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Posts
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Briefly on New Year’s Day . She wished me a happy New Years. She asked what I did on New Years eve. So I asked what she did then. We just exchanged some texts and then I said well I’ll talk to you soon and she replied sound good with an exclamation point. We haven’t spoken since. I don’t want to reach out right now.
i can understand that. it always used to make me uneasy when my ex would say things like “ill be in touch” or “lets not lose contact”. i didn’t know when i should expect contact from him. I’ve stopped expecting it at all now. do you have plans to initiate contact in the future?
Sorry couldn’t resist… Atea, yes they are jerks and will realise it when it’s too late.
Mike, your right, he will def be thinking about us over next few days!Why don’t you want to reach out right now mike?
Will catch up tomorrow, I can already hear Aphrodite snoring away!
Well, it is still a bit hard to hear from her to be honest. When we talk she seems so willing to talk and ask questions and share everything she has been doing and asking me all those questions. It just takes me back to times when we were together and it still comes natural I feel for both of us. That makes it hard and it would be easier if she just gave me one word answers or ignored. It just gets confusing for me.
I’m still in the process of bettering myself professionally and something good has come my way there if I want to accept it. I’m in the process of going over the offer from the company and deciding if it is a job I see myself doing long term. I don’t want to take it if I’m not happy being there for a long time. The pay and benefits are really good so I will probably accept it when I meet with them on Thursday. This is a step in the right direction and I knew I could never ask to work things out unless I was better in that aspect of life.
I won’t lie and I said this before..expressing myself and being emotional is something I always hid from. I prefer to just bury things inside and take care of them when I’m alone. Having the courage to seek out a reconciliation is something that is hard for me. I’m not good at asking the tough questions so I guess I’d rather just let it be most of the time. Also stupidly I feel like questioning her again will somehow hurt her and make her feel bad. I just feel if she couldn’t read my letter two months later after I gave it to her when I asked in December what makes me think she will want to talk to me about that something that will once again make her feel emotional. She said she couldn’t read it because it’s too emotional for her to open the envelope. I don’t believe she still has read it because I know she would text or call me about it and reach out. I know one day between now and our 1 year I will muster up the confidence to approach her and ask the tough questions. I’m not there yet.
Also I really wish everytime I saw my friend he wouldn’t ask me how MY Lady is. I always tell him well you know she isnt my lady. He just says man I do not understand. He also thinks I need to lay it all on the line because he sees how I feel about my situation.
@mike2014, i kind of feel the same way when i talk to my ex. while the conversations are happening, i feel happy because everything is very natural between us, but then when they end i feel sad we aren’t together and i get anxious about the next time well speak. sometimes i even secretly hope my ex wont respond when i reach out because that would show more than he doesnt care, but he’s never not given me thoughtful responses about how he’s feeling. he also always updates me about his life and asks about mine, what I’ve been up to, etc. congratulations on the job offer! that is really wonderful and so exciting. i remember you saying that was something you wanted to improve before asking her to reconcile, so maybe this is a sign that you are moving down the right path. i understand how opening up and being emotional and vulnerable can seem very difficult and it doesnt come naturally to some people. and i also see your fears about confusing your ex. i really do hope you muster up the confidence to approach her though and to ask the tough questions. i think girls want to be chased and want to feel loved and pursued. i think the fact that she knows its hard for you to have these difficult conversations will show her a lot about how much she means to you if you’re willing to lay it all on the table. i don’t even know you apart from these board and i agree with your friend!! you have so much love and respect for your ex. you have done all the right steps towards getting over the break up and improving yourself. i think you will kick yourself in the long run if you don’t muster up the courage to lay it all on the line now. if you get rejected, so what? you already aren’t together so there is really nothing to lose at this point. from everything youve written, this girl is the love of your life. don’t push yourself or rush it but i do hope you can muster up the confidence to talk to her about everything soon and feel her out for what she is thinking/feeling about the future. when will it be the one year mark?
Thanks atea!!
April will be one year. Crazy
Our exes seem alike. Very amicable and approachable toward us. I see why we both get confused lol.
wow, so it is approaching quickly! do you plan on saying something to her between now and then?! not far off…only 3 months away! and yes they do seem very much alike and in a way i think it almost makes it harder! i think both of them still have some love for us and don’t want to crush all changes of a future reconciliation should they decide they want us. I’m not sure if this type of ex is easier or harder to deal with
Morning all,
What do you think is reasonable time to expect a response from the letter?
Do you think he will respond at all?I wish there was a pill that would make all this go away, well obviously there is but I do need to function on a day to day basis! Lol
@belle honestly I wouldnt expect a response at all, that way if you get one its a nice surprise. Depends also how you wrote in the letter – did you ask him to respond or ask questions in it? Usually the main functions of these letters is to say what needs to be said and get closure. I’ve written letters and got a response, and also sometimes I havent. Just dont think about it at all for a while, I suggest NC for a couple weeks at least.
From my experience belle you might not.
