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Definitely ignore him! If you say anything negative or upset stuff , he will say I knew you didn’t change .. Ignoring is silly but sometimes we have to do that !
hi @belle,
it looks like he was looking for an excuse to reach out to you! he did not need to email you about tv. he could have just canceled it. he also ended the email with a question, therefore, looking for a response. also, him asking whether or not you called, i think shows some interest and confusion over why you may not have reached out yet.
as for how you want to proceed, the ball is totally in your court. do whatever YOU feel is right and makes you happy. you can either ignore it, or you can respond with a very short, cold, and direct response, or you can respond regarding the tv and then ask how he’s been. to be honest, I’m not totally sure how i would handle that situation. me being me, i would definitely not have the willpower to ignore it. let it sit for a while though. no need to rush a response. you were right, he broke nc when you weren’t expecting it 🙂
a small update from me: my ex’s mom texted me tonight. she congratulated me on finishing my first semester at school and told me happy new year and she missed me. she was very friendly. i think maybe this is a good sign? no idea if my ex knows she messaged me or not, but still, if he was telling his family it was really over for good, i tend to think she wouldn’t reach out over this. maybe I’m over analyzing, I’m not sure. I’m tempted to break nc tonight but not going to 🙂 glad you stayed strong @belle, and he made the first contact, even if it wasn’t what you were hoping for – still a small victory!Hey guys today was my first day of no contact and just wanted a little advice from someone on here on my situation.
To cut to the chase me and my ex girlfriend dated 3 years before things fell apart. They fell apart because of trust issues and being un-responsible etc but I’m working on myself and I know after NC I will be a new happy man. I know she doesn’t love me the way she used to but I’m looking to regain that love, but also live a life of happiness even if its not with her :/. The other day (Before i started NC) she said she was talking to some new guy and starting to like him but def. doesn’t love him. All I really need is any tips or comments on my situation it’s tough not being with her man this will be the longest time I’ve been in no contact with her since 2012! BTW we have a 2 year old daughter so NC is a little difficult but as long as it’s only about my daughter its fine.
I truly believe we are meant to be together and I want to make sure that that chance comes back again because I’ll be ready. please ask any questions or just comment any advice?
Thanks!
Hello!
Responding to everything is becoming a bit difficult, but I’ll do my best, and I’m sorry if I miss out on a few things here and there.
Haha he couldn’t help himself!
Your ex is really transparent with this email! It’s exactly what @atea1234 said. He would have known if you had called, this was merely and excuse to reach out! To me it appears he feels upset that you have been out of contact with him. Like I have said this whole anger, rejecting and distancing is a form on punishing you, and he wasn’t able to punish you when you weren’t contacting him. He is probably worried you are moving on, and I imagine he was hoping you would be begging and pleading for a lot longer than you have done. Hope I explained this well enough. Whatever you do, don’t show that his punishment is working. Look — he reached out to YOU to tell YOU that he doesn’t want to speak and doesn’t have much to discuss. How hilarious is that? It’s very transparent Belle! Contacting you to say he doesn’t want to contact you! He’s trying to establish his position of power, and he felt he didn’t have power over you when you went NC. If he really didn’t want to speak or be in contact, no way would he have sent this!!!! This man needs to grow up a bit.
And yes, that’s a pretty nasty email.
So regarding the Sky TV: if you can cancel it or put it in your name – do it! Then email him back saying “Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t call and I wasn’t intending to bother you with any more discussions. I have already canceled it, so you’re fine. Take care”
That’s what I would do. But take your time to think through what you want to respond (if you do) and how what you response will impact him.
PS. You don’t need sky! Just get Netflix or watch BBCiPlayer or something!
You really don’t need to have him under your skin for this. His exact purpose with the email was to get under our skin, to remind you that he’s slipping away from you (which he sooooo clearly isn’t), to see if it awakens a needy response from you.
Well done Belle!!! I’m proud of you for keeping NC thus far! It’s working!! Don’t be fooled by his tough exterior! Brush off that negative energy
Oh and @Belle I don’t think you should respond in a cold way. I’d respond in a nonchalant but friendly way. You will just fuel his anger if you respond too coldly or angrily. Sometimes men just really want to be angry and the best thing you can do is be like “Yes, you’re absolutely right! Take care now:)” as a way of showing his anger isn’t affecting you and you really aren’t bothered but still being polite. Sorry if that didn’t make sense, it’s late!
