NC support

@belle, sounds like you’re in great spirits and im so happy for you! You did love D very much at one point so maybe it’s possible you will rekindle with him. Then your ex would really be kicking himself! Did you answer the email yesterday from your ex?

@belle, im actually really happy for you! Im actually a bit envious and hope to one day feel that way about my ex because I think it is much more helpful for moving on. Right now I am swinging back and forth between love for him and hate for what he’s done! Anyway I hope maybe you had some closure you were wishing for. Your absolutely realize after some time what he’s done but it most definitely might be too late! Someone once told me if you treated them well then they always come back – although sometkmes many years later! Im wondering if that’s true.

Im also wondering if going through Nc indefinitely is helping me ex move on and get over me. I feel like I’m starting to move on and now I’m starting to wonder if he’s feeling the same. Surely after a certain amount of time we will all move on and I think that includes my ex. Of course none of you can answer this for me but all morning I’ve been wondering if I just cut all contact if he will actually just move on. Once again, only time can answer all these questions I have!

it sounds like you have turned that corner! i hope these feelings youre having are here to stay. i think its so unfair that your ex has cast so much blame on you. at the end of the day, youre the one who wanted to save the relationship and he’s the one who chose to walk away, so he is to blame. you did everything you could. blaming you might make him feel better short term, but i am sure he will reach out to make amends at some point. after sharing years of love, i think its sad to end things on bad terms, but i do think sometimes that makes it easier to move on. my ex has been very blunt as well and i cant really blame him for the mixed signals as I’ve really allowed it. surely he is confused. he only ever discusses the relationship if i bring it up and ask him questions about it and i think he tries to answer as honestly as possible, but since he is so confused in his own head, it ends up being confusing to me. but i think he’s handled it like a true gentleman overall. he’s never once drunk texted me, never texted and said “i miss you”, sure he’s said maybe in the future, but this was a discussion we had the night we broke up. he said he needed to break up or he would always wonder and either it would lead us to a much stronger future or we would both be ok. i do kind of think it’s unfair that he’s given me this thread of hope, but its really up to me what i want to do with it. yes, theres a chance he’ll be back, but theres a chance he might not be. i can either choose to wait on the first option or i can assume the second and forget him. right now I’m still trying to figure out what it is i really want to do here. yes, leaving the door open makes it easier on him, but i also don’t think he did it to appease me. i think he genuinely doesnt know. i think I’ve written this in here before but a few weeks before we broke up i saw a conversation he had with one of his friends in which he said “the truth is i really could see myself marrying her one day, but we’ve been together since were so young and i think i would really regret not taking the time to look around and confirm these doubts while I’m still young”. his friend said “imagine how much stronger the relationship would be if you looked around and realized no girl out there compared to her and you would know for sure you’ve made the right choice” and my ex responded just by saying he knows the relationship would be so much stronger going forward if he had this time to himself now and that he knew what he had to do and was keeping himself up at night because he loves me so much and knows how badly he’s about to hurt me. he broke up with me about a month after this conversation. i know i shouldn’t have snooped but it does show me that my ex does have the intentions he’s told me about – to confirm if he wants to be with me in the future. its not really fair what he’s doing but its something he felt he had to and the ball is in my court for how i want to handle it – if i want to wait, keep in touch, ignore him, etc. I’m just just winging it and going by how i feel. unfortunately theres no rule book or “right” way to handle this. i remember when he picked his stuff up from my apartment he was crying saying he hated himself for feeling this way and everything felt so natural with me but he just wasn’t ready to commit to me for good.
i know he wont forget me and i am sure he is really using this time to really think about things (as well as date). he told me about a month ago that he needed some serious time to take a step back and really think about the future and which path he wanted to take – i think we are at a common age for trying to navigate through some growing pains and make some big life decisions. i like what you said about coming back for the wrong reasons and being careful about that. i think my ex came back to me after our last short break because it was comfortable and easy. if he comes back now i need it to be because he loves me and doesnt want to be without me anymore. but i do think if he does come back it will be for the right reasons this time. in fact, when we spoke about two months ago he told me exactly that – he needs to wait till the dust settles and he’s more emotionally removed before he decides if he wants to come back because he doesnt want it to be out of comfort or loneliness – he wants to come back only after he realizes his life was happier with me in it. I’m way too emotional right now to know what i want going forward. i am truly all over the place with how i feel. part of me can’t blame him for this and another part wants to just forget he even exists. i definitely think nc is the right move for me because i need to move on more and clear my head before i can even see clearly what i want. none of these situations are black and white – there is so much gray area involved here. if i truly go nc for a number of months with my ex and he doesnt fear losing me for good, i think i will have the rational answers i need. if he starts to freak out when he feels me pulling away and fights for the relationship, i may feel differently. I’m glad that i at least feel motivated to stick to nc now and the ball is in his court to initiate any further contact if he feels ready. I’ve got just under 90 days before i expect him to make contact, so i really hope we both use this time to decide whats best for both of us moving forward. if he’s not back by summer, I’m going to let it go completely. for now just doing my best to put on a happy face!

