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Posts
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Thanks! I mean, I think I was lucky to escape a restraining order, I was that horrible and harassed her by text 🙁
The guy was someone who had been contacting her for a while, but she never pursued it, because she was with me. Her parents ordered her to reconsider her choice in me and consider other people. She said she did like him, and that he seemed funny. I asked her if she loved him more than me, she said she hardly knew him and did love me. She hyperventilated when she described how her parents made her see him.
I think she does like him, and obviously they are still together. The signs are clear. I am just hoping no contact will make her remember the good times. I have written her lots of apologies through text, even long ones. As for a letter, I do not know her address, she always came to my place, because I live in a city and she in a village. I do know her work address though, as I sent her flowers after we broke up, because I felt so guilty of cheating myself. I have done such horrid things, to her and her parents. I have been so crazy. It still gets to me.
@aphrodite, while i was reading your story, the major point that stood out to me was your ex did NOT appreciate you!! i sometimes felt this way with my ex, but not to the same extent. he always treated me well but sometimes i felt like his friends were more of a priority than me. i usually blamed this on age/immaturity, but who knows. anyway, back to your ex. i don’t doubt he loved you but the reason he treated you that way is probably quite simple – because you let him. i too am a very kind person, but those who know me would say i have a lot of edge! i think this time will be great for you because you will be doing a lot of self reflecting and learning to love yourself. i believe once you love yourself and truly believe you deserve to be treated as the most special girl in the world, you will by your ex or by another man! i think you remaining in nc will speak volumes to your ex! i honestly think he probably didn’t imagine you would be able to keep it for 30 days – that is a hard accomplishment! i think just by keeping nc you are changing the image of yourself in his eyes. he’s going to see you as a confident woman rather than a timid girl. whether or not you reconcile, you will be able to talk to him and show him your new confidence and high self-esteem. I’m so glad you’re able to recognize that you shouldn’t have allowed him to treat you this way. you’ve already taken him off the pedestal and thats wonderful! if you still want to reconcile, you know your relationship more than anyone and i am sure you have thousands of wonderful memories and had great times together. but if you reconcile, your relationship will be different because you will be a different and more confident person. try to embrace and appreciate this time to learn and grow as an individual. it sounds like you are doing so much self discovery! at a later date, you will get to tell your ex all about it. also as for discussing with your friends, i totally get it! many of my friends had a hard time relating because of my young age, most of them hadn’t been in such serious long term relationships as myself. i talked about it so much to them to the point that no one wanted to talk about it anymore and they all had so much resentment for my ex for making me so miserable when i am usually such a happy and optimistic person. so i stopped talking to everyone about it! to the outside world, it appears I’m getting over it. i wouldn’t say i feel I’m getting over it but i do feel happier day by day – i guess a fake it till you make it approach. thats why i love to vent on here 🙂 i still feel the need to get it all out and it still always occupies my mind, but i appreciate having a space to do it where were all in the same boat and I’m not being judged! plus, sometimes when I’m out with friends and i don’t talk about it and we discuss other things, i am able to be distracted and think about stuff other than my ex for the time being! stay strong @aphrodite, i think you’re really embracing this process and improving your self-esteem greatly!
We’ll I slipped up and I sent The Email. I’m kind of glad I did. It’s being hanging over me for ages as you know and I was like waiting for the 30 days just to send an email.
I’m so tired of this emotional roller coaster. It’s the pits. I just want to be happy again and I feel that this 30 days is ruling my life. The email was my closure of the relationship, everything I wanted to say in a mature level headed way that I don’t think anyone could slate me off for.
I’ve backed up the email with a text to him. I thought maybe my email might go into his junk and he misses it. Because he’s abroad I can also tell if I send a text that it’s been delivered. The internet is not great where he is so I can monitor my phone to see when he’s received it. Then I can guarantee he will get the email.I just want to move on, I’m tired of all this. Emotionally exhausted. Once he’s read my bit then he knows where my head is. I then have no more to say to him and then I do NC indefinatley.
Sorry guys for weakening but I hope you understand!
Where the hell did we go so wrong to end up feeling like the way we do!
There had better be some bloody good times ahead to compensate for all this crap!
@Belle don’t worry, nobody is going to judge you for that! There was a lot that needed to be said and I’m sure your email was very good and you had lots of time to think it through.
As the email was already written, there wouldn’t have been that much point in waiting on sending. You could have asked for advice here but you didn’t and there’s a reason for that – it was time. I completely understand your exhaustion and in your case your son is involved as well. Now you have said everything you needed, and it is up to him whether he is mature enough to receive the information or not. Either way, you have done your part and I salute you for that!
