NC support

Atea1234,

You’ve made me chuckle!
Each of us look at each others situation and we naturally put our own breakup and reconciliation at the bottom of the pile and think everyone else is going to get back to get her except me.
That’s natural we think like that but the end of the day that is just speculation. Non of knows what lies ahead and that’s why we analyse every single word, action and behaviour from our ex’s.
I sympathise with you that you feel at a disadvantage because he’s being amicable, not much emotion. From where I am it looks like anything could happen at any time and if you lookout the bigger picture it’s only been 3.5 months. It’s felt like an age but in the scale of things it’s not. If you said it’s been 3.5 years I would say isn’t it time you move on! Lol.
My wisdom says live life. My heart says no she can’t because she’s in the same boat as me. Time needs to go by. He needs this time being single, he probably watched his single mates have fun do crazy things and be carefree not having to worry about treading on egg shells with a girlfriend on the scene.
He’s young, he needs to be a single guy. I know you know this and you’re doing a grand job. The fact that you’ve had such a close relationship for many years and have not even fallen out like my ex and I, there is every chance he will come back.
You don’t know if it will be a year or two or even just another week! I feel for you, I really do, but it’s early days! Focus on April, your birthday and make your focus.

There is no magic answer for you my lovely, he will be back at some point though. Sigh!!

You know what you have to do in the mean time, once you’re back studying things will be a little easier I’m sure. You know the ritual of what we have to do, doing time…. Rather like prison isn’t it! Lol. We are trapped within ourselves all wanting to escape!

As I’ve said before, you will be very happy again one day, after time has passed we will all be happy. Whether we get back with our ex’s or find other guys we will be happy eventually. It’s just the here and now that’s so damn painful and we are all very impatient!

You’re doing great atea.

I agree, talking to you two is a saviour! A true blessing you’ve no idea!

Nearly bed time here so shall say goodnight and catch you tomorrow. You sleep well and that’s another NC day done! Yippee! X

@unimare, 9 days of Nc isn’t very long! I know it seems it though. My ex and I had spoken every single day for the past 7 years so it was a shock to my system to even go one full day without talking to him. Almost like an addiction. I still miss him, although it does get easier! Glad to hear you had an active day and feel better. Just stay strong. People said the same about my ex – that they couldn’t understand him ending it! His own mom even told me she thought he was making a huge mistake! But we don’t know why they do what they do. The best we can do is keep Nc, stay positive and happy, and hope they come back or we move on and meet someone better! It’s nice to hear that story about your friend though and goes to show even in extended Nc periods that both people are probably still thinking of each other. I’m planning to keep it unless my ex reaches out to me. I’m not sure how long it would take him – but at least the end of April is my birthday so I can count on contact then and maybe ask him to meet up and see how he’s feeling from there!

@belle, I hope you sleep much better tonight!! I can imagine your ex is not sleeping very well wondering why you haven’t responded to his email!

SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE! MY EX GIRLFRIEND IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP! WTF!!!!! I JUST STARTED NC YESTERDAY AND THE GUY SHE GOES OUT WITH SHE JUST MET!!! I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT WTF? SHE JUST POSTED A PICTURE ON INSTAGRAM SAYING ME AND MY BABE ! WTF?! SOMEONE HELP ME PLZ!!!!

Oh noooo I’ve missed too much! Haha. I was busy all day yesterday and today and didn’t get a chance to look on here.

Belle, I think it’s really great that you haven’t replied to the email! Think about it for a few days at least 🙂

All of you seem to be doing so well! It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one out there who’s going through this. It does feel as though I’m doing time though, you guys are right, haha.

Thanks for everyone’s advice. I wish I had come on here sooner… I actually broke NC already, pretty pathetic. THOUGH, i’m actually feeling really good about things now. I just felt like clearing the air after last week’s drama and then resuming NC and sticking to it for real (I know I was dumb and making excuses, but it happened). We ended up texting about books and tv shows briefly last night. This morning, I sent him a cat emoji, and he replied, kind of in a flirty way, and I decided I wasn’t going to reply and that would be the start of my NC. That way I have the power! And he’s alllwayyys the one to end the conversation- not this time, woo!
I didn’t think he’d text me again, not for a few weeks anyway, but 6 hours later I received another text! Haha. He just wrote about another show he’s been watching and recommended it to me… I think it may already be bothering him that I haven’t responded, as i’m ALWAYS there for him. Seriously. I think the longest I’ve gone without replying to him was a couple hours… So this is new. I’m wondering if he’ll text me again if I don’t say anything, or if he’ll just get upset. I know years ago when I was trying to avoid him while he was dating someone else, he was the one chasing me and texting me!

Now, do you guys think I should just continue NC for a month? Give him a taste of his own medicine? I feel kind of bad just cutting him off without saying anything, as the only times he’s ever ignored me or gone on radio silence is when things got too intense. Whenever we’re just talking like friends, about light things, he would always respond! Sooo he’ll probably be really confused if I just stop talking again… ugh I know I shouldn’t worry about hurting his feelings, but I do!

I could always wait a day and then reply, but very casually, say oh i’ve been busy. And then keep doing that. Be friendly, but act busy and like i don’t care as much… though he’ll still be having his cake and eating it too, as he leans on me for support. He likes to talk and i’m a good listener. Annnd obviously he’s not having luck with the dating websites.

Maybe it’s better if I don’t reply until February. He’ll be wondering what is going on with me, and maybe think he’s really losing me. I always said he was losing me before but my texting and emails said otherwise, haha.

Vent over, sorry for babbling ladies and @labound! I feel really good about being in power, but at the same time i’m conflicted on what I should do.