It’s possible she was telling you about her new man in order to make you jealous. It’s not common practice to talk about who you’re seeing or liking after a break up if you were entirely happy with your decision of breaking up.
As you have a child together, the two of you will always have a bond, and you will get plenty of opportunities to contact her. My main advice is to not sweat it! Don’t let this stress you out too much. You have to accept that you cannot control what she does in her life, and you also have to accept that your responsibility is to move forward as best you can from here. Moving forward is the best chance we all have of reconciliation!
There’s going to be ups and downs, but don’t take it out on your ex, and come to this forum to talk about any urges you have to contact. Work on yourself now, and become that man you always wanted to be!Okay so now regarding myself.
Thank you for the support earlier @atea1234 @Belle @unimare !!! Your words all helped me get through it! I’m almost positive I would have sent something if it wasn’t for you! *blowing kisses*
@atea1234 my only regret is that I wasn’t telling him how bad things were for me around the time of the break up, and I think he should know exactly how much hurt he caused and how it has potentially messed up my future career. I don’t know if I have ever been so broken, and it was completely unnecessary of him to act the way he did toward me.
Therefore I really do feel a need to express all this to him at some point. It would be great if that need disappeared though! For now I’m sticking to writing everything down when I feel that urgency, so it’s out of mind and on paper. And like you advised, I will read it all at a later point and decide if I should or shouldn’t send some of it.You’re right, NC is really a test of how good we are to fight urges and temptations! It’s good to see it in that objective way!
What your therapist said was great! We should view it as us choosing not to contact, because seeing it as a strict rule can make us want to contact them even more haha! Making it a choice is way more empowering.I’m trying my best to be patient. I’m feeling better now, a lot more calm. When I get hit by those “mines” I know now I just have to find a way to express myself – just not to him.
@Belle feeling like you’re going to go crazy one moment and prancing around making soup the next is just spot on lol! I ended up doing lots of cleaning and felt much better afterwards! We really gotta ride these waves and brace the storms.Belle you said you became underweight from your break up with D. I’m dealing with the same now,
and getting worried. Do you have any tips on this?Hope everyone is sleeping soundly, and well done to you all for completing another day of NC!
Keep doing that LOA, it’s already begun to work for me, just not with ex yet! x@aphrodite, i absolutely think you should tell him how bad things were for you! and remember, you will get the chance. i just think it will be best to do this one you’re less emotional and more removed from the situation. if you can come across as happy and confident, but still tell him how much he hurt you, i think that will speak volumes to him. finish your 30 days of nc and then if you want to reach out, let him know how you feel! i was also very underweight after my breakup. I lost a ton of weight and simply had no appetite. what helped me a lot was eating liquids – i survived off of soup and smoothies for almost 6 weeks! i would try to have a smoothie for lunch and soup for dinner. then when i started really working out a lot more, my appetite slowly increased over time. start small 🙂
You’re very right – it would be a lot better to tell him once I’m more removed from the situation and feel more stable. I’ve been worried I will forget the details of how bad it was and that therefore he won’t ever feel the repercussions of what he did. But if I write it all down I can look at it all later. Sometimes I wonder if he purposefully sabotaged me, as he’s done that before. He once tried to talk me out of studying what I wanted to study saying it was a stupid field, whilst applying for the same at the same time!! I still can’t get my head around the fact that he did this.
Thanks for your advice on weight! That’s excellent and exactly what I need! 🙂 I can do nutritious smoothies. As I’m also going to be exercising more I’m hoping my appetite will increase with that like yours did!
guys is it really possible to get your ex back after NC? When theyre in a rebound relationship? I dont understand really? after NC im a new fresh person but how will that make my ex wanna ditch the new guy and come back to me? Even if i make positive changes to my life and a better happy person what if he still wants to be my friend only? hmm
@Aphrodite
Another thing I wanted to say regarding the writing is how therapeutic it can be.
One of the main reasons why heartbreak is so much worse than physical pain, is because once the physical pain has ended, if you try to think back to that moment where you were in pain, you can’t! You can’t reproduce that hurt. Whereas with heartbreak, even if you feel fine one day, the minute you start thinking back on the relationship or the breakup, you feel all that pain all over again… Which is why some people completely block out any thought of it, which is one tactic, but I actually believe that can be unhealthy (because it can float back to the surface when you least expect it) and instead that it’s better to create a narrative. You write down some of the good, some of the bad, and tie it together into a cohesive little story, not too detailed. And read it over when you’re having another tough day. Until eventually, you will feel quite removed from the situation. You will be able to think about the narrative of the story of your heartbreak without going into all the details and the reliving and the pain. And then tuck it away neatly and move on. And a part of that is also, I think, being able to say that “I did everything I could” and “I told him everything I wanted to say”.Just a little psychology trick I’ve learnt that works for me. But not everyone expresses themselves best through writing, so I’m thinking taping yourself speak could also work as an alternative!
