imisshimbro

Hi all. Quick update. Thanks for the responses.

I’m not one to leave somebody over a problem with alcoholism. Maybe it’s crazy but I think it’s a demon just like depression some of us have to battle, I have no problem helping with things like that. As long as it doesn’t get too out of hand or they don’t resort to abuse, I’m always down to help. That’s not something I would hate him for. It’s an addiction like anything else.

I talked to my dad about it but I got teary talking about it so I cut it short and I haven’t had the courage to talk about it again. He knows pretty much everything about it though, even if it’s very broad because I don’t really talk about it much lately.

Unfortunately I had to extend my no contact (although I think it’s a good thing.) I had re-joined a mutual chatroom that all of my friends (and him) are in, which I have mentioned before. I quickly left within a few days because of his presence making me sad, and he was just saying bizarre things that looked like jabs at me (which was super uncharacteristic). He kept trying to grab my attention when I was very clearly ignoring him and told him I needed him to leave me alone, nothing harsh, so I just left for my own sake. So I’m going for a few more weeks, it gets a little easier each day :).

However, I think a good sign cropped up? He messaged me yesterday saying he missed having me in the server, and he said he was sorry for acting the way he did, and said he wished he treated me better. I didn’t really give much of a response because I didn’t know what to say. I just told him my only responses are things I’ve already told him. He genuinely “sounded” really sad. He also said a few other things implying he was missing me, which was just super bizarre and made my heart stop, so I just responded coldly. I hate being cold to him or people in general but I didn’t have energy at the time. I let him know I’m sorry I didn’t have any response, and I don’t hate him (which he was really upset about, thinking I hated him).

After this I told my best friend (mutual friend of his) about this, and she said he brought me up about a week ago while they were talking, saying he felt bad for doing something many many months ago that broke my heart (way before we broke up, I don’t like to talk about it because it hurts to talk about. I forgave him for it but it still hurts. I’m sorry if this is vague.) and was crying about how he could never make up for it. He also said (about me) “she deserves better” “she’s an amazing human being and I’m so mad at myself for hurting her like that”. It’s only odd because it’s been months since the incident happened.

And he still has a girlfriend. Apparently talks about her all time, which multiple people think is super bizarre. Some people are saying it’s so he can prove he’s moving on to himself. I don’t really have an opinion on the matter.

The more this whole saga goes on the more messy I realize he is. I don’t have any regrets in still loving him with all of my heart even to this very day, but I can see what a mess he can be sometimes, lol. I worry for him.

I don’t really know what to do from here besides no contact. I don’t know what to do beyond that. I don’t understand why he is suddenly really upset about what he did months ago, and why he’s telling me he’s sorry for saying things that are making me uncomfortable and upset in public settings when he continues doing so. I just don’t understand this man at all. 🙁

I would really like some help here. I’m definitely going no contact for a little bit longer so I can gather my bearings because I’m super frustrated at this point.

Hey, thanks for the honest response.

I did find out he is still with this girl, which makes this whole ordeal very confusing.

I’m not initiating conversations, I haven’t in a very long time. I’m only responding to him when he messages me and only keeping the conversation going if it’s important. The topic of conversation before visiting and the like only came up because of an emergency involving a mutual friend, which is now solved, but it had to involve both of us.

I’m fully aware I should stop communicating with him for a while, and I’m going to try to do so. I don’t think I have the heart to tell him to bug off but I’ll keep my replies short and not open-ended. I highly doubt I’m going to go on that trip at all, as I’d have no reason to other than for him. As much as I want to see him I know it will only end up poorly for me at the moment, so I don’t really even want to go if I think straight.

Our conversations have been through text.

Hey all, haven’t been here for a little bit.

Updates on my situation: Not much, honestly. I haven’t truly kept up no contact, but I haven’t been initiating. However, he’s been initiating conversation with me a lot more. At least once a day unless he’s gone/away/busy etc. They used to be short and cold and he would bring up his girlfriend a lot (which pissed me off so I stopped responding) but they’ve been a lot longer and it felt like old times, and we’d send each other memes every once in a while, even with no response. A lot of “reminiscing” moments, one event of VERY minor flirting (absolutely nothing would have come out of it in a normal circumstance, it’s hard to explain. It’s just minor, trust me.) I’m still unsure if he is with his girlfriend, but he’s been online and playing games a lot more than when he was with this girl, but I don’t want to ask, because it would make me seem CRAZY.

Very confusing situation. I’m horrible at no contact, I know. 🙁

Very unlikely, but by some stroke of luck, my parents are traveling to his town 4 states away, which is absolutely insane considering the distance. We have (old) family members that live there (something something Florida is full of old people) less than an hour away from him. I may come along, but I SEVERELY doubt it, because the coincidence is too much and it would probably scare him. And I really don’t know if I can meet him face to face again without breaking down.

Mentally I have been a LOT better. I haven’t cried since I last talked here which is a huge step in the right direction for me, and I’ve been living my life to the best I possibly can. But I know if I see him irl I will probably go back to square one, lol. Just something to keep in mind for myself, I guess, if it’s possible.

Thanks all.

Thank you so much patricia. I try to be the nicest person I possibly can be.

He is a nice person, he just doesn’t do nice things at times, but we all can do that. I’ve talked bad about him at the start of the breakup to people, and I still think I’m a nice person, I just didn’t do a kind thing. This is the only thing he’s done in the breakup that has intentionally “hurt” me, and I have no idea why he’s doing it. I think he’s trying to prove that he’s winning a moving on game, but doesn’t realize it’s counter productive…

It’s not like he never accepted me for my problems. I think it really did kill us in the end with both of us being totally incapable of being able to handle it. He tried his best to stick with me through the bad days, and I couldn’t have asked for a more loving guy, but I think it slowly poisoned everything because I didn’t know how to properly cope with things. I’ve never been sorry for having an issue that’s so hard to fix, but I’m trying to learn how to cope with it in a way that doesn’t quite literally destroy a relationship.