You’re all doing awesome! Oh and hey, I lost unnecessary weight after the break up too. I actually went a few days without eating anything at all and could barely drink water, it was terrible. I felt like dying and my family had to force me to try to eat. I was already tiny, and then lost 10 lbs! But, my appetite has since returned and i’ve regained most of the weight back, and i’m actually now trying to resist the sweets, haaaa. I have lost a lot of muscle though, it sucks. I need to begin working out again.

I wish I could get out of my head and into my life more, but it’s so difficult. I find i’m constantly planning, but not actually doing anything. I need to start bettering myself! I have a list for tomorrow, and I’m sticking to it, damnit, haha.

Does anyone have anything excited planned for their future? What are you guys planning on changing about yourselves? Or doing to improve? I’m in the process of finding a new job, and I made a new friend- we’re going to be roommates and look for a place together this spring! I never thought i’d be renting again 🙁 (I was paying off a morgage with my ex, but the house is in his name so I get nothing…), but oh well, it’s still exciting! I’m also planning on buying a road bicycle soon, and I want to save to travel. I also think I’m going to apply to go back to university… i may not get into the program until 2016, but oh well. Lastly, I want to teach myself how to play the guitar, and become more skilled in the kitchen! And just do more research and learn more in general… I’m very introverted, and find I lack things to talk about. I know I can’t change that completely, but I can try to become more social.

Speaking of social… I’m hanging out with this guy that’s part of my group- (my ex’s group too). He’s just gotten out of a relationship too, so we thought we’d chat about things together. I’m wondering if he’s interested in me though… or maybe he wants me as his rebound. I know he had dinner at my ex’s a few nights ago, so i’m curious if he asked my ex whether or not he minded… if that’s the case, my ex obviously doesn’t care. Anywho, I’m seeing this guy tomorrow night and I’m nervous. He’s quite intimidating, and I don’t know what i’ll do if he makes a move on me! Part of me wants to go for it, and just try to have fun with someone, but I know i’m not ready to date. And I don’t want things to be weird in the group… I don’t even know if i’d enjoy sex with another guy at this point. I’d probably do it and then tell him I can’t again and ughghghg. I DON’T KNOW! I hate my brain sometimes.

Exeunt!

I should also say… I do realize NC is not just to make him want to talk to me, haha, it’s just an added bonus! I really do need to work on bettering myself, and it’s best to do it while on NC, so that’s what i’ll do. Sure, I enjoy chatting with him, but it’s not like he’s said he misses me and wants to see me, or wants to talk about us. He’s just using me as an emotional crutch because he’s lonely, and that’s not fair. Sooo NC is best, until things change!

@teamjordan12 and @maebe, the answer for both of you is no contact – no exceptions! its funny people always used to tell me this when my ex and i first broke up but i never had enough self control and always thought if i kept in contact with him, he would remember how much he loves me, change his mind, ask to meet up, etc. i was WRONG! although no relationship is perfect, i think my ex and i were pretty close. we hardly ever fought, great chemistry, ton of fun together, healthy balance of time spent together, our families loved each other, etc. i truly believed he was my soulmate and still do! but he CHOSE to end our relationship for the reason being that he had never dated anyone else and needed to experience that before he could commit to me without regrets. he said if we were to be together in the future this was necessary. so there was nothing i could do to change his mind. i know he loves me. he knows what a great relationship we had, but he has to come back on his own. nc is helpful for MY healing. when we were in nc it was all about him and what he was feeling when. now its about me! of course i still love him as much and want to reconcile but i don’t NEED him and i also know i deserve to be with someone who really and genuinely loves and wants to be with me. if he comes back one day and says being away from me made him realize he only wants to be with me then great! but if he doesnt, i will get pass this and i will meet someone else. every time i broke nc i took 10 steps back. yes, I’m still tempted but i know it won’t get me anywhere. he knows how to reach me if he wants to reconcile, so no contact i make will sway him. and i don’t want to sway him. if he realizes he misses me on his own i would take him back in a heartbeat, but if he doesnt then he really can’t love me all that much! i understand everyones breakups are different but in my relationship i did nothing to push him away so i have nothing to be sorry for and there is nothing i can do to fix things between us because we had minimal problems and he left for the sole purpose of seeing what else is out there. if he likes what he sees, it wasn’t meant to be and if he doesnt, hell be back eventually. @maebe, i know how tempting it is to break contact but you will continue to stay stuck and he will continue stringing you along. you must make the choice to stick to nc and do it for YOU. so that you can get to a place of happiness. its ok to still want him back, but for your own happiness in the meantime, you need to do it! plus, if you don’t he will not respect you or ever come back to you as a boyfriend. don’t be his safety net or his emotional crutch. you deserve better! make him see that. stick to 90 days nc and then re revaluate if you want to be the one to initiate contact. @teamjordan12, DO NOT BREAK NC!!!!! she’s seeing someone. theres absolutely nothing you can do about it. remove her from all social media. do not look or try to find out information about her new relationship. breaking nc will not get her back – it will make you look weak and remind her you are there waiting. be strong. her relationship may last a week or it may last years – none of us know – not even her! most likely its a rebound, so let it run its course. she is probably using the new relationship as a way to cover her feelings and ease the pain. stay in nc. in fact,i wouldn’t contact her at all until this relationship has run its course.
@krism478, do not break nc if your ex is seeing someone!!! absolutely not. you must wait for that relationship to run its course as well. i know you want your ex back but breaking nc will only reinforce that you’ll still be there if his relationship fails. you have much more of a chance of reconciling if you don’t contact him. start by challenging yourself to go 60 days and then reach out – by then i think you will feel more confident and able to handle it if it doesnt go well. also his new relationship might be over by then. 21 days is a huge accomplishment! keep building off that because when you break nc you need to start all over again