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Hey everyone!
I had made 2 new threads on the forum, but one mustn’t have gotten approved as another of mine is up and running already. I figured I’d post my issue here:
I thought I was doing well during NC period (30 days is up as of now), but recently I think I’ve screwed it up.
During NC, I was talking to a friend of my ex’s and mine, and I told him that I miss my ex. I have a feeling that my friend would have told my ex as they’re very close.
Should I start the NC period again from the date that I told my friend this? I just want my ex to forget about how needy I may have possibly looked between the breakup (around 6 months ago) and now. I’ve never once gushed directly to my ex saying I miss him, though.
Thanks for your insights 🙂
hello! just thought i would check in and see how everyone has been doing!
i havent spoken to my ex in about a month i think? its easy not talking to him now – i don’t even want to most days! as far as i know he’s still seeing someone but I’ve blocked him on all social media and asked mutual friends not to give me any info. i actually have been feeling really good lately! i still think of my ex and miss him sometimes but its nowhere near as much as in the beginning and im definitely getting excited about dating again and getting to the point that i don’t even know whether or not i would want him back! the warm weather definitely has put me in a good mood as well 🙂 just thought id see how you’ve all been doing! everyone was right in that everything gets better in time and as much as none of us wanted to believe it, nc really is the cure…hope youre all doing well!
Hey atea,
Really good to hear from you! More so that you feel more contended within yourself.
Is it not your birthday soon?
I think it’s great you’re blocking your ex from your life, social media etc, it’s a real positive step forward and to move on.I’ve not heard from my ex, not on my birthday or any other time. I got in touch with him about Sky tv in Which he responded but only stuck to the subject of Sky. He didn’t ask how I was, if I’m ok or worse still didn’t ask about my son.
I guess in the long run it’s good because now I would never in a million years take him back. Never. What he’s done is despicable. The fact I let him into my life and be such a major part in my sons life in which he accepted willingly and lovingly to now just pretend we never existed.Still, I can’t let that chew me up! I can’t let myself to become bitter. I’m not the one who has walked away. I can hold held high and I have no guilt. I did all I could to save relationship as you know so well.
I have to move on and I can’t take baggage with me. If I do it will be drag me down and I can’t afford to do that.On a very positive note, I’ve met someone one! I’m not sure if I told you about him but he’s kind of wowed me big time! I’m seeing him for the second time tomorrow but we’ve been messaging zillions of times since the first time we met.
The energy between us is unreal!
It’s not been plain sailing as Aphrodite knows! i think between the insecurities and pain from previous relationships we are in the same boat.Yes I’ve suddenly been catapulted away from a traumatic breakup and been analysing this fact.
I think you guys will spend more time grieving over your ex’s for a few reasons. Mainly because you’ve spent formative years and majority of your life with one person. To break up from that is really hard and tough. I’ve been there a few times now and the one thing I’ve learnt is to move on as dwelling too long is wasted time. We are all different and all experiencing grief in different ways. It’s a personal journey and much can be learnt which I beleive we have all done. We’ve been open to learn, understand and reflect.
We all will come away much more knowledgeable. Our ex’s will not.Any more dates Atea,
How Mike getting on?belle, i am so happy for you! that is amazing that you met someone you get along so well with. you deserve it! and youre so right – you can walk away and know you did everything you can to save the relationship and feel good about that. i also agree we are all learning and growing from this and our exes are just stubborn.
my birthday is next week. i genuinely have no idea when i will hear from my ex. the last time i saw or spoke to him was about 5 weeks ago. i sent him a long goodbye email then saw him the next day to get the rest of my stuff from his apartment. i told him i was moving on and was leaving the ball in his court to reach out down the line if he decided he wanted to be with me but i couldn’t be in contact while he was seeing someone. i know he is still with the same girl and has been for about 3 months now. when i saw him he told me he’s “exploring” and enjoying the novelty of a new relationship but is nowhere near “love”. i don’t know honestly. i have good days and bad days still. i told him i didnt want a response to my letter that i sent it for my own closure purposes but he said he had things he wanted to say. well 5 weeks later and he still hasn’t answered so not sure if i will hear from him. as i said i said everything i wanted and left it with “im leaving the ball in his court” so we will see if he reaches out on my birthday or not.
i wish i could say i was as far along as you! i can’t say i would never take him back. i feel genuinely torn. part of me really does understand his desire to not spend his entire life with one girl but part of me feels like when i meet the right guy he wont ever leave to “explore”. i don’t know what the future holds honestly. but i think youre right in that its really difficult because I’ve spent all my transformative years with him. i called his mom this week on her birthday and we had a nice chat. i don’t think this will be the last i hear form him ever but i think for the foreseeable future definitely. i will not contact him at all because i need to heal and its much easier when i have my space.
i haven’t been going on any dates! i should but my semester is winding down and im really busy with finals and papers and everything. I’ve been a little down lately just because i haven’t seen someone im interested in and now i feel more ready to get out there but i guess it will happen when its meant to. im only turning 23 next week so i guess i have time! i still miss my ex but youre right in that its just best to move on. theres no choice really and i have been.
