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Didn’t mean to submit! But I had told her she could text me anytime and we can still be friends despite everything. She’s texted me only once since the break up to tell me she missed me but I think we’ve both still felt uncomfortable talking. It’s definitely been one of the hardest parts of breakup for me so im glad to hear you can relate
I understand your situation a lot more then! If you didn’t feel threatened then I understand it. It still doesn’t make it right to text other girls behind your back though. It can be risky if he believes he’s allowed to do that. Then again it can be risky to be too strict as well, as it can make them want to rebel! Ugh, I don’t know! Lol
Don’t worry about your ex, he will be back! So just enjoy and relax, use this time to develop yourself and do fun things!:) Most likely he will be back just after you’ve decided to move on! That would be typical anyway, and he would have to convince you a lot if he then wants to reconcile. Either way i am without doubt that he will be back.
How are you feeling confused?
I just think that knowing my ex, he has really given up. He used to be *incredibly* jealous and the fact that he hasn’t reached out to find out what I’m up to means to me that he’s entirely done, together will everything else, emailing my mom and saying bye to her.. I’m really seeing the reality of this now. He is done for good.
I can understand how your situation is very frustrating!! All I can advise is more NC really. Just stick with it and do your own thing, take one step ahead of he other and try to not think of the future too much. Good – you didn’t see anything bad on FB:) Now keep it at that!
Well while he was still contacting me like this he also said he didn’t know if he was in love with me, so I think it was a fear of loosing me/habit more than being in love!
I think that because me and my ex were best friends, him contacting me like this could have been more habit and friendship than anything else (I mean in the final couple years).I really hope he does feel guilty for the way he behaved.
I don’t think it’s a rebound as the evidence points strongly to someone in his past. He lied about her before and it seems more like a calculated decision to jump ship. Of course I don’t know for sure, but one day I will likely find out due to mutual friends and I’m preparing myself for that.
Yeah I think if you truly get over someone and renew yourself, it’s possible to sleep with them without those bad thoughts years down the line. However anything too soon would be too hard.Haha- I feel like it’s myself who needs to go through a death and rebirth! I really have to change a lot about myself to become happy and content again. Right now I feel like I’m just existing, but taking steps in the hopes of one day becoming someone who will be happy again. Perhaps there is still a faint hope of reconciliation but it’s dimming. I just want to get over him because this pain has been too much and I can see more of the pointlessness of hanging on now. I don’t want anyone else, I just don’t want to feel this heartache anymore.
Lately I been spending my time watching the movies up for the Oscars. It is something we would do together. I’m happy it doesn’t bother me and I’m starting to get better doing things we would do together. I don’t get that awkward feeling as much anymore. The only thing is I would like to know her opinions on them as well. I won’t reach out.
Atea,
It’s definitely the small things we miss the most it seems. That’s natural tho I guess.Is it me or does Mike come across so very much in control of the situation and his feelings?
Is this a guy thing? Us women are all over the place, crying one minute, laughing the next, sending emails to so totally over him!
I’m sure women suffer more but I might be wrong. Men deal with it differently I guess.
Im so coming back as a guy in my next life!!Mike I envy you! 😀
Haha thanks belle,
I won’t lie two months in I wasn’t anywhere near this good. It took me time to get better and I’m still not all the way there. It’s hard, but I had to come to the realization that most likely it wasn’t ever going to happen again. I did alot of thinking about how I really messed up personally. That’s always tough to swallow. I still have bad days beleive me and thoughts about how hard meeting someone new will be. She was my first love by far. It’s been 9 months now for me so I have to be better and come to acceptance with the situation.
Well, hat off to you getting yourself together. I think we all have spent many an hour dwelling on our actions. It’s just a long bloody road to get to where we want!
I’m still at that stage of not given up yet. I guess the acceptance comes in time. It’s still early days for myself but feel I’ve been here already for months!
On that note, I’m off to sleep… That was day 1 NC…. Again..lol@aphrodite, thanks for having the confidence in my situation!! it definitely makes me feel better that at least someone thinks he will be back, even if i don’t! I’m just frustrated because theres nothing i can do in this situation. sometimes i even question if nc is the right thing. do i really want to send the message that the door is forever closed? or is that playing a manipulative game? i just feel very confused over what will make him be ready. he’s told me repeatedly that he doesnt want to date anyone else and just wants to be single but then he also tells me that he needs to date and get to know other girls. i know 3.5 months hasn’t been very long but i feel like that should’ve been enough time for him to miss me and decide whether or not he’s happier having me or not having me in his life. if he’s willing to really spend such a long time away from me, how could i even want him back so badly? he can’t be all that in love with me if he’s willing to let so much time go by not being with me
@mike2014, i must say i agree with belle that you seem to be the calmest and handling it the best! you are 6 months ahead of me in this process so i can only hope to be where you are 6 months from now.i am really trying to convince myself that its over and he’s never coming back or I’m afraid i will never heal and i will simply just always be wondering and waiting for his call. thats no way to live!! i just don’t know how to get the thought that he’ll be back out of my head
Thanks gals,
But like I said I still have my down moments. I don’t think I will ever get to a point where I’m completly over her. I still have times when I would want to drive by where she stays and see if her car is their and such, but I know that would just set me back. It’s as hard for me as it is for you all I bet.
