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Sunshine,
I think that your comment above..
”Every improvement is one step closer to him!” “The happier I am, the closer I am to him; the more miserable I am, the farther I am away from him!
is the essence of the NC plan. I truly find it very inspiring and it gives me strength to keep going. I am almost done with the first month of NC and have one left 🙁
Best of luck!
Thanks Julia! That keeps me moving forward too! And my “false” hope… 🙂
Hope he is too busy to find other girls 😛
Keep you hopes sunshinegirl! For now see the positive side! Assume that you have taken a vacation from your relationship to prepare for your exams! Think about the rest later!!
Julia, I like your quote! That’s awesome!
Sunshinegirl
Hi. I believe what you interpreted might be right. Maybe there is still really a chance but right now he really wants you to focus on yourself. Maybe he sees that you are still too young to be bounded as if the relationshiop is your whole life. He is older than you, right? So, I guess he sees that you are being childish by being clingy.
If you are together, he feels unfocused or might be suffocated because LDR is hard. If he asks for space then you will be the one to feel distracted. Give him the space he needs. You’ll never know if you still act desperate and he sees that you are not really doing good with him around, he might break it up to you permanently and for real because with that it will leave you with no other choice but to really improve yourself.
I suggest you stick to NC and really improve yourself 🙂
RAED –
I couldn’t thank you more for your words every time! They’re telling me what I have to do right now but are also very encouraging!Yeah I will focus on my exams before September (two in August, ugh), and then my school will start and all the career fair and classes stuff.. hope I can truly focus on myself as time passes!!!
I got Relationship Rewind yesterday but I guess I will have to wait after my exams to read them 🙂
I got a little bit distracted while studying because I saw a sentence that “if a guy decided to end an relationship, it’s for sure that he can’t be happy in this relationship anymore”. I know I shouldn’t have seen those stuff during my preparation for the exam..
But..How could I ignore all the “signs” (i still couldn’t think of any one of them)? How could I still think we were stable and sweet while he already decided to let it go? We still Facetimed every day and he told me he would love me forever literally three days before the break up …
🙁
Same here with my ex. I’m a guy. It definitely sideswiped me as well, initially. No matter if it was her fault more or mine she was able to hold the “grudge” initially better than I.
In a lot of cases it’s not just about them “dropping the ball” running away and letting go that easy. There’s a few things to consider that can influence them and have “support” keeping that “break up” and separation going.
Could be family support, friends, keeping busy and sadly in some cases possibly other opportunity. Who will support and side with your ex. All of that while your ex is teaching you a lesson or being stubborn in the “power play” game all of that in combination fortifying the separation.
Bottom line he was a chapter in your life and you in his. It’s not that “simple” to just let go. Like a switch.
With that said, best thing is to leave it cool as possible. Say something gentle positive and cool. Then start NC.
Use that clean opportunity to enjoy yourself.
Because if you continue to beg or let them have complete control, it can get messy and more difficult to clean up later.
Keep composure. Be patient. Enjoy yourself. The power will start to shift to you. And you’ll have better control and posture when it comes. And if by rare chance it doesn’t, you’ll be in a better state anyway.
But you need it either way. Next future contact with them or not.
Thanks for your long comment Mordecai! Yeah I replied his breakup email by the following:
““I know this must be a hard decision for you but I completely understand. I understand that right now you need time and space to deal with your stress, work, sleep, and time with family, and that is the most important thing for you right now.
I will stay strong, study hard, and keep hanging out with my friends and making memories.
Thank you very much and you can always talk to me when you’re not that busy. You’ll always have my support and you’ll be in my daily prayers.”
I felt it’s somehow positive and cool but I did say “you can always talk to me when you’re not that busy”, making me feel like I just friendzoned myself…What do you think of my email?
lol at the “feel like I just friend zoned myself”
In my opinion I think what you said was really cool. And LEAVE it at that. Start NC.
