NC support

So belle looks like Ashley Judd and I’m picturing Atea to look like Christine chenowith from the mid 90’s.

So I made a closed face book group, and if/when you guys join I can then make it “secret” so no one can even search for the group. No one other than us would be able to see the posts or even find the group. Orrr once we’re all in the group, we can just start a group conversation through private chat? Or not. It’s just an idea.

I’d have to tell you guys the group name so you can search for it, which means you’ll see who I am first….and i’m paranoid one of you may know me, even though that’s highly unlikely, haha!

If anyone’s interested, can you tell me where in the world you live first? I’m in Canada!

Also, thanks for welcoming me @Belle!

I wrote on here awhile ago, I could copy and paste my story, but it’s a crazy long one.

I’m the girl who’s been on and off with my ex for 14 years (friends, but couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and were afraid to commit to a relationship), and then we finally committed to an adult relationship for a year. I was very depressed so our relationship was rocky, and I pushed him away with neediness and worrying I wasn’t good enough near the end… basically did the whole self fulfilling prophesy. He had told me he’d never leave me and be there for me while I figured myself out, but I finally pushed him too far and he started to doubt that I was “the one” for him. Our passion faded for like a month, so to him that meant I wasn’t it, haha. I made all of the mistakes when we broke up so I pushed him away even further. We broke up at the beginning of October, and at the beginning of December, he told me time apart made him appreciate what we have, and he realized that he’s just unhappy with himself and needs to work on himself. After that we started texting every day and our conversations were great. He began flirting with me again, and asked to hang on my birthday! We went out around Christmas and had a great time, and slept together unfortunately… it was really good, but too soon, and felt weird because we knew we weren’t going to date any time soon. His friends found out (long story) and pressured him, and when he got distant, I stupidly got upset and confronted him asking him how he felt and he told me he had no feelings whatsoever, and that he had just been lonely 🙁 It hurt so much to hear that. He told me he didn’t even enjoy the sex that much (such a low blow, as we’ve always had amazing chemistry and fantastic sex-the main reason why we’ve always come back together throughout the years! I admit it wasn’t as good as it used to be, but that’s just because we had trouble connecting because we are committed to being apart… it felt wrong)… but the funny thing is, he said we can’t be friends because when he sees me he just wants to get me naked… but then he says he didn’t enjoy it? Okay then.

Anyway, I got a bit desperate and needy at the beginning of January, I was very depressed and pushed him away even more. I hate myself. Recently I told him I wanted to be friends (still desperate, I have a problem) and he said he can’t, and isn’t upset or anything but knows being friends won’t work. So i’m now doing NC as much as I can (I have to see him at a party next week, and a party mid February, and then the first week of March we’re going to the same concert. I plan not to speak to him if I can avoid it. Won’t be mean, just a bit cool. And I can’t avoid these events as I’ve been excited for a long time about them- we have mutual friends who i’ve gotten closer to these days… it probably pisses off my ex because i’m taking over part of the social circle in a way, lol. I also have to get the remainder of my things-yes I still have stuff at his place-when I move into my new house, which is March. He told me to contact me when I move so i can get my things… after that, I will ignore him and avoid him like the plague)

I hate that he has the upper hand, and it hurts so so much that he can fall out of love after everything. He’s on dating websites and I hear he’s trying to meet someone. Apparently he’s ready to commit, get married, have kids, and has moved on from me and wants this with someone new. It makes no sense, as we have great conversations, tons in common, are both quirky and weird (hard to find!) and I THOUGHT we had amazing chemistry… I know i’m not wrong. I think he’s just having a mid-twenties crises and won’t admit it because it makes him seem like a jerk. If he told his friends and family that the reason for leaving me is because he wants to sleep around and date more, everyone would think less of him. But if he says it’s because he just doesn’t love me, then it’s okay. Gah. Actually, I know he doesn’t love me, not as a lover, anyway… he is the type that can move on very quickly, he’s always been that way. When he makes up his mind, that’s it. He can flip the switch just like that. I think he loves me as a friend, but no more than that.

ANd it bloody kills me… he was so loving and affectionate for our entire relationship! Even the day we broke up. We had sex in the morning, then we went to the kitchen and he said he wanted to make me breakfast. I mentioned it was cold and without saying anything he ran upstairs and got me a blanket. He made me a huge breakfast, and as I was doing the dishes after, he pulled my pjs down and grabbed my bum, being all cute and flirty… and you know what I did? I said “We have to talk about what’s wrong, you’ve been different lately”…. that was the last straw, and all the sudden he got distant and said we should go on a break. I asked him if we were breaking up and he got all panicked and said NO! I don’t want you to move out, I can’t imagine you not being here”…. but a week later, he said he didn’t miss me all that much and so that was that.

Sorry for babbling everyone. I’m just so heartbroken, even four months later! I hate this so much. It’s not fair. We were closer than siblings and now he’s just gone. And I truly believe that he won’t want me again… at least, not any time soon. I feel like even if I were to go NC until July and he’s still single, he’ll still say he wants to date other people. I feel like if he doesn’t meet anyone great in a few years, he may come back…but that is way too long! And it’s not fair to me, he sshouldn’t have to play the field. He should just know i”m the one. Like I know he’s the one for me. I’ve tried dating for 10 years and I haven’t been able to fall in love with anyone else. So yes, I feel like a shell of a person, and realize I need to work on myself and learn to become happy with me. I can’t rely on him anymore. I wish I could give up all hope though, I can’t help but hope that maybe i’m wrong and he’ll come around if I finally give him the silent treatment… but I know him. I think he may want to become friends come summer, but nothing else.