Good times are coming!!!
PS: I just went on a £200 online shopping spree! Maybe that’s going to be my next topic at the therapist’s…Thanks Aphrodite,
My email really was about unaddressed issues and Nother had ever been dealt with. I would like to say that it was not needy, it didn’t say anything about getting back together but more so about learning about ones self, how issues are dealt with or not as the case maybe. I did say about his issues of trust and negative speech and that he really needs to think about adressing these issues as not to make the same mistakes again but I didn’t make a big deal of this. More of the disappointment that I never had a chance to discuss anything.
I would like to say I came across level headed and mature, as I wanted to rise above his immaturity. I wanted him to feel that he’s dealt with a responsible adult and not compete with words and hurt.
I also told him that I did not expect an answer from him but that was his choice as this was my final closure, again I expressed that it was a shame this wasn’t done in person.I’ve explained myself for actions. I’m happy with that and quiet frankly if he doesn’t respond it will show he has a huge chip on his shoulder and doesn’t possess the maturity to respond.
Im glad I’ve sent it, it’s done and not hanging over me. The text has not been delivered yet so he maybe out of signal and won’t get the email just yet, but again I can monitor that by whether the text gets delivered or not.
Shopping spree! I love the sound of that! Did you buy anything nice?
I bought a cheap exersise bike today! Haha, it’s being delivers tomorrow!I know how you feel about wishing emotional trauma would stop. The brain whizzIng all the time,maths king about the same crap all the time! It’s exhausting. Now the email has been sent I know I will wait and wait and wait for a response but I would have done that in any case in a few weeks time so hoping by a few weeks I will be over the sending of the email and get no response rejection! Hahaha.
I’ve got a response! That was quick!
I need advice so here is his response…bit long.Thank you for your email I am glad that now you have closure and can move on. I accept the issues you talk about which are relative to yourself and only you can relate to how if they had been known at the time of us being together they could have been addressed and we would understand how things happened for a reason when we were not right over the years together. I guess I will always cast my mind back to our first date when we discussed what was and wasn’t right, we both sang off the same song sheet and you agreed date sites were a no go area. Perhaps if I had known that wasn’t the case I would have walked away.
I have been unhappy over many things but I guess the one thing I would like you to understand is my issues I have to deal with and I do not blame you, I blame myself and so this makes it very hard I guess as hard as you have found it to recognise your reasons for doing things. The time to re build my life back will take many years as I have lost time which cannot be rebuilt. You have your dad, your house, children and will survive. I will get back to a place where I’m happy but cannot just pick up as you do as you still have all those essentials.
I am glad you have closed the book on us and can least move on.
Comments opinions?
I’ve responded by saying..
May I remind you as you seem to forget the essentials in life.
You too have a house, children, a large family and will survive. You have exactly the same what I do and exactly the same as what you came into the relationship as I do when we met
Please look at things positively in your life and embrace the great things you do. The negative thoughts will have a knock effect in your life.Please let me remind you that not only do you have exactly the same as me when we hooked up but you actually have much more because you learnt off me, you travelled, you enriched yourself. You’ve not been sitting in a 1 bedroom flat watching Coronation street and going for a curry once a week. You’ve come away from me much learned.
Look at things positively. You can it your house out as you wish, have lads weekends with your kids and have a good life. You even know how to cook scrambled eggs in a non stick pan (In house joke)Date sites were a result of negative behaviour and speech from yourself. It was not part of my life when I met you. Why would you wLk away from someone who developed cancer from an action you did?
I asked for a positive response from you or nothing at all. You couldn’t manage it.
You’ve a long road ahead and I wish you good luck
I edited it for you guys as rambled a bit more.
Sorry for the long posts!hi @belle,
i don’t think it was a mistake sending the email. as I’ve said from day one i don’t think theres one formula or set of rules to follow to get an ex back. sometimes you just need to go with your gut and follow your heart and go from there! i also really like that he responded right away. it showed he does not want to play games. i think his email was very honest. I’m glad he recognizes that he has personal issues he has to work on and does not blame you for them. I’m sure it still must have stung when he said “i am glad you have closed the book us and can at least move on”. thats not quite the response any of us are really looking for. but i still don’t think its the be all, end all. when my ex and i broke up about a month later i texted him telling him i missed him and his response was “please move on”. when we spoke again two weeks after that he told me it was hard for him to say that to me but he wants me to be happy and knows he’s not ready to commit to me again and he doesnt want me sitting around being miserable while waiting for him. I’m assuming your ex feels the same. he has personal issues to work on his own and he wants you to be happy in the meantime. he’s also grateful you have a support system to lean on when going through this. i think the fact that he responded right away showed maturity and respect towards you, even if his response wasn’t really what you were hoping for. how did that make you feel getting that response? I’m happy you’re not sitting here waiting for the response now! we are all here for you and will help you form a plan of action from here! hope you are doing ok.sorry didn’t see your response! but i think what you said was great. its good to get the feelings out there and I’m glad you threw in a light joke. it sounds like he’s not in a great place in his life but maybe if he is in a better place somewhere down the road you can reconcile. how do you feel? are you happy you sent the letter?
