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@atea1234 honestly it was hard not to want to text her or see her, but I was afraid if we did ever meet up, she would be over me and treat me like a friend-that made it easier not to want to see her. I just didn’t want to be “friend-zoned” and the easiest way to ensure that was by not seeing her. But I’m not going to lie, there were definite times when I wanted to see her.
@ThePhoenix well I had a lot of problems I encountered during NC! She never posted on social networking sites that she was having an amazing time, but she was in a rebound relationship with someone and that was difficult to know. But my imagination also went wild in the sense that I imagined they were having such an amazing time and she was doing so well without me. In reality she wasn’t doing well without me and they weren’t having an amazing time. If anything, that rebound relationship showed her how much I was willing to do for her (versus what the rebound relationship guy would do for her) and how I wanted to treat her (versus how he treated her).
@Ly88 we had broken up in March of 2014 and I started NC August of 2014. Between March and August we talked nonstop (we lived together until our lease expired in June). I didn’t break NC until December and I only did one round of NC from August to December.Just like Kevin said, there is definitely always hope. This person will always have feelings for you, but sometimes the feelings are buried deep inside. Keep trying and something beneficial will happen in one way or another.
My birthday was on Friday so 6 days ago. Not sure if I should say something like:
“Hey! Just saw this, thanks for the birthday wishes, hope you’re doing well.” And then something else as well.
Of course! It’s such a tough situation to be in. The main thing is not to let your guard down and don’t let your negative emotions show. You might think that being polite and cordial with your ex will make her think you’re totally ok with the breakup, but it won’t be the case.
I was out of town for a 3 day weekend and on the 2nd or 3rd day of me being out of town, she texted me asking how my vacation was. I ignored the text because nothing good would happen for me if I replied and I left it at that. I returned home to my ex with the same mindset of being over her, but still being polite, cordial, and even friendly. Her treatment towards me was super different! More touchy, feely, very flirtatious, and she seemed to be showing a lot of interest. We had sex that night (she initiated and I regret it now) because she got what she wanted from me and that was it. Don’t have sex with your ex. Nothing good will come from it. And imagine saying no to your ex. She is the person who thought you would never say no and now that you have, she’ll definitely wonder why. The key is to ignite curiosity and never act out when your emotional.
Hey man,
You’re in a tough spot, I’m not gonna lie. I’ve actually been in your place. My girlfriend and I had been dating since Feb of 2012, moved in Sept. of 2012 and she broke up with me April of this year. So after 2 years of dating, she broke up with me while we were living together!!!!
I actually started to sleep on the couch because being in the same room as her gave me anxiety. Eventually things got better, but the road there was the most difficult thing ever.
Immediately after our breakup, she started to talk to other guys-constantly texting them and going over to their houses. She’d lie to me about where she was, but I knew. It bothered me to no end. But my ex was very odd. She’d still act like she was in a relationship with me (somewhat). She’d touch me lovingly, twice we accidentally fell asleep in the same bed. Her acting like this, gave me the strength and hope that maybe she felt what I felt and wanted me back. I was wrong-she led me on, but oddly enough, if she didn’t act this way with me, I don’t think I would’ve survived the rest of our lease.
I’m not sure what went through my ex’s head at all. I can only speculate. Purely based on her actions, it seems like she wanted me still, but there was something holding her back. She was always stubborn and she wasn’t the type of girl to go back on her actions. She wanted me, but since she broke up with me, she didn’t want to go back and erase that.
What I wish I had done right while living with my ex and the advice I will tell you: don’t EVER let her see you sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, mad, etc. Her seeing those emotions will only make her angry and spiteful towards you (at least my ex was). I can’t stress that enough. Act uninterested and be busy. She will still be interested in what you’re doing. Don’t treat her the way you used to, but at the same time don’t be cold towards her either. It’ll be hard not to give her a quick kiss or look at her lovingly, but refrain. However, don’t be cold. She’ll pick up on that and it’ll make her angry with you. Act cordial and polite with her. She’ll definitely want to know why you’re not devastated over the break up and it’ll spark interest.
Hope I helped. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. I’m afraid my ex’s last memories of me were those in my lowest time. If I controlled my emotions better, I’m sure she wouldn’t be as spiteful towards me
Thanks for the advice! I didn’t respond to her because I didn’t want to break NC.
But now I’m faced with another dilemma. NC for me was done yesterday but I don’t know how to text my ex (not going to write a letter to her). I’m not sure if I should thank her for wishing me a happy birthday and say something else, or if I should just forget about the happy birthday and start up a conversation.
Any help would be appreciated!
Hi Alexa,
I am in a similar situation! I am doing NC and I’m scared that my ex won’t think of me or is doing perfectly fine without me. NC is good for you to do and that should be your mindset. The fact that my ex probably thinks about me way less than I do about her is upsetting. But as NC progresses, I try to make myself different and better so that when I do see my ex, she’ll notice a change. Your ex might not think of you, but I bet it’s just a case of “out of sight, out of mind.” My ex, I’m sure, rarely thought of me over the summer, but when we hungout (over summer, before NC), she would still fall back into her old ways of calling me pet names or playfully rubbing my back. When I was directly in her presence, and therefore her mind, she treated me differently. I guarantee your ex thinks of you, it’s just different coping methods. What you need your ex to see is you being a happy, positive, attractive person. That will ignite your ex’s curiosity.
