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6 weeks may be possible. I need to use this time to work on myself. I’m already in decent shape and she was always found me physically attractive, but she noticed I stopped going to the gym when I was getting more attached to her, so I need to break the cycle of that and show her I can focus on something and better myself. I need to freshen up my wardrobe too to get a new look because it was getting a bit stale in my opinion.
I would love for her to see me in amazing shape, and it’ll help with my confidence as well. I’m also very indulged in mountain biking and volunteering. I need to work on another professional certification and continue to work on my german language skills.
If I stop working on it and I have the chance to see her again and I can’t have a decent conversation in German, she’ll know that I was only learning it for her and not for myself.
I want to be at that point that if I had the chance to see her again I won’t even have to bring up the relationship, we talked about what went wrong enough. I can just focus on rebuilding the attraction and proving to her I can be happy without her. Reconciling will have to happen after she is attracted to me.
I agree, and I think the reason we pushed through the honeymoon phase is because we were together so much. We didn’t have time to truly miss each other, and messaging constantly didn’t help either. I didn’t give her the opportunity to be curious about what I was doing.
I can truly be grateful for the lessons this woman taught me. She showed me I’m capable of instense feelings for someone and that I’m capable of being cared for. Everyone is telling me I need to forget her or resent her before I can move on, I find that impossible. I don’t believe it was sick love or toxic love but just rushed. I think her being overwhelmed with my constant affection and intimacy took away the gratification of sharing these feelings. It was a selfish thing on my part because I did it only when I wanted to and rarely read the signs of when she wanted or needed it. She wasn’t used to this based on what she has told me about her prior relationships and she loved it but it was just too much, too often. The feeling will die and it’s meaning fades when it’s constant.
Do you think 30 days no contact is okay if I send an elephant in the room? I would send it without any expectation of a response. 60 days is exactly on her birthday and it’s a good opportunity for me to talk to her.
Day 10 of no contact and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I still think about her a lot and the thought of reconciling, but I still feel far from ready to reconnect.
I went on a date last weekend and did some sightseeing in Cologne. It was a good time, but I wasn’t ready to date. It was worth it though to evaluate my state. She was a nice girl but ultimately I can only think of her.
Some days I feel good some days I feel bad, and sometimes feel really bad. Any advice? I’m starting to put my elephant in the room message together, but I don’t know how specific I should be with my apology. I feel like I need to apologize for the root cause, not the symptoms of our relationship.
@ patricia12
yes I know and it is really hard for me to break this bad habit. I believe that we had a genuine care for each other. I think that we both had high expectations in the first few months, and maybe if I had handled myself better when she confronted me with what I was doing wrong, things may have been differently. What happened, happened for a reason and needs to be addressed whether or not we have a reconciliation.
I don’t think this being my first real relationship is an excuse for my actions. Something is clearly wrong with my behavior that needed to be addressed by a professional.
For the better part of 2 weeks I’ve been adjusting, accepting the breakup but I’ve had to start the no contact all over from our conversation earlier this week. I’ll see how I feel after 30 days and start with an elephant in the room message without any expectations of a response. I’ll still wait 60 days before I make any real attempt to contact her directly.