BUT proof that exes do come back. my best friend from college broke up with her boyfriend just over 2 years ago after dating 5 years – very similar reasons to my break up in that they both wanted to see what else is out there. they had basically no contact at all for almost two years and both had longterm relationships lasting over a year. they both became single again in december and have been seeing each other and officially got back together this weekend after two years! just shows you can never predict. i don’t think she thought they would ever speak again. crazy what happens.
anyway glad to hear youre feeling good! keep us updated about the new guy from time to time!
Hey girls! And Mike!
I still sometimes check back here to see if there are any updates from you. (Atea, let us know if your ex reaches out on your birthday!) All in all, I’m glad to see everyone moving forward.. at a different pace I’m sure, but straight ahead is the only way to go.
I can’t tell you, I’ve learnt so much from this experience, I feel really grateful. I understand myself better, I understand what I’m looking for in a relationship, I’m not willing to settle anymore or to run after someone that’s not interested. I’ve kind of meditated over my past relationships and tried to understand the patterns there and it’s been very enlightening!
Anyway, we are now good friends with the ex! After that initial 1 month of NC we got together, talked, said our goodbyes, got our closures, agreed that it’s best to part ways, and then after some time apart, it just changed for me. I didn’t feel angry or resentful anymore, I understood his reasoning and I agreed with it. And I would have been settling if I had stayed with him, and I think he always felt that. But we get along so well and are so comfortable around each other that losing each other as friends would have been a horrible mistake. And now we even talk a lot about dating stuff. He talks about his tinder dates (he’s very adamant about not getting serious with anyone, so it’s on par with what he told me when we broke up) and he’s been super supportive of me about this jerk who crushed me a little bit. Which I think is also telling – normally I wouldn’t let something like that get to me, but I think after coming out of a long relationship, you’re more vulnerable and you’re more likely to get attached quickly and might need more validation due to some dents in your self-esteem than normally. So although it’s been a month since THAT happened, I still feel a bit crappy about it, but I’m learning how to let go and not chase after someone who is not willing to put in the effort. I feel like I know what I want and I won’t settle for anything less, and I’m in no rush to find it.
So I really recommend learning the art of letting go. And I almost think it’s healthiest to believe in some form of fate.. like, if it’s meant to be, it will come around. It kind of works out in a way that it can’t always be you that’s putting in all the effort and chasing after someone, if they don’t meet you half way then that’s all the signs you need. The one that doesn’t give up on you is the one you will want to fight for.
Anwyay, that’s just thoughts that have helped me through this ordeal. I wish you all the best!
unimare, thanks for the update!! im so glad to hear you and your ex can be close friends. i don’t think that will ever be the case for me but im glad it worked out for you and you’ve made peace!
i believe in fate 100% and i also wont fight for someone anymore who doesnt want to fight for me. if my ex comes back one day, ill see how i am. if not i have to believe this happened because something better is out there for me – I’ve just yet to meet him yet! i do believe everything happens for a reason.
Hey guys and girls,
A lot has changed since my last post.
My ex and I hadnt spoken for 2 weeks (since the break up), and then yesterday she sent me a text hoping I was Ok and telling me she had transferred some money to me.
I told her when we broke up that “if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me”.
What should I do?
@cantsum I would stay nc for now!
Also I haven’t spoken w my ex for 10 days (break up day) but this is only my 8th day of nc.
I am super stressed and really struggling. Long story short we got into a bad cycle of me blowing up his phone and him becoming frustrated and ignoring me. We broke up for 3.5 weeks in October and then got back together and I learned he only wanted a break. November -February we were doing really well and then we fell back into our bad habits. He broke up w me over email …you can read my post if you need. Anyway this is day 8 of Nc for me and I am struggling big time. I need support! My ex’s phone had gone out and the break up day I had emailed his work and I know he likes to keep work and personal life separate so I think it was the nail in the coffin.
I first sent 50 emails and then I stopped. The next day I sent 1 apologizing (I did the exact reason he broke up for)
And then I went no contact. I keep being worried that he will not have the same number (it only went out bc he couldn’t yet pay his bill but my irrational side is convincing me otherwise. And he hasn’t been on Instagram hardly at all and like this past week I haven’t seen any activity.
