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Oh oops I didn’t see your first post!
Belle don’t worry!!! Argh he’s being very controlling! Just stay calm though. Take a step back, and don’t try to push him. Don’t worry better days are coming your way.
He’s acting a bit like my ex used to act sometimes, with the threats and conditions. Clearly he wants everything done his way. Sending you hugs!!! He is really controlling your emotions right now. Try to regain some control yourself and get back to centre. Go do some yoga, meditation or something on YouTube! I’m right here with youThank you aphrodite… Pass the wine.. Care not its still morning!
How are you aphrodite, still on a high and happy? X
Haha, bless you! I’d love a glass of wine too.
I’m feeling more confident in my abilities to attract him, but not feeling as high as I did when I got all excited about my brain wave lol. I’ve come down a bit and realised it isn’t perhaps as simple as that, but that it can at least be a very valuable tool! And it’s given me a sense of relief to understand what it was that always made me so excited about him, it was that he always had something new to show me, surprises and suspense.
It has dawned on me today how far I am from where I want to be in life, that I still have so much work to do:(
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step so I’m working on it. I want to make a lot of money because I love living in comfort, I want to give to others, and I want to be able to have a secure financial future where I can easily support myself and two children on my own. I’m not sure how to go about getting a job that I love which at the same time makes a lot of income! Trying to figure it all out, and it’s overwhelming. I really don’t want to compromise on my happiness for work, so I’ve got to be clever about it. Feeling a bit stressed out!Let me know how you get on Belle!
I feel absolutely exhausted! 2 hours of howling and getting in a complete mess over nothing is exhausting! Oh my god, I feel totally wiped out.
I was reflecting and thinking that how absurd it is that we concentrate and focus all out attention on one person. One person who doesn’t care, has dumped us and has moved on with life! Why the hell should we cry over these men who don’t want to be with us? I mean I know why we do it but it’s ridiculous!
Anyone who doesn’t want to be with me can keep on walking quite frankly! In reality….. Whaaarrrrr whaaaarrrrr! Whaarrrrr…. Sob sob sob.
My ex is a control freak. I feel like moving out my house before he comes, tumble weed rolling down the street and “Titoli” by Ennio Maricone playing in background!
Aphrodite, you’re not lone to where you want to be in life! Anywhere but here will do! And a bank full of notes would be handy too!
Don’t get too stressed over it though, just keep improving g LOA and all will fall into place.When your next mammoth breathing class?
good morning @belle and @aphrodite,
the last two nights ive slept terribly. im back to having that knot i had in my stomach in the initial month following the breakup. im not really sure why i feel this way as he hasnt really said anything different from what i already knew at the beginning. i think now he is getting ready to date where at first he just wanted to be by himself so maybe that is why i am feeling ill. but, i guess him feeling ready to be with other girls is a crucial part of this process for him. i was feeling so much better about nc until i broke it this week. i was fine with breaking it on monday when we just discussed the tv show but i am shooting myself in the foot for bringing up the relationship. i think it must annoy him so much that im still asking these questions 4 months later, plus it doesnt help my cause for him to know how hung up i am on him still!!! he really must think i am moving on. going into this round nc seems much harder than the last ones for some reason. im not really sure why. but i have now seen how hard it is to break nc. even though its hard to keep it, none of us have even really gotten responses we’ve wished for from breaking it. even when my ex and i had a great convo about three weeks ago on new years day he told me he loved me but still needed more time. i dont think anything he says at this point will make me feel better besides “i want to get back together!” so nc is the only option now.
@aphrodite, dont fear the window. i actually think most successful reconciliations happen between 6 months and a year after because both people have time to process the breakups, move on from each other, improve themselves, and decide if they want to be together. whatever is meant to be will be no matter what, so do not fear the time at all. also even if one of us slips up and breaks the nc, i dont think its completely starting over. my ex and i have basically been in nc since the beginning of december. there have only been three conversations since. i plan on being in nc until he reaches out, but we cant beat ourselves over slipping up. i have just come to see now that when i do slip up and contact him, im the one who ends up hurt – not him! im keeping my hope and my gut feeling and not giving up on the relationship but im also doing my best to move on without him. i have zero control over if and when he’ll be back so all i can do is be happy and hope that the universe has a good plan for me for going through this difficult time – either he will be back or i will meet someone greater.
