NC support

Atea,

I might be ready and better now to have a reconciliation, but it really doesn’t matter. I doubt now if that will ever happen. I feel like I let it all slip away awhile ago. I went out as usual on a Saturday and I sent her a text really late tonight. I’m sure she was aleep by 1am. Ehh o well. I’ll try to respond to,your post tomorrow.

Dwarf,

You situation is confusing. Your together, but your not. I don’t understand what’s going on there.

@Aphrodite
They say, it takes about half of the time that you were together to get over someone.. which can be really discouraging when the relationship was that long. But I think it makes sense in a way, the longer that you were together, the harder it is to remember a time without them and naturally it will take time until you can begin to picture your life without them in it. So really the only comfort here is time. It DOES get better, it just takes time. And it gets better in teeny tiny baby steps, so it’s hard to notice. But some day (or maybe even now) you can look back on yourself from the earliest days of the breakup, and really see the difference. And that’s when you will know. That it takes time, but it does get better. And to accept that setbacks are natural. Two steps forward, one step backwards. I think in your case, the rational part should be easier to convince, he’s really not the best person possible for you, he didn’t treat you the way you deserved, you can find someone better. I think that’s a good case scenario, because the emotional part will always take its own course and is harder to convince, but if at least your brain can tell you that it wasn’t meant to be, then it’s easier to hang in there. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be sad. You can take some time out of every day to just be sad and think about him and cry and drink wine, but then also force yourself to spend the rest of the day not thinking about it. And it will get easier, all it takes is time. Hang in there!

Hi Aphrodite, yes I’m still strong as an ox!

I’m sad to hear you’re having a hard time with it all. I want to say that NO it does not need to take that much time to get over someone!!!!!
Yes if you allow it to then yes it can, it can take a lifetime if you allow it. It’s your choice to let the grief carry on.
I would like to say between 6-12 months could be a time you need to grieve then after they it’s time to move forward and stop allowing it from you to move on.
These guys don’t want to be with us. Final. They choose not be with us. They’ve not died they have opted they don’t want to be in our company anymore. That’s something you need to let the penny drop and once it does life gets easier.

I’ve accepted quiet quickly that my ex isn’t around right now and to be frank, isn’t going to be around again! Final. Nothing I can do about that. I’ve cried, sobbed, begged, pleaded… Everything. He’s the fool, he’s that absolutle fool.
He will regret it,there is no two ways abouT that but I’m sorry I’m not going to hang about while he has his time while he left me in a total wreck.
Nobody does that to me! He’s the one who won’t get to touch me again, he’s the one that won’t hear me laugh or make stupid jokes. No. I won’t allow it.

Im sorry, but I can do better than that. He was a needy little squirt that I gave way too much of my time too. Sod that, he began to take me for granted well good luck to him, see if he can find another Ashley JUdd! Hahah.

good morning everyone!

@mike2014, what did you send your ex? and i actually have to agree with aphrodite – take a leap of faith! to me, it seems more reasonable to tell someone you still love them after 9 months actually. because you’ve taken the time to get over the initial hurt and crazy emotions of the break up, figured out how to live and be happy without your ex, and know that you don’t NEED her in your life, but you still want her and was happier with her in it. i actually think telling her that 9 months post break up is more beneficial than 2 or 3 months after because you’ve had considerable time to get over it and you still have so much love for her. i also believe that since its been so long, youre at a point that you can handle it if she doesnt want to reconcile. maybe it will set you back a few weeks – but you’ve made so much progress so it wont hurt you all that much i don’t think. i was crushed when i approached my ex after 2 months and he wasn’t ready. but just like how you advised me to check in with my ex before the summer (when it will have been around 8 months for me), you should do the same. she also did leave the door open to reconcile, so i say go for it and lay it all on the line. i think you’ll regret it if you don’t. also you should do it soon! i think more than a year later it just gets too difficult and too much time has passed and then it really is up to fate.

