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@mike2014, it’s funny my ex was the exact same way! He always said he loved me the most when I was natural and we was often the only one I was ever really natural around. He would always tell me how pretty I looked when I was natural. It takes me a long time to get comfortable so I think it was just after so many years together that I felt comfortable enough to do that around him. Plus we were long distance and so spent many long weekends and weeks being together 24/7 so he’s seen me at my worst and my best.
@belle, I really do all the time! It’s funny I feel like I know so much about all of you but probably in reality very little!I think that’s the nice thing about being in a long term relationship, it’s all very comfortable. No make up, hair a mess etc! Even when you look sick, it’s all part of it. I miss that so much. The thought of starting from scratch again just turns me off finding someone.
Atea, we know each other’s most personal thoughts and know exactly what we are going through yet we don’t know what we look like. It’s very surreal!
feeling very down right now š i just felt like i was going to explode so badly. just wanted to see my ex more than anything. i almost just called him and asked if we could hang out tonight but i thought better of it and put the phone down. when will this get any easier?!
we know each otherās most personal thoughts and know exactly what we are going through yet we donāt know what we look like. Itās very surreal!
That is so true, I have in the past wondered what everyone might look like
Well, I guess since Iv been the longest at this I will try to answer Atea. It does get easier. I was really hurting up until middle of July . 2 months after. This was at the point where the texting had stopped after we earlier were still communicating almost every day for over a month. It was at this time probably contact was left for about two weeks. Once I met her end of July I just asked what did I really do that is unfixable. She told me then and explained the being selfish and needed to do her own thing to get better, but still somewhat left the door open. After that each month I lost more and more hope. I still had times we talked but really only saw her 4 times since and I was away for 2 months. It’s weird because when I went away she texted me to ask if I got their ok and I didn’t respond, a few days later she texted and was like I don’t want to be a pain, but I want you to respond so I know you are ok. I know she still cares for me as a person and my well being, but know she doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. I just started to have reality hit me more and more each month. Still having things pop up in my head and some down days. The really hurting feeling emotional feeling stopped for me at end of August at about 4 months. The dreams stopped around that time as well at least up until the other night lol ( still feeling weird about that one). The constant thought of her stopped at 4 months as well. I wouldn’t wake up and think of her right away or during the middle of the day. She would pop up occasionally, but not like before. It’s definitely not easy and I don’t beleive like my friend said on Saturday i will really lose my total love for her, but moving on and trying with someone else is something I know I will have to do. Right now I’m happy to go out and meet girls and such, but honestly I havnt been single in soooo long I need time to experience a lot of girls before I get tied down again.
I’m sorry you are having a rough day and I hope you feel better tonight. This is not easy I understand. We all have moments of weakness and I know I still do even now. I just try to stay positive and be as happy as I can everyday.
I hope I somewhat answered your question.
I don’t even know how we could ever see what we all look like. I would not be comfortable doing that is this setting with people I don’t know visiting this site lol.
I will further add to my experience.
Towards the latter part of my past relationship I became I big loner and shut in. Was fighting my own insecurities. Once the breakup happened I wanted to just continue to work come home and wallow lol. One of my good friends..it’s weird because compared to my other good friends who I knew for like 10-15 years this is a kid I only knew for 3 years and he really understood what I was going through. We had many good talks where he just listened and offered some advice. He is married with two kids but has a lot of problems with his wife ( his back story). He started to call me almost everyday to come over and hang out. It’s weird because for a time I became an extension of his family. His wife was really nice to me and his kids started to call me uncle mike lol. I would come over watch sports or a movie with him, sit outside as he cooked on the grill and drink a few beers and just get out of my apartment. I started to become social again and had something to do to take my mind off my sadness. He helped me get out of my funk that I was in post and pre break up. I really credit him with me getting better. I still see him a lot as he got a new job where he works middles so by the time he’s out of work his wife is asleep. He calls me a few times a week to go out and get something to eat or do other things even now. My other friend is great two as we go out every Saturday night to a club or whatever and I’m so much better and social now and I feel I climbed that hurdle fully. For me friends where really there for me and still are and I credit them with my strength that some of you have pointed out.
