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Hi All
I’m new hear and looking for help,comfort and advice.
I’m a 44 year old male with 2 young boys.
She is a 39 year ild female with 2 young girls.
My story,it’s long so i apologise in advance.
Met in Feb 2016
Had a wonderful connection and attraction.
I was honest with her all aling and told her my skeletons in the closet from my failed marriage,told her i was casually seeing a girl from Canada previous to her,the canadian lady went home and i kept in contact with her on occasion,nothing more than friends to me. My partner got wind of it(i was not trying to hide it from her) and she cracked it and told me to stop,in which I did. Ever since then she kind of struggled to put trust in me. I,over the next few months gave her access to all my phones and social media accounts to ease her mind.i was and never had done anything that i should not have been doing. She had a history of ex’s cheating on her,laying in bed next to her chatting up women,it seemed she had this thought that i was always doing it too and i never was or did.
We dove into a pretty full on relationship reasonably quickly.
Moved in with her after about 3-4 months,I struggled to deal with all the children and we had a fight ine night that ended in separating,I moved out into a caravan with my 2 boys at my mothers for a few months before we rekindled our love/relationship. Things were great for the next 12-14 months living separately. She gave me an ultimatum that if we didnt live together then it was going to go nowhere,so i jumped in again(even though i wasnt ready) and rented a house together, it lasted a month due to my lack of financial snd family commitment and we split again. 3 months past and we reconnected,things were great again,this was around 3 years into the relationship. Over the next 6 months I failed to give her what she needed emotionally and support her and we solit again for a few weeks, i brgged and pleaded to give me another go,i will change and we will be happy. I still failed to change.
Recently Feb 2020 she returned home to the UK to see family and friends that she had not seen for 16 years. She returned and was adsmsnt that someone had been in her house,stolen toulet paper,plugged computers in and cooked sausages and put them in the freezer. I was positive that no one had been in her house, i looked after her pets for her while she was gone at my place. I did go to her place a couple of times while she was away and there was nothing odd to say that someone had been in her house.
Now because she took it as i didnt care and a normal partner would have been really concernef and the fact i wasnt really upset her.
A week after she returned she sent me a huge text about this,how she wanted more than i could or would give her and more and dumped me :(.
I was devastated and redponded a few times thrn went NC for s couple of weeks to let her calm down. When i tried to contact her she was cold,told me she didnt love me anymore and told me to leave her alone. Of course then i went into panic mode,texted like crazy etc but nothing worked. A week after that she tells me she’s moved on and i should too.
2 weeks after dumping me she met a guy,from online im guessing,3 weeks after that shes posting it public all over facebook that shes in a relationship with this guy. 4 weeks after she dumped me she has committed to a new guy
Anything ive tried to say or do has ended in ,ive moved on you should too and leave me alone. Even had an AVO threatened if i dont stop.
Ive now stopped as of 4 days ago and she is posting so much on FB publicly so i can see it,even bagging me to some extent for not treating her right.
I know i have flaws,i see thrm,want to fix them and be with her for the rest of my life, but she does not want a bar of me.
I’d love to hear from you all with advice and stories,especially similar situations and their outcomes
Thanks for reading.@alty75 My gosh! You have to stop harassing her; 4 days is good, but you have to continue no contact. I’ll tell you this, it’s easy for a woman to move on when she isn’t happy in a relationship! She gave you chances to change, but you didn’t.
She wants you to move on and you should do so..
Fix your flaws so a potential future relationship with someone else can be happy for you both.
Thanks for your response
She is in a rebound relationship if you ask me.
I was texting her on and off every 4-5 days,it wasnt like i was doing it 24/7 7 days a week.
We had so much love for each other up until she returned from the UK 6 weeks ago,it really was out of the blue,that last scenario i mentioned seemed to be the tipping point.
I know i have to leave her be,respect what she wants to do right now.
