Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Unique situation here everyone. Hoping to get some feedback relatively soon. I broke up with my ex about a month ago, we were dating for 4.5 years. Long story short I realized what s huge mistake I made and want her back in my life. We haven’t spoken since the 11th of April, she has blocked me literally everywhere, phone included. She is now seeing the guy that she dated for a year before we dated, they’ve been together for a few days. My questions are this. The only thing I can really do is a hand written letter, and only really have one opportunity to do it being that I still know her school schedule. I’m not in school anymore, Finals are next week and I was going to leave a note and a rose(always used to leave roses) on her car. It will have been roughly 3 weeks since no contact at that point. Is it a bad idea to write a good note and leave it there, or should I just wait for her to contact me. It’s that, or send a letter to her father about what her new bfs IG account says about “putting s baby in that bitch”. Either way any advice is appreciated. I’m thinking the latter is not the best approach. But since she has blocked me on everything it would be hard for her to know it was me, especially if the letter is addressed to him and he just asks to see the IG. Let me know thanks!
Her current/former ex does not seem like a terrible person, other than what he put out there on social media about putting a baby in her, still wish there was a way that her dad could find that out without my name ever being behind it, but I just know that she will automatically assume it was me. Just a shame someone would put that on social media about any woman. the full version is: “step aside boys, im going put a baby in that bitch”. classy.
other than that he seems to have his head on straight, has a degree i think….no idea the kind of job he has.
Sorry, forgot to answer the age. i am 27 and she is 24.
I have been doing a lot to work on myself. At first, it was taking a toll on me and affected the way I ate, slept, and lived my everyday routine. Have always been a strong willed person, but this just hit me like a freight train, it was weird, for the first two weeks i was fine, slowly started to realize how much she really meant to me and what our second chance would look like. Apparently, 3 weeks of being broken up was enough for her to be “not interested” in getting back together right now. April 11 was the last time we spoke.
Started to run again, very therapeutic, getting to around a 7:00 mile again which is good!, Haven’t taken the plunge yet but I do want to start learning to either dance or improve on my singing capabilities. Developed a better relationship with God in the meantime, something Ive always wanted to do. Starting to live my life again, hoping to one day rekindle in the future with who I think is the the person I am meant to be with. And i will wait, but not forever, I will never be a doormat for anyone. Eventually she will see that.
Would love to hear someone with a psychological background give an explanation on anything involving her 180 degree turnaround on her feelings for me. I guess what I did just shook for and shocked her so much that she went defensive, I did blindside her a little bit the day I did it, and feel terrible for it and she accepted any apology on my end for anything I may have done, which, in talking to people, in objectively about it, doe not seem like I had much to do with it other than breaking up with her. However, I do think I am entitled to an explanation one day on why she has said what she said. And then to block me literally everywhere is odd, but I understand and accept her decision to do so. Makes it easier to not talk to her that/s for sure. Email would be the only option eventually, if at all.
Thank you for the comments!
I intend to let her have her space, it is hard to do, but needs to be done nonetheless.
The “trust” factor came in because she would be under the impression that I would find something better around the corner, no matter how many times I told her that wasn’t true. It was an insecurity thing in my opinion. It would get to me when we would be out, and any girl she thought was attractive, she would kind of give me a glance to see if I also was looking or recognized the same girl. And most of the time I saw her first, I am a guy after all, but never thought to myself oh wow I’m going to leave my girlfriend for her. There are people everywhere, and for anyone not to notice the opposite sex anywhere is just impossible, and that put a big strain on her trust towards me, when in reality I should have been the one not trusting her. 1 month into our relationship, over Christmas break, I went home and she stayed where she was, ended up kissing a friend when they were drunk, only to tell me about it in July because she had fallen in love with me and was scared to lose me. Instead of breaking it off in July when I should have, I didn’t bat an eye because I saw the kind of girl she was and woman she would be one day. Totally Forgave her and still trusted her completely after that.
The word toxic has never come up regarding our relationship, not once was that word used by either her or I, I honestly believe her parents are trying to fill her head with things, and instead of taking any of the blame themselves, its easy to manipulate the situation and make me the bad guy and put the blame on me for ALL of this, even though I didn’t really have anything to do with it.