@mike2014, thank you for that. i definitely am still in a wallowing stage. as a graduate student, i spend a lot of time alone. i have a ton of work and reading to do, but its not really social and not really a fun distraction. i also think the cold weather in ny makes me not want to make an effort for dinner plans or plans to meet people for drinks, etc. I’m hoping as it starts to get warmer i will feel a bit more motivated. my days are kind of hot and cold i guess, but he’s definitely on my mind most of the day, everyday and he’s always still my first thought in the morning and last thought at night and it kills me because i highly doubt he thinks about me that much. the dreams are definitely decreasing and I’m thankful for that. its funny when i met my ex in early december i asked him if he could give me any time of closure, something to help me put this behind me and he told me he really couldn’t, that he loves me and wants me to be happy and he understands if i need to move on and cut him out but that he thinks our connection is really special and can’t tell me he doesnt see us getting back together in the future. so it wasn’t really much for closure unfortunately. I’m happy to hear that it does get easier in time. I’m hoping it will just come naturally. I’ve always been a very social person and my friends have also been amazing to me throughout this. i have a rotation of about 10 girls i switch off calling every time I’m tempted to reach out to my ex. I’m so lucky to have them all. they all cheer me up when I’m sad, let me vent, and share their own experiences with me. i feel incredibly lucky to have them. its a little tough because i went to college in the midwest so many of my closest friends stayed out there – they are wonderful over the phone but I’ve definitely been trying to make more of an effort to make a bigger group of friends here in ny although i do have some great ones. I’m not a huge partier but i have been going out a decent amount – probably the same amount i went out when my ex and i were together. to be completely honest I’ve always been a bit of a flirt. I’m an attractive young girl and i never worry about not getting attention from some guys at bars. I’ve given me number out a couple times now, let other guys buy me drinks. i just haven’t really felt up to pursuing anything yet. i met a guy a few weeks ago at a pre game who seemed really sweet and we got drinks and had a great time. we’ve been texting a little and will meet up again next week. it just seems no one compares to my ex. I’m not sure if I’m being stupid and stubborn and naive or I’m not ready yet or if he really just is the one for me. its really tough. but it does make me feel motivated that you’ve made so much progress and its gotten easier for you.
i agree with what you said! something about not knowing what each other looks like makes it even easier to share all these intimate details!
It takes time, a lot of time. I know I still have a lot to get better with. I don’t think you have to rush into any relationships or feel that is something that is necessary. Enjoying life and having options is very good. It will get easier beleive me. Expect tough days, but overall it gets easier.
I guess it’s hard for me to understand those who can jump right into another relationship so early after a break up. We all here are people who had long relationships with tons of positive experiences and memories. I don’t expect us or our exes to forget any of those. It’s funny because after we broke up she was still receiving a magazine subscription I got her for Christmas. They came twice a month I think. It made me laugh every Friday for awhile knowing she got those and it would make her think about me lol. She said just want to let you know I read the magazines by the pool or when I work out. It’s not a waiste of your money. She texted me one day out of the blue with that in the summer. Also I find comfort alittle in knowing even though we don’t talk, I know she still has moments where she thinks about me as I’m sure your ex and belles and aohrodites do as well. I’m sure they also were dealing with the withdrawal of losing someone too. I know I asked her in July if she still thinks about me and she said, how could I not lol and this is still hard for me. You are still on my mind a lot. She was a big routine person and we did things at the same time everyday and days of the week. She even said in October, I think about you on Mondays because that’s the day I would make dinner for us. She said it just doesn’t seem like it’s been that long… I said well it’s been 6 months lol. I know she was still dealing with a sense of withdrawal even then.
Stay strong Atea. I hope your day has gotten better. Also, it’s good to have great friends to help you stay active and keep your mind off things. It’s good to hear you have a nice support system there as well.
@mike2014, thank you, that is very motivational for me to hear. i don’t understand people who rush into another relationship either. i am totally taking my time here. it would be unfair to any guy that i tried to get involved with because my heart is still so clearly with my ex. I’m just trying to have fun and enjoy life the best way i can. the guy who i went out with knows i have recently gotten out of a very long term relationship and knows i want to take things very slowly and am not looking for anything serious and he seems ok with it, so as long as I’m honest i think its ok.
that is funny about the magazine subscription! i wonder if she had a pang every time she received one. when i saw my ex in the beginning of december he told me that he thinks about me all the time too. i mean, he told me he hasn’t been able to bring himself to throw away my toothbrush at his apartment because he likes being reminded of me first thing every morning and last thing every night! seriously? he wont commit to me but wont throw away my toothbrush? i swear i will never understand guys. he told me he thinks about me “a lot” and has good days and bad days and an overall mix of emotions with relief, happiness, sadness, and regret. its so weird i understand what she’s saying about it not seeming like it’s been a long time. I’m almost exactly 4 months post break up and part of me feels like it happened last night and another part of me feels like i haven’t actually been with him in 10 years. the concept of time is so crazy.thanks so much for your support. my day has gotten a bit better! i just haven’t felt so much like myself since the breakup but forcing myself to get there. for example, i love to cook and my ex absolutely loved when i would cook for him and since we broke up i kind of stopped cooking because it reminded me of him for some silly reason. I’ve slowly started getting back into it because i remind myself cooking is MY thing, nothing to do with him! but yes, I’m lucky to have such a great support system at home and this forum has actually saved my life i think. some people think it hinders healing coming here a lot but i think its been my biggest source of comfort throughout!