Well this is confusing…
He’s clearly bitter, it’s as if he’s saying he lost all those years, they were wasted because you had said dating sites were a no go and you went on one later. This seems very rigid. I am assuming he was incredibly hurt by his ex, and he thought going into the relationship with you that it was a safe harbour. This makes him all the more bitter because he thought he had been given a guarantee that things like that would not happen. Maybe he has very high morals himself which he views as a sacrifice and will therefore be resentful if he felt his “sacrifice” was in vain. I really don’t know but this is clearly bitterness.
He’s saying he’s lost time that cannot be rebuilt – even more bitterness. The irony is he wanted you to take him back but flipped!! He’s also seeming bitter in that you have more than him regarding your father, house and children. He’s totally taking the victim role on this.
He says he’s glad you’re moving on, but I’m sensing lots of bitterness in there too. Like “good for you, at least one of us is moving on….” That kind of thing. He hasn’t said anywhere that he will move on just that this will take a long time.
Honestly? I think you’ve got a chance to get him back around about now. I can’t be sure of course but that’s what i pick up from this. He’s licking his wounds a lot, not being too angry and not telling you he’s moving on.
I’m glad I sent it because as I said before I would just be waiting to 30 days to basically hear the same.
I’m pleased he responded straight away. Yes the move on and closed book hurt… A lot! Thank you for reminding me that not always that’s the case.I don’t understand his thought process of his life has been set back, as I mentioned in my response. I just don’t get it. He’s exactly the same as where I am and we both have no more no less than when we first met.
I think I’m throwing light on his negativity which is what I want him to know out of everything. He’s not a negative person but since he got the new job and big ego he just began to think in a different way.I’m pleased he responded. I don’t expect another response from the mail I sent back.
I still can’t get over that he doesn’t ask after my son. My ex seems so wrapped up in his own world.
Aphrodite, I think you’ve picked up more than what I’ve picked up but you’ve hit nail on the head with bitterness.
If you remember when he was begging me back but with conditions it was like I want you back but I can’t because I’m bitter. I sensed he was not genuine in wanting me back, if you want someone back you don’t put conditions in place.I’m glad I responded about the re building he’s got to do because mark my word if anything I’ve come away worse. Financially I’m the same as when I met him, house, car kids, I’ve funded everything myself. He’s still got his house, a better job thanks to me! His family…etc….
I could say but I’m 8 yrs older and on scrap heap. He’s 5 yrs younger than me and he’s got more time on his hands. I could be so bitter towards him but I guess I take responsibilities of everything I do (mostly). This is another life fuck up and I’ve got to get on with it.
I could be so bitter because he still doesn’t mention my son!!!! I’ve decided not to even bring my son into the equation because he’s clearly using the situation as leverage. He wants me to mention my son …. I’m not that stupid! LolHe’s still away, I don’t think there will be any chance for further communication until he comes back… 3-4 months I’m now putting this at.
Very positive he responded straight away.
No mention about Sky! Hahaha
@belle, i agree him not asking about your son was not very considerate at all. he seems very self absorbed and wrapped up in his own emotions. i do think he is a bit too emotional to have a mature, adult conversation about the relationship. i think maybe it is too soon. i think the moved on and closed book thing was probably very hard to hear. whether or not he means it, i think you will only be able to see in time. i think people say a lot of things they don’t mean when they are feeling emotional and going through a breakup. maybe it is helping him to move on by saying that. i think if i were you i would remain in 60-90 days strict nc and then maybe reach out again. sometimes you need significant time away from each other before being able to talk again over a clean slate
i agree- very positive he responded straight away! at least he is not refusing communication. i think its silly to say whether or not the breakup is easier or beneficial for one person over the other!!! it is hard and emotional for both. he is still playing the blame game a bit
Atea, it must have crucified you wen you text your ex that you missed him and he responded by saying move on!! I want to hug you right now!
Ladies… I’ve another response from him from my last mail!….
It’s short you will be pleased!He says..
Thank you.
I hope you at least see I am not blaming or casting anything off you write, I read it and acknowledged what you have said. Now I am glad that you have closure.Analyzations please??
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