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Haha of course, I think that we’re all like that a little bit. I yell at my friends for being idiots, and then I turn around and do the exact same thing myself haha.
Just give it time, theres nothing else you can do, and honestly, pushing too hard might just make it worse. I’m here if you need anything, like another slap upside the head haha.
Hey!
sorry I thought that I had clicked to see responses but I guess I didn’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, I think the best thing is not to contact her. Kind of like the advice you gave me, its up to her now to come to you. You’ve spoken and given her the letter, I’m not sure what else could be done that wouldn’t send you around and around in circles. Give her time to digest the letter, and if you do NC during this time, and wait for her to come to you, I think you will be much better off in the end. If you text her/ask her to meet up now, it could come off as a little desperate, and kind of like repeatedly running into a wall, hoping it’ll move.
Give her time and let her come to you. If she doesn’t (which I highly doubt) then she obviously doesn’t respect your feelings enough anyways and isn’t worth your effort. But I do think that she cares about you, she just probably needs time to think. Just like with my situation, as much as it sucks, you have to respect yourself, and them enough to step away and give them that breathing room. You can’t miss something that’s right in front of your face 🙂
I don’t think theres any real time frame for it, it kind of depends on their personal process and such. I wouldn’t worry though, its also very likely that she has other stuff going on and hasn’t had time yet. I’d give it at least through the weekend before starting to get a little concerned.
Hey!
Overall your letter looks good, and your story definitely sounds like a struggle, but it sounds like you’ve handled it well. The letter is sent and it sounds like all you can do now is sit back and wait to see how she reacts. I know that its SO obnoxious to give away that power, but the best thing to do is distract yourself and be prepared for anything – I don’t mean that in a negative way, but know that she could respond in a multitude of ways. From what you’ve said it sounds like she really does love you but is not in a good place herself (kind of the same situation I’m in) but hopefully with enough time she’ll figure it out and come back. As my friend said to me “if (he – in this case she haha) is really your forever, once he takes some time and figures (him)self out, (he’ll) come back to you”
it’s true, not having control is awful, but all you can do is throw it out into the universe and see what sticks. Let us know what happens though!
I have taken a slightly different approach. My boyfriend and I broke up a bit ago but it was the same situation where it wasn’t a “this is over for good” but more that he just needed space and needed me to focus on me and do things that make me happy for me.
When it comes to social media I’m a little more active than he is. The first two weeks after our break up I posted things on purpose that I knew he would see and would get some sort of reaction out of him. Not pictures with guys but stuff about his favorite football team and such. I talked to his brothers a lot on facebook and such. I was acting like a mess. I don’t recommend doing that. I’m really close with his family but he did tell me that it was making things difficult for him. Sort of a weird conversation since he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I was doing that was making it tough, but I knew what he was trying to say cause I knew my thought process behind my posts.
Since we had that talk I have taken the stance of “if I feel like posting something, I will, if I don’t, I don’t”
I don’t put up pictures of myself all over other guys, that’d be weird, but I have put up pictures of me getting involved in new projects and hobbies. Honestly, be judicial in what you post, keeping their feelings in mind, but its your life and you are single right now, you do you.
As for the pain of seeing his posts, well, it does help a bit that he isn’t a super active poster, but he does look at other peoples posts, so I know hes seeing mine. I am using this as a good excuse to spend less time stalking other people online – not like their pages but I can sit and scroll down the instagram posts or facebook minifeeds for forever and totally waste time. I want to stop that for reasons other than our relationship, so this is a good exercise. I post something but that’s all that I do, I don’t scroll, I don’t look at other peoples pages, I just put up what I wanted to put up and then I sign off.
I totally get that. I know that sinking hopeless feeling. What has really really helped me – and I know everyone says this and its almost impossible to do initially – but focus on you. I recently bought a book called “the happiness hypothesis” and I really recommend it.
I’ve really been working on taking slow deep breaths whenever I feel overwhelmed, and I found a little mantra that I repeat to myself anytime things get too much. I close my eyes and think to myself “I deeply and wholeheartedly love and accept myself” – a little corny but I repeat it until I feel my blood pressure lowering and the anxiety going away. If you try it let me know how it goes 🙂
You can do this! The key is remaining calm and making sure that everything you say and do is from a sober and well thought out stance – no immediate gut reactions.
Let me know how everything goes 🙂 I’m send you very very good vibes!
I would say take it very very slow – but that this could potentially be a good small starting step. Keep the meeting to business only and don’t emotionally overload it. It sounds like aside from some problems you two had over the years, you two were a solid pair. He needs to see though that you are ok without him.
I am also really close to my ex’s family, and I have intentionally kept all of my feelings about him and the break-up from them, because I know whatever I say to them will get back to him. It sounds like you haven’t talked to them too much recently, but I think that coming up, if the topic does come up again, be very judicial with what you tell them.
I hope that it goes well, please let us know!
