NC support

We should re name this thread at “me me me”

Thanks mike2014 for your words.

However, as usual the old brain cogs keep whirring. Can I ask you all a question. Why do you think his eyes filled with tears?
I’m beginning to think that it’s because he’s emotional as we’ve split up and he doesn’t have the strength to bring us back together.

What do people interpret by it?

Aphrodite,

I re read what you said after my drunken night lol. What you said to me was absolutely correct. Thank you for your words. Also don’t ever feel the need to,apologize for being me me. I have felt that way quit a few times in this thread and you were gracious enough to give advice and not ask for any in return.

Hope you are feeling better today. Sometimes just thinking about something positive will bring a smile to your face. I try to do that when I’m sad in anything in life.

Atea,

Goodluck with all this snow we are getting in the northeast. It’s going to be a mess the next couple of days!!

@aphrodite, it seems that your ex was mean and hurtful for no reason. personally, i can think of a few reasons. maybe he is not a nice person. i don’t know him. but it also could just be his defense mechanism. he could’ve been hurting inside and maybe being rude to you was having his own guard up since he was also hurt. i also think he has to love and genuinely care about you after all those years and he might have thought if he was rude to you it would be for your own benefit because it would help him get over it more quickly. honestly, who knows? i for one don’t think you deserved that treatment and i am a big believer of karma! good things will come your way and not so good things will go his way! we all have days we just want to vent on this thread, write about you whenever you wish!!

@belle, i know it seems almost impossible to not over analyze, but i think the tears can be for many, many reasons. he might have been crying out of happiness to see you. he might have welled up over guilt for hurting you and your son. and he also might have cried out of sadness that the relationship is over. something i keep telling myself is that my past relationship is OVER. even if he comes back, i will really want to start from scratch and its very emotional overall. after so many years, clearly he is not indifferent. he is hurting from the breakup as well. i also think his tears show confusion. its hard to walk away from someone you love. i don’t think you should assume anything right now other than he is confused. i think there is so much hope in your situation but do not over analyze! just give him some time and space. my ex is not a crier. i have actually only ever seen him cry once before (his grandfathers funeral years ago) until the night he broke up with me. he was sobbing – much more so than i was. and he cried again when picking up his things at my apartment, telling me he loved me and everything was so natural with us but he needed to go through this. and he cried again after i saw him for brunch in early december when we said bye his eyes were flooded with tears and we hugged for about 10 minutes. i will never truly understand this. how can someone show so much emotion, say they love you, and still say that the breakup is NECESSARY? we can over analyze every text, action, email, etc. but at the end of the day none of us have any idea what our exes are thinking!! stay strong, belle! i am sure you will be very impatient waiting for his response to the letter, but give him some time. i think you are in a good spot.

@mike2014, so much snow already! i will be stranded in my NYC apartment for the next few days so will probably be checking this thread quite often! I’m glad to hear your family member pulled through. when we have scares like this it reminds me how important the people are in my life who i love. I’m sure it made you think of your ex. I’m sorry to hear you had a tough year and i really do hope things start looking up for you soon. your ex also sounds very emotional over the breakup and I’m unsure why she’s so reluctant to try again.

@belle, I’m sorry you’re sad 🙁 I’ve been having a lot of sad days lately. i think wait one week and then ask if he has anything to say in response to your letter. one week seems doable, right? and then after that based on how he responds you’ll decide how you need to proceed with going nc or being friendly or what. im finding it very difficult to find a balance between being hopeful and realistic. i do need to accept that my ex may never come back to me but i also do have hope that he will based on what he’s said and i have heard many similar stories that end in reconciliation. I’ve also heard many stories that don’t. its really hard to find a balance. for right now im hopeful but maybe as time goes on that will listen. I’m assuming you’re also having a hard time finding a middle ground here

@belle, i think there is something though about being able to walk away knowing you did absolutely all you could to salvage the relationship. you’re right theres only so much you can do. you have been patient, understanding, told him how you felt. the rest is up to him. i thin he still loves you so much but as I’ve been learning as i get older, sometimes there are other factors besides just love that play into a decision. i agree waiting and thinking is the worst. time moves so slowly! and i also completely see why you are feeling sad after all the excitement of seeing him today. i was so excited to see my ex when i did around 6 weeks ago. i woke up early to do my makeup and hair, consulted my friends on the perfect outfit and i did have a great time with him but the takeaway from that was he’s sad but it doesnt change his decision. i felt absolutely crushed and cried the rest of the day. i haven’t asked to see him again because i can’t emotionally handle it yet. i was blessed to have such amazing friends come over that night with bottles of wine and lots of chocolate 🙂
I’m feeling like I’m not going to give up on it yet but theres only so much i can do and only so long i can be patient for. i am definitely going to ask him to meet up at the beginning of may where we will be 7.5 months post breakup and feel him out. i want to give him his time and space but as I’ve said earlier, i don’t think i can ever be with someone permanently who is willing to walk away from me for more than a few months to a year. if he wants to be away from me for more than 9-10 months then he’s simply not the right guy for me. once the door is closed and i move on, its closed. I’m going to be patient over the next 4-6 months and then after that if he’s still trying to figure things out then i don’t think he can really love me all that much and i will really close the door on him hopefully when I’m in a much stronger place. for right now, patience, wondering, and waiting for time to pass. were all in the same boat!

What does it mean,they still have feelings but can’t be with us? It’s just odd, I’ve never been in that situation myself.
I guess time will heal and what will be will be. In the mean time we just have to live our lives as best we can.

I do somewhat think that is what it is. In my situation the break up was a combination of me and my problems, but also her being lost as well. I think she felt it was the time for her to be selfish and be alone in her process to get better. She Even told me twice she needs to be selfish and work on herself alone. Then mentioning after that I should not wait for her and that she doesn’t know what will happen in the future but she doesn’t want to lead me on. This is why I always ask her how’s she’s doing when we talk. I want her to be better and happy with herself in life.

I’m sure with your ex, it brought up a lot of old memories and it made him sad. Him being away and not communicating with you last few months is probably because he doesn’t want to show those emotions and wants to bury them inside since he made a life decision. He will definitely be thinking about you and your son a lot the next few days or even weeks. Memories don’t go away, they stay with you forever.
Atea,

We might get 18 inches here and I saw NY might get 3 feet.
What you say is true. The person who is sick spent 60 years with his wife. Seeing her with him as he is struggling and the love they have is overwhelming. It did make me think of her and how I feel about her. It was hard all around, but later at night I did think about her. It’s also weird because I had a dream about her last night and I havn’t had one in awhile. The dream was off because she is a very reserved person and In this dream we were at a play, something we did often, and I remember looking over at her and noticing that she had these tattoos. The tats where all words or saying, but I couldn’t see what they were or said. In my dream I said to myself…wow she really changed and how I felt it was just really weird and not who she is or something she would do. It woke me up lol. I wonder what that dream means..I know people beleive that dreams have a message but I can’t figure this one out.

@mike2014, that is really interesting. i am starting to dream about my ex less often, but he is still pretty present. I’m not really one to interpret dreams but it seems like its saying she’s changed and you don’t quite know the extent of it. I’m sure seeing love like that made you think of her. when was the last time you’ve spoken to her?