May seem impossible but I want to try my best to get back with him

Mordecai –
Thank you for the encouragement, I feel a lot better knowing that I wasn’t acting needy 🙂

RAED–
Thank you so much for your long comment again! Yeah I started to have real smiles on my face and my friends told me that I look more like what I was before – confident! You’re so right about thinking what I was before he entered in my life! And I realized at the same time that I did not control myself really well in this relationship that I became too attached/dependent/needy on him, which is not a good thing especially after the honeymoon stage. Apparently, I was still in the honeymoon stage while he was not there anymore. I told to my friends that it was hard for me to accept is partly because this relationship was perfect to me, right, may not be perfect for him because I was always receiving and he’s always giving. Plus he has much more real world pressure than I have while I didn’t relate to him. Knowing those problems make me feel more confident about getting back to him. I am actually very positive right now.

However, at the moment, I will have to focus on my exams in August. I kept visualizing telling him about my success on those exams (I know he would be proud because he always care that I’m successful in school) and that really keeps me motivated and concentrated on my study!! Good luck to us all!! Ace the exams and better ourselves!!

Thank you again RAED, you’re such an amazing person. You’re telling the truth and also giving me the hope. I am so, so thankful.

Need guys’ perspectives here 🙂 Very curious and a bit confusing.

– Would guys choose to break up even when they still have feelings? He said “I’ve become too weak because I care too much”, “I constantly am worrying and could barely sleep”, etc. I don’t know… Is it that he feels so responsible to make me happy and takes too much pressure from that?

And he mentioned “friend” in the email. Did it mean he doesn’t have feelings anymore?

Also…Is it really easy for guy to pretend that they love someone? Because I feel like if someone loves me, I can feel it, the real feeling, not the fake ones. I still felt that from my ex literally three days before the break up. How could things change so rapidly?

I still couldn’t believe it because in his relationships before, he’s never the one to choose breakup (he told me that) and he mentioned so many times that he never had feelings like those for me. He told his family, friends, and me that if there’s a program to design every aspect of his dream girl, it would end up being me..

I really do not understand guys sometimes. He’s a really, really nice guy. Very responsible, calm, diligent, considerate, etc. Just I couldn’t understand this right now.

Thanks in advance. 🙂

Thanks Dara, you have been absolutely helpful!

Yeah sometimes it’s hard to me to understand him – I’m a girl and he’s a guy; I’m Chinese and he’s American; I’m still in school while he’s having so much responsibility for his work already, etc. However, I’m trying to understand him.
Although he’s American, I’ve found him not very alike the guys who I know from school. Maybe more calm, and mature? I don’t know how to express that clearly.

From his words to me, I think he means: He constantly is worrying, and he cares about me being happy. He wants to make me happy but it seems he can’t make it. And he’s been too stressed out, so he had to let go.

I was so sensitive sometimes. Now when I think back when I was his place for the summer, I was too sensitive and I got “sad” too often. You know what? I didn’t even realize that. For me(or for all the girls?), I just expressed that and I forgot about it after we talked. But he may remember those and started to think about our relationship. There was one time he mentioned, “you see I can’t make you happy anymore. Think about last week, you were not happy every day.” I didn’t realize how bad it is, all I did is just to convince him “of course you made me happy! You made me happier than anymore else!” But maybe that’s not useful anymore…

Right before he said he needed a break, he was talking about he feels like “there’s too many stuff in my plate”. He said he wanted to visit his family but had no time, he said “I’m working 10 days straight, and then i have an audit, and then I wanted to visit you, and then another wedding, etc” And I said “Then skip visiting me, I’m fine”, and he replied “That’s the thing. I feel like I can’t maintain a healthy relationship and still balance my friends and family.” (I kept thinking that what if I said “I can visit you so then we can visit your friends and family together!” 🙁 )

He also mentioned “I feel like it’s impossible for me to make you happy and still visit my friends and family”.

I feel like his worries make him not able to sleep anymore, which turns out to make him much more stressful.

I don’t know.. He messaged our mutual friend that “I worry about others too much and it will end up hurting both of us, more than I already have. A lot of this may seem selfish, but I hope she understand it’s not all selfish.”

Ugh..I still believe he’s not lying to me. I feel like he’s always honest to me. I just couldn’t understand it.