Mr anderson

As a guy I am sorry to say, as much as I am on your team I understand some of his frustration. I mean Finntoga has brought it up multiple times, for a while there you kinda “lit him up” so to speak. I mean I think when he talked about wanting to keep his work phone for work, hitting him up on that was a huge violation of trust for him. It was half about him trusting that you wouldn’t cross that boundary and half about respecting what he wished.

I think you are reading too much in his angry reply. I mean you should really take it at face value. His response “who is this” is angry sarcasm because you had been messaging him heavily. I think he sent it out of anguish and frustration nothing more nothing less.

If you truly want him back you have to give him the space. Think of it like an conveyor belt moving away from him. The faster you run on it on it toward him, the faster it’s gonna pull you away from him and it’s gonna tire you out. However conveyor belts are circular and once they go through their big long loop you end up at the same place you start. If you let the conveyor carry you back around to him you will get there faster and you won’t be tired and sweaty by the time you get another chance to go past him. The more you fight it at the beginning the longer it takes to go all the way back around. But you gotta go with the flow. Who knows, that “conveyor belt” may be shorter than you think.

(not the best analogy to try and picture but I think it works)

I agree with lagirl. I think many of the people who mend their relationships disappear from the site since they have accomplished their goal and no longer need it. So we probably don’t here many success stories since those people are now putting all their time and effort into their relstionships

Sorry, but you should restart. You need to distract yourself with something other than checking on your ex. It seems like it’s starting to consume you. If you keep occupying your time with worrying about him, you can’t focus on you.

In regards to the text as finntoga said, it seems every intentional. You can’t talk to us about wanting to send this text over and over then try to convince us it was a total accident. I mean not to be harsh, but it kinda sounds crazy to be practicing sending a text.

You need to give him time and some space. Based on reading through your previous posts in the thread, it doesn’t sound like you were even mentally or emotionally ready to send that text in the first place. If you have to question your action you aren’t really ready to send it. Consider messages to your ex in someways like bullets. Once you pull that trigger you have to be responsible of what happens because of that action you took.

Patience is very tough and getting back with your ex doesn’t happen within a few days. It can takes weeks or months to fully get to a place where you guys want to get back together, and it’s all an elaborate dance. You need to try and be careful and think about your actions and what messages they send. If your ex is already mad you have to give them space to cool down.

I think you can make this work but you gotta back off a bit. Remember there is a reason 30 days is the minimum. Its like a test, if you can make the 30 days, you prove to yourself that you can make it without your ex. The reality is you have to be able to make it on your own before you can get your ex back. As Kevin says in his article, you have to reach a point where you WANT to be with your ex, but you don’t NEED them in your life. If you don’t reach that point within your 30 days you aren’t there yet and need more time, if you can’t make it to 30 days, you certainly have more Work to do on yourself.

You have a chance, and you can do this. You don’t need to prove it to him, you need to prove it to yourself. Focus on you and you will get him back

21 is a while not to hear from ur ex, but to be honest I am on day 30 of no contact so tomorrow is the first day I will contact my ex again.

Basically my ex didn’t contact me until day 25 which was a snap chat and then last weekend she sent me a text of which I didn’t respond. I don’t think you should lose hope. Every relationship is different and every ex is different. Some break right away and come back desperate. However I think it’s better to have an ex that takes a while to contact you because it means they are taking time to think things over so when they do come back it’s from a place of thought and reason vs wild emotion

I think you should have just ignored the calls. Basically what your teaching her through hooking up with ther is that the end of the day no matter what she does she can rely on you to be there and that’s what the whole point of NC is. You teach them that they can’t have you when they want you they can’t come in and out of your life as they please.

the no contact will be good because I think you really need to decide if this girl deserves you. I mean it sounds to me like her actions are not matching her words. If she is wandering and making out with other people I would say that was cheating while she was on vacation.

You should be very strict about your no contact. I would say don’t answer any calls or any texts or meet for the full 30 days. In a case like this where she is confused and there as been a lot of grey in your and her relationship. I think you need to try and make it a little more black and white. She needs to get the idea that you won’t always be there when she calls or wants to hook up. She needs to learn to respect you.