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@Elanna Yeah, I just might cut the NC earlier, we’ll see.
The main reason I went NC was because of our overnight argument (It was in my past post.) He went to “see” another person for potential dating material.
I questioned where he was, and it got into a heated argument that was mostly him blasting at me for being a liar, that I’m not affectionate, etc etc etc… (whatever I wrote in my last post.)
After all that, I asked where this left us.
He said he wanted to see other people.That’s when I said “Goodbye!” to him and hung up.
Thanks @sfantaadriana, I actually have been doing my research on narcissism and BPD. I can’t believe it takes so much extra effort to do all this research, when all I wanted was to simply love and be loved.
I’m just at a dilemma whether to tell my future concerns or whether I should just accept the moment I have now with him.
Also, trying to figure out when I should break NC. Although 30 days is ideal, his constant contact with me today (none about apologizing and asking me to come back, though he’s told me he misses me) makes me wonder how effective its working on him, the narcissist.
At least I have been using this time to figure out his abnormal psychological behaviour and my own personal prayer and meditation…
*UPDATE*
Officially one week after NC and he texts me.
To sum it up:
He said that he hopes not talking to him was my decision and not what I think he told me to do, as he complained about everything that was wrong with me.He complains because he wants more of me, not less.
He gets scared when I don’t talk about marriage and kids, so when he complains and runs, I abandon him, making his fear come true.
Sorry, @patricia12, another couple of things:
Prayer for the Lord to change me (requiring meditation and solitude) and expand my understanding by rewiring my brain to these concepts.I just want to be at a point where I don’t have to jump ship anymore, after learning all these things, y’know?
@patricia12 I also intend to train myself to be a better communicator. That includes drastic measures like opening and expanding my throat chakra (some may or may not believe this) and reading some material to educate and apply myself.
Thanks @patricia12… I really am a nice person (not to toot my own horn), or at least I really do try hard to make it work, and every time I’ve failed, I’ve been going over everything to examine what had happened. I am too strong-willed to give up – I guess I’m stubborn and determined.
I will see how I feel once I reach the 30 day mark.
If he does contact me persistently in hopes to re-connect beforehand, I may give in early. I doubt it though.
When we’re together, we do well domestically, as we’ve spent weeks together. But it seems like he’s looking for the extra push… not someone who can meet the bar.
Yes, it is true that I am “young” in understanding what relationships are all about. He doesn’t understand how it’s possible that I don’t know how to have a relationship at my age and maturity level, but I do, and you seem to notice from my posts.
During my NC, I’m studying more about key points he threw in my face about being in a relationship.
Just today I discovered what “Terms of Endearment” means. I thought it was just a movie title! :\
Social media is such a terrible addition (and addiction) to make us feel even more insecure about ourselves.
My advice to you: don’t delete or block if you aim is to have him in your life again. He’ll know something is up and believe you have hatred on him.
I can’t exactly tell if he’s a committed boyfriend or someone you just call boyfriend because you said, “I believe he is still thinking about me and he isn’t completely over me” and “I’m only hurting my chances at winning him back.” As for now, you have to give him the impression you two are friends. Remember, he believes he isn’t attached to you, and that’s because he feels he has control, he can come and go as he pleases.
You have to turn the table around and take control. If you ever feel the need to lurk, try you best to dive in unphased. Pray before lurking if you need.
Regardless of whether you catch something that disturbs you or not, I say let it soak for 10 seconds, then quickly log out and do something different like watch a movie or play guitar or cook for an hour.
Understand that you have to take care of yourself first. Remember social media only counts for a small percentage of who he truly is, and who you truly are.
I’m only saying what I say out of self experience.
Self restoration is key.
Update: After nearly two days, he contacted me. He said that he knows its me sending these odd messages (to which I have no awareness of) and that it’s coming from my phone.
I replied that these could possibly be spam messages that I have no knowledge of. That these messages show up on other people’s walls and whatnot, but I am not the one sending them.