I gave her a letter in oct. We talked a few times after and then I saw her in December. When I asked her, she said she can’t read it cause it’s to emotional for her but looked at it often. I didn’t even say what the letter was when I gave it to her that night. My letter was one where I said I understand her choice. I listed a few of my favorite memories. I didn’t get into asking for her back at all. It wasn’t even asking for closure. I ended by saying if you want to respond or if you have anything you want to say I’m more than open to listen or Read. It’s been another almost two months and I still don’t know if she opened it. We talked a bit during the holidays but I didn’t want to ask.
I hope he reads and responds in some way to you.
Mike2014
I believe he will read it but he may not necessarily respond. What can he say except he doesn’t want to try the relationship again and that’s a pretty harsh thing to say so it’s easier not too.
The easiest thing is just to bury the head and move on, it’s what your ex is looking like what she’s doing.I seriously need to do NC, he kinda knows I’m there for him he’s not ever felt it if I’ve actually moved on. When in long term relationships you can take the person for granted and he def doesn’t see the qualities about me and us. He’s focused in on the negative side.
He’s a real fool and that notion has to hit him at some point. It will do, but usually when it’s all too late.I’m so tired of this all, I just want to move on my on in life and not keep thinking about this all. It’s emotionally draining and I’m tired every single day!
Is really someone who doesn’t want to appreciate me really worth all this?
He’s no great catch, yes he’s fun and has brilliant qualities but he’s got a suitcase full of issues and baggage that he doesn’t want to address. I’m a step ahead of him and the thought of having to drum into that he needs to address issues is enough to give anyone a headache.I’ve been miserable for months now and I just want to deal with my issues and have some fun in life!
@belle,
i am so exhausted to! my ex is my absolute first thought when i open my eyes in the morning and always the last thing i think about before bed. its so exhausting. i just want to be able to put it behind me because theres absolutely nothing i can do to reconcile. its all about when he’s “ready” which might be years from now or never.
about the letter, maybe I’m wrong for saying this but i think you deserve a response. thats just my opinion. when you pour your heart out to someone you love, i think out of respect you should get a response. unless the dumper sends the letter purely saying goodbye. i wrote my ex a similar handwritten letter that i actually mailed to him in mid november. i followed up with a text a couple days later asking him if he had gotten it. he told me he hadn’t checked his mailbox would would after work. when he got home and read it, he sent me a long text with his response. no it wasn’t what i wanted to hear but i had spilled my heart out to him and i deserved to know what he thought about that. his message told me that he did love me and hoped we would one day have a future but he hoped i could understand that he didn’t want to resent me down the line or regret not clearing up any doubts about the relationship. he apologized for hurting me so much and told me he’s always there if i needed to talk and whats meant to be will be and we just need to be patient and give it time to see how everything plays out. i really appreciated that he took the time to respond and i think thats something your ex should do. i would give him a little time though because its only been a day. in a couple of days follow up with an email or text asking if he’s read the letter and has anything he wants to respond with. stay strong, i know your emotions are probably all over the place after yesterday. after you ask about the letter i would suggest trying to make it through a significant period of nc (around 30 days) to clear the air between both of you and then try again. i firmly believe if its true love don’t let it go so quickly, but sometimes the best thing to do when you love someone so much is to tell them and them let them be free, give them some time and space to decide if their feelings measure up. your relationship wont work with you doing all the trying – BOTH of you must want to. i think he still needs some time to decide how he wants to proceed moving forwardHi atea,
Your ex sounds genuine and respectful. He’s kept you in the loop and communicated with you. I know we can’t give you what you want at them moment but he sounds very genuine. There is never an easy way to end a relationship… Or put it on hold but being frank, open and honest saves a lot of pain.
I still don’t think I’ve had that opportunity to talk to him. I don’t think he’s ready. He’s not receptive and is think too inwards of what he wants and how he feels.
Yes, it’s rather early to get a response from the letter but I was hoping that after seeing me yesterday and getting the letter he may have been a bit more forward coming.
I guess I don’t know what he’s doing and he might be abroad now and last think he has time is to pacify me.
By what I gathered by yesterday when he mentioned the car parking situation I did say to him there was a reason for that, he said that he knew, I said I don’t think you really now but he insisted he did. I still don’t think he does because he’s not open to my side of the story.
I always thought him rather needy in our relationship and this is the problem with needy people, they think too much about their needs and wants and neglect what’s going on around them. I think that’s where he is now,he’s still licking his wounds and is not seeing it from any other point of view. Until he finishes licking wounds I wound get a thing from him as it will be all about him.To still be going on about a car park issue from 6 months ago is crazy. He can’t open up and talk to me. He will not move on for a while i reckon as he’s too wrapped up in himself right now.
Hopefully I can keep NC for time being! I shall see how long I last before I question letter if he doesn’t respond. Not responding will be very rude.
I wish I could move on from him because he’s made me so damn miserable!How are you today atea?
