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aphrodite, im right there with you. i feel so weak again. i don’t think i grieved the relationship properly the first time because i was so sure it was temporary and held on to false hope for so long. when i was sad i used to tell myself in a few months things will be different. i was just prolonging the inevitable. i have realized that even if he does come back down the road, our relationship is too far gone. i have so much love and so much hatred all at once. and just so much confusion. he kept alluding to how temporary this was. truthfully i don’t think he planned on meeting and falling for someone so quickly but i think thats just life. i also have been crying nonstop, not eating, not sleeping, etc. but i need to move on. i hope ill remember how painful this feeling is and anytime in the future i want to reach out i will remember how utterly crushed i feel now and it will prevent me. i feel like a debbie downer too. i just want to wake up a year from now and have this nightmare be over. i too feel like i can’t be excited about the future and its awful. im so young and have so many other great things going for me. i shouldn’t be so hung up on someone who truly didnt love and value me the way i deserve. reality catching up really sucks.
I also feel terrible for you Atea. Hugs as well! I know you will be fine. You are a strong girl and this although a big speed bump, ultimately just a minor one as you have sooo many great years ahead of you. You are young and have so much going for you. Take time to be sad, but happiness is just around the corner! My email is always available to you to vent.. I’ll do my utmost best to be supportive always!
Reality does suck. The good news for me is I have always found comfort in being a loner even when in my old relationship. I’m content with being solo. My independence is something that I valued. Even though false hope is there at times, I know only a miracle will bring her back lol. I’m just content being alone at 30 right now. Like you said before I have pretty much found acceptance with my current situation and my future path in life.
It’s a sorry state of affairs!
I can’t believe not one of us has reconciled!All I can say is that, as Mike said, happy days lie ahead for all of us!
Our ex’s aren’t worthy of us and there are special people for all us up head on our journey through life.Grief is a process we need to do before we regain ourselves to move on. These people were special in our lives and it means we are capable of finding great love in new exciting adventures. So difficult to see ahead when grief clouds every living moment.
I like Mike am getting on with being single and I know my ex won’t come back, well, if he does it’s all too late. How can I be with someone who won’t stick through it through thick and thin? I won’t do it, even if he came knocking on my door with flowers, diamonds or wads of cash! Lol
No, my dignity and self awareness now has ended any chance of reconciling.I hope my ex is happy with how he ended it, I hope he reflects back on what I did selling my house and waiting for him every time he went to work. I hope he gets into a rotten relationship and becomes lonely. Not that I’m bitter! Hehe.
I need to move on and you guys will too. You will find love…you too Mike…. Even at your age! Haha.
Group hug!!!!!!
im also shocked that not one of us reconciled! i thought for sure one of us would have. i agree belle, we need to look to the future as being happy and not dreading it. i too feel like my ex isn’t worth of me. i felt he really didnt appreciate me and in reflecting back i don’t think he ever really loved me as much as i loved him. im very giving and i always gave and he took. i think i deserve someone who values me more. i want to be secure and be with someone who never wants to let me go.
grief is definitely a process. i promised to give myself a few more days and then to stop obsessing. im going to make a rule to not discuss it with my friends anymore and every time i find myself obsessing, trying to divert my thoughts. i need to get the possibility of reconciliation out of my mind. i think i just need to recognize this is a hard time in my life but things will look up eventually.
i know my ex wont come back either and i also feel like he didnt stay with through thick and thin. he just kind of bolted when things started to get more serious. i also think im getting to the point where i wouldnt even be able to take him back – not after he’s committed himself to another relationship. its all too weird. im not worried about the nc now because its too painful to talk to him anyway. i am meeting up with him tonight for a final goodbye. it will be emotional for sure.
i feel the same as you! i hope my ex falls in love with this new girl and she breaks his heart and he knows exactly how I’ve felt all these months. i treated him so well, completely got him, accepted him for his flaws. he didnt appreciate it. im furious. i hope this girl breaks up with him and he spends many years lonely and single and regretting this choice.
i also need to move on and now i genuinely want to. i want to open myself up to love with other people.
sending big hugs to all of you for helping me get through this!!!
