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So it’s been a couple of days since I started NC. He has been texting me “how are you?”, every other day. I haven’t replied to him until he txt me this morning “Good morning Letty. How are you?”. I still didn’t reply until he said “Letty, why do I feel like your ignoring me?”, “If we’re not together can we at least be friends ?”, “If you don’t want to be friends with me then I’ll respect that.”. Not going to lie, but that hurt me. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to forget him completely. I didn’t know what to say. So I went to your site and try to find something. I ended up just telling him “I just need space and time”. Do you think there’s a chance of us getting back together? Or is it just friends he want us to be? Should I still continue/start over NC?
NOTE: we have been dating for 7 years. When we broke up I approuched him calmly trying to make him realize before splitting apart. To me, he seemed lost. Whenever I brought up things about us- he cried, but in the end he told me he didn’t want to be with me because he doesn’t feel the same. He told me “I will always care for you. I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”Hum. Its not over, and what he said is not bad don’t worry 🙂 Did he answer? Give him and yourself time yes 🙂 You have good chances of getting back in my opinion. Also check toronto love doctor she has great advice
Thank you for your respond! I’m so lost and I don’t know how to go through the days… When I did tell him that I needed space and time, he just replied “ok” and “I’m sorry for making you feel like crap ):”. I didn’t reply. LATER that day, around 7pm, he txt me again “are you free Thursday the 16th? Want to have dinner?”. I didnt reply because I’m continuing my NC. Around 10pm he replied “never mind forget it ):”
His sister even contact me. Telling her that he is “worried about me”. Maybe he is just feeling sorry for me? I shouldn’t go on a date with him until mc is over right?
*during NC I have been doing things that I should be doing during NC. Going gym everyday (lost 10 lbs), trying to achieving my goal which is working in the Department of Education.No he is not just feeling sorry for you. He misses you. He is acting quite desperate actually.
Yes you are doing great by working on yourself during no contact 🙂 keep doing that. maybe saying you need time for yourself if he keeps texting. otherwise don’t answer. he broke your heart so you don’t owe him much I guess? But also if he tries to get back to you you should be aware of it. As I said read that site. A lot of us have been dealing with this for awhile now but it’s always best if you read on those things and can relate or not to your situation. And then when you understand a bit more about how things work and relate them to your ex so you have a better idea of what the best next step is you can come here and help us help you.Getting thru the days is really hard! I would have to live minute by minute in the beggining. Trying to get thru. Sometimes I would be like ok Im just going to handle the next half hour. Ok now until tomorrow. I will just have to deal with this till tomorrow. Then I would for example schedule something with a mutual friend. So I would think ok Im gonna wait till x day and then I will think about it now Im gonna just have to get thru these few days until then. And that is how I overcame it. It really is taking each moment at a time. It sucks my dear, but if I did it you will too 🙂 trust me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq31_OLa3dE here this might help. anything you need you can count on us here
Thank you, kaila. for the video. It made me understand some part of myself of how the way I felt and accepted/didn’t accept things. I also checked Toronto love doctor. Thank you for sharing! It’s really helpful.
I do read a lot of things here in this site to understand more, but I always feel like it may/may not be the same. Because everyone is different.
How are you with everything now?
I am feeling much better. Much stronger. I want him back still and I am afraid the time is up and had been for some time. I regret letting us get farther away from each other when we were getting close again at the one month mark. But what can I do now. Nothing. There was a misunderstanding which caused him to cancel our meet up last weekend. He said we would arrange another meet up to talk and be together. Now I am waiting for him to say something. It’s been a week. That’s about that 🙂
Letty whatever I can do I will help you. I know how hard it is so I really try to help. Is there any other way I can help you? If I remember any other video or resource I will share
Did you distant yourself with him because you were still doing NC when you said “regret getting further away”?
I’m kinda thinking thats what’s going to happen to me. By me not responding to his dinner invite, am I just pushing him away? Or is it different?
I really appreciate your kind help and advices! I truly do! I may not be the best person to give advices to but Im here if anything.
No. I distanced myself because I made it too obvious I wanted him back really bad so I thought by not trying actively to keep being close, he would seek me instead. And that probably got us farther away from each other.
You have been together for years. And its been days since you broke up. This I am telling you was after a month of breaking up so it was a good time to start getting back already. But for you I think one month to process everything, for him to miss you, feel you are not waiting and for you both to understand what needs to improve in each other and in your relationship, is important
For some reason I feel like I am pushing him away too though. I get so worried. Because the day after he asked me for dinner on the 16th, he asked me again -.-‘ (I guess he can’t understand “time and space”) he asked if he could have dinner again but on that night. I was going to just ignore it but then he txted “pls reply”. I’m such a fool. I replied, “working tonight”. Keeping my answers short whenever I had to reply to him. Even after work. He wanted to pick me up. I asked him why. He said “I just want to see you”. I txted “going somewhere after work”. And I really did have plans going somewhere after work.
I do believe this NC is working but also scared that I am pushing him away everytime I am rejecting him or ignoring him.It really sounds like you are doing the right thing–as hard as it may be!
I feel the same way. My ex texted me for the first time since NC yesterday and I was ecstatic. But I had to keep “cool” and I did a friendly and light reply.
AFterwards, I was so worried, overanalyzing if I sent the right thing or not. But everyone’s been saying, just let it sit. Her reaching out, letting me know she’s thinking about me is a great sign.
Of course my mind wanders. I have no idea what that means for sure. Just gotta keep being patient. I’m 2 weeks into no contact, and she initiated the first contact so that’s awesome.
I’ll keep working on myself and finding the value in myself and believe I’m a worthy person of getting back with!!
@peacewalker
Yeah. I noticed we always overthink about the NC rule. I recently broke my cool during NC >_<‘. He txted me in this order: “how are you?, do you hate me?, Letty?, I’m just worried about you, can we talk? (I replied “why?”), haven’t heard from you, no matter what I’ll always care for you that’s never going to go away, nvm I guess you don’t want to talk, sorry for bothering you, I hope you’re ok.”
I was filled up with emotions I replied to him, “Let me ask you.. Would you really be ok after someone you loved so much PROMISED to always love you and marry you, suddenly changed their minds? Would you really be ok?”. I know by texting that it brought up his defensess. Because that’s when he txted “hang in there. I know someone out there will treat you the way you should be treated.”. Broke my heart reading that. Felt like there is no hope of us getting back together. I don’t even know if no contact will work again. But I’m still going to continue NC.@Letty … Just by answering his text you broke NC … you need to start from the very beginning now.
@letty
This is a tough one.
I think this might be a case where you really do need to stop replying. No matter what. Let him see what life is like without you. It will be hard and scary, but if you don’t i feel he may continue toying with your emotions.
@cantsum
Oh yes, I know I have to start all over again with NC. My question was, would it even work again when I attempted NC on him?
@peacewalker
Yes, I’m going to try again. But I feel that he is now going to ignore me. I get a hurtful feeling that he might find someone new. I bet that thought runs in everyone’s minds when doing NC. My NC lasted a week and a half and now I’m back to day 1 of NC. *sigh*
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