I don’t think I’m the “back burner girlfriend”. As of right now, he’s just too scared to commit to long distance because of issues that made it too painful to deal with. His alcoholism absolutely destroyed the last 2 weeks or so of our relationship, but he appears to be getting a lot better, and told me he’s been clean for a long while. He’s also had problems with empathy his entire life, although I never felt like he didn’t love me, he just sometimes felt emotionally distant. I have no idea how that’s going, however. My inability to cope with my body image problems has also been getting better through generally just giving myself a makeover for the better, although I’ve had a few relapses that even I am disappointed in.

About him not being interested in long distance anymore, I fear that immensely. I wish I knew what to do to fix that. The only things I could come up with for him to move up to me since he’s about to finish college, or I move down to him, which I wouldn’t mind, but would be really hard. He only started quoting “long distance relationship” as a problem after we broke up. He was really happy when it all worked out, and I know I was too. I know I would be willing to wait a few years for the rest of our lives, and I know he would too. I just think that the quite toxic relationship we had near the end scared him away, and I don’t really blame him at this point. It’s why I’m trying to work on myself.

My father is really a nice man. I never asked him for advice, unfortunately. When I told him about my relationship breaking apart he didn’t really offer any advice because I didn’t want any, he just consoled me. I probably should ask him sometime if I can get the courage.

Thank you for your wise words, patricia. It really means a ton =’)

Hi again, quick update.

I dont think I ever mentioned that back in July we broke up for a grand total of a day for the exact same reasons as now, but he came back to me within 24 hours saying he didn’t want to have me out of his life and couldn’t imagine being with anybody else even though a future together isn’t very close in sight, but it was still there. I think that is what keeps me going. All that’s in the way is his rebound and me working on issues that made us both unhappy, but I’m glad to say I’ve made great progress.

I haven’t initiated any contact since my last post, but he has talked to me twice. The first time was him asking about my status (being trapped in an airport for 12 hours). It was upbeat and happy. I told my dad, who was sitting right next to me, that we were talking and I acted as a messager between my ex and him because they always really liked each other. It was sweet. It kind of came to a nosedive when my ex mentioned his girlfriend kind of needlessly, so I didn’t reply.

Today he messaged me to wish me a happy thanksgiving, and I said the same. He actually carried on the conversation this time past the well wishes. He made a comment about me looking really pretty with my new hair color and sent me a twitter post that reminded me of him. It ended on a good note.

I did run into him and his girlfriend on a game that all of us play. It kind of ruined my mood and we didn’t talk at all, but I’m sure it’s because of his girlfriend being present.

I’m pretty bad at no contact obviously but he’s the type of guy to get extremely distressed when I don’t answer him / ignore him. Unsure of what to do.

Would appreciate any input again. Thanks 🙂

I haven’t really been interested in dating other people. I really just let it happen with friends who I become close to, it’s how I’ve gotten into every relationship I’ve been with. I also don’t want to date people while I’m still hurting from this.

I want to be his friend because I still care about him more than anything, but I know it’s hard when we both have strong feelings for each other. He says to my face he still loves me while in a rebound relationship, and was the one to initiate friendship in the first place. And I’m sitting here a month later still getting those bouts of heartbreak at night. I’m just not sure what’s best at this point. Not being in contact with him hurt, but because we are long distance and his rebound is around him every single day, I’m afraid he will forget me and abandon me because of the convenience if I go no contact. It’s frustrating to see the right answer when I’m so emotional at this moment.

Quick little update. Might have made it worse, might have made it better.

He reached out to me again yesterday, but he wasn’t in a normal mindset because he was on adderall, which makes him really hyperactive and “mind-going-at-a-million-miles-per-hour”. At first it just seemed like he was bored, but he started talking to me about his day, sent me one of his favorite songs he was listening to on repeat, asked how I was, yada yada. Then he said “hey, can you come play (x game) with me? only if you think you can” which I agreed to. We were playing for about 4 hours, and talked in voice chat for about 3 of it. It was really really awkward at first, mostly on my side. I didn’t know what to say because a lot of what I said when we were together was stuff I would only say in a relationship and I was overthinking and overall just panicing. I don’t think he noticed because even though he was talking at a million miles per hour he seemed to be okay with not talking at some points. But when we did talk near the end it was a lot more relaxed. It seemed that it was better when we talked through chat because I’m simply too nervous and overthinking everything I have to say when I talk face to face (I always do, due to anxiety, it’s just worse in a situation like this)

After he got off he said “thanks for playing with me, it was fun” and talked for a few more minutes before he left to do his own thing.

I don’t know what to make of this whole thing. I’m not sure if it was a setback or a good thing, if it was simply because he was lonely or actually wanted to talk to me (he genuinely does really like talking to me and always has since we were just friends long ago). However, the thing that makes me the most nervous is that he kept bringing up his new girlfriend. He is well aware it’s a sore subject between us, but he still kept bringing her up. Some of the things he said was out of the blue as well, like “I play way better games than (x) with my girlfriend”, and “my girlfriend plays this game but she’s (x rank)” and just bringing her up when it wasn’t necessary, like asking him “Who else says (dumb funny internet joke we both had with each other)?” jokingly and he replied “my girlfriend, but I had to teach it to her”. I don’t know. It’s very confusing.

Would appreciate any help. 🙂