my image from past.
But during NC, I ignore his calls.
I need to get more self-confident and independent from physically and emotionally, too.Thank you and Please kindly let me tell you if i have any update news about my ex during NC.
hey Khine,
OUCH x2 now. reading this, even i feel like slapping him for you. but please, i hope you don’t slap him. he’s not worth the trouble. and i agree with julia. go NC. it’s hard, but at least we’re all doing it together..
i doubt she’d tell, especially since she didnt even bother asking my ex about the details of our break-up. she says it’s not in her character to do that. but i agree. i shouldn’t have. but i gave in to temptation. i don’t think my ex cares that i’m in NC. but nevertheless i still want to work on myself and hopefully surprise her and her parents.
Dear AndyK and fris ,
Thanks to cheer me up fri. I always need you guys.
The power of silent is really helpful.When a child is ignored, even child cries to get his or her parent’s notice. Have you ever felt ignored by someone ? I have felt that way. Ignoring is the best weapon. We will go through NC together. Just Hang in !!
If you get any nice information that can makes our heart strong, please do not hesitate to share it with us. Because , it helps us alot.
Khine –
I agree with you, the ignoring is the best weapon. Actually, it shows that you have the power to control yourself and you’re emotionally resolved.And hey EVERYONE –
For those who’s interested in my story, here’s the link: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/may-seem-impossible-but-i-want-to-try-my-best-to-get-back-with-him/The bright thing for us is that he’s too busy to date other girls. And he’s not in the time to date girls. The down side is that we’re far away from each other..
How our relationship started was a little bit different since I’m Chinese and he’s American (but not that American.. Like he doesn’t really go on dates and enter into dating.. Ugh I don’t know how to express). Like Dara said before, it can be very situational. So I’ll just cheer up and keep my hope!
So….
Day 9 for myself 🙂 Just had my exam yesterday and will have another one at the end of August. Seems like I’ll be busy working hard for my own goals!!!I have to admit that I still think of him from time to time, but I don’t feel like desperate anymore. Actually, I am really starting to think this break (yeah I still see it just as a break) might be a good thing for us 🙂 He’s been stressed too much that he even couldn’t sleep. I do care about him and I do want him to be healthy. Since he needs time and space, give him.
Also since this break, I was forced to reflect in this relationship, which seems to be perfect to me : what went wrong? Yeah guys are always the ones who took all the responsibility and girls (at least in my case) are more likely to enjoy. As time passes, he took more and more responsibility and his work became more and more stressful, meanwhile what I was focusing all the time is enjoying the relationship and being happy (myself). I didn’t realize (because seriously, I’m pretty nice) but I may have started to take things for granted and become needy.. Because he has a life, and my life is all about him.
I’m starting to think that, maybe we both could use this break to work on ourselves respectively. And I know how to be more independent and actually work hard for my goals but not for him. (I used to set him as my motivation for everything, now he’s gone I was devastated.) And he could reflect too, that he could have communicated with me rather than took it all by himself. And hopefully he would think of all the great memories we’ve created and all the dishes that I cook. (He LOVED my cooking:)!)
I remembered when we watched the movie UP this summer, he told me that he liked all the adventures we had together. When I left and came home, he told me that he was looking forward our next adventure together 🙂 (before we broke up of course. The break thing happened after a little more than 2 weeks after I came home)
He gets up super super early everyday, like 4am for work. He would wake me a little bit, hug me and say “I love you” before he leave. There was one morning that I was too sleepy that I didn’t even open my eyes or say anything. After he left, I felt so empty right away so I went downstairs and out of the building on my bare foot just to hug him. He was walking towards his car and when he saw me he had a really big smile. He messaged “thank you for the extra hug” later. Nice memories.
Don’t know why I’m talking about this, it seems like I’m not supposed to talk about all the memories.. But I’m actually not sad. I’m positive for my or our future. Just keep in mind: every improvement I made is one step closer to him.
Sorry if I posted too long or my words made no sense!
Have a great day guys! Good luck to all of us!!!!
Sunshine,
That is so sweet. I mean your memories. You made me actually think about all the great memories I shared with my ex boyfriend. Cause today it’s not such a good day for me.
In case you’ re interested here is my today’s comment. I am posting it here since I haven’t received a reply yet 🙁
‘I am already in the 2nd month of NC (34 days). At the moment though my mind is restless. Can’t stop crying today….