I reconciled. A month later after my ex left me. I was in 13 days of NC and she texted to meet up. We did. Spoke told me she went out with someone who treated her nice and was a good guy. It hurt me so bad. But she said she didn’t feel the same as when she was with me. After 3 hours of talking we got back together. It only lasted 3 days tho. she picked me up one day and said i cant do this im settling with you. And just like that she left again. Now im still in pain and without her and i feel more hopeless than before 🙁
Guys and gals. I have been reading on what is going on in your lives and what is going on with your past relationships and I know. Many of you believe that you love the person but that is why the 30 days no contact is for. Its not just for you to improve but to really know, do I really love him or her. I have helped people to the point they cannot eat they could not sleep for days and when they try they feel like they will vomit on the thought of the person that left you or whom you left I have seen it hundreds of times. I am not joking HUNDREDS. I was there too. Things get better but only if you want it to get better.
First off if you are below the age of 21 or younger most the time, it was just a simple romance not a person you wanted to begin with. But eventually you will know it was not just a friendship nor romance you had with the person. It was trying to build a future with them. Making a home and a new place to go. For now if you want things to go great on the no contact you will understand how little friends we have. Many say oh well just move on, plenty of fish in the sea, was meant to be is what’s ment to be which I think is really stupid.
Sometimes you have to have a real believe. Dream and vision on what you want in your lives. People on here who go through this give terrible advise thinking because they are suffering and no one is really helping them is a really good idea to tell things that oh its ok to just tell them the bitterness and anger they have themselves like screw them and forget the.
I hear it all the time that if they really loved you they would not break up with you that is not one bit true. I know it first hand first off its not just attraction they lost from you but also a form of dependency they had and dependency you have on them taking care of you. They want a home too but they felt like you were not there what so ever and took for granted when you have them it happens to the best of us. They broke up not because they do not love you but also they built up a defense mechanism. On top of that your so called “friends” make things worse saying what I said in the middle of what I typed. I can be there for you and help you but for now you can make it but its up to you. I also know people who can guide you to where you need to go but from a phrase I heard is, “I can show you the door but you are the one who has to walk through it.”
Whoever on here really needs help First Email me what is going on the entire story and what you are going through. Then the reason why they left you and last if you really feel deep down in your bones if you love the person. Some people are just as arrogant and stubborn like people who are going through divorces. “Well man I am almost done with the 30 days and I think I can do it on my own.” Next thing you know I hear oh please help me I need help so much I said ok I can and will talk to you and be a good friend and they go back doing the same thing having the same result and it gets very old.
Everyone knows the definition of insanity but no one really understands it when they experienced it.
Here is my e-mail first tell me what I asked above and if you really want to succeed ignore the stupid comments and ignore the ridiculous sayings all these people say.
I will help you if your ready and help you to learn to help yourself and never abandon you like many. But first lets figure out if this relationship matters. Also if you cannot eat well soups are a great alternative.
I am here for you.
just dropping by for a quick update: i met up with my ex two nights ago. we spoke for like two hours. i think i was so numb and angry and out of tears, but i didnt come across as overly emotional which i was happy about. he cried on and off throughout our whole conversation.
ill spare everyone of all the details but he basically told me that he’s “happy” in the new relationship he’s in right now but that he’s very sad about our break up and tries actively not to think about me because its too painful. that when he’s with her, its “different” and there are things about our relationship he misses that he will never have with anyone else. he told me basically there are times he thinks about coming back and calling me to reconcile but if he did that it wouldve made the last 6 months of pain “for nothing” – that he set out to truly “explore” other relationships and thats what he’s doing. i told him to look me in the eye and told me he moved on and doesnt love me and he cried and refused. he told me he understands if i can’t talk to him anymore and want to cut him out but he doesnt think its necessary and he will always answer me – he thinks he “owes me” an open and honest dialogue about it all because of our history and connection and that he feels confused because being with me feels so natural to him but he’s enjoying the novelty of a new relationship. i told him its just too painful for me to be in contact while he’s seeing someone and i need to move on and and recover from this. when i asked him if he loved her, he said “not even close”. overall i left pretty confused. i asked what would make this “time off” worth it to him. he said knowing confidently im the one he wants to settle down with and he still can’t say 100%. i told him the longer he spends away from me and the more serious he gets with other girls, the slimmer the chances and its so unrealistic to think years down the road if he decided im “the one” that we can just magically reconnect.
he told me he owes it to himself to give this girl a fair shot. i basically said goodbye and good luck. i am actually surprised at how well i held it together in front of him. i was glad to see him show some emotion to me because he’s seemed so emotionless throughout. im so angry at him and still really miss him but im at the point about not knowing how to feel – after everything thats happened i don’t think i could ever have a future with him. but at the same time, picturing a future without him seems awful too. just not a great place to be in. for now im staying nc indefinitely as I’ve really said everything i wanted to. he told me he was going to send me a long letter this weekend detailing all his thoughts when he has time to really concentrate on what he wants to say but honestly i don’t have it in me to read an emotional goodbye letter from him right now. i think if he does send it, i wont read it for a couple of weeks until i feel more settled.
hope you are all feeling ok today!