Atea,

He will not forget you. I know that for a fact. Through my experiences in my situation they don’t. He also like my ex still cares for you on some level. I didn’t expect to get a message from her yesterday after 27 days of NC. I’m sure your ex still thinks about you and even what is going on in your life. I was surprised kind of that my ex reached out to find out what’s going on with me.

Now I wish she would just read my letter I gave her in Oct. Maybe she has, but I doubt it. Her excuse about being too emotional and can’t open it I believe tho. Everytime we would meet up she would cry and even get pysically sick (stomach pains). When I called her out of the blue in oct to ask her if I could stop by she sounded so nervous on the phone. When I got there she was like, I thought you called me to yell at me and let me have it. I was like well I didn’t do that in 8 years so not sure why you would think that lol. She got herself so worked up that night before I got there than when I did she had to excuse her self because her stomach was killing her she said. Also she told me that she doesn’t look presentable and she apologized that she wasn’t going to look good when I got there. I could make a post about confusing signs from my ex lol, but I won’t.

You ex and mine seem somewhat alike, I think they still wonder what we are doing and such. If just been trying to focus on myself at this moment. I don’t think I will text here back till Friday night.

@belle, thank you for telling me I’m handling this well! sometimes i feel like such a mess and all over the place and like I’m doing everything wrong! its definitely a complicated spot to be in. my ex acknowledged how confused i must be over the complication over all of this so he’s told me he’s happy to answer any questions i have as they come up and try to help me understand. I’ve stopped wanting to ask though because every time i come up more confused! i agree that my tactic of moving on is the best for right now! I’m not sure if he even views it this way, but i think he so knows he has me as a safety net and ill be here when he’s ready so he’s taking his sweet time. i don’t think he’s doing this maliciously, but he’s had no reason to panic. if i really cut him off, don’t reach out, and ignore him or act cold when he does, it will force him to really see if he is ok with losing me and i think only then will i have a clear idea of how much he truly wants this relationship. i have no doubt i will hear from him down the road at some point, so i will take it from there. for now, I’m doing my best to move on and force him to make a decision on what he really values. i agree, your ex could’ve handled this situation so much better. i do think down the line he will reach out to apologize, but its time for both of us to be in nc indefinitely and move on! we will talk to each other whenever we feel like reaching out to our exes! i think for both of us and our exes, a really solid nc period is needed.

@mike2014, i think youre right. he does still, like your ex, care about me regardless of whether or not we reconcile. he’s told me over and over again, “ill always love you”. kind of sad to think about if we don’t reconcile but i just keep telling myself whatever is meant to be will be. yes I’m sure you mustve been surprised to hear from your ex yesterday. if my ex ever reaches out to me ill be shocked! i do think he still thinks about me and has been thinking probably about what hell want in the future. but i think I’ve been too available and too nice to him. he did break up with me and he should suffer consequences of not being able to have me in his life as a backup plan or safety net. I’m taking that away from him right now. yes, your ex sounds very confusing. its funny when i was seeing my ex in december i was trying on all these different outfits and my friends were laughing at me saying he knows what i look like and knows everything in my closet! girls think that way. i know if i ever do see him again you can bet i will make sure i look 1000% my best and nothing less. i think all girls do this so your ex is normal in that way! i can relate to her on the stomach pain. i felt physically nauseous the last time i saw my ex. its a really weird feeling and so weird how emotions can cause physical pain. i also can’t believe she hasn’t read the letter – i would tear anything open within seconds! i understand it might be emotional for her but wow thats a lot of will power to leave it unread. maybe at some point when she feels ready she will open it. is there a reason youre waiting until friday night to text her? do you think youre moving on? trying to make her wait? or just genuinely its too hard to talk? i can only hope my ex reaches out eventually so i have the opportunity to be cold or ignore him!

Ah yes, I forgot your behind us in time! Enjoy!

Haha Mike, I quite often getting younger guys hitting on me. It’s all so shallow! Haha I’d let you buy me a drink though, well I’m single after all! Lol