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Hi mate. Sorry for my delay, but I have been very busy.
You are at one of the hardest stages of all.
Her current relationship is starting to go down. They have some problems, things are not as fun anymore… Basicly the honeymoon phase is getting close to the end. So it is natural that she now start wondering about you, and what you have been up to… And most importantly: Can she have you back, just in case the relationship doesnt work out.
As long as she feels she has you as a backup (a safe place), there is nothing stressing her and she is in no hurry to make up her mind…
That is why she now start sniffing around.What you have to do now is one of the hardest things to do.
She needs to feel like she has lost you, and there is no chance for her to win your heart again. You are not interrested in her in that way anomore. Yet, you cannot come of as a jerk.
Remember: You are now a better person than before. You are happy and nothing can chance that.One more thing:
You say she wants to fight for this relationship? Then why is she fishing for some alone time with you? I have many female friends, and I KNOW that if they suddenly started trying to get back in touch with their ex, and tried to get some alone time with him it means they have bracticly given up on their current relationshipHey Creed, thank for the reply.
We been texting more often thou i feel i should tune it down a bit. She told me today that she will always love me and that im the only who can ever ever and always have her heart, that im the only man that can ever have her completely in mind, body and heart. yet she mentions that she is mad and frustrated with me, now i gotten my act together, she is happy that i done so but mad and frustrated that i didn’t do it sooner.
i do admit that while we dated i did took things for granted and when with the flow
how do i tackle this?
Creed!! Can you give me advice? I love your input and would love it! Here’s my thread https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/he-says-he-would-like-to-get-back-but/page/17/#post-42617
Spartanzeon maybe try to give a sense that you are gonna be giving it (the new and improved you) to someone else if she doesn’t wake up.
Now that I think of it, the fact that when he thought I ignored him on the coffee shop I told him I thought it was his friends, not him, and I impulsively got up cause I was worried they would see me with a guy and tell him and mess things up between us, I just basically told him he can rest his mind that I’m not going out with anyone?! IDK… I also said that that was my impulse, cause if I really wanted to cover it up I wouldn’t go to the coffee shop his friend works in, I would go to cave and hide… IDK
Yeah, there are still a little negative memories there. Let her contact you… There is no harm in being in contact with her, as long as she starts it and as long as you do t invest more in the conversation then she does. And ofcause it is your job to keep the conversation on a possitive topic.
And she must never get the impression that she can have you back anytime she wants, yet you should remain friendly and upbeat so she wont be affraid to reach out.Sounds like she is still very much in love. Give her time…
Read this my friend:
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/psychology-and-the-rebound-relationship-339.htmlIt might give a better understanding of what is going kn whith your ex right now
Thanks. Creed
I think currently she is confused and somehow either feels bad leaving the other guy and also cares for him. At this point its just a matter of giving time then and for me to continue to improve.
i think i mess up yet again. we were texting and things end up about feeling and things of the past we were mess up, we didnt go into details but it hurts talking about it fro both us. one of her replies was. that the one person that could easily make her smile is the only person that can make her cry to (me), thats when i notice that going and talking about feelings and pass event and parting ways is no go zone.
how can i undue this mess or recover from it. im certain she will take shelter on the other guy now and i may have pushed her a bit further when she was starting to get closer.
Sorry to hear that mate, but I hope you understand now why I say that any talks about the past, and the break up is absolutely No Go!
She might be the one that brings up the topic, even though she hates it. It makes her feel guilty and like a terrible human being.
Let her be for awhile. She will come to you again when she is ready. Maybe in a day or two, maybe a month, maybe 6 months.
Let her recover.When she does come back, keep the conversation light and happy. And she might bring up this conversation again, but you have to brush it off like it doesnt matter. This may even be the reason why she brings it up. She wants you to tell her that it doesnt matter, and that she shouldnt feel guilty. She wants to know that you are no longer hurting, and shouldnt feel bad about approaching you…
well yesterday night we when out with her brother and friend. i told her i wanted to apologize for making her feel bad so i got her a box of chocolate covered strawberries and a card, the card wasn’t a romantic or love related but rather an encouragement type, she liked it.
while eating and drinking my hands were resting under the table and her hands found their way to my, we held hands for a few while caressing each other hand/fingers and then she pull it back.
what to make of it? i feel somehow that even thou she misses my touch and she did said she loves me too last night, she may feel now guilty with her new guy or like she is cheating on him. maybe she is confused and doesn’t know how to get out of this confusions. she cares for me and cares for the other guy. how can i be the one to come out on top?
She clearly still have feelings for you, but she sounds confused.
Did you read the article I posted about being split between two persons?i did read the article you put up, don’t recall seeing the part about being split between 2 person so will look at it again
Well, basicly what it says is that she can indeed be in love with both of you. You are just in two different stages of the relationship.
Her and the new guy are in the first phase. The honeymoon phase!
You and her are still in the attachment stage.
She is in love with both, but in different ways.
She gets all the new and all the excitement from him.
And she gets all the security and closeness from you. Untill the day the new guy can take over 100% or they split….ok i when back and read it again. notice what you just mention. at this point what should i do. i done the NC and it worked well, she reach out to me after the 30ish days. we texted back and forth, hang out twice now and she is at the point were is in love with both but at different stages. should i head back to NC or LC?
or slowly show her my new and improve side and win her back. she was impressed with all my recent changes in life.
i see them hard to split anytime soon unless the guy screw up and they split, then again this is a long distance relationship too.
on the mean time i keep putting my life on hold waiting for her and being the backup for her as she knows that i love her deeply. i think imma go LC with her and keep things short and avoid hanging out at all. im not gonna make it easy for this other guy. i spend 4 1/2 yrs with this girl and i gave her a lot of me.
any suggestion to the 2 above post is highly welcome.
also, last weekend when they were having issues she reached out to me and that’s when we started texting more often, now that things appear to have gotten back to normal, i barely get any texts. next time this happens she gonna have to deal with it on her own. or does anyone suggest anything else?
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