Hi atea,
Big hugs to you! You did so well to keep yourself so composed and together while with him. Obviously breaking up is hard on both side of the coin but he’s adamant he wants to move on. I find it hard when someone with thoughts like that show such emotion. It’s selfish in a way because even though they cry it’s like what the hell! You’re doing what you want!
Yes he doesn’t want to think about you of course he doesn’t because he feels guilt. No doubt he’s sad for the past memories and no longer wants to create more with you but on his side…. How’s that sad exactly!?
He’s doing what he wants and you have to pick up the pieces.Chances are it won’t work out with this girl unless he’s very lucky! What’s the chance of leaving one relationship and immediately going into another and that succeeding? He didn’t even leave time! He had a few months of being single, but looking before venturing into this girls life.
He never took out time to be alone.
However hard it is it does make you wonder how happy he was with you for the last few months to be able to do what he has.Let’s hope the girl dumps him… Hehe. Cruel I know but I can see it now… 6 months down the line, he gets dumped and guess who gets a phone call!! Be prepared for it and make sure you move on in the mean time.
You’re doing well atea, you’ve come a long long way on your journey and the light is shining bright in the dark tunnel.
I’ve not heard a sausage from my ex, what a moron. 8 yrs with my son and he can’t even ask how things are! Well rid if you ask me. Who wants a guy who can rip the rug beneath your feet and walk away Scott free?
On a happier note I’m meeting a new guy tomorrow who is soooooo into me! It’s so nice! After all these months of feeling rubbish, unattractive, unwanted etc there is a really nice guy who says the nicest things and doesn’t seem to have any hang ups!
Anyway, I might feel different after I’ve met him but the point is that yes you can get the butterflies in the tummy again! It’s a new guy, no thoughts of my ex, someone so very different that I don’t think about my ex at all or wishing he would call or get in touch. I’ve left my ex in the past and looking forward into future. I did all I could to reconcile, I didn’t fail in the relationship because I wanted to fight for it. He failed, he walked out and he turned his back…. That is one massive FAIL! So, I’m an hold my head high, knowing I worked so hard,suffered like the rest of you guys but least I didn’t give up!I’ve pushed my ex to back of my mind, he’s still there and every single day when I take my dog out I think about my ex, but I think of him in a bad way now, his faults, what ass he is and how I deserve better. Once back from the walk then that’s that, no more thinking but eyes ahead looking where I’m going in life, no more looking back… Full steam ahead.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still licking wounds but I’m worth more than what that guy did.
You will be fine atea, you too deserve better! Much better!
glad to hear youre doing so much better! you sound very strong and really like youre movig on. im actually doing better than i thought i would. all my sadness has turned into anger basically. honestly the only temptation i have to reach out to him is to say hateful and rude things which i will not do. i deserve so much better. i have no doubt that this is his loss. its like hes convinced himself he chose this other path and has to stick to it, so goodbye and good luck. i have no doubts that when this relationship ends he will cll me but i will not be a backup option for anyone. i do hope she dumps him and he feels some of the pain ive felt over the last 6 months. i was very proud of myself for holding it together – the last thing i said was basically goodbye and good luck and dotn contact me when you get sick of this new girl. he just cried and said “you have no idea how difficult this all is for me too”. i cut him off and hailed a taxi in the middle of this conversation.
he tries to make this all complex but its not. its either yes i want to be with you and want a future with you or no i dont. theres no “maybe down the road” or “maybe ill be in a relationship with someone else and realize how great i had it with you”. honestly he will have a hard time replacing me. i know i was a great girlfriend and we had a great connection but this is his choice so i hope he finds happiness and i do as well.
im also appalled about your ex. its one thing to not want to reconcile but to now even check in with your son is just cruel. it definitely shows bad character on his end. im glad you have a date with someone else who seems very interested – you deserve so much better! we all do.
i wish i were at the point where i could 100% say i dont want my ex back. im not quite there yet but on my way. i still have moments of fantasizing about reconciling but there are other moments i hate him and hope i never see him again in my life. i hope with some more time i can reach the point that even if he wanted me back i wouldnt go for it. im getting there but not there yet!
i think this gave me the push i need to really at least try to move on. im doing better than i anticipated. i think he had a lot to contemplate over after our conversation. personally, i dont think i would ever walk away from someone who loved me so much unless i was 1000% positive i was done and over them for some reason. he just seems lost, confused, and selfish. he wants a shiny new toy.
anyway need to keep looking positively towards the future! i am going to start dating again soon!
