NC support

@belle, you are in the right mindset!!! don’t force yourself to accept it’s over but also don’t wait around for him to come back. I’ve made sooo much progress since i switched to this mindset! by just taking each day as it comes it makes the whole process seem less overwhelming. I’m sure your ex has a great side to him or you wouldn’t have stayed with him for so many years! but its true he hasn’t acted very nice since things ended. maybe you will decide not to send the email, but either way it will be YOUR choice. i think you will know when you’re ready to make a decision on it. i don’t think your lack of response made him indifferent at all. it definitely created a rise! either he will start to panic that he is losing you or he might be feeling similar feelings of anger towards you, or maybe he is missing you. definitely not indifference!! if he were indifferent, he would not have used that lame excuse to make contact!!! you’re being stronger than him at this point!

I would accept what he called it, a break. Overtime it can lead to a breakup however if one of you decides to completely move on. It sounds similar to my friends situation that I shared with you where since they were both going to different college he asked for space. They both went on living their lives, still seeking each other when they went home and reaching out occasionally. Down the road they got back together and are now married and happy. It’s funny because my friend is a different person when he’s home compared to how he was at school. No one really knew him like I did because we were very close and I knew his family and how he was back home. I wasn’t surprised that they linked back up after school was over because at that time he knew what he wanted. He was ready to settle down. He didn’t want to hurt her because of things he would do at school enjoying the lifestyle of college. He knew he had to let her go and took that chance. If your bond is that strong you guys too will get back together. He didn’t date girls at school but wasn an angel either lol.

Thanks you gals for reading my comments and responding. I am back to feeling much better after my two weird down moments.

I have another question… She mentioned to me not long ago that she still has all the gifts and pictures of us and she hasn’t removed anything from her life. Is that something girls will do even after they end things? I took the few pictures down I had up and put everything in a bag in my closet. I don’t want to look at them, but I also don’t want to destroy all the memories.

@mike2014, yes that story sounds similar to mine. actually i had come across a conversation my ex had over text with one of his best friends about a month before the break up and my ex said he genuinely thought he would marry me one day but he felt he needed this time off and his friend advised him to take it. it sounds like your friend took years away from his girlfriend though – and i definitely don’t feel prepared for that! maybe since were a bit older and in the same city it wont take quite as long for my ex. i do wonder if he is deciding to completely move on. he’s only initiated a conversation once and has been SO strong about sticking to this breakup. its still kind of hard for me to read whether he’s moving on or not. i guess in a couple of months ill ask him where he stands.
as far as your ex keeping gifts and pictures and stuff, it sounds exactly like my ex again! when we met up, he was wearing a watch i gave him and still using the wallet i gave him years ago. he also told me he can’t bring himself to throw away my toothbrush at his apartment because he likes being reminded of me first thing in the morning and last thing before he goes to sleep. i was so confused!! he wont date me but keeps my toothbrush in his bathroom?! i personally have all the jewelry he gave me and other gifs and things in a box in my closet. i gave him back all the clothes of his that i had and i even gave him a shoebox filled with love letters and cards he had written me throughout the years. i didn’t have the heart to throw them away and knew i had no self control and reread them constantly if i kept them so i asked him to hold on to them for me and maybe one day i can have them back. your ex keeping all reminders of you tells me she is really not ready to move on. i think the first thing someone does when trying to move on is to try to get rid of those things. i think her keeping them has more to do with her being the dumper than being a girl. i think most people who get dumped initially try to ease the pain through getting rid or putting away some of those stuff. but i agree with belle its a little unfair for her to tell you this stuff. to me, it sounds like she still loves you and is scared to lose you, but for some reason is also scared to commit. i stand by what i said the other day that if at some point you want to reconcile, you should be completely honest in how much you love her and what you want. but i do think a longer period of nc is a good idea before telling her this because it will help you decide what you really want out of all this.

@belle, yes we are all slowly but surely making progress. I’m happy to hear you’re feeling positive! we all have such mixed emotions everyday and I’m so thankful to have you all to vent to!

I’m not surprised you’re confused!

Why can’t people be straight up! Would make life a heck of a lot easier!

Poor you!

I wouldn’t say poor me tho. She isn’t doing it to be evil or I’ll spirited. She doesn’t have a bad bone in her body. She has always been appreciative of what I have done for her in the past and even post breakup. It makes me happy at least that she was receptive to everything. I didn’t do my best of always making her happy when we together and gave up on doing nice things towards the end. Like I said if me doing the few nice things I did post breakup made her happy that’s all that matters to me. I don’t think she even thought showing me them would be something that would make me confused…I think I was just instinctive to share it with me I guess. When she cried so much that night…she texted me the next to apologize for how she acted and for being so emotional.

Someone once told me that I don’t deserve closure from her. I now agree with them. I tried a few times to get it but will never expect it since I lasted asked for it in July. I know it’s too hard for her to give me reasons. She made a decision and I have to respect that…that’s really all that she deserves to do.Ultimately I’m just happy now that I got to spend 8 plus years with her. I don’t know if I will ever get that again but I’m happy I had it once. She really made me a better person and I’m appreciate of that now. I will see how I feel in March if I want to see where we stand. Maybe one day she will ask to work rhings out on her own. If not I have a lot of great memories.

you sound like a really great guy and I’m a little envious on how mature you are about all of this! i guess i just haven’t reached a place of acceptance yet, but maybe that will come in more time. your ex seems like a great person too and i have no doubt that she didn’t show you or tell you those things to hurt you. in reality, she probably feels scared and confused. she loves you but she feels she needs this time to herself. she doesnt want to string you along and make you wait but she also still loves and cares about you so she’s not cold either. its a tough position for her to be in as well. its great that you can recognize your own mistakes so you can prevent them in your next relationship whether it be with her or with someone else. its nice to look at it that you did have all that time together, but for me, i still feel like i didn’t get enough time! maybe a few months down the line ill get used to it more. someone also told me once that closure only really happens when one person has completely moved on and meets someone else or permanently cuts all contact. other than that, there is no conversation to really ever give any of us the closure we are looking for i guess. you seem really mature and it seems like the love you shared with her was really special. I’m rooting for a reconciliation for you 🙂

@unimare, do not break NC!!! it will bring you back to square one. I’m sure there are other people you can ask or you can search online to find the answer to your question. the point of nc is to get yourself back. if he reaches out to you and you want to answer, by all means go ahead, but do not reach out to him. it will make the 11 days you’ve been through pointless. you should be doing nc to get yourself back and to take time to think and to allow him to do the same. I’ve found when I’ve broken nc after around two weeks its really difficult to start it up again. i always end up texting him daily for the next couple days and it makes everything harder. plus asking him a question would show you still want his help and value his opinion and those are not messages you want to be sending him right now. i wouldn’t think of it as a game if he would appreciate you still respecting his decision or if it would impact him more to find out you made the decision alone. nc isn’t a game – its for healing. you shouldn’t break it under any circumstance right now unless there is something going on that is crucial to discuss like death, illness, moving away, etc. stick with NC – you do not want to be friends and it is too soon to talk