-
Posts
-
It’s crazy. One minute I feel like im completely over my ex. Like I dont care at all and im just fine. Then it will hit me that there is still something there.
NC works wonders really. To think about where I was and where I am now.
Hang in there people. It gets better. And dont concentrate on them having someone new. Only concentrate on loving yourself and improving your life. Find yourself and then you can find your ex again. Or possibly someone even more fit for you.
@aphrodite, it is really such a roller coaster of emotions! i am totally with you on that. I’m glad you’re going to therapy though, it helped me sooo much at the beginning of my break up! and you’re almost halfway through nc 🙂 the second half will be easier!!
@labound, so happy you are doing better and also so normal for the back and forth of those emotions. I’m a few months behind you but beginning to feel the same. there are times i feel totally fine without my ex and think i deserve to be with someone who never breaks up with me so i should leave it and move on but then there are other times i feel an overwhelming sense of being in love with him and missing him and feeling quite certain like he’s “the one”. it does get easier, but this mix of emotions is truly exhausting!Yes it’s absolutely possible that your ex thinks of you and misses you despite seeing someone else. It’s also possible that he doesn’t, and is only focusing on the new person in his life. However that may change in time.
I really advise you to get out of his head though, and back into your own!!! I think that’s one of the most important steps of moving on. It’s to resist wondering what your ex is up to or thinking as much as you can, and focus only on your goals and plans ahead for you. Realise and accept that there is nothing you can do to change it right now, and practice letting go, and grieve. Your ex broke up with you, and is therefore no longer in your life, so whatever he does or thinks should be irrelevant to you and your life now. I know that’s easier said than done, but with time, space, practice and distraction it will get easier. I wouldn’t contact him until the relationship is over or until he contacts you.
I’m currently thinking that if my ex doesn’t reach out, I won’t contact him at all. I don’t want to know what he’s up to, and I’m not ready to hear how great his life is (if that’s the case) after what he did to me. Let’s see how I feel after I’ve been to see my therapist who is very pro-ex though.
Seems like you’ve come quite far then! Being able to have moments where you’re completely over your ex is good!!
Sure is a roller coaster! Yes therapy is great, however my therapist keeps saying that my ex will be back and I don’t know how much that helps me move on. But I’m gonna give some new information today that might change his mind on that.
Hope you’re right that the second half will be easier – but like I said I think I may go NC indefinitely until he reaches out if he ever does. He said he wanted to be friends but hasn’t even contacted me about this practical matter, so I take it those were just empty words. I’ll write in my journal when I feel like contacting him. Feeling bitter this morning.
I’m very happy to hear that you too have moments where you feel fine without him, atea!! Hope that’s what me, belle and the rest of us have to look forward to! Just yesterday I felt an overwhelming sense of love for him, then back to apathy. Haha it really is sooo exhausting!!!
@aphrodite you’re right. I gotta focus on myself. Something awkward happened tho. Last week I saw my ex’s BF where I worked.i think he was checking me out. I work at a grocery store and he bought stuff and left then came back inside and bought more stuff and was still staring at me. I was like ??? He also wrote me on Grindr aswell and I’m like does my ex even know he was on Grindr..what I’m trying to say is this guy is no good for him I’m just saying he seems like a douche
Wow, people have been busy whilst I’ve been sleeping!
I too am off for therapy this morning, best take lots of tissues! Lol
Shall drop back in later on.
Everyone keep NC!
Hello all,
It’s weird but the last two days have been rough. It’s strange because I havn’t had a rough day in a few months. I’m not sure what even caused it. I know I said I would stay off here, but honestly with my breakup being so long ago didn’t want to go to any friends or family so thought maybe could get some support from here.
For some reason she has been on my mind a lot the past two days. I know I shouldn’t be worrying because the situation is what it is and she made the decision to move on. Sometimes I just wish she wouldn’t have been so nice during this whole breakup. I wish she wouldn’t always mention that we can hang out or talk when we do. Wish she wasn’t so emotional about it always.