Hey there people, I’m not part of this group, but atea has been there for me for quite a bit, and I haven’t heard from her in a while so I wanted to catch up with her.
I’m super proud of you! A relationship isn’t a complicated thing, it’s complex, it’s got layers, but you’re right, it’s either he chooses you, wake up everyday grateful to have someone who cares so much for him, or he chooses someone else; and if he does that, good manners aside, good riddance. On our conversations I saw how deeply you cared and how you held onto it because it mattered, because it was real, and if he can’t appreciate, or chooses not to, well then, I’m certain you’ll find someone who will, someone who won’t drag you along with maybes and not-nows.
I hope you’re doing great, and if not great, hope you realize your self worth.
joe d, thanks for the kind words! i know relationships are complex but hes strung me along for 6 months and just isnt sure what he wants. ill always love him, but i want someone who is more sure that he wants me. he told me hes scared to recommit again because he knows we’ll never be able to break up again and it will lead towards marriage and hes not in a place to make that kind of commitment.
i definitely realize my self-worth more now. it sucks and this isnt what i wanted but it is what it is and we can all only make the best of things and move forward! no point in living in the past.
Hi atea,
I hope you’re feeling slightly better today but you probably arnt 🙁I just wanted you to know that really you will be in love with someone more special than your ex and that one day you will hardly think of him!
You remember not that long ago how torn up I was over my ex, no eating, no sleeping, red eyes from crying. Well that part is over and have today met a really nice guy that I’m going to see again. I’m not thinking about my ex nor do I get reminded of my ex while with him. I’ve come away really happy and looking forward to my next date with him. So you too will get to that point.
I still have feelings for my ex, of course I do but until I really start a proper relationship I guess it’s normal to still think of an ex to an extent? I’m not obsessing that’s for sure!In some ways meeting this guy is a bit quick but on the other hand he really likes me, he’s interesting and he’s very good looking! So why not start dating.
Ironically, I got home from the date and I had a call from Sky, my ex has finally cancelled the subscription. He didn’t have the decency to drop me a mail to say he had. I thought a bit more and thought maybe he’s done it because he’s not heard from me and he wants a reaction? I don’t know. Whatever it is the good thing is that before I would have got in contact but this time I’ve taken it on chin and just thought what an arse I was with for so many years and I didn’t know it.
So strange how we share our lives with people and get incredibly close to them, then they just so casually end it. It’s almost hypocritical.
Anyway, live and learn.
X
Belle, thanks for sharing!! I am so happy for you. Im so glad you had a date with a guy you are into who didn’t make you think about your ex. It seems like you’ve made so much progress. It is ironic that he has just canceled the subscription now. It’s weird how exes have weird feelings about us! Like he somehow knew you were having a good date or something and threw you a reminder of him. Im glad it didn’t tempt you to contact him.
Im doing better than I thought I would. I am honestly just very angry and a part of me is shocked. He always made it seem like he just needed some time to himself but less than 6 months later he is in a committed relationship? I think in the long run he will regret this. Chances are it won’t last with this girl and when he gets bored or they have their first argument he will appreciate me.
The mornings are bad for me. I wake up and often wonder if he’s waking up with her. I still don’t have a vibe of how much time they spend together or how serious they are but it’s none of my business. I am feeling a bit better overall. Im going to start dating again.
I have a good friend from growing up who always had a crush on me but obviously nothing ever came from it. We have been talking a lot recently. He lives out of state but is moving back to New York in May so I will see what happens with that then. The attention is definitely a Nice distraction. I can’t help but wonder if and when I will ever hear for my ex again.
It’s really crazy to feel so easily replaced after sharing and going through much with someone for so many years. I guess that’s life! Im hoping I meet someone soon to make me see other guys are out there and im hoping at some point i truly don’t want my ex back anymore.
So me and my ex broke up just a couple days ago and we both know I’m the one that did something wrong to bring up this break up. I tried exercising the no contact rule but yet she still keeps contacting me and when I don’t reply I get text like “why aren’t you answering me” and “why won’t you text back”. what do I do if she still wants to talk to me when I’m trying to do the no contact? If I ignore her calls and texts will it ruin my chances with her? I have told her many times in these past couple days I want to take a step back and fix myself but she insists we keep talking and that it’s healthy if we talk while I’m trying to change. What does this mean? I know it’s important to keep the no contact but I’m worried this will ruin my chances with her, any advice will help thank you in advance.
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