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Thanks @atea1234 ! I appreciate your reply. I know NC is best, and I will stick to it. Should I just not reply to him when he texts me? I feel bad because we were talking, so for me to just stop randomly will be confusing to him… he didn’t ask me any question in his last message though, he just told me about his show and that he recommends I watch it. I guess I can just not respond. Last week we said we couldn’t be friends and I told him I needed to go on radio silence… so, I’m sure he’ll understand that my lack of response means I still need space. There’s no need to keep telling him. Or maybe i’m just busy. He doesn’t want to be in a real relationship with me, so this is what he gets, right? I don’t have to be attentive now!
I was just thinking about saying “thanks for the recommendation” and then resuming nc… but as childish as this sounds, I kinda want him to wonder why i’m not responding, haha.Also, I feel so much stronger going in NC knowing I was the one to start it! I feel in control with him being the last one to initiate the conversation, and me not even responding. It’s somehow easier, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I think it’s just that I’m hoping my lack of reply will get to him, haha.
Anywho, you’re right @atea1234… This NC period is for me to grow as a person and find happiness without him. There’s no point and talking with him right now. He was clear that he didn’t want to reconcile, and that he was trying to meet new girls. He’s obviously just talking to me because he’s bored and lonely, and that’s not fair! So until he reaches out, i’m keeping NC. Congrats to you on maintaining NC and being so strong. You seem like a very confident woman, and it’s sad that your ex broke up with you when there was nothing wrong! I do understand that he’s young, but gah… he could very well end up losing you and an amazing relationship, all because he feels he didn’t explore enough. People are predictable, yet complicated…
Life, eh?
personally, i wouldn’t respond since he didn’t ask a question and so its not rude to respond. he broke up with you and you owe him nothing. if he reaches out again and you feel tempted to respond, i would just say that you’re not angry at him and have accepted the break up, but would appreciate if he didn’t text you for a while to give you some time and space to move forward. i think he will respect that. plus you saying that to him will motivate yourself not to break nc because you will look weak to him if you say that and then text him. i said this to my ex initially and he didn’t text me at all and then 30 days later i texted him to clear the air and told him i was doing better and was happy and moving on and wished him the best and i still loved him and hope we can reconcile one day but that I’ve accepted either way ill be fine and happy. then i resumed nc again. asking him for space initially was really helpful for me because it forced me not to contact him, i knew i wouldn’t hear from him so i wasn’t constantly hoping or checking my phone, and i felt like i got a little power back.
and thank you 🙂 i feel very weak and sad at times but it is getting better with time. i agree, we met young but i always felt lucky and never would’ve given it up. he dated me from 16-23 exclusively so in a way, i do understand why he would want this time and if we do end up together i would never want him to resent me. i just hope he comes back soon with a newfound appreciation and commitment for our relationship, but its so unpredictable! its already been 3.5 months so i don’t think that is happening anytime soon…
I’ve made myself look weak so many times, ugh. Just last week, after the car accident I was an emotional wreck so I told him I needed space and I had to go on radio silence. I texted him the next day saying I wanted to be friends! I was acting crazy… I think his ignoring me drove me nuts. I managed to do NC for a week, and that’s when we started talking again last night. But talking is not productive, so now I will finally regain the power and not reply. It feels easier doing that… And I want him to reach out again, but on one hand I don’t, as I don’t want to have to tell him I need space. It sounds dumb, but it’s because I know when I do, he just won’t reply! And it infuriates me that he can’t just say something like “I understand, i’ll give you space!” or SOMETHING! He just doesn’t say anything, haha. I think he knows it bothers me… Or I don’t know. This is silly. Maybe i’ll just ignore him, he’ll get the hint.
every time you want to break nc, keep reminding yourself that you will have to reset the clock all over. if your initial goal was 30 days – after a week you were almost 1/4 there! and not you need to start again at zero. whenever you feel tempted remind yourself that the week or two that have passed since you started nc will be for nothing if you break it because you will have to start all over again. there should be no reason for you to break nc because you can’t be friends and he will reach out to you if he has a change of heart. if you really keep nc for 3-4 months from now and are still feeling a burning desire to talk and he hasn’t reached out, then i would say go for it. but for now, stick to it!!! it does get easier. i didn’t think it would, but i promise you it does!
You never know what the future holds, @atea1234!
It sounds like you have a very strong bond, and you’re very mature for your age.
In our generation, men tend to be afraid to commit at such a young age, so i’m not surprised that your ex has decided to explore. It really, really sucks though. I’m so sorry for you! My ex has been terribly afraid of commitment, but so much so that I thought getting into a relationship at age 26 was still too young! hahah. It sounds like your ex is more stable than mine though, as he was with you for so long. He may only need a few more months. He could need a year or longer. This is why NC is so good for you, as it’s out of your hands… you need to find happiness on your own, and you already know this 🙂 you’re doing a great job so far! Don’t get discouraged. We can be very happy without our exes. And in time, you should try dating others too. Just to see what’s out there, or to have fun. I don’t want to date right now either… the thought of sex with others makes me kinda ill, but hopefully that’ll pass. I’m forcing myself to see guys, and we should all do that. If only to give us a confidence boost!Thanks atea. NC it is! Your’e right again, we both agreed we can’t be friends, and he doesn’t want to date… so what’s the point in talking? I will keep NC, unless he has a change of heart like you said. I owe him nothing; i’m not his girlfriend, so I don’t have to be there for him anymore.
Chatting makes me feel better, I super appreciate your replies 🙂
thanks! I’ve been dating casually very little here and there but found it was making me feel worse so just took a break for a while. i will get back out there in a few months if i feel ready. i am actually already finding some happiness without my ex 🙂 i still want him back but find myself laughing a lot again and am more or less ok. i think its unrealistic for him to think he can come back after a year or two to our relationship. if it takes him more than a few months, i really believe i will move on, but i guess well see what happens and time will tell!
@atea1234 ok I’m totally gonna do the 60 day challenge! But what if he’s still seeing someone?
@krisem478, i don’t think i would contact my ex at all if i knew he were seeing someone, but thats just because i couldn’t handle it emotionally. if you’re ok with seeing/talking to your ex while he’s dating someone else and you still want to talk to him after 60 days that will be your choice! but personally i think i wouldn’t initiate contact until the relationship was over
@atea1234 Ok I guess I will have to just let it run its course. The only way I would know is by twitter because of NC. In the mean time I gotta focus on rebuilding
Take it easy!!! Just don’t respond to it, continue to be NC. You have to be in NC until you feel a lot more removed from the situation and emotionally stable about it! You’ve gotta build yourself and your own life up to a point that makes you feel happy, where you feel that you no longer need her (though you may still want her). You were doing great, and you were thrown another challenge. That’s exactly what this is, so “challenge accepted!”. I recommend writing a journal, just blasting out all you’re emotions into words. Don’t send anything to her, but get it out of your system. When you have completed NC you can assess whether or not you want to contact her and tell her how her actions made you feel. No doubt has this made things harder, but you will level up more if you take on this challenge! If it helps them remove her from Instagram. You don’t need to see that sh*t right now. You have your own plans!
Good morning everyone!
There’s a lot of traffic on this thread, so if anyone asked me anything that I missed please do so again!
@LAbound happy to see you found us! How are you doing?I slept in chunks last night and kept dreaming about ex reaching out. Keep going from hopeful to apathetic and giving up. I’m off to therapy in a few hours and I can’t wait! Day 11 NC today for me. x
@aphrodite even though my ex is seeing someone, do you think my ex thinks of me or misses me?
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