It sucks that we have mutual friends because we’ll always be at the same parties. Even next fall: Thanksgiving, Halloween, then the Christmas parties… i’m afraid i’ll never fully move on if I keep having to see him! And can you imagine if he gets a girlfriend and is in love?? I think I’d end up having to leave my group of friends behind, as seeing him with someone new will devastate me 🙁 And it’s not easy to make new friends in the city that I live in! But I know i’m going to crumble to pieces if/when I find out he’s dating someone. I have to remind myself that he falls in love fast, but can also fall out of love fast… he’s been stoked on girls many times, only to not like them 3-6 months later. UGHGHHG

This is a novel. I am so sorry everyone! I just want this pain to leave me!

I asked this girl who always texts me and asked her what she thought.

She said Patrick Dempsey..I don’t know tho he seems a lot better looking than I think I am lol. She was like are you just sitting around wondering what celebrity you look like. I was like yes lol. I’ll have to think more.

Since we are saying who we look like I’ll add…my ex when I first met her especially looked like Mariah Carey. I used to call her Mariah lol. Also kind of like shakira from early when she had long curly hair.

I can’t wait to get out of the house tonight lol

Yes it is definitely difficult maebe,

Sorry to read your situation. It is real hard when you have close mutual friends. I’m lucky where we both had our separate friends and didn’t mix much. That could really lead to feelings being brought up again over and over plus possibly hearing about him from them since they will know what he is or has been doing.

Hi dwarf

If you’ve had no luck posting your new thread you can post here, we are a friendly bunch of broken hearts who can advise you. Fire away!

thank you so much, im sorry it is really long. So i am technically not broken up with…but on the road to getting there i believe.
here is my story:

”
Hello, thank you so much for reading my thread. I have a tricky situation i am in. I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. He is 27 and i am 25. We always had a really amazing relationship, i mean we had our ups and downs but i dont recall us ever really arguing about things. This could be because he agreed with everything i said and wasnt the best with communication ( a problem in our relationship). Well 7 months ago he went away on a guys trip and came back ecstatic about proposing. He even voiced to me he wanted to propose etc (this was crazy to me because he NEVER talked about marriage other than to say he saw himself marrying me one day). Well i thought this was a great time to tell him about my 5 year plan. I intended on going back to school when i was done working for a while after i graduated to do my masters. So my ideal time to get married was 26ish and have my first child at 28 ( i know i know im a planner though and he ALWAYS left the decision making up to me. Like he literally said “whatever she wants to do” when he would be asked about these life choices). Well i noticed he started changing after this and being different in the relationship…but when i would ask him if there was something wrong he would say no and reassure me his plan was still to propose. 2 months later he tells me that he isnt ready to propose ( after i pester him and get it out of him). I’m of course upset because why would he lie to me for so long telling me he was. Since then things got even more distant, but everytime i asked him he said he was fine. 4 months ago he mentioned potentially being depressed..that he was starting to feel numb. Then in 3 months ago hes bawling his eyes out telling me he doesnt know what he wants and that he isnt sure hes in love with me. Knowing that i went through something similar i reassured him it was ok and it might be his depression..and that people dont just wake up one day and fall out of love. He says he needs time to himself to figure out if he wants to be together. I said ok and he doesnt talk to me for a week. I dont attempt to speak to him at all even though its killing me. At the end of the week i tell him we need to talk. So we finally talk and he said he wasnt sure about what he wanted but when he saw me he realized he wanted to be with me and he wanted to try and fix what he had done. ( he said he had been pushing away since the marriage stuff). So we do this for 3 months and i dont notice him being affectionate anymore or his usual self. He again reassures me that its ok and that he was making progress. He even tells me he feels like hes for sure in love with me. Well…after so long of him not being affectionate i finally ask him to tell me the truth. He breaks down and tells me that he was still not sure and he didnt know what he was doing etc etc (basically a panic attack) and hes bawling the whole time. Well i suggest seeing someone and he reluctantly agrees ( i knew he wouldnt want to see someone).
The next day he says he was glad we didnt break up and he wanted to see someone and that meant he wanted to try until this was figured out ( be affectionate and a normal couple). So we do this for the past week and of course theres this black cloud over us the whole time but hes more affectionate and appreciative than ever before ( or at least for the past 3 months). He constantly is commenting on things he never noticed before like how beautiful my eye color was and how soft the tops of my hands are etc. And so it was bittersweet but we were acting like a normal couple and opening up until his appointment. He even tells me that it really messed him up thinking about me with someone else on my wedding day and how i would be smiling at them the way i smile at him, and being my adorable self around them and kissing them the way i am with him etc…and hes bawling the whole time.

Well after seeing this counselor he decides he needs time to himself to figure out if the past week was him legitimately being in love with me or if he was just mourning the loss of me already. He clarifies that he does NOT want us to be broken up, it is NOT a break. It is absolutely time to himself and that we are to remain faithful. And so he is conflicted with this decision in his life, that he may be losing the most important thing to him but he wasnt ready to give it 100% because he still had these doubts. So 4 days ago he dropped me off at my parent house (we lived together) and was not crying AT ALL ( but the previous week before he saw the counselor he was bawling) so i dont even know if hes maybe made a decision but is prolonging it? So now we are on day 4 of NC and it was brutal for a while…he also told our mutual friend he was feeling like i was moving on and it was making him worry etc. Do you think this will end badly?
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