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So I am wondering if I am making a mistake by not answering the phone considering she is states away and she still has me listed as her man on facebook. I keep thinking that maybe she is calling because she does want to talk about things and work them out. However the main reason I didnt answer the phone besides the steps was, I knew I wouldnt be able to sound strong and healthy. I am skeptical that this is going to backfire in my face and I am going to push her way further.
Thoughts?
No,you are absolutely doing the right thing.if she keeps calling,tell her that you need some space and you will contact her later after some time.you need to become strong and happy and you need to get your self confidence back.
Ok. Thanks. Im just thinking that when she left under almost the same circumstances before, I didnt do this and she came back within two weeks. However, she left again. Im just thinking maybe this time its really clicking in her head and we can try again. Do I text her and say Busy whats up, or just completely avoid everything. I feel like communication is key too
The most important part of NC is about you,can you feel really strong while still contacting her?you can tell her you need some space and you can communicate with her later after a little while.i only suggest these things and its really up to you what to decide.
I really appreciate the advice. Its just real difficult with her being states away and since she never really broke up with me, she just left, and still has me listed as her man, its real hard and confusing. I love her so much
She said nothing about breaking up but she left for some space right?
I mean she hasn’t been calling or texting you like always.has she?
If she wanted some space,you should give it to her.and you really need that space too.
But if she left and you think nothing has changes and everything is normal in your relationship and its just a long distance now,so you can communicate with her.You made me confused.i didn’t get your point.i read your story and i thought she wanted to leave because she couldn’t handle that situation and she needed to go home and she needed some space.
Yes. More or less that she needs to better herself before we can be successful as a unit and she couldnt do it here with me. Along with being homesick. Now shes texting me.
Do LC ( limited contact ) for a week or 2.see what she is saying and what she wants.don’t pressure her and be cool and confident when you talk to her.don’t say anything about the negative things.say that you understand her and you didn’t want to push her to do anything.
Let her see that you are not desperate and you are doing well.tell her some exciting new about your job or something you always wanted to do that she knows about it.try to be really cool and confident and don’t let her feel the sadness in you.tell her you respect her decision.If she says something about the situation and you can’t ignore answering it,be careful with your words,and control your anger.you don’t have to be judging and evaluating her.the structure should be like this:
1.what you observe.
2.how you feel when you observe that.
3.what you need.
4.your request.e.g When i see us arguing,i feel pressured,i need us to be happier than this,can we try to have a nice talk without arguing and improve our relationship?
or you can say, i know when you see i’m focusing on my job and we are spending less time together,you feel annoyed.do you need us to spend more time together and do you want me to do something about it?
These are only examples,you should check your situation and change the words.
Trust me it may sound weird but i did this and it worked like a miracle.Give it a time like 2 weeks and see if it works.avoid any negative talks and thoughts during this time.control yourself and see if it works.if it doesn’t work,then start NC.
Well, I will say this. You definitely know what you are talking about.
In the past week I took my workouts to another level, got real focused on all responsibilities, went out with my friends constantly, put in a bunch of overtime, and generally started to feel alot better.
I continued the NC throughout the day of the last post I had on here. By the end of the day my phone was ringing back to back. I started getting text msgs saying “Well I guess this is it, goodbye” (she left me), then “why wont you pick up the phone”. She kept calling and calling, and I love the girl with all my heart so I couldnt resist picking up the phone anymore. Once I pick it up she starts telling me she wants to be with me and shes wondering if she made a mistake. So I just let her talk and talk to get it out and didnt say much with the risk of sounding like I was hurting. Within a half hour she was already going back and justifying everything.
The conversation boomeranged back and forth until the final outcome of the conversation was we were going to continue a long distance relationship, start skyping, and both work on setting aside X amount of money as a nestegg so we can find a place we both want to move to that neither one of us is from, and start out life all over. So then the texting started back up with “goodnight, i love you” type of stuff.
However, like an idiot a cpl days later I checked her facebook and it went back to “ask who shes in a relationship with”, and I see her talking to guys on her facebook saying things that are way off course for someone whos trying to be in a relationship and work toward a future with someone else. Once I saw that I just got very cold. Then she called me (didnt pick it up) and left a message saying she was going to the beach with her best friend for the weekend and she will call me on Monday. Called me yesterday, didnt answer. So she called me again today to talk and I picked it up half asleep. I kept it pretty short (as my brain doesnt function well without coffee) and asked her to call me back later so I could wake up a bit. She said she’d call me tonite instead and I kinda just hung up the phone in a rush like “ok thats cool, see ya”
Cant tell if Im being an idiot by hanging up the phone like that and continuing the limited contact after somewhat of a resolution, or if I should try to make 100% sure she knows Im still being sweet and sincere and in love with her by ending conversations on a lighter note. If I know her like I think I do, that probably got under her skin.
Im in quite the pickle. Im not sure how to handle the entire scenario
Don’t overreact and don’t show jealousy.talk to her.control your sadness and anger and have a good communication with her with the 4 steps i told you.
Thanks A.Z. When this is all said and done, let me know how I can make it up to you.
I guess Im just having a hard time finding a ground between still showing her there is love and happiness for her here and anywhere we are, that Im using this time to make the impovements for our situation, and at the same time unfortunately being somewhat cold and disconnected. Im not good at stepping out of character.
I really understand you,take it step by step.she loves you.be patient and take it step by step.don’t over react and be calm and patient.you can reattract her more and more.i’m pretty sure about it.don’t be sad ok? everything is gonna be alright.just be patient and control your feelings.
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