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Lol! Yes! I just said that about the bag! I don’t know… It seems like he misses you (I know, Devil’s advocate) or just playing games. You don’t want a man like that. 🙁 Since you said you’ve known each other for 4 years, was this 4 years of being friends first and just recently dated? Or 4 years together?
yeah, I wont. I want to block him now, but figured I just wouldnt respond. Its pretty much the same thing. I will block him after he shows next weekend. IF he shows after I don’t respond. If he doesn’t, anything of mine that I am missing can be replaced.
Four years of him pursing me and me not noticing. 6 or so months of dating.
Also side note, I have to drive past his house on my way home – alternate route is blocked by construction unless I go way way around. And the chick was there – at the same time he was messaging me. so yeah, thats a doomed relationship. But I knew it was as soon as I figured out who it was – shes got major issues and needs a savior. I do not.
Anyway, next weekend I restart NC. And plan on using that time to move on!
On the issue of being a savior. This is where we are similar. I learned the hard way that men like to be the savior. This was one of the reasons I think my relationship ended. I’m in my 40s like you and been single as heck in forever. I’m self sufficient. I always say I am independent, but actually, I am co-dependent. I always like saving people, taking care of people. When my bf wanted to do things for me, I shut him down a few times. 🙁
I feel you have a very, very strong personality, which is good. But we also need to soften up a bit and learn to recieve. This guy of yours, did he alawys offer to do things for you?
You are absolutely right on all of it, and to be honest, I am struggling with trying not to turn into the hard person again – he opened up my soft side which is why I fell in love with him. I would like to keep it open and not be so strong all of the time. It does get exhausting. At the moment, I am pretty hard because that is my defense, which also happens to be why I am ready to say I am moving on. I may be acting too hasty.
Yes, he did things for me – a lot of it was encouraging me to try new things, distracting me from working all the time, doing fun things. If I needed anything, he would put aside whatever he had going and help me. And he knew how hard it was for me to ask, or let him do things. I really do think the stress of life caused a lot of problems. I just wish the problems it caused were not so serious.
It is hard not to be mad at him for the way he has been acting. Prior to him, I had a history of running away from things. Not really LOVE relationships, because I was married but separated for a gazillion years so I didnt feel I could date – but a lot of other things. He talked me into letting him in. The way things ended – are ending – are and were very hurtful. And anger and avoidance is my go to reaction.
I struggle with my thoughts – one hour I am feeling confident in who I am and knowing that I could walk away from this mostly whole. The other hour I am thinking about how maybe a lot of the problems were me. I don’t know, its frustrating, this flip flopping.
Ahhh… ok. I want you to know that your feelings are normal and totally legit. You are not crazy, just going through the motions. It is a lot to handle because everything is happening too fast, from breaking up to seeing him with another woman after 5 days. That is truly a wtf moment. I would very much want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he helped you get out of your shell. But the way he acted by flaunting that other woman, and her being immature and going on FB saying he is her boyfriend is grade school level.
If there is any consolation, it is good he ended it now before you have been together for years and he is acting this way. I think some people come to us for a reason and a season and they help us become better people for ourselves and for someone more deserving. I also realized that being angry at someone makes is move on faster because it is not worth holding on to. I hope that helps. Some breakups like mine ended more on sadness and a lot of loss for words and tears.
We’ve both been single for a long time and like what you said, as much as we are self-sufficient, having someone in our lives to help us get us through the stresses of every day life, is totlly an added extra to our lives. It is nice to have that.
It is funny how you mention grade school level, because that is exactly how it has all felt the last week. I just spent a while reading another post that sounded so familiar – and then I realized these parties were 19 and 20. We are 41 and 43 for petes sake. Grow up.
During our relationship he kept expecting me to get angry over all kinds of things and I didnt – and my response to him usually was that I was a rational adult, why would I get mad over those things? Now that he is with this gal – who is full of drama, mind you – I think maybe he is just emotionally immature and craves drama. And add that to his narcissistic tendencies when he is stressed…. well, it is a poor mix. I am not probably the woman for him. I think if we could have worked things out we would have been very good for each other, but I dont think he knows how to handle happiness for too long.
At any rate, I am not replying to his message. If he comes in next weekend, he will get the same treatment as today – short answers, no small talk. Then I am ghosting and focusing on something else for a change. Something fun, and rewarding. All this negativity is for the birds!
I shouldnt have said “treatment” – that makes it sound like it is punishment and that is not my intent. My intent is merely to save and protect myself 🙂
Ok can I just tell you, I am so glad I read this thread cause I’m so impressed with you both and I’m a mess and I’m hoping you can help
Oh Sister, I am too. I go from glad, to mad, sad…. It is part of breaking the addiction of the relationship. And I dont mean addiction in a bad sense, but physically that is exactly what is happening. Withdrawl.
Justina & Octopus: I am such a mess too, but this is why we are here. Because we can’t express this in person or else they will throw is in the looney bin.
Octopus: from what I read about your ex, his behavior is acceptable if he is 17, not 40+. I’ve seen men in their 40s who act like little boys and it is such a turnoff. That is actually an insult to little boys, because I see a lot of little boys who act better than your ex.
I guarantee you, give it some time and you’ll be laughing about it and tell yourself “wtf was I thinking?!!” But right now, allow yourself to be an emotional rollercoaster, because no matter how he is behaving now, he still made a change in your life.
From a males point of view, this guy seems very immature for such a grown age lol. should act his age and not his shoe size haha but myself i dont even want to act like that at all cause it’s so embarassing. You deserve so much better Octopus as i know this is just a temporary phase for you and you will find a wonderful man. I have high hopes for you octopus and see a bright future ahead!
Thank you Pingpong! I was actually out doing some yard work, thinking… and I am going to start a new post. Things I will miss, Things I wont. Just thinking about the things I wont miss was a bit eye opening. and the things I will maybe dont have anything to do with him specifically.
Stay Tuned….
Pingpong: I had a co-worker who was 46 and he was such a mama’s boy! He was so pathetic and I remember he was rich and his mom paid for his swanky apartment and he hates driving to work and he would ask us if we could give him a ride home. I gave him a ride one time that is why I saw his swanky apartment. No, I did not go inside. Just dropped him off at his gate.
He was a total dbag. He got fired when he called some of our females co-workers “B!tch$&”. What a jerk! Lol.
Just breaking the mood with this story.
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