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Posts
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Patrick,
My opinion on a situation where an ex is in another relationship is this….be causal if they respond but give her space. You are no longer her blanket/nor do you owe her anything anymore. I wouldn’t be there for her emotionally either and if she talks about her current relationship I would tell her that is non of my business. She chose to start a new relationship with someone else and it isn’t fair to you anymore to be there for her. Ultimately, how you handle your situation is your business and my opinion really shouldn’t matter. Do what’s best for you.
Unimare,
My ex is confusing with how we are when we would see each other, but I’m so happy neither one of us has ever used the term “friend”. I don’t want to be her freaking friend ever lol. It’s relationshio or bust after 8 plus years of being together. We were not friends before we met and sure as hell won’t be friend post breakup. I’m not going to help her pick out blinds or come over and paint her freaking kitchen ever. She said she would never like to lose contact and would like to still talk occassionally, but using the term friend in my opinion would be very rude to either one of us and I’m happy we didn’t throw that word in play.
@mike2014, sorry just saw that last post of yours! i think its totally about personalities and opinions. my older sister who is around your age broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years a couple months back and she has been cold nc with him since. not one word exchanged. she’s just a black and white person – when she’s done she’s done. she doesnt believe in reconciling and has no interest in anything he has had to say since they called in quits. i, on the other hand, just believe people go through things. everyone needs some time and space occasionally and thats normal. people feel different things at different times and I’m just a firm believer if you really love someone and stand by them, even if it means respecting their time and space. i think this holds true to a certain extent. hopefully if my ex has made no attempt to talk or reconcile a year from now, i will accept that he is not coming back and i will move on. if he came back years later, it would be up to fate if i were still single and how i feel. but with my feelings still this strong for him, I’m not willing to give up yet. and before i do really give up i will absolutely lay it all out there for him. its only been 4 months so I’m not ready to do that yet. but eventually if i feel I’m ready to put it behind me i am just going to tell him honestly its now or never – but i wont sat it until i really feel that way. if i were you, i would muster all the courage you can to be vulernanle and let her know how you feel. whats there to lose? she knows you better than anyone, was with you for 8 years, so what if you’re emotional in front of her? if she says she’s really done maybe the small part of you that is still hanging on can finally let go. but who knows, maybe she’s been missing you terribly and waiting for you to go back and fight for her. personally, i would never be able to live with regret and would feel compelled to tell her how i feel one last time. but this is such a personal opinion. you need to do what feels right for you deep down!
@unimare, i completey agree with what mike said. my ex and i never use the word “friend”. well clearly always be something more than that even if we aren’t dating. when we have seen each other or spoken its definitely not as “friends” and i wouldn’t be able to handle it if he used that term either
But the thing is, we said we would be friends.. I’m sure in a lot of ways I do still have boyfriend expectations of him, but I don’t think he knows that. Or at least, I feel like it’s time for him to re-check if maybe that has changed.
And I don’t want him to reciprocate a friendship, I want him to be motivated enough to initiate one…Anyway, I think your interpretation is very insightful. I’m probably just not at a point yet where I want to accept that. Onwards with the NC! *puts superhero cape on*
EDIT: oops, sorry, there were a lot of posts all at once, I’ll try to catch up 🙂
Okay, well, we actually did use the word friends. And I really thought it could be done, but I’m slowly realizing that that may not be the case. It was my first serious relationship, so I guess that’s my excuse for being naive. It feels like I would be able to be friends up until the time when he starts seeing someone. Even if I’m totally over him, I still wouldn’t want to see him with someone else. And that doesn’t sound like much of a friendship, does it? So yeah, I understand that moving on and giving up all expectations is the only thing I can do. It was nice while it lasted, but that’s the extent of it and in the future, we can probably be polite to each other and maybe meet up for coffee one day, but probably not even that. *feeling enlightened*
Unimare,
This might not be the case but, People in general would rather not be harsh with someone they loved for so long and dated for so long. Him saying we can be friends could just be a nice thing to say to not hurt your feelings further after the break up. According to belle I’m brutal….this could be on of those times lol.Mike2014
Thanks for your response. He doesn’t deserve me. He so doesn’t.
I beleive he’s twisted in his own little world and he takes out this anger at me. He’s got trust issues and he now can’t tell the difference between facts and what he believes.
When I didn’t want him back last October for about 6 weeks, I’ve only just found out he thought I was seeing guys.
I mean, honestly…he knows me so well but yet his vision over that time he thinks I’m a slapper. I never go,out because of my son! Let alone want to meet someone! His trust issues are like massive! My life is like a nun!
I think because he punched above his weight with me that he’s always been a bit insecure. So on top of that insecurity of me when my old ex would contact me you can imagine the wild thoughts that would go through his mind.
As time goes by I see more and more troubled person in him.
I believe he’s so chewed up about it all that he can’t treat me with respect. He will do anything to hurt me.I’m in his firing line and it’s my own fault I keep putting myself there!
@mike2014 I’m 25
And saying we would be friends when we break up (we’re realists, lol), was something we promised since we started seeing each other. Back when I was shocked he could throw away a significant relationship (his ex at the time) and not stay friends with her, which just seemed like a waste and so bizarre. Now I get it though. But only from her perspective (he dumped her too), not his.Hey, can I just ask people how they imagine me to look?
Aphrodite… You’ve go to be blonde! Your from Denmark…. Am I off the scale totally. I think your 5ft6? Blue eyes
Atea… Brunette, slim, YOUNG! 5ft 7? Hazel eyes.
Belle,
His reality is definitly warped!!!His own insecurities aren’t allowing him to see clearly. He may be stuck in his ways forever and not want or be able to change. I’m not sure what a slapper is, but through deductive reasoning I’m thinking the alternate definition of a certain garden tool. If that is what it means, I can’t wait to use that often lol. What a great term haha.
I guess I prematurely shot my wad ( arrested development reference lol) by fully describing myself without waiting for others to say what they thought I looked like haha.
I need time to think before I describe what I think you all look like. I’m somewhat creative I guess and will try to describe what I think.
That makes sense unimare. If he did it before it’s something he will probably do now. 25, your still young. You will be great moving forward. Still in your prime!!!
Haha @belle, that made me laugh!! If only I could be that tall! Im actually just exactly five feet tall and under 100 lbs! Very very petite and small build! I’ve got blonde hair and blue eyes and although im almost 23, people still mistake me for being 16!
I picture you to be around 5’6 with brown hair and blue eyes! Is that near correct? Also, how are you feeling today besides anger? Any sadness? Have you given up hope or have a new plan of action? Thinking of you and sending hugs!!
@unimare, I agree it’s sad that the most important people in our lives can suddenly turn into strangers unfortunately I think that’s how it has to be. I think after enough time has passed maybe exes wish each other happy holidays, catch up occasionally, etc. But that’s it. The only reason I’ve even agreed to stay in contact is in case we reconcile. IF he told me he was really done I could never be his friend!Oh can you all wait till I respond with how I think you all look before giving it away!??! I have to run now for a bit but when I return home will post my creative descriptions, haha
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