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Posts
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Atea, I’m not going to respond to the last mail. It will keep me on top and show him I’ve not responded. As I said and I agree with you 60-90 days NC!
@belle, i was devastated when he texted me that!! but then the following week he told me wanted to get back together “one day” and “Recreate our relationship eventually” but he wasn’t ready yet. just goes to show you how many mixed emotions your ex is probably feeling right now! its so difficult to not over analyze every word our exes say, but you must understand he is emotional. something he says now may not ring true in a few weeks. i think it was nice he answered your second email and now the conversation ended with you not responding – always how you want it to be! i don’t think he wants to entirely close the door because if he did he would not have answered your second email. i think some time and space is just what this situation needs! i have my fingers crossed for a reconciliation down the road and i do not think this is a lost cause for you one bit!
Hahaha… I love you atea!
Thank you for all your positivity and I’m honoured to be embarking on long term NC with you guys!I feel ok after the correspondence from him and advice from yourselves. I agree about the second email from him as you say he didn’t need to send it. So it’s positive. I can see much space is needed. I’m glad I sent the email today, I really am.
I think we should all become relationship councillors! Haha
@belle, i agree! i feel like all of a sudden i have a really deep understanding of human behavior and relationships. and i think its much easier to council other people than in our situations! i almost broke nc this morning. it was the closest I’ve come in the past 18 days. i was overwhelmed with an urge to send him the “i miss you” text just to see how he would answer. even though i saw him 6 weeks ago, we’ve barely spoken since and it feels like forever! i put my phone down and went to the gym for about two hours until the urge passed! i guess just a hard day for me…beginning to lose hope that he wont come back and I’m holding onto the idea he will for no reason.
but I’m glad you’re happy with the decision to send your email! sometimes its therapeutic to just let out all your feelings. and lets take the positive from this situation as well – the response to the second email was really a positive sign!Atea, I do feel for you as I can see how much this guy means to you, I feel like getting your ex and banging some sense into him. He’s going to one day forever regret what he’s doing to do. He’s too young and carefree to see it right now but in time he will regret it big time.
You’ve travelled far personally within yourself as you know and only good things will come out of this in growth and maturity.
I think your strength and character says a lot about you how you’re handling the situation and by getting a moment of weakness is totally understandable.
I know what the weak moments are like and you did so well by occupying yourself to get rid of the urge. As you know I came overwhelmed by the desire today, I’m glad I sent the mail but I worry about my strength for the coming weeks.
It’s all too easy to slip up and break NC.
Well done atea for overriding your desire. 10/10 for you today and another day NC!
Tomorrow will be day 1 for me….. Again! LolI’m a bit far behind now!
He will probably find it annoying that you’re telling him to see the positives in his life, I bet he finds that a bit demeaning as he’s there wanting to have a pity party. However he can’t catch you on it because then he knows he will come across as immature when your email was so mature. I think your reply to him will make him respect you more. He’s probably thinking you must be moving on not only because you’re saying it but because you’re telling him to be positive!
And belle, did you develop cancer from an action he did? I’m not sure is this was a metaphor or not. If it wasn’t a metaphor then I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that! I hope it’s all sorted now?
I also find it baffling that he hasn’t mentioned your son!
And I completely understand your reaction to his bitterness as he’s the one that rejected you!!And yeah right as if he isn’t blaming you… But it’s good that he’s telling you he acknowledges everything you’ve said! I think he’s got the memo that he can’t behave in an angry way towards you, so he’s sticking to passive aggressive and pretending to be level. I think your last message to him hit home though as he then didn’t have anything to fire back with. Hopefully this will give him some really good food for thought!
How are you feeling? Here, have a shot! *hands out tequila* Well done for putting it all on the table:)
Lovely… Tequila… Down in one…pour me another, In fact line a few up and pour yourself a few! Hic!
Aphro… It was a metaphor!!
I like your meaning of a “pity party”. I laughed out loud when I read that!
My son heard me and said what’s so funny….I said “oh nothing” haha.I know I was nearing the edge in my mannerisms in second email as it could come across a bit know all ish. I needed to make a point and I needed to make sure I appeared strong, plus just the annoyance of his claim he’s got to start from scratch again, what the hell? He came to me with nothing because the year before he gave his wife everything. Maybe he’s remembering the wrong woman!
I opened his eyes to the real world. He got married very very young, 21 and 3 kids, then after 9/10 yrs left then a year later met me. So he had a mundane life up til meeting me, then i introduced him to life! Haha… Travel! Mojitos! Luxury lifestyle! Even non stick pans! Haha.
He won’t forget me! I was too much of a blast to forget! Ha!
Another tequila please… Cheers.I feel good tonight and feel positive that he responded quickly and not that nasty! Yay… Snails pace step forward!
Haha! It really would be so good to be able to have a drink with you lot!
Phew, so happy that was a metaphor!
I definitely understand how his email triggered you to send your the way you did, and I’m glad you did because it seemed to work! He really backed down in his last email by not mentioning anything bitter.