Unfortunately I am thinking of this rebound relationship he is in. I know I shouldn’t even focus on that. But I can’t help it. I mean why should I still fight for someone who apparently wants to forget about me and move on?
There is a minor detail: He got pissed off at my friend who revealed to me about this other person. But that doesn’t change the fact that there is someone else!Just 2 months after we broke up!
Whether you call it a rebound relationship or not, to me it is extremely painful and sometimes I feel I could never forgive him about that. I feel I should force myself not hoping at all..
I so need your help or some encouragement..’
But as you said sunshine: ‘every improvement I made is one step closer to him’ right?
Well I have to start over with no contact today. I have been in a panic cause my ex is seeing his ex from 11 yrs ago and she cheated on him more than once. In the beginning I begged and pleaded and sent numerous texts and fb messages. Then after he text me said he wanted to be friends and said some hurtful things cause he is still angry over me leaving him a couple times because of his drinking issue and now that I wanna work things out he doesn’t says I should have thought about that before I left and he is happy with his ex and they have a connection and he doesn’t feel that bond we once had anymore. We were together for 6 years and have been on and off for the past 6 months. He never wanted to marry his ex and said he loved me more than anyone he has ever been with. So after the conversation I started texting again and of course got no response and then a few days ago I sent a text about our friend we have alot of the same friends. Then this morning I called and blocked my number. The typical crazy ex girlfriend thing to do I guess. I would take anybodys input on this and starting over with no contact today. Keeping fingers crossed.
Day 42,
Never thought I’d get this far with NC. I’ve come a long way. I sent the letter over the weekend and may get something sometime this week. We’ll see. Overall, life is different without my ex but it’s defiantly a life I can life in. It’s sad to say but I no longer have those strong feelings for her. I don’t know if I’ve buried them or lost them. Regardless, I still believe she’s a great person I’ve just been disappointed with her choices. I know I’m going to run into her sooner or later. I do plan on approaching her still not exactly sure what I’ll say but when the time comes I will. If for any reason we hit it off it will be a new relationship. I will have to win her as she will have to win me.
I never thought is get this far. I’m happy for myself. A month and a half ago I would have done anything to get my ex back and that’s not good. In A good relationship there shouldn’t be any reason why one should have to get to that point just to keep the other person.I really hope this works out for us. I know we can be happy again. Throughout NC I learned why we broke up what I didn’t wrong on my end and I know how to fix it. But if it’s not for the better than I’m not sticking around like she wants me too. I’m moving on and applying NC forever.
I’m expecting the worse so that I’m ready for anything. If this doesn’t take the only thing that will sadden me will be that she wouldn’t see the new me. And how happy we could have been together now.
Only The next few days will tell.
Julia –
I am so sure that he didn’t move on. Actually just in Kevin’s email today (I’m around 10th day of subscription) He mentioned the phases – “Breakup Pain Healing >>>> Bad Memories Healing >>>> Missing You Badly >>>> Moving On”Personally I guess it’s just a rebound. And keep positive by trying to believe that rebound will actually make him miss you more, make him how good are you.
I know it’s hard. Although I’m ok most of the time, when I think of him from time to time, my heart aches. But you’re not alone anyway, all of us are here for you 🙂
Good luck!
Dear Andy,
I agree with Khine on the “mutual friend” thing. I feel like mutual friend is kinda tricky. Our mutual friend (mainly just one, through whom I knew ex) did ok I think. She showed part of their chat history and when my ex said “The only thing I ask is you help her to succeed, grades and tests”, she replied “I will. She just kept asking me do you still like her and I told her she needs to focus on herself. She’s been working hard, I think she’ll do well.” Not perfect, but pretty decent. Because in front of her, I was actually worse. Like I couldn’t stop crying and I was so desperate. If she told my ex anything about it, I’m done.
So I plan to show our mutual friends that I’m becoming strong, independent and better in all aspects in my life. If anytime I feel down, I will just talk to my friends instead.
🙂
LA –
I am so happy for you. NC did work for you! You didn’t just pass those days with nothing but you actually thought why you broke up and made positive changes! I’m sure she’ll see a new you and hopefully you can get back with her!Good luck LA2.0!!!!
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