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In short, it was 3 years old long distance relationship with so much of love and perfection from both side, I was her first love and she was crazy for me, later I started loving her so much since more than a year. She recently became stressed because of work, I got confused and insecure and we had some on and off. I did NC starting Feb mid, got her call after two weeks out of blue after two weeks, she talked a bit, I controlled and we agreed being friend, but I also was allowed per her to flirt. She never stopped me when I started sharing feelings, how much better I became and what all I learnt. She still listened and shared about her too, as I tried using non-violence communication methods. It was mostly fine but she was being hot and cold at moments.
On 6th March I was unwell and feeling low and confused, started talking to her how much I want to be with her while she was feeling depressed which I sensed, she even suggested on text that she doesn’t want to get forced for anything and I should do nothing about it. I communicated back she being loving at moments and cold at other moments, and we may need to take little break. Later on that day she blocked me on FB, and texted me she can not continue with a person like me, and I should not contact to her or her family (her mom and I used to text little).
So I was hurt, and was in shock as I was helping her in her carrier as well but tried to control myself, and replied her that I was unwell and didn’t realized my talk was forcing her, she should not involve family into this at least right now and I would not communicate further. I immediately started NC and it is 4th day today. She has not blocked me from whatsapp and I am trying to put happy status and display pic there, I think she would be checking it. I also know she is unhappy and stressed at work, working with unhelpful people, and we were planning earlier to get married in next few months, but now seems either she hates me, or became indifferent due to many on and off.
Can people here please suggest about chances, and how long there should be no contact before reaching out to her, or should I wait longer for her to reach out?
Okay bud, I am going to tell you specifically what you have been doing wrong. She is your lover, and you owe it to each other to be there for each other as lovers to the highest degree possible. Instead Of instilling this idea into her head she left you because you lost site of who you were as a man, a fiance, and as a lover. You allowed her to be depressed instead of telling her to get over it, playing with her, then giving her the best sex she’s experienced in her life. You also allowed her to just be your friend. No. Do not, I repeat do not settle for allowing her to have you when she pleases.
Didn’t you say you planned on getting married? Do you know that marriage is an eternal partnership? Within a partnership one does not simply put in 180 percent while the other puts in 20 percent. Both of you must be willing to love hard. That means you both put in 150 percent and you do-not-settle.
Now. You continue to do no contact, but you do not post anything on social media, you do not talk to your mutual friends, and you do not do anything that she will hear about. Instead, you work on yourself and learn how to make yourself happy. Fill your own cup. Make an improvement in your life that will boost your confidence and make you happy. After you have done that, make an improvement on something that she will be aware of and insanely attracted to. Become an alpha male.
And do not worry about her forgetting about you, because if she had any plans on spending the rest of her life with you she will crave your presence. She will begin to wonder where the f@$# you are and what the f@$# you’ve been up to. Take control of your situation and empower yourself to get what you deserve. Do-not-settle.
Also, I will greatly appreciate it if you read my story/ my updates and reply with your opinion. Thank you!
Is she trying to make me jealous? Is he a rebound? What do I do?
Wait to contact her for what I would think no less than at least 60 days. It was a long term relationship, and you never really gave any time between the breakup and you contacting her. She seems that she is really angry and confused and just needs time. I know it’s hard, it’s been hell for me, but you need to follow through with it. And whenever you do talk to her, don’t go into deep conversations about feelings and stuff. keep it lighthearted, as if you were just talking to a friend. Again, I know it’s really really hard, but you need to complete NC first, and then, and only then, contact her, lightheartedly, using the advice on this website. hopefully all will go well!
@TJ Thank you so much for your advice and help, this makes sense and I will be continuing no contact. I tried to help her in her stress, was successful at most times but recently started giving up. I guess some improvements are much needed for me and I am working on it further, to make things better for myself and her, with hope that she should be reaching out to me soon. Appreciate your help, I will reply on that one. 🙂
@Kahlad1031 True. Though 60 days is long period and she wanted to settle down soon, I guess still I should wait for that time or let her initiate. We really never had any gap, how bad it was for more that 2 weeks and she initiated contact somehow, so I am hopeful and this time will strict to be a friend. Thank you so much really for help.
of course! just realize it’s going to be hard and painful, but it’s for the best. always look towards the goal!
