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not to be too blunt. She’s dating someone else. End of story. If she’s dating someone else, she’s probably sleeping with them. Just a fact of life. Answer this to yourself, how long were you dating before you started having sex? was there a lot of cuddling involved? etc. etc. Your mind is a horrible beast at some things, and this is one of them…in your mind, she’s still faithful and missing you, etc, etc. In her mind, she’s moved on and her attention is solely on someone else. Go back to relationship rewind. FORGET the grass is greener, NONE of it helps you create a plan of action. (GIGS only gives you advice, but it doesn’t help you move forward with YOUR life or move forward by recreating attraction and chemistry. She’s beyond drift and getting indifferent…which can be worse than death’s door. Just because she’s liking stuff, and paying attention DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING, and it doesn’t mean she’s missing you or interested, it’s completely irrelevant. If she was interested, or thought there was a chance with you, she’d have acted on it.
ANYTHING else here is up to you. You’re the alpha, you’re the male, now take what’s yours, or let another man have it. I don’t mean tell her all your feelings, etc etc… or “chase” her. I mean go set some things in motion. Use instagram and Facebook to YOUR advantage and show her what’s she’s missing out on….and who knows, you might find someone else yourself.
“Yes I have. I have done it all. Ive been on a few dates, not kissing or sex. I did friends with benefits, sex dates, and recently I dated a girl (3 dates)… We only kissed, nothing else. So yes, I have done it all…” i’m confused…u said you haven’t had sex or kissed, but then said u had friends w benefits and sex dates…
It’s not her being pathetic, because it’s renting space in your head. Women are better at head games..and it’s no different than you posting a vague statement when you hung out with someone. I’d say more than likely, there is another guy. Serious or not is irrelevant, THERE IS ANOTHER GUY. So…if you are the alpha, you need to make her see the greener grass on your side.
Sorry bud, but you passively missed the opportunity to create a meet up. Waiting to “run into her” is passive, and not Alpha. If she liked that you were out with friends, great. now go further. What do you have to lose? You don’t have her right now. Next time you’re hanging out with you female friend, post about it. Whether it’s at her house, the laundry mat, a bar..whatever. Be real about it, and post the friends name. Jealousy is a powerful motivator…it’s motivating you, right! IF she’s dating, then you’re losing her attention. Now,that doesn’t mean be a JEALOUS jerk, but it’s up to you to reignite that spark. Find something to take you to her town…something you’re legitimately interested in, especially if you have friends there. Then do a simple post like “can’t wait to catch up with XXX so and so XXXX this weekend at the ___________. She’ll know, and get the point. If she likes it, wait a while, then send her a message. “hey, i’ll be in town, and i missed ya last time you were home, you wanna meet up for a couple of hours to catch up?” She’ll probably say nah because it’s a cat and mouse game, so you hafta start showing alpha again Reassure her it’s nothing serious. Even if she says no again, go through with the plans and post pics. You hafta SHOW her you’re getting on with your life.
Before i go any further.. you never said. Have YOU dated someone else…. and I don’t mean a one night stand, or friend with benefits… but actually been on a few dates (RR says at least ONE date) and pursued any sort of relationship with someone else.
u ask why she posts it because you can see it? She either wants a reaction, or doesn’t care and it’s not about you. However, the fact that you let her “like” things breaks NC, and you’ve not completely cut her outta your life. GIGS is partially right, but you have to pick a strategy and go 100% all in. No, you don’t chase her, but you DO create opportunity for YOU. Why is she going out with others….because you’re not giving her any opportunity to come back. You maybe the MAN for her, so be a MAN, and Man up. Quit worrying about upsetting her. Right now, you’re NOT the Alpha, and she DOES have you in the friend zone…she’s at a comfortable distance, and she knows you’re available. Interacting with her isn’t chasing.
If you REALLY wanna find out where she’s at, write a magic letter. If you have her number and are texting, look up Text your ex back
but you hafta give them something to pursue…which is what RR says about creating a false friendship. That doesn’t mean you’re lying or manipulating. You hafta get back to a point where you once were..where you could talk…and thinking back, in my experience, when you first start “dating”, it’s kind of a false friendship anyway, on both parts. The difference is women have a better ability to compartmentalize things, or put you in a category. There’s a difference between making yourself scarce, and ignoring them completely. Scarce builds intrigue and wonder…totally ignoring builds indifference.