@belle, im so sorry youre going through this and i know exactly how you must be feeling. sometimes breaking nc really hurts more than staying in it!! thats at least how ive come to feel over the past few months whenever i do break it. i think you really need to try and give your ex some space. he seems open to communicating with you but i fear if you try too often to reach out to him, he will feel overwhelmed and push you away. plus your own happiness MUST come before his. he seems like a control freak but you cannot let him control you or you will be miserable. for a successful reconciliation, both parties must be committed and devoted and neither can have the upper hand. i think in order for your relationship with him to work, you both need to have an equal amount of say over what goes on. do NOT let him control you!! for now, give him some space. you cna contact him again monday about coming over but then leave it be there and wait another 2-3 weeks or so. i know this is so hard – trust me – the hardest ive ever gone through! but i believe if you reach out too much you will push him away. you need to gently remind him youre there will also givng him space. hang in there 🙂 today is off to a terrible start already for me tooAtea, you know whay did it for me this morning as I was fine up to today. I stupidly when on twitter and checked him out and saw is girl on there. Well, mind goes into over drive, I then start thinking why doesn’t he want me to text or call? What’s he hiding? Blowing out of all proportion. Getting myself in a right old state!
Imdid a little more digging and this girl has a boyfriend and not exactly attractive so I kinda calmed down.How stupid this explosion was and how I’ve pushed him away by my behaviour. I just feel stupid now and I feel my life evolves around him,even when he’s not in my life!
I’m beginning to feel I don’t want to see him Monday because if he’s distant I will freak out again.
Getting a headache now after this mornings outburst! 🙁
@belle, i agree! its so crazy how my life has completely revolved around someone who hasnt even been present in my life for the past 4 months. hes someone who i used to share every detail of everyday with and now he knows absolutely nothing. when we do talk, i feel the need to make small talk or only talk about the relationship. we never discuss our lives at all. its funny, i think about him more now than when we were together i think! social media stalking can be a dangerous game. i have removed my ex from absolutely everything. ugh when will all this pain go away!!!
my exes mom reached out to my mom yesterday and said she hopes one day we will truly all be family. ugh! my ex is being such an idiot. i just want to shake some sense into him!
i had somewhat of my own epiphany this morning as well. i think my ex is really moving on 🙁 when we first broke up and i would reach out he told me felt unsure if he did the right thing, wasnt sure if he should end it or not, always said i love you and this isnt the end, told me breaking up was the worst night of his life, and that we needed to give this time to see when the dust settled if we still really wanted to be together when our emotions settled. he also would say he wanted to see each other and talk slowly and in time get back our relationship. at the end of december he even told me he absolutely did want to get back together one day, he just wasnt ready yet. now he has shifted into not knowing what the future holds, wanting to date other people, and seemingly wanting years away from the relationship, and maybe even to get serious with someone else. am i right to assume hes moving on? he seems to be slipping away and now im starting to freak out.That’s two of us freaking out! Where is Aphrodite to knock sense into us.
This freaking out is us realising yet another step into letting the relationship go. We have to get to rock bottom and accept they are never coming back. We always have hope and each time that gets knocked we freak out.
It doesn’t mean there will be no reconciliation it just means we need to accept they are moving on and they don’t want to be with us. Final.
The sooner we accept that totally the sooner we can move on. I won’t say what will happen after that because that’s the unknown.
We are holding onto threads that they will come back and it’s those threads that are the emotional attachment that keep us there and the freaking out sessions.I’m already freaking out about Monday. I don’t have to say what I want to happen. In reality, it will be awkward, cold and little conversation and it will be another dagger in my heart.
Maybe I need it to move on. I’m scared what I might do or say to him to set it all back, but then even thinking that is wrong. I need to accept he’s going to come on Monday and I will never ever see him again after that.
In a way I don’t want him to come because what will it achieve? He will not feel so guilty because he collected the gift. I will be left sad.
I know this NC is about getting to a point where you radiate attraction and they get bowled over by you, but really? He’s not coming to see me after All so that will not apply to me.What should I do atea? Call Monday off? If I go ahead with it how should I behave and act? Freaking out Belle!
@belle, its all such a roller coaster of emotions!!! but maybe youre right, we’re slowly letting go. i have seen my ex 3 times post break up. the first two times went ok because we were collecting things from each others apartments. i didnt have hopes of reconciling because i knew how it would go. the first time was only two weeks post breakup so it hadnt been long at all and i ended up staying hours chatting with him but he was cold and distant and wouldnt budge on his decision. i was really devastated after that. the second time we actually kept it friendly and light and didnt discuss the relationship. but he did hug me and kiss me and say i love you before he left. i think you need to get to a point of believing whatever happens on monday will not predict the future fate of the relationship! you should not expect to reconcile. you should stay cool, confident, and upbeat. leave him with a good lasting impression of you! dont tell yourself you will never see him again after monday. just take it as another day. i dont really think it will impact whether or not you have a future with him or not. as long as you dont get emotional, plead, or beg. just be calm and happy. i think if you call monday off he will be even more frustrated and confused. but for your own sake, keep the meeting brief!!! do not discuss anything heave as it hasnt been long enough yet.
do you think my ex is really moving on? or do you think i am completely over analyzing his text? i mean just monday night he seemed so happy to engage in conversation with me…maybe i am too literally interpreting his text and he has been saying the same things all along. i dont know!!! what do you think?