@belle, i must say my ex has really handled the breakup with so much class, maturity, and respect. he has never not responded to me – even when i would say mean things, cry, beg. he’s always friendly when i reach out and seems happy to hear from me. when i wanted to talk in person, he agreed. i can’t say a bad thing about how he’s handled it. he knows how badly he’s hurt me and i don’t think he wants to make it any worse. i also do think that he’s tried to be respectful throughout because he respects me – i always treated him well and i think he’s not sure what he wants for the future yet and if he decides i am who he wants, he doesnt want me to resent him from the way he’s acted during this time. i appreciate his honesty with me throughout even though its hurt and at times I’ve heard things i don’t want to hear and even though he’s said somewhat confusing things and sent mixed signals, i know he’s doing his best to answer all my questions and is confused on his own. i actually really resonate with what you said about your ex being needy. i don’t think i was overly needy but i was definitely the more needy one in my relationship with my ex. i actually think I’ve been a bit selfish through the breakup when i think about it. i want him now and i want the pain to go away and i want to be with him. i haven’t been very selfless in understanding this was probably a difficult decision for him but for his own needs, it was something he needed to do. i think now all i can do is show him i have enough love and respect for him to let him go through with it, as much as its killing me.
i also agree that your ex bringing up the car issue was absolutely ridiculous. he needs to grow up and get past those silly and petty arguments. he needs to stop punishing you for past behavior and talk about things like normal adults. honestly, don’t beat yourself up over when you decide to ask him for a response. I’m assuming he read the letter yesterday and must have some thoughts. i do think its best to give it a few more days but if its eating you up inside, just ask him if he has any thoughts on it. if he refuses to give you any, theres not much you can do but you can ask him if he has anything to say. i can almost bet you he will. when someone you love reaches out like that you have to have some things you want to respond! i agree, not responding at all would be very rude. i read so many stories on these boards of people who’s exes just don’t respond and i absolutely hate that. were all try to navigate through moving on or recreating new relationships and if we have questions or concerns we want to bring up with our exes then we have every right to ask and if they respect us enough, they should tell us how they feel. i know what you’re saying you wish you could move on and i feel the exact same!!! its been 4 months already and i feel very little improvement in moving on.
I’m very very sad today. i just feel hopeless. i know what a great guy my ex is – any girl would be lucky to have him. he wont have a problem getting a date and I’m sure hell love the attention he’s getting from all these new, exciting girls. it just seems like he’ll never be back to me and my only chance of him returning would be a couple years from now if he’s truly dated lots of other girls and never replicated our connection. its just so discouraging. i can’t wait years for that to happen and i think the relationship will be too long gone at that point. i can only hope over the next couple of months maybe he can begin to feel more ready. maybe he’s going on casual dates and seeing its hard to find what we had together. I’m not sure but i know nothing i do or say can bring him back to me and its sooo frustrating. I’m going to ask him to meet up beginning of may, but still, I’m not sure even 7 months would have been enough time away from me for him to really explore. do you think it is? i asked my friend and she said theres truly no time frame – some people need days, weeks, months, years, etc. i don’t know. i just miss him so much and am so tired of feeling sad without him all the time and wondering which girls he’s been talking to. its just emotionally so draining. do you think theres any chance he’ll be back in a couple of months? i just feel so lost and frustratedOh atea, I know you ask this question over and over and I know you know that, nobody can tell you as it’s in the lap of the gods. It’s really how do we live life reasonably in the mean time of either them coming back or us moving on. It will be slow gradual transition that we won’t even know it’s happening.
I guess with my letter, no news is good news. He’s not responded straight away to say pull yourself together and move on, why are you chasing something that’s never going to happen. In one way, getting a response like that is very black and white and therefore you know it’s final, it’s over.
But like your situation which now my situation is turning similar to yours it’s a waiting game.
Going back to the car issue, which yes atea it’s ridiculous but on the other hand, after much learning about myself over recent weeks, things effect people in different ways. We might think, get a grip and stop crying about car parking. He might have issues that make hi feel sick to stomach. We are all different and we all deal with things differently.
When he mentioned the car issue yesterday, I was looking directly at him, he caught my eye and immediately looked to the right and yapped on about the car as if it was on his mind. I told him that I had a feeling he would drive up my street and feel agitated, so not surprised he mentioned the car. He said no, he didn’t feel that way at all except for the car park bit.
I then told him the scenario that’s caused it and he said yes he knows.
I don’t know, i think he might be opening up and thinking about me from yesterday.
After the letter as I said he’s not gone bang! Let me put you straight!
Yes I’m analysing, looking too deep. Saying that he’s not responded to letter which could be good or bad. I would put money on that he’s read the letter. When I gave it to him I said here, that’s for you, you can read it or bin it, it’s up to you and he responded saying, no, I will read it.I just have to sit tight.
I’ve had a sad day too, only cried once today.Who knows with your ex with what he will do. I don’t think he will be enjoying the attention of girls as much as you think atea. A lot goes on in our heads we make up, that’s why we have to keep busy and not too over think, hard as that might be!
He respects you atea and is there for you. I think 7 months is a good time to ask to meet up. Stick to your plan and focus on keeping the mind busy and try on to think too deeply into it. Live day by day.
I too am going to leave it a while now now then ask if he wants to hook up, April would be good for me. That’s if I can leave him alone!
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