The other thing the friendship does is help YOU figure out what YOU want.. if you want something more, it opens the door. If you’re content with just being friends, it makes it happen and helps get over the awkward moments.
you hafta create some opportunities.
Just real quickly..my x and i met up a lil over a month ago, went out to eat, then she turned cold again. I kept in touch and kept things friendly. I’ve tried to just be a friend, because in the end, if something is gonna happen, we hafta get back to being friends first like we used to be…that’s where trust starts over… anyway, a few weeks ago, i told her i wanted to take her and her son to something i thought he’d enjoy, and i have the extra money…she said no thanks… kept talking, and this last weekend, i said i wanted to treat him to something for his birthday. Finally, she agreed, and then she ends up giving me her new phone number (BIG step forward)… took them out, and just had fun with him. He’s a great kid, but i mentioned other stuff in my other posts b4. Anyway, we’ve kinda talked a little since as well…but to me, it’s about getting her back to trusting me, and me trusting her. None of it woulda happened if I just “let it go”. Sure, it’s a risky chance, but i created opportunities.
So, have you dated anyone else? There’s an old saying…they way not want you, but they don’t want another having you….don’t just post comments…show her something.
GIGS??
have you tried interacting with her…being active instead of passive. Remember, at one time you were active with her, and passive is not alpha male (unless you’re dating someone else)
Ask her to just hang out. If you still want something with her, you need to move forward… or maybe you’re OK with letting it go. No contact only works for so long, until they become numb, or indifferent. Just because she’s still “liking things” doesn’t mean she’s not becoming indifferent. Interact with her and push some buttons…good or bad, you just want a reaction…get her to interact with YOU. You’re in a better place, so it’s time to move forward. Is a friendship at a distance what your heart really wants? If she’s the ONE, start working on bringing her back. Forget Tinder and some of the other things… she’s in the “safe zone” so to speak as well. She’s still part of your life, but from a distance. Start reminding her the grass isn’t greener, and you’re in the better pasture
hmm..that post is kind of what i was getting at about n/c being dangerous, just put together better…
now, analyze what you just said. You naturally assumed the worse. Which means it hit a nerve. Now imagine if you were out in public and the “surprise” popped up and there she was with someone else…she’d read you like a book. (I’m not talking negative about you)
So, there comes a time where you have to put some things in motion that YOU can control..in the end, it’s your life. If she’s opened the door for you to text, then do so. TRY TRY TRY to set up some type of false friendship…that puts you a little closer to where you wanna be. Figure out some ways to remind her about good things…you’re past the n/c rule
The “love” looks will come, but you gotta break down her walls. If she’s setting dinner for 2, then she’s looking… 1) is her posting stuff like that normal, or odd? 2) think back, did she post a lot of stuff like that when you were together?
i put up an update, if you get a chance…
but, if she’s contacting you, it’s a HUGE step forward. Control the conversations and take the lead, not just mirror (that’s needy)… easier said than done, i know. GO back to R Rewind. Powerful stuff.
Well, at this point, who knows. The problem i would see is the distance gonna make it harder to just meet up for coffee…. but has she said maybe adding you on facebook, or something easier…or even texting
well, if she hasn’t left, try to get her to meet you for a cup of coffee, or something. Opening the line of communication is great, and definitely the step in the right direction. I had some stuff happen, but won’t hijack your thread… The one thing RR cautions about if getting stuck in the friend zone. Being friendly and a false friendship are different than being in the friend zone. Women are better at compartmentalizing people.
well, you don’t have to go overboard with it… but it’ll for sure answer any questions you might have
i’d say she is indifferent….her eyes give it away. Avoiding you at first, then making and holding contact, as well as engaging you in conversation.. small things give it away.
If she was truly indifferent, i don’t think she’d be responding at all, because you don’t matter anymore. She’ll have moments, because she has to keep the illusion going…and you can use maebe’s as an example for YOU to get to (even though she’s the enemy here, haha..jus kidding)…where you flip things around and she starts chasing you. The BEST way is to get her in bed..but you gotta do some other stuff. Friendship, social things, regain some trust, but make sure there might be some occasion to touch her, like dancing, holding hands…etc. etc… DON’T reward bad behavior with attention…leads to the friend zone (not the false friend zone). Make sure you flirt with someone else in front of her (not “can i have your number”..but chatty and polite, light and humorous). show your girl she’s not the only one after you. Even better, stage the situation. Have a girl you know there (not anyone she knows) and hit her up for a cple of minutes… and maybe after few minutes, she comes back by, stops and talks to you, tells you to call her… get the woman jealousy going. VERY powerful emotion, moves her to passion.