It’s nice to come on here and share and talk.
@mike2014, isn’t that hard to live with!? I’ve been told repeatedly that i might move on and meet someone else but i will never truly get over him. it sounds so overwhelming to me! and i know what you mean – i think about walking around my exes neighborhood often as its only a few subway stops from mine but i always stop myself and tell myself thats crazy. it is nice to come on here and share and I’m actually inspired by how well you’re handling it all
Yes it will be Atea. I just don’t think I will ever forget my first love. I know I read awhile ago that many people even married to other people never get over their first love. It’s crazy, but I beleive it. I just know thier is too much history and memories to really ever 100% get over her. I just try to accept it I guess. I’m not far from almost a year and I still know in my heart I still very much love her.
It’s funny because before I left for a bit in the fall. Before I left her car that day I said to her…you know I really did love you. She started to cry and said I really did love you too or it could have been I really love you too…she was crying so I wasn’t sure if their was a did in their lol. I’m sure our ex’s will always feel a certain way about us forever as well. It actually made me kind of sad to think back to that moment in her car. I think overall it sounds like we did overall have good relationships and had good people as ex’s. Hopefully if or when for me our ex’s meet someone they look back to how we really were good to them lol.Honestly I don think even if I could would want to forget her.
@mike2014, i completely agree with you and i think our exes will also always love us too. i just have a hard time grasping the fact that we will probably both always love each other but may not end up together. it seems crazy to me. its funny my ex has said repeatedly since we broke up “ill always love you”. he says it all the time like its just a fact he’s accepted. i guess I’m still having a hard time knowing i love him so much and probably always will but we might not reconcile. i always felt like we were lucky to have so much love between us and a part of me just simply can’t understand what else he thinks he can possibly find better out there. its all very confusing to me. i just hope even if he doesnt come back i can find someone else to love as much. i would hate to settle after having this deep level of connection. today is just one of those days i really miss him
Just to add on that… My ex said that he really missed me but sorry he can’t continue with the good times..he finished the text with a “x”.
Obviously that was like a door slightly open so I grabbed that door and heaved it open so then he slammed the door shut! I should have left it when he sent me that but I was a complete wreck.Mike, for your ex to say “did” love you in the car, that only because you said the did word first! If you had said “do”, she too would have said it.
Atea, he’s confused and wants freedom. Single guy stuff. Confusing for you because your mind is screaming to you that if you love someone surely you want to be with them. Doesn’t make sense in your head.
I truly believe my ex loves me still because he adored me up to only recently but if I look back he wS getting more and more resentful. As you know he can’t be with me but I don’t believe he doesn’t love me.
More confusing for you that your ex is friendly…. It’s just a different scenario that’s all, their reasoning is the same.Mike, for your ex to say “did” love you in the car, that only because you said the did word first! If you had said “do”, she too would have said it.
Why do you think she would have responded without the did if I didn’t use it? Just curious. I didn’t think it was fair to say do because she ended things. I guess I just wanted at that time to reassure I really did love her.
Why does this have to be so confusing for me lol. Sometimes I just want to call her and explain how stupid her decision was. Ehh this is where I usually say to myself… Don’t do this to yourself
No need to thank me @atea1234 !
I don’t think you should send a message that the door is closed, but perhaps one that says its closing. I think you should do your best to get over him and he will pick up on that.
I think he does want to date other girls, if he said it once. I also think it’s possible this could take a couple years. If he sees that you’re moving on but doesn’t chase after you, then I think you deserve better.
In a way it’s cruel of him to tell you he wants to be with you later on. It makes it hard for you to be mad at him and get over him! By him saying he wants to be with you later he has ensured you will wait around for him, and I don’t doubt he knows this. I don’t think this behaviour is fair on you at all. I would be really angry with him if I were in your shoes. Not giving you a set time as well is very unfair on you and must make it very difficult. If I were you I think I would give him an ultimatum, that if he hasn’t decided he wants to get back with you by the summer (for example) then you cannot guarantee ever being with him again because he has put you through this.Atea I don’t think this is about him wanting to see if he does or doesn’t want you, he does want you but he wants you as his wife and right now he’s only 23(?) so that could be a few years from now. What he wants right now is to live life like a single guy and experience others, happily knowing you will be there waiting patiently and understandingly.
I’m sure he is in love with you but he took you being there for granted, and he’s still doing that. The last time you guys spoke you said you’re not moving on you’re just standing still taking one day at a time. So he knows he doesn’t have to worry.
I really don’t like this Atea, I think he’s stringing you on by saying he will be with you later whilst not being able to provide a time frame. I don’t want you wasting this time waiting for him, these are some of your best years! He’s an idiot for letting you go!!!Mike, this is confusing! Lol
Did you say in the car to her that you really did love her first, she followed it up by saying the same back to you?
I’m being negative today and think I will be single for the rest if my life. The connection I had with my ex was something I never had before and I don’t think I will ever find it again. If I can’t have him then I don’t want anyone 🙁
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