And @Belle, stay strong! What an unpleasant email from your ex, but clearly coming from a point of weakness. You’re in a position of power! Sleep on it, think it over calmly, ignoring it or giving an emotionless response some time later both sound good to me. Let him wriggle a bit.
@Krisem478 I think it’s best not to focus on that part during NC, just focus on yourself and give yourself time to heal. Rebound relationships don’t last very long as a rule, but there are no guarantees here. Good luck, stay strong!Anyway, it’s still early, I just couldn’t sleep. Have a great day everyone!
Wow, lots of reading to do this morning, Aphrodite you’re giving lots of advice!
It’s 5.30 in the morning! I had a bad night sleep because of the email. I’m so upset. He can’t mention my son can he! Nothing to discuss? What a pig. I couldn’t care about the Sky! Jeez! You’re right Aphrodite, I don’t need it, I’ve already got Netflix and can live without Sky.
I want to ignore the email, it’s horrible and it’s hurt me because it’s magnified how since 21st Nov he’s not once asked about my son , who loves him!!!!
Right now I’m feeling so much hate from this guy that I feel like blocking him from every source of communication let alone respond.
Some great suggestions from everyone of how to respond! Love it. Thank you Datcha, Aphrodite and Atea1234Long may this hate for him carries on! How can I ever be with someone so hateful!! He couldn’t just once ask after my son once could he!
As it stands I’m going to ignore the email. He can cut off sky and there will be no connecting between the two of us anymore. I don’t want anything to remind me of him!
I feel like blocking his email address because no doubt he will at some point get in touch again and just hurt me more. Why the hell does he think he is?
Yes he needs to grow up and I need to have more respect. I’m not perfect and have messed up but really, what have I done so bad to be treated by him in such an appalling way! I just want to forget his existence!Aphrodite, as for weight, I kind of relished in my weight loss! It wasn’t healthy and I just couldn’t manage eating a meal. I ate bananas as they are really good for you or as atea1234 said smoothies or even better juices. I’ve a juicer so it’s a good way of super boosting your vitamins and minerals with lots of vegetables. Tastes vile but the appetite has gone anyway and nothing tastes good so might as well down a glass of Kale and carrot juice!
Atea1234
Great sign your ex’s mum text. Nothing better to have a good friendship with a bf mum! You were on her mind and she reached out to you to congratulate you. I don’t know if it’s a good sign or not but don’t read too much in it but it’s positive because she may have spoken to your ex about you in a good way which would have made your ex think about you!Thanks Unimare for your input. Everyone says the same and my gut says to ignore.
I couldn’t sleep either so a rubbish tired day ahead for both of us!That’s true, it’s very difficult to remember the intensity of physical pain. We forget that very easily. Strange how emotional pain is so different!
I agree with you, blocking emotions is a bad idea. I think it leads to built up stress in the body, that can burst out at inappropriate moments if it hasn’t been expressed properly.
You know they actually found cortisol in tears? It means that when we cry, we literally release stress hormones. So I’m all about what you’re saying!What an interesting tip regarding making a story out of it! I don’t know if I could do that, as I think reading it over would only want me to put in more and more details. But I’ll give it a shot!
Yes I want to be able to feel like I have said everything there was to say to this man, in order to get proper closure. So I’m going to continue writing down whatever comes to mind, and one day I will neaten it up and send it when I feel like everything I wanted to say is on that paper, and when I’m ready. Taping yourself is a good idea!!
Thank you for this, very much appreciated:)
@Krisem478
I agree with @unimare that it’s too early to be thinking about that now. However I do believe it’s possible to get your ex back after NC, yes. All you can do is become the person YOU want to be (NOT the person you think your ex would want), and see what happens. The most important thing is that you are true to who you want to be in life. You cannot control what your ex will and won’t want, and you have to accept that, hard as it is to accept. If after reaching out your ex does not seem interested, you just have to go with the flow of life, and who knows what will happen later on. That’s what I think anyway
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