I don’t know what to think about your situation atea, all I know is that you like myself have to stop analysing, stop thinking about it and move on.
We could analyse everything til the cows come home and it doesn’t change anything.
He could be using you as friendship as not wanting to let you go totally but wants to go out to meet other girls.
I think you need to stop the contact and if he contacts you to blank him. I think fake friendship just gives him exactly what he wants. He’s not silly, if ever he feels a bit insecure and thinks about you all he has to do is get in touch and feed off what you give him. He doesn’t deserve the contact you give. I think you cutting contAct will def speed up reconciliation if that’s what the future holds.
This is just my opinion though atea. Sorry I can’t give you the answers you need right now! The end of the day actions speak louder than words. Forget what he says and look what he’s doing instead. He’s not there for you and it’s been a while now so I would cut him off however hard it would be. Again your actions speak louder than your words.@belle, you are absolutely right. Over analyzing does absolutely nothing. It doesn’t change either of our situations. I can sit around and predict and guess but the truth is that its out of my control. He will or won’t come back when he feels right about it. I’ve heard stories of reconciliation when people stay friends and also when they go Nc – I don’t really believe there is a strict rule. But what I am really starting to see is how Nc can help me move on, which right now is my only option! As I said whether or not I sit around and wait or Try to move on will probably not impact him, but if I do move on and he comes back then I will have the choice. I believe what you said about no contact speeding up the process. My therapist said the same! Every time I reach out im setting the clock back to zero. This is my first real break up so I am still figuring out how to navigate through and can’t beat myself up. If he does reach out which I can’t imagine happening in the near future, I will be cold. But for right now I am really back to my initial goal of 90 days Nc. I was doing really well initially I would have been 1/3 trough already if I had kept it! I will stay in Nc now and just hope for the best. I guess life has a way of working out and we just have to keep the faith and believe in fate!
Don’t be too hard on yourself atea, breaking up with someone is a very personal experience and we deal with it in all kind of ways. The end of the day, this time next year we will not be thinking about contacting them if we haven’t reconciled. It’s still early days and you know what, of you break NC is it really the end of the world? Keeping NC can put you under a lot of pressure and sometimes we need to reach out as it’s part of the process. To go bang NC straight off and keep NC is hard core. The max I’ve done is 2 weeks, I haven’t managed to do longer, I wish I could, but so far I haven’t. Is it really going to change everything so much of I keep NC or break it? We have to do it in our own way.
Whatever happens, we will not be sitting here discussing this in 6 months time… We might be discussing something else but we will very slowly move on.@belle, thank you. that post really made me smile. its true theres no formula for going through a breakup and no typical way to have a relationship. everyone has a different story and a different path. my friend keeps telling me not to be so hard on myself if i reach out. she always says after a certain amount of time i just wont want to reach out anymore. that i will get to a point where ive had enough but you have to get there on your own, not when others tell you to do it! what my ex said yesterday is true that its really all about time. my friends ex broke up with her and tried to come back about a year later, but she said he was only a few weeks too late because she had moved on and was too scared to let him back in. i tend to be a bit of a control freak myself but i need to work on being ok with the fact that i cannot control the future fate of this relationship. i will reach a point where i dont want to reach out anymore – maybe he will come back before ive reached that point, but maybe not. your words really resonated with me in that we have to do it in our own way. everything happens for a reason 🙂 i love talking to you as you have gotten through a break up and come out on the other side. i keep telling myself this pain IS temporary. either 6 months from now i will be much more moved on or my ex will be coming back. i wont feel this way forever. today im feeling very thankful to have such amazing friends who are so supportive and to have you and @aphrodite, the greatest friends on here! sometimes we just need a reminder that not everything is black and white and we cant be so hard on ourselves.
They are nice words atea, I’m glad you feel that way, I also value you and Aphrodite very much. When I’m feeling down, where ever I am I think ooh I must send Aphrodite and atea a message! See what there thoughts are.
It takes a long long time to get over a break up, and yes you were told right about gradually you will find yourself reaching out less and less.
I’m still 100% raw. I’m dreading Monday now more than anything. First I was so excited and now I’m dreading it because I don’t know what state I will be in afterwards.
He knows I’m fragile, he knows I’m crying a lot. Either is is callous, and only getting the gift to ease his guilt or he actually secretly would like to see me.
He could of asked me to leave the gift with his mum but again I don’t want to read too much into it.He might still be in angry mode and want to hurt me, well he’s doing a fine job of that! I hope he sees me and remembers what we had together. I really do. I’m also going to make sure my dog is around because she will go nuts when she sees him.
My head is pounding and I’ve red eyes from this morning still.
If I was a millionaire I would send planes for you and Aphrodite and we would go to Necker island for 4 weeks! What way to NC! Haha.
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