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Well, hopefully, some of you are still reading this thread, and if that’s the case, here’s a little update; would like to know your opinion.
So, about a week ago there was a big party at the university, though I was headed to different party. My ex emails me if I’m going, we end up talking on the phone, I explained I’m going somewhere near it and heading early because I have to catch a flight later that night. I told her she could come back with me if she wants to, but she said she could manage heading back.
She called me again, saying she has no problem paying for gas for coming with me; Obviously, I told her it’s not about the money but that I was already on the way. I later mailed her to call me when she can, she did, the day after, and said-
“I only saw your message now. I managed to get to the party and it was really great, hope you had a good time too. Enjoy your flight!”I haven’t responded, but right now I’m confused…Why would she contact me of all people? Only to get a ride there, or something more? Super confused…
Well, in my opinion it could just be usual contact to check out, or may be she is trying to initiate. I would suggest that if all going well with you and if you can handle it – just start being casual with her and you may reply with short messages without explaining too much, without talking about relationship and staying and looking positive. Do not share more details, stay friendly but more like acquaintances and let her take initiatives with times. I believe that could be best way for you as of now.
I wrote her a letter, and since we study at the same building, I think about giving it to her on Sunday. Not sure if I should drop the bomb like that or start by something slow…
Letter goes like this:
“This letter might have caught you by surprise, but of all the things that have changed since we’ve parted ways, I hope you still like reading my letters to you.
So, we’ll start at the beginning. I realize today how necessary this breakup was, how many things I needed to go through with myself before I could even begin to consider starting a new relationship or trying to get back to the one I had with you and that is gone now.
Today, I’m at the end of the process I needed to go through and as much as it saddens me it couldn’t have happened with you beside me, I’m still glad it did, because it has brought me to who I am today- a more mature, happier, more responsible happy me. Whether it’s at work or at the university, or just with friends, the daily understanding that I need to be worthy of those around me brought me to such a good place, a place I’m proud to be at.I also decided to give the world a chance to show me what it has to offer, and while I’m sure it tried its best, it still didn’t help me find exactly what I’ve been looking for.
After nearly three months since our last serious interaction, and after nearly 9 months of being broken up, I’m at peace with this breakup, even though it’s still a lot of time without you, without us.During one of our last conversations, you told me how you wanted to go through a process with yourself, and that you had to go through with it alone, and I’m so proud of you for that, even if it pained me not being there by your side.
I truly you that you’re in a better place today, that you’re happier, that you smile to the world and that the world, in turn, smiles back at you, because besides your amazing smile, you really do deserve to smile, to be happy and loved.A few months ago you wondered that if enough time passed, if “when the obsession and the pain for the mistake you’ve made are go, so will I”; well, here we are today, I don’t think any of us forgot the other, I know I didn’t.
I’m not sure exactly what it is I’m trying to offer, don’t know if the new you and the new me fit, but I do know I’m curious to find out, or at least to get to know the new you better, to show you what I’ve got to offer, and see what you have to offer, I’m sure it’s something good and new.
[I then go on about some short nostalgic part, I’ll skip it]….but with all due respect to our glorious past, I want to focus on what the future has to offer us.
A few months back (another quote I remember) you said that “maybe one day we could reach it from a clean and healthy place, and then it’ll be alright to make mistakes together”; well, I know I’m at that place today, all that’s left is to see whether you also wanna see what’s new under the sun.
So, to sum things up, there’s so much more I can and want to write and say, but for now, I think this’ll do. If you believe and want to see and get to know the new me, whether it’s to go, or try to go, on an old-new road together, or just to part ways as friends who smile when they meet, you’re more than welcome to contact me and we’ll drink some coffee/wine/tea/water.
Anyway, whether it goes this way or that, I truly wish for you great joy, and that you’ll never stop smiling.
Me”
I know it’s a LOOOOOOT to read, but I would be be extremely happy if you could read it and tell me your thoughts about it all.
Thank so much 🙂
Right, countdown to tomorrow is up, really need some advice here; I think the letter’s good, but would love some outside opinion here
Hey!
