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Posts
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Joe–
you’re awesome that you’re aiming for 90 NC period! How are you so determined? I’m so afraid he would lose feelings for me..hey sunshinegirl
no don’t do it if u read my story u will know why, I went to her state last week without telling her, I went with flowers and I did drive for ten hours but she got angry at me and brought her friends to talk instead of her, almost a fight happened, all she was saying that how dare I go close to her home, I went close to her place to make it easier for her to meet up, I think I shouldn’t have done that because it made it worse, but for u it might be different because u know ur bf better than anyone else and u can expect his reaction.Sunshine, If you emailed him.. Then your 30 day NC starts the next day after your email…
Sunshine where are you from originally?
If you read my story, you’ll see why I must go 90 Days. Its for me not her…
I miss her like CRAZY!!! Today is the worse I’ve felt in a few days…
I honestly don’t think I’d even have a chance. If I do have a chance, its going to take at least 90 days.
Thanks Hani –
I was a mess when I said that.. But now I am more rational, which I hope I could keep this way… I’ll just follow NC and do not push him at all 🙂 Thanks for sharing your experiences and good luck!!!!Hi Joe –
Yeah I just replied his email this morning, I guess I will count my NC from tomorrow 🙂 I’m originally from China 🙂 Just came to the states last August for my master program. I’ll graduate next year and I will do my best to get a job 🙂
And went to read your post and think you’re on the right track! I believe doing NC is really good for you cause I’m starting to realize the point of NC is YOU not the other one.And Hi everyone –
So I replied his email this morning when I was very rational, I think that’s a nice email:
“I know this must be a hard decision for you but I completely understand. I understand that right now you need time and space to deal with your stress, work, sleep, and time with family, and that is the most important thing for you right now.I will stay strong, study hard, and keep hanging out with my friends and making memories.
Thank you very much and you can always talk to me when you’re not that busy. You’ll always have my support and you’ll be in my daily prayers.”
Short and not needy (my thought tho). 🙂 Hopefully this will make him forget some of the needy version of me. How do you guys think?
And I’m feeling better now! I have this in my heart:”Every improvement is one step closer to him!” “The happier I am, the closer I am to him; the more miserable I am, the farther I am away from him!” Hope the thoughts help 🙂
Another update –
1. I dreamed about him last night. This was the first time I dreamed about him after he told me about the break. In the dream we hugged, which was nice, and then I asked him why he wanted to break up with me and why he insisted while I gave a lot of proposals? Not a great conversation in my dream, and then he had a meeting, I said “make sure you call me back, ok? you promise” And he said, not very patiently, “ok, ok, i’ll call you”. And then the alarm rang. I was happy that I finally got to sleep till the alarm rang since I haven’t really been sleeping these days. I kept waking up at nights and finally woke up before 7 and then never was able to fall back to sleep. This is so abnormal to me, because I am sleeping a lot when I have my good days… And I didn’t go back to sleep just so I could see him again in my dream and ask him why, I just got up and started my real day. So I guess I’m not too addicted to him right now.. And the dream also indicated that I’m not in a good mood to talk to him. So, NC!
2. I was in a mess on yesterday’s morning. And then our mutual friend came to me and talked to me. She’s really nice. She knew my ex way earlier and my ex and I actually met each other through her. She showed my a part of their chat history (of course not all) by screenshot, but I appreciated it a lot. So here’s the part of the conversation, I’ll just type the exact words and feel free to let me know what you think 🙂
He: A big reason I cant handle a serious relationship is mostly because it’s just not a good time in my life. I worry far too much about others and I’ll just end up hurting both of us. More than I already have. A lot of this may seem selfish, but I hope she understands that it’s not all selfish.
……
He: Good, the only thing I ask is that you help her succeed. Grades and tests.
She: She just kept asking me if you still like her and I told her she needs to work on herself first. I’ll do my best. She’s been studying hard and I think she will do well.
He: Yeah she needs to focus on herself or she will get nothing. Mostly her success.
………..
She: Do you plan to stay friends with her?
He: Yeah but she needs time to heal. I’m not just going to drop her but I want her to focus on herself.3. And..about the FACEBOOK
He: How long is an appropriate time to change my Facebook status to not dating? I don’t want to stress her more than she is
She: Good question! She asked me the same question, I guess you can just hide it?
He: Ok thanks bud. I care less about it being accurate than not hurting someone.I hided my relationship status after we broke up. Now although it’s “only seem by me”, it’s not “in a relationship with XXX” anymore, it’s only “in a relationship”. So I guess he deleted but hided it, which made me a little bit sad.. But it’s totally understandable, because anyway we are not dating anymore.
4. I started to reflect in this relationship too. I feel like it’s both our fault. If I could have been more considerate and independent, maybe it wouldn’t be this hard for him to handle a relationship.. Anyway now I know I have to work hard and get good grades. I kept visualizing when I tell him, hey I passed that exam! It must be an add-point!