I love her dearly and I have hope somewhere in the future after we both heal and move on that we may reignight our relationship and do it differently this time
We had 90% of 4 years totally in love with each other.
I know her well but cannot understand what she is doing and how cold and nasty she has been.
Just ignores me,posts shit public on FB coz she knows ill see it.
If she were that serious about not loving me anymore etc,why would she not block my phone number and any other form of communication? She only has me blocked on FB
I know exactly what I got wrong and I have since put effort into changing myself by seeking professional help and re uniting with my family members i have not seen in years.@alty75 The other guy might be a rebound or maybe not, but that doesn’t mean she wants to get back with you. As to the blocking, only she knows the reason. If you have anger issues, she might be afraid blocking your phone number would irritate you even more.
You wrote:”I struggled to deal with all the children and we had a fight ine night that ended in separating.. She gave me an ultimatum that if we didnt live together then it was going to go nowhere,so i jumped in again(even though i wasnt ready) and rented a house together, it lasted a month due to my lack of financial snd family commitment and we split again. 3 months past and we reconnected,things were great again.. Over the next 6 months I failed to give her what she needed emotionally and support her and we solit again for a few weeks, i brgged and pleaded to give me another go,i will change and we will be happy. I still failed to change.” You were also contacting a lady from Canada until your ex got wind of it and told you to stop.
Exactly what does “lack of financial commitment” mean?. And what does “lack of family commitment” mean?. They might have been greater reasons for her wanting to break up with you than you think..
Too many fights and splitting up three times isn’t a good sign! It’s good that you’re trying to make positive changes and seeking professional help if she changes her mind someday and wants to reconcile.
Try not to stalk social media and focus on self-improvement.
Lack of financial commitment was being selfish and not working as a team/consolidating our money
All she ever wanted from me was to be a family together
I don’t have anger issues btw
Im quite a placid guy@alty75 Glad to hear you don’t have anger issues! Is it possible you have controlling type tendencies?
Blending families can be a challenge, but with patience, fairness, and common sense to each situation as it presents itself, it can be done to the satisfaction of all concerned. What did you mean by “struggling with the children” and how did you manage it?
I can understand not consolidating money if you’re not married, but as long as the household finances were handled fairly, it shouldn’t have been a big problem.
I am not controlling
I genuinely a nice guy
I lacked empathy and understanding.
Her kids stressed me out because they would not listen and had to be told numerous times before they would. And for the same things day in and day out.
We were both poor at communicating.
I just dont get why she is publicly shaming me on social media,splashing her social media with pics and videos of her new man she has known all of 1 month,making out he’s soo good. The first guy she met,2 weeks after dumping me.
She has over exaggerated publicly the “man I am” and totally seems to hate me. We had many years together and happily.What hurts a lot is her kids called me dad and I was their dad for 4 years and all within 2 weeks,dads gone and there is a new strange man in their house.
@alty75 Is she just posting photos of the new man or in addition posting negative comments about you??
The main thing to keep in mind is that you are not the father of her children.
How old are your children and hers??
I know I’m not their father but I was all they have known from a young age as a father
Their real father has nothing to so with them
They are the same ages as my 2 boys 6 & 8 now
Posting pics of her new man,her and her new man and other posts that are belittling me and my character@alty75 WOW! The photos shouldn’t be as much a concern as the shaming. If someone publicly posted comments belittling me and my character, I would never ever want anything more to do with that person!!
Being upset with you (for whatever reasons) is one thing, but to publicly announce hurtful things is mean, cruel, and uncalled for.. What kind of person does that?
I understand the boys probably see you as a father figure, but think about what life would be with her in the long run. She is showing her true colors of how vindictive she can be!
She is mainly making out I was a bad person and mentally abused her for the entire time,its not true
I keep thinking she is doing it to help herself heal and convince herself that she has made the right decisionShe is a very loving and emotional lady. I honestly cannot see her being honest with herself when it comes to the new guy and him being perfect and the way she is making it out to be.
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