And nooooooo way did you friend zone yourself
But I tend to disagree pointing out last that it’s “their decision”
It’s a little unnecessary. I’d swap it with “it’s the best decision”
Simply because:
You want to show YOU think it’s the best decision. Because you want them to know you genuinely recognize there’s somethings that need to be worked on.
Not “agreeing” with them.
You want it to be genuine and for them to feel like they’re going to reach out to an improved you later on.
Not the same you that they envisioned last. Regardless who was right or wrong in the break up or the situation.
Unfortunately there is “power play” in most cases after a break up. Shifting a little power to you isn’t a bad thing.
Just my 2cents, lint, receipt and a left over skittles wrapper
Yeah what you said totally makes sense! But I already sent it and currently on the NC..
Hope we can still have a chance..
I know SSG. I was trying to explain it from another angle making it easier having your ex contact you after NC. Instead of just you contacting them later. Wish I could of reedited my last post and state that but I don’t think you can typing from mobile.
All in all you were cool. Especially towards the end.
Even if he’s mad, and potentially could of been a little sensitive at the time reading the top portion of the email, you showed care and extended your hand.
I added that detail in regards if the break up was REALLY bad and wanted them to contact you. Sometimes it takes some careful wording and strategy shifting some of the power to you to better your odds.
But your good overall and NC. Some say a month. And that’s ok depending on the situation and how you feel. Mine at least were 2 months.
And I was feeling a lot better at the 2 month mark until my ex contacted me. Which reopened the wound. 7 months later she recontacted me and I was a lot more successful. But playing it safe currently. It’s not easy for both parties.
Sunshinegirl
Hey. You are always welcome, friend. After all we are in the same situation. I have a really major exam this September. And I wish us luck. I know we will pass! The quote you saw may be a sign or not. May be you are just overthinking that it might be a sign. But one thing I am sure of is when someone ends a relationship he/she is no longer happy and he/she no longer finds the commitment beneficial. Because if you are happy a d really love someone no matter how many reasons therr are to leave, you will always find one reason to stay. When someone leaves it’s most likely that the relationship is no longer the way it used to be.I cannot imagine what I was before the relationship with my ex. Whenever I look back, all I remember is the time when we are together. But since you like to overthink and think, why not put it into good use? What’s done is done. No matter what the reasons he gives you it all boils down to one point that he no longer loves you or he no longer loves you enough to stay. So, going back you can use overthinking into good use by, try hard to think and imagine what you were before you became in a relationship. Before he entered your life.
I mean, how happy were you before he came? How attractive are you? How self sufficient and freedom- and fun-loving you are back then? I bet those are the things/personality you had that made him attracted to you.
Now, think about when you became in a relationship. You were so happy because honeymoon stage it is. But when that stage starts to slow down, the clingyness and dependence is no longer attractive. It is suffocating.
Ask yourself how you want yourself to be? The thing i’ve learned in my own breakup is you cannot own someone. Even if he is committed to you, you are not his whole world. During the courting stage and honeymoon stage, yes you are all that matters to him. But when that fade out arises real life responsibilities that is less important than you are but must be done by him.
Now, imagine yourself the way you were before the relationship but having him around. I mean, with you being carefree and happy and self sufficient. Don’t you think it is a much ideal one?
Being in a relationship doesn’t give you a license to own someone. The more you ask him to come close the more you might scare him away. It feels good to be in a relationship that feels more like a partnership a bestfriendship but with ‘benefits’. The next time you get back with him or find someone new, respect each other’s individuality. You don’t need to like what he does and vice versa. But i am telling you it feels much better to do whatever you have to get done but at the end of the day knowing someone is waiting for you to come home 🙂
Mordecai
Hey! I feel you! Before, my ex is hesitant to get back with me but somehow I know that somehow she wants us back. But there are people around her that brainwashes her to just cut it out permanently. So there, she might not love me enough to fight for us :'( but anw. I am over that. I am just sharing. But still it feels bad.
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