Sorry for this being so long, and thank you for reading all my posts here.. You guys are awesome. And I felt much better after writing all these stuff. Have a great day you all!
Sunshinegirl,
Your name reflects your attitude. I like the way you think that the happier you are, the closer you are to him. And the message you sent is awesome. It didn’t sound needy a bit.
About the two of you, I guess he loves you. And maybe he still does because the break-up is still fresh. The only thing that might have gone wrong is that you said you appeared needy with always wanting him to message you since you are in a long distance relationship.
I have been in LDR before and it really takes up too much time. Because the time he is supposed to allot for studies, he has to allot to talk to you. He loves you but the commitment and the distance is putting so much pressure on him. And he finds it hard to juggle two important things in his life.
He chose to let go not because the studies/family is more important to him but I guess he believes that you need it too. If he is studying, he might miss the chance if he will let it go. But he chose to let you go because somehow he believes that you will understand that it is for the best. So maybe when the situation is easier and he comes out of his depression, you might have a chance to be together again.
As for the study, I am not really good with that since I also have upcoming exams and I get so much distracted. I’ve wasted months overthinking. The only thing I can assure you with is if you waste time to overthink instead of study, you will regret it big time in the end. Just like me.
I know it is hard but if it bothers you so much up until the point when you wake up first thing in the morning he is already in your thoughts. I suggest you maximize the use of internet – follow positive pages, meditation, affirmations. You can find lots of self-help articles online to help you heal positively.
As for now, focus on the NC. The more you try to reach out, the more you will scare him away. Give him the space he needs and focus on yourself so that when you get back together, you are no longer needy. Understand that he cannot always compromise his time for you.
And believe that true love has a habit of coming back.
“And when you’re needing your space to do some navigating, I’ll be here patiently waiting to see what you find.”
– Jason Mraz 😀RAED-
Don’t be sorry at all and I absolutely LOVE your comments! I love all the people here, so supporting and sweet 🙂
Yeah he’s been working 14~16 hours per day but I didn’t understand (maybe because I’m still a student) and kept videochating every day which cost at least 40mins per day… I know promises right now wont’t work anymore so I’ll follow NC and let the needy images go away from his head…From the messages he sent to our mutual friend (just posted above your first comment 🙂 ), I still think he’s considerate, although he made the decision to break up… He is worth fighting. I will do my best.
I’m sorry to hear about this situation 🙁 I know long distance is hard, I was in a long distance engagement for over a year at one point in my life. We had to take a similar break due to life being far too hectic at the time we first tried dating. The good news is that after the break we were happy to try again! It CAN happen. It’s always healthiest to get your own lives and health in order first though. The added stress on the relationship from those things could kill any new attempts at a relationship so hopefully he will be able to sort himself out some.
Loraina, thank you so much for your reply! I’ll definitely keep hope and also better myself! 😀
Hi whoever seeing my post, if you don’t mind, please also take a look at my update post, which is on the second page here and is super long (so it’s easy to spot!)
Really wanna have some insights from you guys for what he said to our friend.. Seems he does want to stay friends…
Sunshine,
I read your story and comments! My ex broke up with me 10 days before my exams but I really performed well on the exams! The secret was that whenever, I thought of her, I opened my books and started focusing on the topics. However, in order to not get in the same mood that I had yesterday, I changed my places! Different libraries and different places in big libraries! I also had a friend who had the same exams we made a plan together on study!
As RAED said, there is a section that Kevin has made about Long Distance Relationship breakups! It seems to be harder than the normal ones! All my sympathy with you, sunshine!
Since you have replied to his email, now you should continue your own NC and make it at least 30 days. You may even extend it to 60 days depending on the situation. When someone is spending so many hours per day working, time will pass much slower for them! So, please be patient! At the same time, you should also think about the worst case scenario! Maybe you don’t get him back ever!
I think you should take opportunity of the situation and obsess you mind with your exams! Its terribly hard but if you do it, you will do a real great job!!
Best of luck!!
Thanks for the comment Dara! The hardest part for me right now is I couldnt imagine my life without him. All I do is motivated by the thought that we are going to get back with each other… How to deal with that then?
Also, did we “friendzone” each other? Because I said “you can talk to me when you’re not that busy” and he told our friend that “yeah I will stay friends with her”… is it bad?…
Sorry that I got a little bit emotional tonight..
Not sure is it ok to keep “false” hope…
Since I knew we were not breaking up because we don’t love each other anymore, but he can’t balance his life out of so much stress, work, sleeping issues, etc. That’s why he kept saying stuff about “right now” (or it’s just in a polite way..). That’s why he always make sure I can focus on study and school (or it’s just because he’s guilty). That’s why he said to our friend “Yeah I will be her friend. I’m not going to drop her but I want her to focus on herself.” Maybe he still has the hope that when he goes out of this hard stage of life, we still have a chance. But if I give up on myself and lose everything in my life because of the break up, we would really never have a chance together. So he cares about me improving myself and being successful in school so much.
…..
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