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Hello, thanks for taking time to read. And sorry for the long post.
Me and my ex had dated back in 2017 for a year, a great year with a tiny bit of difficulty because it was an LDR and we are 6 years apart (he was 18 i was 24).
After a year he became very insecure, clingy and obsessive over any friends i spoke to more than him abd it lead to me feeling too suffocated.
I broke up with him a few weeks after our anniversary in tears, telling him that what he was doing took a toll on me but i still loved him and we could stay friends, if he worked on it we could date again.
He agreed but his behavior only got worse, he would call me to hang out every single hour of the day, get mad if i didn’t reply fast enough and act jealous of anyone who i gave my time with.
I had problems of my own to deal with as well, someone i used to be involved with has been harassing me, posting personal pictures of me online and it lead me to be afraid of intimacy, so I ended up lashing out on my guy and saying cruel things such as ‘I don’t love you” and “let’s just be friends” .
This went on for 7 months, I stopped feeling bad about the guy who spread my photos around and I thought with one less problem i could work on my current relationship. He had already drifted away and has been seeing a different friend group. We had fights about how i wanted to talk but he never had time for us anymore, 2 weeks later after one stupid fight he told me he hasn’t felt attracted to me in a while but he just wanted to stay friends.
It hit me too hard, i’ve begged him to give me a chance for a month and a half. Then I stopped. I told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore, it hurt me too much to pretend, he begged me not to leave, saying that he needed me in his life. I left for 3 weeks.
He has called me saying that he missed me after a week, but I kept going. After 3 weeks I came back, he told me I’m “all he has” and that life was so boring and depressive without me. I was convinced to stay but then… he tells me theres been a girl he wanted to befriend but was too scared to do so.
My heart sunk once again, I yelled at him, he kept saying it was just a desire for friendship but after a week he told me it transformed into more. They still haven’t spoke to each other but they go to the same class..
I told him then that I couldn’t see him anymore knowing he likes someone else, he said “i honestly doubt anythingls going to happen with her haha”, he told me how much he wanted me in hus life again, that he would miss me like crazy, he’s apologized for being obsessed in the past and that now he understands how wrong it was, but that he still just wants to be friends.
So I told him it was time to separate and maybe meet up again in a couple years to give it a chance, he said not to count on it too much as we might be in different relationships. We said our last goodbyes 5 days ago. It’s been 6 months since he lost feelings for me. What can I do to get him back? Am I doing the right thing by cutting off communications? I had plans on visiing of course and he was thrilled about it but I don’t think I could anymore..@Quintessence You need to watch your back. Guys who are controlling can do awful things!
Considering all you wrote, I think you’re better off without him. Surely you could find someone else closer to your age and town. Sorry to be so blunt, but he doesn’t sound like a person who is kind with good moral values and he’s treated you very badly!
Yes he has treated me badly, but he seems to have matured after leaving me which kind of makes me mad because it feels like I was a stepping stone for him to do better in a different relationship.
His parents have kept him very sheltered as a result of that he is very socially awkward and has been trying to socialize more outside of my friend group which is something I told him to do while we were together so I could have some space and function like a normal couple. He seems to understand this now, I just hate that it had to come to this before he realized it..
He has texted me twice since i started NC, sending me links to music he made for a contest or just jumping in a conversation I’m having on my status on social medias. Our mutual friends say that he has told them that he’s sad I haven’t talked to him and that he’ll never hate me.
I don’t plan on answering anything he says unless its pertinent to getting back together. I cannot take any of that any longer.@Quintessence You seem very young and foolish. Words don’t count and I’m sure he’s the same controlling person he always was.. Controllers don’t change. The hold on you would escalate and get much worse over time. I think you’re romanticizing the “relationship” into what you want it to be, not for what it was in reality.
Him saying he’ll never hate you is scary because hate is a very strong word. And obviously he thought of that word and most likely has resentments towards you.
My advice is still find someone your own age and local to where you live..
@patricia12
Alright, I seem to have missed some details.
First of all I’ve dated 3 people before him and I am 26 as of now.
Second, he said he wouldn’t hate me as a reply to a status I made on social medias about hating him.
Sure I can just find someone nearby me, that’s really easy and honestly it annoys me to be flirted with when I’m currently heartbroken.
I value this relationship because out of all the guys I’ve dated before he was the only one that wasn’t a cold ass hat and actually gave me some affection before changing a year after dating.@Quintessence I tried to warn you and give you good advice, but you have more info than I do.. hope all works out well somehow..
While he’s dating someone else, continue no contact.
oh whoops I found my post, so sorry y’all go here -> https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/success-after-10-months/
Hi Quin, I don’t agree with patricia. This boy does not sound like a “controller”, he is just young, as are you. Is he dating someone else? Do you leave close by to him? How long since you last spoke to him?
If you like him and he is reaching out to you then you need to break no contact. Don’t only talk to him if it’s to do with a relationship that will scare him off. Just try to remember why you like each other, remember you have more experience than him, he has some catching up.
If you want it to stand the test of time you’re gonna have to get in a position where it’s not constant negative talk about a relationship, that will push him closer to this girl.
hey there, thanks for your reply! You are totally right, he was young and didn’t know better, he had no evil intentions and I’m glad I stuck it out. We’re back together and we couldn’t be happier, please follow this link https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/success-after-10-months/ for an update, i got confused with the forums directions and made a new thread!
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