Then he comes back to me saying, “It makes me sad. I really liked you when I first met you. But then there’s always something pushing me farther and farther away, no matter how much I try to grow nearer.”
Ugh… even spam and technology doesn’t want us to be together. 🙁
I know I am not the messenger, but I can’t figure out why he would attach blame on me for something I didn’t do.
Yes ty10, I’ve been taking that seat back. I know its best to focus on myself. I’m just waiting for him to read my email. Hopefully, he will apologize to me too, for such an accusation, without even questioning.
I’m just letting everything take its course. I’m also still open to have a first date with others, since he’s still not ready for me, it seems.
Hi Nightly,
I’d try to re-introduce “hanging out”, but with that random text, it just threw me off. He still hasn’t replied to me. Now I know that random text, wasn’t random at all, but directed to me. I have no clue what happened. *throws hands in the air*
So many possibilities of what it could be:
1) either he said that because she happened to see something that conflicted with her and started arguing with my ex about it, then in turn threw it out on me, as some kind of aggravated emotion
2) he believes she received these messages from me and is defending her
3) he used “the messages” as an excuse to get out, but I have no clue from what. It’s not like I trapped him in anything.
I sent him a rather long email regarding the text, telling him that I figured out what the text message he sent meant, hours after pondering it over.
He did this once, shortly after having breakfast together at a nearby restaurant. I could tell after he dropped me home that there was some disturbance in his eyes and he had to quickly leave. Only to find out when he arrived home, he called me and asked me about these messages that were sent to this other woman he’s been seeing. I told him I knew of no such thing. Then I began proving myself, that I accidentally left my phone at home, so there was no way I could have reached her, or anyone for that matter.
Back to the present day; the email I sent included snapshots of direct FB messages between myself and fellow FB friends, none of which are direct communication between her and I. So, to my suspicion, one of them is lying.
Hi Kaila, I’m just going to continue doing my best to be myself and wait…
He still has issues to sort out.
Thanks penelope4, yes, I agree to remain calm, and to not get crazy over checking her posts. I know he still likes me, perhaps even loves me.
The way that we’re still in contact with each other daily post-NC built up to this point, has been clear indication to him that we don’t want to let go of each other. It’s going to take a bit more than that to have him regain his love for me though.
Yes, her comment was rather smug. Not sure why she’s gloating over a simple accidental like.
He and I have great chemistry, we’ve talked about us (not to get too deep in the future sense of everything, but us in current tense), but he’s afraid of not feeling safe with me in order to get back into a relationship.
I’m trying to figure out how to prove to him that he should feel safe with me.
Hi Steve, thanks for your comment. I’m not in No Contact mode; I’m in post-NC mode. The rules are now different.
My ex’s new girl isn’t directly connected to me on FB. She makes all her statuses about him “public”, so its easy to just check up on it. Thats why it was an accident when I clicked on her wall.
Thing is, it doesn’t seem like he’s completely moved on, since we still have deep feelings for each other. He doesn’t talk about her nor mention her at all to me, so its like she doesn’t even exist. So what do I say to that? I must also pretend she doesn’t exist. We did talk way long ago about her existence, but it seemed as if he wasn’t really diggin’ her. I feel he’s just keeping her around, the way he doesn’t speak of her at all.
Thanks roarimabear, good to hear from you, and for all this insightful analysis! I can see the forehead kiss as a sign of appreciation and care, but I wouldn’t ever think of it as a sign of apology. Interesting.
I failed to mention that before he brought me back home, he also invited me over to his place and stay the night.
I declined.
I couldn’t just jump to going to his place and stay the night, after all that has happened.
On one hand, it might have been a good opportunity to talk about everything. On the other hand, I felt like a spontaneous acceptance to go over to his place would have made me think less of myself, some kind of undignified woman.
Yes, I can see that he does have feelings for me.
For now, we still text and talk to each other, every day, including hints of innuendos. Overall, I still try to keep what I can do under my control and continue to build ourselves.