Things I haven’t said yet – Her parents have told her that if she would have gotten back with me that they would cut her off, and yes they pay for everything right now, school, car, insurance, phone. She does have a job but it is part time due to school, she has 3 semesters left in school. I have my degree and full time job, and would be able to take her out of the position shes in, but paying for everything would be impossible and she would have to take out loans, she does not currently have any, lucky. Without a full time job she would not get medical insurance so out of pocket that is like 10-15k yearly. None of that really matters if she stays with the guy shes with, which most people are telling me is hopefully a rebound and that she is just trying to forget in anyway she knows how, on top of needing that reassurance and latching on to someone, kind of seems like she can “fall in love” with anyone.
She told me that when she first saw me in English class her freshman year, she said to herself: “thats the one, thats him”. She used to call me “my love” and “bestfriend”, yet now this guy that hasn’t spoken to or seen her in 5 years is all of a sudden these two things, per her Instagram. His Instagram is very degrading, talking about “putting a baby in that bitch”. There are people who want to send a letter to her father explaining what this kid is saying on Social Media about her, but I will easily be connected with that and honestly hope no one does it. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible thing. She deserves better than that.
Ive been talking to people that have been in similar situations with anxiety, and one in particular who said she had something very similar and still does and takes meds for it and shes 70. GAD is probably the best example for what I can give.
I could have been better as well, there were times where I was distant because I either had a long day at work or the persistent little things that caused any flare up were present more often than not and sometimes it felt better to avoid it. I cannot answer as to why she felt she was “chasing me”, my guess is because of who she is and reassurance that she would need, which I thought I was giving to her, but after hearing her call our relationship toxic and that she cant believe she let someone treat her so badly for so long, I honestly don’t even know what to say, because it just wasn’t like she is describing, at least not to me, and if she felt like that, truly miserable, I had no idea and she did nothing to tell me, anything we dealth with either stemmed from school, her parents, or her job, there was never “hey, i think WE are the issue, so lets work on that”, it was always “im sorry my anxiety has caused us to struggle, i really am getting help, i promise things will be different”, and i would also say everything will be ok and that we will make it past it all, but I guess everyone has their breaking point, hence why I ended it.
I really think the second time around for us will truly be something special, if we are ever given that chance. Given what we both know now, and the love that we have for each other, this seemed like it needed to happen, I just dont know what shes doing in that new relationship, maybe i never knew her at all…
Always told her and showed her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and what she will feel when she is free of them and living her best life.
She would respond with you mean the world to me and I love you so much and am so lucky to have a man like you in my life.
I broke her heart, I know, and I truly believe I made the wrong choice, those things were workable but I got scared and just ended it. Just have to move on for now and keep bettering myself.
One day it will hit her, I know her better than anyone, and I want the good memories to outweigh whatever she may be being told or fed by her parents if at all. Hence why I wanted to one day show her what I have and she will see it for what it is, but I will do my best not to. It would make her see though, just trust that when formulating an opinion.
There is a bit more to the story and her parents that I won’t reveal here, but just know that anything she may have suffered before we met was pretty traumatizing for any kid.
Anyway, the three main reasons:
1. Throughout our relationship she would always have “rifts” with her parents, and I did everything I could to console her both in text and in person. So it developed into something greater, something we talked about going to see someone for. That never happened no matter how many times she told me.
2. Her parents expressed dislike for me from day 1 and never gave me a chance. Ever. Which I’m not surprised about they didn’t like anyone she dated, including this guy now. So that was always an uphill battle and most likely caused a miscommunication on both ends with her and I.
3. And the biggest, she never trusted me in our relationship, never felt like she truly trusted me and would constantly tell me that she was going to and that her anxiety wasn’t going to get the best of her and us and that she was sorry she put me through hell, she said that. I never did anything in our relationship to cause her not to trust me, I was good to her and did my best to cope with what she was dealing with.
Now my dumbass friend requested her on IG much to my disagreement but they are ***holes sometimes.
I still believe we are truly meant to be together, but there’s a lot going against us right now and I have backed off completely. She has pretty much blocked me on every medium.
I guess I just want to know why someone would use the word toxic in that I’ve never heard that word before regarding our relationship. You don’t forget 4.5 years. Especially in a month.
Some of the messages I have are beyond the scope of what I’m allowed to share. But do try to understand that I was a small portion of what she was going through. And i tried to do my best.
