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I did try deactivating my Tinder account and cutting contact with her for a few more weeks. At the end of the day, I’m not ready to jump into a new relationship tomorrow anyway. She seemed more angry than cold when I tried to reach out and ask her what I could do to rebuild trust, though. She also said that I was too stuck in the past.
She also seemed offended when I said it would be difficult to remain in contact with her on just a casual level. I didn’t try any manipulation BS, as this would be morally wrong.
Seems like the only logical thing to do now would be to cut my losses and move on. Thanks for your advice, nevertheless. Venting this out has helped.
I do understand the impact it has. I did understand back then too. Although I don’t justify it, I didn’t really think of the impact it would have after my ex had called me names or thrown kitchen utensils at the wall in a fit of rage. The guilt would come when things returned to normal after the fights.
She had an affair with a coworker a while ago, like I previously mentioned. I had previously asked her if she did because of suspicious behavior. She denied it, but a few months later admitted it. I wanted to break up with her at first, but decided not to after I saw that she was genuinely remorseful for what she did.
By getting her to let her guard down, I mean building trust. That’s the hard part I need help with.
Making amends is what I tried to do before NC. She wouldn’t listen and it ended up pushing her further away. I need to get her to let her guard down before I try that again. This is the most difficult part — and it’s what I’m trying to do now.
My trust in her recovered after her cheating, but I also told her I wouldn’t forgive her twice.
Have you tried talking to her about this? Remember that all relationships require work. Never take her for granted.
You mention no contact. Suddenly cutting of contact while still in a relationship is a mind game. Mind games never solved anything. NC is useful after a breakup to work on yourself and to see the relationship from a distance.
It’s common sense. But that’s not the first thing you think of after a big fight. I know several couples who do indeed love each other who have cheated in the past. One of them is still very strong almost 25 years after. That’s not to say that cheating should be justified or encouraged in any way, though.
If it’s likely to backfire if I date others, then I should peobably not do so.
Hello
I’m not dating others seriously. I just dated others during no contact to not send her messages and to not obsess over her as much. This is something the guides in this website recommend.
I did study conflict resolution a lot during the first two weeks. The trick here is to disarm the person peacefully before the fight escalates. I struggled for months to trust her after she cheated with a co-worker, and I know for a fact that she will struggle trusting me.
The thing about cheating is that it’s not as black and white as people sometimes make it out to be. When she cheated, I was working overtime a lot, going on business trips, and wasn’t there much. A co-worker of her found out and started showering her with attention. In my case, it was largely because of her anger management issues, which are also a problem around her friends and family. It’s not about lack of love, but about drama making monogamy hard.
Thanks for your reply. 🙂 Yelling and shouting was mostly something she did when she got angry, I would sometimes yell back and cause it to escalate, though. The reason why my trust would take a nosedive after every fight was that she would say things she knew was hurtful, with the intent of putting me down during fights. I have been reading up on conflict solving these past few weeks, so that I will not fight fire with fire in the future.