I won’t be reaching out or asking her to hang…that is all on her. After such a long break up period and knowing my ex I just don’t see her breaking down and asking to be back…I have to let those thoughts of hope go. I thought about taking to her around the one year point, but now I feel like I would look like a crazy person going to her with that type of talk and it wouldn’t even be fair to her to bring it up. The thing I have been thinking about the last two days is….when I saw our relationship going sour the last few months because of me being distant and unemotional…why didn’t I do more than to try to save it? After the break up initially I wanted to save it and show her I cared, but I know it was too late then. I have to realize I played a part in my problem and that I can’t ever expect her to want to try again. Maybe she made a wise choice.
Mike2014
I do t know what’s worse, having an ex nice to you or an ex that’s nasty.
I mean really nasty. Angry nasty. He’s not enquired about my son for 2 months. A boy who loved him as his own dad. The last comms from his was about bloody Sky tv he’s cancelling.
I seriously don’t know what worse. It must cut you up though that’s she nice. I don’t think it’s that bad thing to contact an ex after 1 year. I guess if you’ve down all you can to move on and date etc then if you’re still single then there is no harm in getting in touch with her.
As for trying to save relationships at the end, we all act in different ways.
You said you were cold and distant and you wonder why you behaved like that. I guess that was down to your emotions at the time and how you dealt with it.
I too behaved in a way I wish I hadn’t but I was hurt and I was unable to talk to him as my anger would show so I would rather not see him. Hindsight is. Wonderful thing….not! LolNon of us want false hope but you can’t say she will never want to try again.
Never say never!Didn’t end up having therapy today after all, so I went shopping. Lol.
I don’t know what’s worse either, having a nasty ex, a nice ex or an ex that ignores your existence. It’s not ideal either way!
I guess with a nice ex, it’s hard because you may want to be angry but find it unjustified due to them being so nice.
This whole process is a roller coaster, and I think the second we believe we’re over them something happens to make us aware that we aren’t. It will take time. I recommend you write down somewhere everything you would want to say to her had you met up. It helps when you get it out of your system.
I didn’t do enough to try and save my relationship either. I was too upset and angry to be cool or friendly when things started going south. I don’t blame myself, and I don’t think you should either. For whatever reason, you did what you thought was best at the time. I’ve learned from this, and I’ll know that next time I have to sit myself down and extract the essentials of the problems, not get too caught up in details, and communicate them in an open and friendly way.
Don’t worry, we all learn from this, and we’re improving ourselves! All we can do is become the people we’ve always wanted to be, and hope that our exes will want us. If they don’t, life will go on in one way or other, it always does even if it seems like it won’t.@aphrodite, sometimes a little retail therapy is the best! i too am really thinking of going nc indefinitely. i feel like he knows where i stand after we spoke two weeks ago and i told him i wasn’t waiting around or forcing myself to move on and i was just taking things one day at a time and focusing on me. i told him while i still love him and hope we reconcile one day, i know i will be ok either way. so he knows exactly where i stand. i told him i was there whenever he wanted to talk. sooo i feel like its his place to reach out to me if he feels ready at a certain point to discuss our future and relationship. i guess he never does some months from now i will probably try to get some closure if i am still feeling like the door is very open, but i am far away from that. if i haven’t heard from her before my birthday then i can wait until then and ask him to meet up and discuss then! but until then, nc indefinitely for me too.