@maebe it’s quite simple… quit sleeping with him. As long as you’re giving him what he wants, you’re rewarding him for bad behavior. If you don’t want friends with benefits, don’t be that. Work on true things, like communication. Have yo done 30 days n/c…been on a date with someone else…made changes in your life… leave a link.
Congrats. Sounds promising. Go back to R rewind…1st and foremost, forget romance (for now), and remember, what you had is dead and buried. She needs to know she can trust you as a friend again, and have fun…none of the awkward “ex” moments that would lead in to questions like what happened, and why..etc… She’s interested, or she wouldn’t have made it known she was keeping up with you.
Yes, it SEEMS sneaky and manipulative, but you gotta go with the false friendship. You’re past indifference, which is MAJOR. I say seems, because you hafta get back to a place you once were, back to the fun and friendship thing like when you FIRST started dating. Think of her as a new conquest, except you know a few inside tricks. I’d think you gotta move outta the gym, to something/someplace else. Some type of social gathering, where she will put you under the microscope and look for clingy/needy…or confident/cocky Alpha.
ok…you both weren’t ready. Maybe she misses you, and doesn’t wanna make the first move cause she’s afraid you’re still mad. If she doesn’t come in, you lose a couple of days..can be a BIG deal. A simple message: I accepted we were over, thanks for the great times. I hope we can still be friends. By the way, I’m working overtime/extra this week, if you wanna still show me that routine we talked about. I’ve got this one I’ve been doing (and find one immediately to talk about), but it’s (either not working, and why..or it’s really great, and why)..
You’ve now created the scenario for YOU… false friendship, conversation openers (working extra, friends, the routine, AND something new about yourself..the new routine, good or bad, it opens conversation), no pressure/expectations, reassured her you are OK with things and NOT mad, and put the ball in her court. If she contacts you, then you can play it cool. If she doesn’t, you know she was “fishing” for a reaction, and then play it cool at the gym, and she MIGHT still run in to you…which if she does still show up, you’re still in the game at the SAME place you would be if you took your approach by only relying on waiting….
She’s testing the waters is my guess. Either to see if you’ll react calm and cool, or if you’re still mad.
The simplest way to find out…really quick message. Hope you’re doing OK. (Maybe With a friend request on facebook). Id hate to think the time we spent was a total waste, maybe we could salvage a friendship….
Shes paying attention, and has given you a hint. The ball is in your court. I’d say you still only have a 50/50 chance of running in to her. Be an alpha, step up…. you’re past no contact….give her a reason to talk
i think “waiting” is bad. Give her a reason to seek you out. All of what you can do, you can do via text. Just like thanksgiving…there’s NO guarantee she’ll bump in to you. If she thinks your mad, she’ll probably AVOID bumping in to you. Taking ALL the blame is a no-no too… Just let her know you accept it.
Get creative..if you spent holidays together once before, FIND a legitimate reason to reach out. You’ll figure out quickly if she’s receptive or not. I’d say you ned to act in the next couple of days: if she’s not so receptive, you’ll plant a seed for when she’s in town (so she can think of you). If she IS receptive, you can establish a false friendship and move faster. Any type of event…church service, christmas tree’s, party, band playing/concert… just a quick “hey, i thought you and your family might like this ______… You mentioned something about it one time. I won’t be able to make it cause I’ve got _________ going on (something really great).” Then leave it alone.
To me, doing nothing sets this up: if she is hanging out with one guy, she might take him home for the holiday because she doesn’t wanna be alone. If she thinks you’re mad, she’ll avoid you at all costs. If she’s lonely, she’ll want/need someone…and if she thinks you’re mad, she will avoid you at all costs. If she’s NOT seeing someone, you broke the ice without seeming needy.
If you plant the seed, she’ll think of you, and show her you’re ok with things. EVEN if she brings another guy, you gotta play it cool.