It’s possible he’s projecting some hurt from his previous marriage onto you, as he only has a year in between her and you! Not a lot of time to get past things. And no doubt will he forget you! He won’t forget being blown away like that, by you and your lifestyle!
Happy you’re feeling good! Oh and to answer your question earlier, I bought 3x sports bra’s, sports tights, thingy to keep my iPhone in whilst working out, and a few other bits and bobs. All very stylish which will motivate me to exercise! And I would love to have an exercise bike at home!! Something to look forward to tomorrow for sure.
I’m also starting mediyoga next Thursday after my exercise session. Looking forward to it:) I’m going to be building myself up physically and emotionally, and I’m viewing this time as a retreat to advance. By the summer I want to feel completely happy with who and where I am in life!
@belle, thanks for the kind words, always! my ex really does mean the world to him and we had a pretty healthy relationship reflecting back! sure there were ups and downs but overall i think we were both pretty lucky to be in it! i do feel i am maturing and growing stronger through all of this and i hope the same is happening for him. i hope you’re right in that one day he will regret this. it certainly doesnt seem that he will right now!!! sometimes the urges to break nc are almost unbearable. what helps me is to put the phone or laptop away and do something entirely different till it passes. plus, every time i come close to breaking it, i remind myself how much i don’t want to start over! right now i am aiming for 3-4 months and am about 2.5 weeks into it which doesnt seem like a lot! if i had broken it today then i would have to start again. i feel like each time i reach out I’m prolonging this whole process!!! i also want him to think i am moving on and continuing my life without him! even if its not true, by sticking to nc i think maybe he will start to believe it! i hope he pulls his head out of his ass soon and realizes what a massive mistake he’s made! who knows, if he takes too long maybe i wont even want him back! starting to get a bit impatient. i could use a tequila shot as well! through this breakup, wine and chocolate every night have been saviors!! and i too love pity parties. we all deserve them! i wish we could all commiserate together! I’m glad you’re feeling good after the exchange and I’m confident now you’ll have the strength and control to keep nc and it seems like you’re entering into the long period of nc on good terms, which i think is very important.
@aphrodite, i laughed this morning when seeing you write about your shopping spree! i think i tend to do that too often. sometimes retail therapy is just what the doctor ordered! plus having cute workout clothes is always a great incentive to get to the gym. going to the gym has made me feel so much better! i feel happy and accomplished and distracted when I’m there and its good for physical and mental health. and by the summer you will be in a completely new state of mind!! i am hoping for the same timeline as well. i hope to have this all resolved by then! if he still isn’t prepared to reconcile then i am mentally preparing myself to close the door on him and tell him to his face come the summer! for now we have to keep being patient and living in the moment!I think it was good you sent the email Belle. You have to do what is the best for you. It was good he responded back so quick and gave you something back at least. Better than my ex not being able to read my letter I gave her.
I’m pretty hung over today, didn’t get home till 5am. I remember at one point thinking about sending my ex a text…but then said no to myself immediately. One a positive note the bartender chick has kind of been hitting on me the past few weekends. She always tells me to smile more lol. I don’t really remember what i said to her exactly before I left but she wrote her number on a piece of paper and gave it to me. I texted her to give her my number a bit later and she sent back she was still cleaning up and a bunch of smiley faces. She texted me when she got out around 430 but I wasn’t driving and was still with friends. I find myself going out on Saturday nights and being way more comfortable hitting on girls which I’m happy about.
I know their is a lot for me to catch up on that was said here. Hopefully I will be able to do it later or tomorrow and write more about what you guys have said.
@mike2014, its great you didn’t send the drunk text! i was guilty of sending way too many of these in the weeks following the break up and none of them ever ended well as you can imagine! also I’m glad to hear you’re getting more comfortable hitting on girls. it gives me hope that maybe in a few months ill start feeling more up to dating!
Great control Mike2014! I’ve not been drinking too much lately exactly for that reason of firing off a idiotic message!
Aphrodite, gym clothes! Good investment! Mediyoga sounds great. I tell you, we are all going to be looking fab by summer!
Right, lights out for me in miserable cold London, shall catch up with you all tomorrow. Night night xx
hope you sleep well tonight, @belle!
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and feel like i want to rant a bit! all of a sudden today i had this feeling that maybe my ex and i are beyond the point of reconciliation. i mean, if we got back together some months from now, how would i ever be able to trust he wouldn’t do this again? how could i be sure he wouldn’t end things again for similar reasons, months or years down the road? if he is doing this now, maybe it is a pattern. i am starting to think maybe i am just better off getting my own closure now – telling him i want to close the door and agree that breaking up was the right decision and don’t want to reconcile down the line. maybe that will give me the closure i feel I’m lacking? I’m to sure how i would ever be able to trust him again after all this. also how would i forgive him for dating around in this time off? i would never want to discuss it with him but wouldn’t i be paranoid when girls who i don’t know text him that he possibly hooked up with them when we weren’t together? my braining is just swarming with all these different thoughts and ideas and now I’m more confused than ever! does anyone have any thoughts about this?
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