@aphrodite, i know how you feel. sometimes ill be with friends and they try their best to distract me but i really want to just go home and cry. whats helped me on my saddest days is to let myself cry and grieve and think of my ex for a designated amount of time (usually like an hour). then usually I’m rant on this forum but then i force myself to go out and do something. if nothing else, going out in public makes the tears stop at least! this can be anything from picking up a coffee, going for a walk, going shopping, to meet a friend, studying in the library instead of my apartment, etc. its a fake it till you make it type of thing. then usually ill come back and give myself a little more time to grieve. some days i feel like i want to grieve the whole day and other days i feel like i don’t want to think about it at all. I’ve also found when i feel really tempted to break nc, i call a friend to catch up. i listen to whats happening in their lives and fill them in on myself. overall I’ve really tried not to discuss my ex much with my friends these days. i have 1 or 2 friends who always listen but actually its kind of a nice break to talk my friends about other things because sometimes i feel like the break up is the only thing going on in my life and its nice to focus on other things for a bit! i tend to do most of my thinking, ranting, venting etc. on here. i actually find writing on here and getting responses more therapeutic than writing letters no one will read – but thats just me. as for how long it will take, there are many theories. some say half the time of the relationship, some say a month for each year you were together – i don’t think theres any one true theory. i truly think it depends on each individual and on the relationship. I’ve been discussing this a lot with two friends. one got out of a 6 year relationship about 2.5 years ago. she told me that it took her a year to get over him. he did come back actually a couple months after the year mark and she said he was only really a few weeks too late. had he come back sooner, she would’ve taken him back but she said after a year of suffering and pain, she was just too scared to let him back in in case he hurt her again. thats where the window of time i was saying for my ex comes in! if I’ve moved on when he comes back, it will be too late. my other friend got out of a 4 year relationship about 3 years ago now. she’s had a new boyfriend for the last two years. she told me she’s never truly gotten over her ex but she learned to find happiness with herself and with her new boyfriend and that she just became used to the ex not being in her life and while she’s not over it and still thinks about it, the pain isn’t there so much anymore. she has admitted to me though that she still fantasizes about reuniting with her ex somewhere down the line (and she was the one who ended things!) but she’s not ready now. she also says she’s felt no closure as he was so heartbroken and cut contact with her completely for about 2 years and never answered any of he attempts to reach out. just in the past few months he’s reached out to wish her happy holidays, happy birthday, etc. but nothing more. its strange how all of these relationships unfold! i don’t think we can plan for how long it will take to get over someone. i think pushing yourself to do things and stay busy is helpful as is nc but we all must go at our own pace. some days will be good and others will be bad. I’ve found reading therapeutic. but I’m not “happy” these days. i feel like I’m living life but it does feel pretty empty. when I’m feeling very down i remind myself this pain is temporary. a few years from now i will either be happily with someone else who treats me amazing or i will be reunited with my ex and this will just be a bump in the road. keep telling yourself this – it WILL get better! I’m glad youre getting better taking baby steps and it may be a long road, but slowly but surely we can all get there. i also think if you truly deep down believe this guy is the love of your life then you can talk to him some months from now and reassess. mike is 9 months out of the break up – happy and functioning, but still loves and misses his ex and believes she’s the one. soon he can reach out and see how she’s feeling. none of us are there emotionally yet but i truly believe if 8-9 months from now you want to tell him how you feel you will be a in a totally different place and able to handle rejection and you will know you did all you could. i also think sending him an email at some point might be therapeutic for you. as i keep saying, i think its something to be said for doing all you possibly can and leaving the rest up to the other person and fate. remind yourself everything happens for a reason and whatever is meant to be will be.

also congrats to @belle and @unimare! you both are making such great progress and doing so well. hoping to catch up with you eventually!

@mike2014, i have the same habit of deleting texts! i delete my conversations with my ex all the time. i guess this is better so i don’t over analyze. i also have a terrible habit of drunk texting him. he hasn’t sent me one drunk text! i don’t know how he does it. anyway I’m glad you had a fun night out with friends! i need to push myself for more of those. hopefully ill feel more motivated when the weather is nicer. its nice your ex always responds positively. i agree with you – stop questioning yourself and tell her how you feel!!

HELP!!!!!

My ex texted me and said

“Jonathan I need you”

“I have no one else”

“I need someone right now”

“Please”

What do I do!???

I don’t want to break my NC!

What should I do? Help please!