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Can you elaborate more on what caused the breakup? Was it just the fear of commitment (kids, marriage)?
You said that you had done NC for only few days, tried doing NC later, but she kept breaking it.
From what you have written here I assume she is very attached to you and maybe still loves you. She is competetive, provocative, she keeps texting you, she is curious of what are you doing and with whom.
In my opinion, you should try doing stricter NC for much longer, continuous time – speak with her only about kid, job and other formal issues and do not let her provoke you. Tell her that you need time to heal and don’t want to speak about any other issues than those connected with job or your child. If she won’t respect that you will have to ignore her attempts to start a conversation.
You were together for 3 years and know each other for 5. She seems to be confused and in shock, but she doesn’t want to show that to you. That’s why you both need NC. I think you still have a chance, but you both have to start thinking clearly and rationally. I believe that if she is still in confusion her wounds are still very fresh and she won’t jump into a relationship very soon.
My bad, what I meant by “healthy jealousy” is just caring and thinking about each other and not having negligent attitude.
Yes, not only exams themselves consumed me, but we also had to take care of those final grades and trust me, fighting for those was as much absorbing and stressful. I was just confused – I just didn’t have that much of an experience to help her deal with her problems and there were still issues that belonged to me and had to be dealt with.
I still experience those waves of immense sadness, but I started going out with people, I reunited with my old friends that I hadn’t contacted for a while, I also plan to workout more often, change my appearance and go to therapy.
Thank you for your replies, I still have hope, I’ll keep you updated
Yes, he sounds very immature. Either he is just confused and he needs more time to evaluate rationally what he wants or he just wanted to play with you a little bit, without any further commitment, like a safety net. And that’s a big red flag.
Perhaps you could try NC, but for much longer time so that he can truly make up his mind, although I do think that moving on and finding somebody who will treat you more seriously and give you true love will be a better option for you.
Thanks for your reply
I hope everything will work out for you and you will be happy again.
Finals belong to the past now, we both did very well and now we have summer break, 4-5 months of freedom.
We don’t share any children (I still consider us to be quite young) and we both live in different places, logistics were never a problem in our case though.
What gives me hope is that the chance of her getting into a rebound is close to none – she is that kind of person who doesn’t fall in love very quickly and easily with random guys and she knows that that kind of relationship would only give her pain. Moreover, she is a bit introvertic too – she basically sits in her room all the time, sometimes goes out with her close friends (most of them are females), but there’s minimal risk that she will meet somebody who might steal her heart in the future so I must say I feel quite secure.
We also have that one close friend – she has a heart of gold. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t even know that my exgirlfriend existed in the first place. She was always supporting us both for those 2.5 years, she has always been objective and rational, she has never taken sides, she helps me with dealing with griefness and helps me with getting back to my ex to this day.
No worries, I haven’t been using her to spy on my ex or to check her every movement. However, from what she has been telling me lately I acknowledged that I still am in my ex’s mind and that my ex is angry with me (because of those trust issues I mentioned in my previous post). Normally, I would panic, run to her at the speed of light and shower her with apologies, but, fortunately, I know realize it would be a terrible mistake and of course “Anger is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.”
I became pretty calm after hearing that from our friend – I now know what her anger means and that it increases my chances of her wanting to get back to me. There is still a lot of emotions in my head, but I know what I have to fix and how should I behave in the future.I doubt if she will contact me during NC, but who knows?
I’ll keep you all posted