I ended up taking off my Instagram app and erasing my fb history on my phone but I just want to know what’s going on etc and I’m really having a hard time not calling his phone just to see if it’s onI really need some NC support, please.
It’s a day 22 of NC. Almost done. But I’m having second thoughts about sending a letter. I’m not ready, haven’t matured during this time. I made some changes and tried to improve myself but I still miss him like crazy, think about him every day and daydream about how it’ll be when he comes back and about the things we did together.I think I pulled myself together, sort of. At least, I don’t cry all day long and contemplate suicide or cutting myself. That was my lowest point.
But I feel it will all crush if I contact him and he doesn’t respond in the way I’m hoping or wishing he would. It will break my heart all over again and I will have to start everything from the beginning. And I can’t do that again, I’m too weak and too afraid.
What do you suggest?
Should I wait till I’m ready?
Won’t that be too late?I’ve read through this and some of you have experience so I thought I’d share my story.
I dated my gf for a year and a bit, we always got along things were amazing other than the few jealousy moments from her end towards me and vice versa. Very common. All of a sudden she wanted to step back and see if the relationship was right for her. We have kids from previous marriages and the age gap causes her son not to like mine. Valid reason for things not working. So we took a break she would text me and I’d respond but it would hurt and then I finally couldn’t take it and I told her lets not talk to each other anymore. Blocked her from social media and tried to move on. I did well for 4 months. Hung out with lots of girls and worked on myself. It was a good distraction, but I kept comparing everyone to her. No girl made me happy, no matter how many good things they had to offer. During that same period she ended up getting into a rebound relationship. When I contacted her we started talking and we then started to get together. Things got moving quick as we had a prior history of knowing each other. We were serious for 6 months up until about two months ago and then she had the same concerns and wanted to take things slow and just be casual. So me wanting to be with her said o.k. no problem. I found out shortly after that she’s been hanging with the same rebound guy while she’s still been sleeping with me. Well that caused major hurt. They have nothing in common and they don’t like the same things. I did call her out on it, not so nicely as I acted on emotions. So she stated lets take a break and not see each other at all, I agreed. Well unfortunately she was texting me every day after that wanting to get together later in the week, which was super confusing for me. I ignored her for 6 days but eventually caved and saw her. I rarely initiate contact with her, but I have been unfortunately complying and hanging with her for the last while knowing that whole time she’s been seeing this rebound guy as well. I have now recently started seeing other people and I feel I need to start the NC period to see if I’m just addicted to her. Addictions can be broken. At this point she knows she’s in control of me, so I need to take control back.
I am on NC day 4. So far it’s hard and she’s not even here. She’s on vacation with her son for 2 weeks visiting family, so I’m assuming she’s keeping busy and has distractions around to not text me. She use to hear from me every other day or so. She did text me 4 days ago while on her vacation saying she misses me. I replied saying miss you 2, goodnight. And she texted me back goodnight as well. I now know she only texted that to see if she was in control still and by me replying I gave her that feeling. Anyway as sad as this is I am happy I am not alone going through this and that we all have to battle through this. The support here hopefully will help me be strong as I don’t have a huge social circle of friends and most of my friends are married.
Any thoughts on my situation above would be appreciated.
Hi Kevin,
My boy friend and I started our relationship about one year ago. Everything was great for the first 4 months and both of us enjoyed being with each other. But after two arguments that I’ve caused he decided to break up. I was a complainer and he told me that he didn’t like any headaches. I promised to change and started No contact. He went out of the States at the same time and we were far for 3 months. During this period he called me every other two weeks but I never called or texted him. Finally he told me that he missed me and he understood that I changed a lot. we were great for one month but unfortunately I repeated the same mistake and we had an argument 3 months ago and he told me that he decided to break up… But I haven’t been able to follow the No Contact him during these 3 months. I”ve called and texted him many times, begging and asking to get back to me. He even told me that he started dating a new girl. we were with each other once a month ,but he says I am only his social friend from now on. he calls me only whenever he wants me to help him with doing something and I do the same. I asked him to take a trip last weekend and he accepted but he didn’t treat me as he used to do before . He also had some calls and he went somwhere to talk on the phone but he didn;t want me to realize that and he brought some excuses but I’m sure he was talking to a new girl. When I stated to come back home, I asked him to call me more often but he answered NO. we may only see each other once a month and nothing more…..The bad point is that every time we were with each other in the last months, I begged him to get back to me and show more attention to me while we were saying goodbye and this caused an argument and I cried and he told me several times that this is why he doesn’t like to see me as we have argument and fight each time when saying goodbye.. I don’t want him as only my social friend or a friend with benefit. I love him and want him as before.I am sure that he is dating someone else now. Is there a chance for me to get him back if I start the No Contact period right now?
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