fredshed1

We are all in similar boats, but clearing the uncertainty is a great leap forward. We can now focus on moving on. I am looking forward to moving to a new area, meeting new people and excelling in a new job. I am focused on the next person, whoever she is, and really looking forward to a new relationship. I can’t wait to meet her. As soon as I start thinking of the past and my ex I replace that thought with all thats positive about the future. I appreciate I may relapse at times but that is all part of the process. Time to look ahead.

Don’t bite, rise above it. Take the higher ground – that will annoy her more than anything

The thing is, what I have found, the silent treatment doesn’t give you closure. You would think that it’s like, “right she hasn’t called me so that’s it”, but in reality it doesn’t work like that. It keeps you hanging on. I had to persevere to the point that she told me in no uncertain terms for my own rationale, you may need to do the same. If it isn’t to be you have to be able to draw a line under it. I know what I have to do now, and that is good. It’s only the uncertainty that is fucking with your head, the heartache is something else that can be worked through. We are talking basic manners here so don’t be alarmed at your frustration, like my ex, they are showing showing themselves to be less than decent. Snakes with tits lol

Pushed for meeting with my ex telling her I had some pretty big decisions to make and would appreciate meeting up. She told me that any decisions I make are mine to make alone and to forget about us. I kind of knew it was coming but I am glad to draw a line under this. Given what I have done for her over the years I (and others) feel the way she has treated me after breaking up appalling, but I am not going to bear any grudges. That will only hold me back. Time to move on. NC hasn’t worked for me but now I look forward to the next relationship. I really hope it doesn’t take as long as last time (5 years!!). Hope it works out better for you guys 🙂

Yeah, cos I have the same concerns if I ever get a chance to meet up! :):):)

I am also the same with you in thinking the worst (although mine is a little more confirmed). I am sure it is not as bad as you think, prob somewhere in the middle. My past tells me that once you get in front of each other then it all dissipates pretty quickly and its all fine. It’s not like either of you want to meet for bad reasons.

I hear you. I am also well known for my lack of patience – I think it kind of mellows a bit with age. I think the patience will really be tested when she cannot give you any guarantees, guidance or whatever. You may need to work what she wants yourself, its really hard to know and maybe she doesn’t know either. You need to have the face to face with her, the same reason I have been pushing for this with my ex.

From reading my ex’s messages she seems determined to break up but I and others, independently believe there are external sources at play. She seems to be in a state of mental conflict and wants the silence to persevere with the break up. I believe her friends and family are probably supporting this too. The last few times I have seen her she has started calm, controlled, almost cold but by the end been crying and emotional. I believe she is trying very hard to control her feelings but I don’t think this is necessarily healthy. In the end you cannot cheat your own heart. We’ll see. You can hide behind texts easier than face to face. That is why I believe we both need face time, honesty and truths.

Hmm, I would go with your gut on that one. It may be that “I’m not ready to go on a date, I am too busy and enjoying a self-improvement phase” response might be more impressive. Kind of, do what she’s not expecting maybe? The new you!

I know exactly how you feel about the lack of contact, it is the same for me. I guess this is how people deal with things sometimes. Comms with my ex have been very difficult, one sided…..

I texted last night and while I got a response, it was not great. On telling her about the new job in her city she said, “That’s a bit weird but suppose its not my place anymore, Happy for you tho”

So I pushed for a catch up, saying that a face to face chat would be better, and I got, “It’s a lot to take in, I’m trying to move on and it will be weird, I don’t want it to be awkward. It just feels messed up”

So not great but I am just trying to calibrate how bad that is, what do you think?

The thing is JB, IF you have a limited amount of time where you are – fight for her. I mean, at least have some sort of communication. Anything is better than the silence (after NC period). Don’t show any anger, only friendship, be fun and don’t ask for anything in return.

I had an ex who cheated on me, went off with someone else and (stupidly) I begged her back. And she came. I shouldn’t have but what I am trying to demonstrate is that anything can be reversed. Sometimes, a subtle fight is needed. You are your best counsel but maybe if you can open up more friendly comms you can build it from there? Like me, I am not sure the distance is doing any good now? What you think (on both our situations! 🙂 )