I’m happy I could help Atea. I’ll always try my best to try to relate and understand and answer any questions.
Just so when you say you will never understand guys, I will never understand women. I think in general, I don’t understand people lol.
Good morning everyone!
@atea1234
I completely recognise myself in what you were saying about wearing sweats and not seeing the point in dressing up. I still dress up whenever I go somewhere but I’ve noticed my usual desire for fashion and shopping hasn’t been there much. Perhaps it’s a good thing because I’m spending less! I don’t feel as bothered about having something new to wear, I just wear what I already have, which is not how I was with my ex.Yes it’s weird how we don’t know the simple things about each other @Belle, like how we look. I have an idea about everyone and I’m sure it’s nowhere near the truth! Haha.
I woke up really early today, around 5am. I’m just so sad and that chronic uneasy feeling like life isn’t what it should be doesn’t go away, it follows me everywhere no matter where I go or what I do. I’m not too far away from day 30NC now, and I hate to say it, but it hasn’t gotten that much easier yet. Feeling inconsolable, I just can’t think of anything that would cheer me up apart from him. But perhaps that’s just an idea I’ve set myself that I need to challenge.
DAY 2 of no contact.
She messaged me 2 times.
1. “Hey”
2. “I miss you”And 2 missed calls so far.
I deeply love her but she said she loves someone else. I guess it’s a rebound thing. She has love for me and wants to be best friends. She said she needs me in her life. I was friends until I discovered this. I was the best boyfriend ever. She knows that she left something good and she said that I was a great boyfriend and she said she does miss me but she thinks she loves this other guy that she’s known longer then me. We been together for 7 months, she said that she wanted to love me and was trying so hard to love me but I guess she just doesn’t know how love really feels. She said she still has love for me but isn’t in love with me. I treated her the best and spoiled her good and our sex got better and i did so much for her and changed for her. Shes 18 and I’m 22. And i took her virginity and she has a promise ring from me and she said that she will always still wear it no matter what. And she does still wear it. She loves it. So I’m just gonna do the no contact rule so she can realize that she really wants and needs and loves me. And I know it’s gonna work because she definitely can’t do this without me in her life. I don’t want friend ship. She said she still needs me in her life and wants to be best friends. Hell no! I’m not gonna be used as a plan B. She probably just wants me on the side so she can run right back to me if anything goes wrong with her other guy. So I’m just gonna do this to give her some space to make her miss me more and to realize what she left and to realize that I am the one that she really wants and needs and loves. *YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL IT’S GONE* I want her back so NC is the way to go. So far so good.
Aphrodite,
Each morning I wake up to reality and that pit in the stomach that reminds me of my grief.This morning I thought about how he mentioned the car park situation again and I just thought this guy can’t move on or address issues. His morals and thoughts about himself are higher than anything else. He’s snubbing the most important thing in life. His priorities are totally wrong. The fact he brought up the car was like a little dig at me.
When is he going to drop it?
I know he doesn’t deserve me and I wish I could just break out this hole I’m in.
If I could focus on all the negatives in the relationship and just stop this guy from making my life a misery. Nobody in this world is worth what we are going through. If only we could just wake up, move on from the grief and see what’s really happening.
If all my ex can do is sit there and whinge on about stupid little things and get the bigger picture. I really want to move on from this guy, he will never change and no matter what I do to improve myself he is too up himself to ever realise his wrongs. The only way it will happen is if I drop off the face of the earth and suddenly im gone and then his world will drop from beneath him.*feeling strong*
By what you guys no about this guy,can I have your honest opinion? When one has been in a long term relationship, you can lose perspective and judgement is clouded.
Atea will be positive
Aphrodite will be honest
Mike will be brutal! HahaLove you guys!! š
Oh come on Belle….brutal lol. Is that what I have been? I hope not :(. I think regardless of strength level we are all on the same boat drifting in the ocean. We all regardless of situation all want the same thing. People love for different reasons. No relationship is perfect. I really think all our exes at some point in the future will say….you know our exes really were good people. Well, maybe just that’s my opinion haha.
At times I want to stay away from talking about my ex here and then there is times this is soooo therapeutic. I really enjoy posting thoughts and getting advice from all you. I feel welcomed here to express and share and I am grateful.i hope in some way I have been helpful as well.
I don’t know if it’s an excuse for still feeling sad, but all our situations have one thing in common…longevity. We all did something correct…right?? It’s really hard on our end to get over someone we were comfortable with and really really loved/love . I know I acted dumb, but at the end of the day I would do anything for my ex and honestly still would. It’s crazy when you think about it
Well it’d 2:30am and I need to get some sleep.
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