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I don’t really know when the her program ends. But well, I guess we’ll see. I really hate having to go back to no contact, but I really don’t know what else to do besides that, doing no contact, and just sending her occasional invitations to hang out. Man this sucks
I broke No Contact about a week before our set date. She congratulated me for my apartment and she seemed really warm.
She works full time and is on the last year of a Design program, though I don’t think it’s college. She also goes to the gym and does martial arts.
While I think reducing the texting is a good idea, perhaps No Initiation will be a better than No Contact. I mean, we are amicable towards each other, things just need to be more balanced, I suppose.
Hello, it’s been a little more than a month since my last post. Things have been…confusing.
I contacted my ex a little before the stablished period me set because I was moving to a new apartment and I felt like asking her for some interior design tips would’ve been a good idea. I must admit that the decision to text her was kinda nervewracking, but I didn’t wanna lose this chance. She answered pretty qickly and gave me some advice. We exchanged news and all that. She said her life was a bit messy and that she was working and studying all the time, which made it so she couldn’t eat or sleep right. This was a bit of a odd message, and I told her if she needed help with anything, she could contact me, but she said that she’d find a way.
Since then we’ve stayed in touch. I initiate most of our interactions, which are mostly warm at first then they get cold. I feel like I don’t quite know her as she is now, and like if I did, I’d have an easier time interacting with her. A few days after moving she sent me a message saying she apologized for not helping me with the move, and then repeated what she said about being busy and all. I told her it was alright, and that she could come by for some tea and stuff. She said she was too busy.
Now I feel like I’m in a bit of a crossroads. I sent her a few texts answering something she said (she was apologizing for not answering something because she was working and asking me how I was) and she hasn’t replied. I feel a little bit like a loser always starting conversations and trying to remember that she “forgets” about her phone, which is something she told me she did when she was really busy.
On one hand, I wanna try doing a longer no contact period after this, now that we are in touch and “okay”, to see if she can start initiating contact with me and so we can be on equal footing. But on the other, I feel bad not doing anything and just passively letting time pass. I get a lot of ideas of things to talk about and to send her, but the wait and the uncertainty of not knowing if I’m doing the right thing just sucks. I really don’t know where to take it.
@patricia12 Yeah, I really should’ve tried to slow things down, but I was blinded by love. Thanks again for replying!
What I meant by me being open is exactly that. I’m kind of an open book regarding how I feel and think, and express myself confidently in that regard. And by overbearing I meant that perhaps, since she gave me all the signs that things were fine and that she was okay with the pace of things, I jumped into “relationship” mode too quickly and started showering her with too much affection and attention. I’m a very loving person.
At the same time she also did a lot of things for me that made me feel like she was just as committed as I was, like moving around her schedules and such we could meet, something I did as well.
I don’t think I would classify myself as insecure or needy while we were good, just very commited to the relationship, which maybe she realized she wasn’t ready for.
A lot of this seems like mostly conjecture, but in general I think both of us were caught up in the tornado of love. She just felt overwhelmed first and pulled the trigger.
And yeah! When I talk to her again I just want to have good rapport and see how things go. I wanna focus on our connection and forget about checking the “relationship” check mark.
@patricia12 Hey! Thanks for your reply. Today has been a particularly tough no contact day haha.
Reading back on my post the timeline does seem pretty weird. We started talking online for like a week, then we met twice, just hanging out, and on the third time we had sex and we started dating. I’d say we dated seriously for like a month and a bit more, then we did the friends thing for about 2 weeks before I broke down.
Yes, the main thing that’s keeping me going is that I want to keep my word, I don’t wanna be wishy-washy in that respect. She still checks my IG stories and likes my posts, so that also reminds me of her presence.
If I were to take her word for it, I assume her “issues” is she has a lot of problems trusting people and showing vulnerability, because her last relationship cheated on her and such. I on the other hand am quite open. To the point were it becomes a bit overbearing. I realize we went super fast and that a lot of that could’ve affected things. Sometimes I get upset because she could’ve told me these things and I could’ve slowed down, but whenever I asked her if she was alright with our pace she said it was fine, that she loved me, etc etc.
At the start we saw each other very often, like two or three times a week, yeah, because quarantine was ongoing and we had a lot of free time, we also texted all the time for the same reason. When she started working again we saw eachother about once a week, maybe twice.
I am 25 and she’s 27. We both gave eachother birthday presents.
After no-contact, and depending on my state of mind, I just want to focus on the connection that we had. I honestly believe we had tons of things in common, and even if it’s just a friendship, I’d like to keep it. We’ll see how things turn out.
Thanks again!