@Kahlad1031 Thanks again.
One question for all, should I answer her call or text before NC once I feel confident and happy enough, I am working hard on this, or should I ignore them completely or send a small response such as I need little time and space for me? I never ignored her message earlier after after arguments, and I hope it would not make me look crazy for her and stay away from me. Suggestions please?
NC is the only option for you and you should respond to her call and text but be very polite and limited and talk whatever the topic is,try to make her happy and don’t show her your internal feelings or pain.
I will complete my 60 days NC March 1st and my g/f emailed me only once and her friend texted me once,so I replied both times but was very limited in my reply.May be like you act in a interview.
Improving behavior helps,girls generally doesn’t care about other things,like having six packs,or nice cars etc,so wait for her call or text but same time don’t be very hopeful about it,as every girl and situation is different,mine is very stubborn and I lost all hope,last march I also gave her ring same week and now Its been 9 months that break up happen and I am in same boat,only difference is that I started doing NC from Jan 13 and previously I begged,cried,became a doormat.
Good luck
If she’s stressed, she needs time alone and fun with friends or something. She may feel you’re putting slight pressure on her. How does she normally deal with stress? I cry when I’m really stressed. I went through an extremely tough time a few months ago and I don’t think my ex will ever truly understand it. I’d give her some time, or at least next time you contact, don’t think so much about stuff. Try to have a fun conversation. Fun conversations tend my stress deplete a bit, but that’s just me
@kalicooldude Thanks for suggestion – that’s valuable and I will be just friendly to her for sure, let her take initiatives and I have to play it cool.
I wish you best too, it is really hard having NC for such long time and overcome all fears, but I guess it is worth the wait and initiate initial friendship to let her see the changes, and take her steps to reconcile.
@Confused_Girl Sure, I agree and I am giving her time, not contacting her until NC or she initiates contact. Surely will be just friendly and talk good but not too personal for now. She used to cry when she was too stressed, I helped her and supported in best way. Hope with time she will be fine too and it should go well with what I am following up now. Really appreciate your help and suggestion. I will keep here posted about progress.
@TJ do you think you could read my post and give me your opinion? Read like the first page, the third or forth and the last two posts and you will get a sense I think 🙂 I like your input and would love to know your opinion about stuff and what I should do from now on and to attract him and make him not forget me
Thank you for your advice with my situation, time to return the favour aha!
For her to hate you right now would be an extreme reaction, she is most likely just angry. If she is angry that is a good sign because she cares about you, she cares about your actions and words.
Aim to stick to NC for at least a month I’d say just to give her time to get all the stressful factors in her life under control and then you can be there for her from there. All she will need is you to be happy and caring to encourage her to be. It may be she feels pressure knowing you feel so strongly for her hence the hot and cold behaviour, she cares about you but doesn’t want to lead you on right now.
Give her space, talk to her and just be yourself with her. She fell in love with you for a reason, just try not to be overbearing with your own love for her. Hopefully I’ve made sense with that! haha. Take this time for yourself too to become happier and don’t tell her how you’ve changed or anything but show her. It’s a long process but once you build contact back up, she will see over time you are being positive and not the person she thought she could not continue with.
I hope it all works out for you and that I may have been even the slightest bit helpful! Life has a funny way of working out but hopefully it will work out the way that makes you happiest!
@frey18 do you think you could help me out on mine?
@frey18 Yes I think she is angry and wish to continue NC for at least a month, and will see what happens then, and agree that let her give time for herself. I didn’t gave her much space post making-up last time and started being loving and romantic, I wonder why she didn’t stop me when I was talking about relationship and all the feelings, even I asked if it is fine to talk such as. But yes, I am hopeful given she is not showing much change and she loved me because I was once always happy kind of person, who would remain calm in worst and will make others happier as well. I am being that one slowly so hope it’s all going to be fine soon, at least she didn’t replied angrily to my last msgs before NC. Its day 5 today and I am hopeful for best, given we loved each other so much and supported at worst moments, its way hard to forget. Thank you so much for your help and support.
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