Overall your letter looks good, and your story definitely sounds like a struggle, but it sounds like you’ve handled it well. The letter is sent and it sounds like all you can do now is sit back and wait to see how she reacts. I know that its SO obnoxious to give away that power, but the best thing to do is distract yourself and be prepared for anything – I don’t mean that in a negative way, but know that she could respond in a multitude of ways. From what you’ve said it sounds like she really does love you but is not in a good place herself (kind of the same situation I’m in) but hopefully with enough time she’ll figure it out and come back. As my friend said to me “if (he – in this case she haha) is really your forever, once he takes some time and figures (him)self out, (he’ll) come back to you”
it’s true, not having control is awful, but all you can do is throw it out into the universe and see what sticks. Let us know what happens though!
Hey Hannah!
So, day 3 since the meetup and letter, and while I don’t think yesterday’s accidental message changed anything, still no response…
I’m in a much better place now, so while if she rejected me, it would still be ok, I haven’t lost hope of hearing from her.
So, is 3 days too soon to expect any response, or am I deluding myself?
I don’t think theres any real time frame for it, it kind of depends on their personal process and such. I wouldn’t worry though, its also very likely that she has other stuff going on and hasn’t had time yet. I’d give it at least through the weekend before starting to get a little concerned.
Well, with respect to the process she’s going through, and after almost nine months since the breakup she knows I have nothing but respect for her, there’s still some sort of time frame. I mean, if she’s not ready yet, it’s sad but understandable, but the decent thing to do would be to at least let me know that right?
Though I’m not stressed about it as much as I would’ve been a few months back. I guess she’s thinking about it all, it’s a lot to chew on after all…
Forgot to mention it-
When I went to hand her the letter, I asked if she wants to sit and talk a bit, and she did! We talked for about 20 mins, then I told her I had to go (cuz I did…) and we wrapped it up nicely, just as she got out of the car I figured I could walk her to her door, so I got out and told her to wait up.She kinda rushed back to me and handed me the letter back, and told me I told her what I wanted to, I told her that’s not it and that I want her to have the letter; that I put time and thought into it and I want her to have it, that she doesn’t have to read it if she doesn’t want to.
But let’s be honest here…what are the chances she didn’t right? But still, no response on her part…
So, it’s the evening of the 4th day, still no life signs from her.
We both don’t go to university tomorrow, so I thought of texting her if it’s possible to meet up today, and since it’s evening already, I’d really appreciate your advice hereHey!
sorry I thought that I had clicked to see responses but I guess I didn’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, I think the best thing is not to contact her. Kind of like the advice you gave me, its up to her now to come to you. You’ve spoken and given her the letter, I’m not sure what else could be done that wouldn’t send you around and around in circles. Give her time to digest the letter, and if you do NC during this time, and wait for her to come to you, I think you will be much better off in the end. If you text her/ask her to meet up now, it could come off as a little desperate, and kind of like repeatedly running into a wall, hoping it’ll move.
Give her time and let her come to you. If she doesn’t (which I highly doubt) then she obviously doesn’t respect your feelings enough anyways and isn’t worth your effort. But I do think that she cares about you, she just probably needs time to think. Just like with my situation, as much as it sucks, you have to respect yourself, and them enough to step away and give them that breathing room. You can’t miss something that’s right in front of your face 🙂
Haha, well, you’re absolutely right and I guess I needed hearing it. It’s just frustrating as hell that she doesn’t realize or care that behind that letter, behind those words, there’s a person who waits for her response, but I can’t and won’t judge her, I’m sure she’s got her reasons, even if they’re not especially good ones.
But again, you’re right, no point in contacting her; I’ve laid the cards on the table, it’s really not up to me to pick them up.
I just noticed I’m really not good at listening to the advice I give other people lol, so I thank you for your support and for that bump on the head I needed. It goes a long way, so really, thank you 🙂
Haha of course, I think that we’re all like that a little bit. I yell at my friends for being idiots, and then I turn around and do the exact same thing myself haha.
Just give it time, theres nothing else you can do, and honestly, pushing too hard might just make it worse. I’m here if you need anything, like another slap upside the head haha.
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