@belle, glad you’re going to therapy as well 🙂 it feels good to talk to someone about it. i actually had asked my therapist initially if she thought holding on to such strong hope that he would come back would be detrimental to my moving on. she used the analogy that if a family member is really sick and might not make it, getting hysterical before that happens isn’t helpful. she said whether or not the family member will pass away or not would be out of my control, but if it happened i would have to digest it then and if the family member got better than it would be good that i was hopeful and saved myself a lot of pain! her point? my ex may or may not come back but either hoping or moving on totally won’t really impact that. he will make his choice. in my situation at least, she told me he isn’t even saying he thinks its over for good yet, so don’t need to convince myself it is unless at a later date it comes true that he’s moved on. i think thats why i would need my closure talk with, to know a few months from now if he’s moved on! if he has, then certainly ill have to as well! therapists are the best sometimes:)
@mike2014, i think it is normal to still have those down days months later. after 8 years i would imagine it will take a long time to feel completely whole again. and i hear what you’re saying about the “nice ex”. yours actually sounds even nicer than mine who has shown more or less indifference. he was emotional all three times I’ve seen him but also very firm in his decision. he bawled breaking up with me, cried and told me he loved me when he came to pick up his stuff from my apartment, and most recently when we got lunch, we both cried hugging and kissing before saying goodbye. he is nice in the sense that whenever I’ve reached out, he has never once ignored me. he always answers honestly but also politely. essentially what he always says is he loves me and he hopes our relationship eventually will be much stronger than this and that he isn’t ready and needs more time but hopes we can reconcile eventually. he also doesnt really ever reach out to me – only once last week in the whole 3.5 months since weve been broken up – because he doesnt want to send mixed signals. the one or two times i simply just texted to say hi and catch up he was very friendly and happy to hear from me. i agree having this kind of ex is confusing! for your situation, and I’m no expert, and this may not be the best advice, but i think it has been enough time for you to be honest about how she feels. you don’t want to live with regrets and if you truly feel like she’s “the one”, why not be honest? tell her why you acted the way you did at the end and tell her you want to be with her and are willing to do what it takes. if she’s still not interested, theres no loss – you already aren’t together! she seems kind and will listen and i think the worst thing will bet or you to look back on this and years from now and not be able to say you did everything you could. if you do try and do everything you can to get her back and she still doesnt want to, maybe it will become easier to move on for you and can serve as some closure. again, I’m not an expert and don’t want to steer you wrong it just seems like enough time has passed and you both clearly still love each other and have nothing to lose. don’t rush this though, wait until you’re ready to deal with her possibly rejecting. i know last week you had mentioned maybe waiting another 3 months. take your time and do what feels right when it feels like the right time 🙂Yeah I agree that you should go NC indefinitely as he will no doubt contact you, and you’ve said everything you wanted him to know about where you stand.
I keep having days where I just want the day to be over. Can you guys relate? I just want it to be the future, where I’m either completely over him or back with him asap. I can’t believe he’s happy us not being in contact like this… That this is what he wants. It doesn’t make sense. Feeling the urge to contact again so I’m writing here. I can really feel that void, though all in all I am a lot more apathetic.
Ooh, lots to read!
I’ve been to Shrink and I’m co dependant and have abandoment issue. My head is buzzing with all the revelations and behavious issues. The good thing is my ex uses negative speech which then kicks of my abandoment and together we are co dependant.
Positively it means I can address my personal issues, negative, my ex’s head is so stuffed up his ass he would never in a millions years acknowlege he has any issues! Especially right now!I’ve still not responded to his email the other night, but I’ve concocted a huge email expressing about the reasons of break up, issues and consequences. I’ve not sent it and don’t want to just yet because I think he will trash it even thoug it’s full of revelations And acknowlegments. Shall I wait to 30 days to send it or send it sooner?
Sorry I’ve not had time to respond to your posts as yet. I don’t mean to me all me me me today!
@aphrodite, i feel the exact same way. i just want it to be 6 months from now so i all either feel better and hopefully have a lot of this behind me or i will be back with him, working towards a reconciliation. i try myself trying to just pass the days too. as for being happy you aren’t in contact, i wouldn’t assume he’s thinking that. its probably hard for him to be in contact with you as well and he is also probably confused and doesnt want to send mixed signals. remember, this is what he wants right now, but its still early on and this can change in time. i agree about feeling that void too. i feel happier overall but still a sense of not being whole yet. i guess it takes more time
@atea1234 I was on a dating site and I saw my ex on there. I’m guessing the rebound relationship is going rocky. After my NC and he is still on there I will contact him but if not I’ll keep the NC going :3
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.